so, I'm in a wedding again.

laladypoet

I

emilyinchile

I would honestly just respond and say that while you are SO EXCITED to be in this wedding, you're also sensitive to cost and not sure what the other BMs' financial situations are and that it might be good to discuss how to give L everything her little bridal heart desires without necessarily having two showers and an entire bachelorette weekend. I would rather be the poor, bitchy BM than watch MOH continue along these lines for the next 4 months.

JenGin74

Nope, it's overkill.

What's the point of a couple's shower and a separate bridal shower?

opalsky007

I've heard of BMs hosting showers. It's pretty common.

I think it's crappy of her to dictate all of this without getting ideas, checking budgets, and so on.

sarabellam

Run, Lala, run very far and very fast, while you still can.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:ac21845b-8347-483f-92a6-afd8a560868f">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]also, the "does anyone have a home we can use for the couple's shower?" is directed at me. since I'm the only one in that email that lives in College Station. and I've hosted showers before, but they never ever bode well for me.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Um, no.

I definitely think you need to let her know your limits right now before she takes anything further.

laurenclaire1386

2 showers and a bachelorette weekend is overkill. Both of my showers were thrown by family members, and oddly enough, the friends that planned the b-party aren't actually in the wedding. I mean, obviously they're invited, they're just not my BMs. Anyway, an email like that would make me stabby.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:41fe7644-61da-4c09-8c18-7415e4cea88a">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]I would honestly just respond and say that while you are SO EXCITED to be in this wedding, you're also sensitive to cost and not sure what the other BMs' financial situations are and that it might be good to discuss how to give L everything her little bridal heart desires without necessarily having two showers and an entire bachelorette weekend. I would rather be the poor, bitchy BM than watch MOH continue along these lines for the next 4 months.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
yeah, I told a friend of mine about this, and she said it's super diick to be like, "I wanna throw L a kickass time. now cut me a check for $1k, and no, I don't want your opinion."

arbolita

And it's in Comic Sans no less.

The Mel and Todd Show

Ewww.  I don't like her either.

Are you comfortable emailing her to let her know that it would be poor form to hold two showers with the same guest list, and that perhaps it would be best to poll the other BMs to determine what they can afford before making any hardened plans for all three of these events?  Or you can tell her to try the Knot forums for some ideas...that should work out well for her. 

sarabellam

Andplusalso, did she really use Comic Sans font in her email?

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:bf01bdda-45a8-4d70-9ab2-05343924f141">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: so, I'm in a wedding again. : Um, no. I definitely think you need to let her know your limits right now before she takes anything further.
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]
my H thinks we should just go ahead and let them have the shower at our house, because then I can maybe get away with not going to the other shower. but I don't know if that works.

laurenclaire1386

You should bring your mom to all these events.

kikibaby

Gah, that's awful.  Email her back and be like "Bitch, I ain't made of money!  Tone this shiz down, stat."

rak123

My first thought wa "danggggg, that is going to be expensive."

What is up with the two separate showers? And the "fill the kitchen" theme?

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:5d25285d-47aa-40f0-973a-048d768df975">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: so, I'm in a wedding again. : my H thinks we should just go ahead and let them have the shower at our house, because then I can maybe get away with not going to the other shower. but I don't know if that works.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

The tone of that email suggests to me that you'll be expected to attend everything, whether you let them use your house or not.

You already have a bad feeling about it. I think you should trust yor gut about this MOH

xyrius

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:5c657534-8251-46d6-a938-12132c459519">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]I've heard of BMs hosting showers. It's pretty common.<strong> I think it's crappy of her to dictate all of this without getting ideas, checking budgets, and so on.</strong>
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

eta: forgot to mention I agree with opalsky on the part bolded.

Yep, overkill.  I don't understand why a) the bride needs two showers and b) the bride needs a bachelorette "weekend". 

I have also heard of bridesmaids hosting the showers, but this is just over the top. 

I would speak up now.

emilyinchile

I retract my previously suggested wording and vote for Kiki's.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:2bfbd09b-623f-4ce8-87c9-f85703fa6d25">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ewww.  I don't like her either. Are you comfortable emailing her to let her know that it would be poor form to hold two showers with the same guest list, and that perhaps it would be best to poll the other BMs to determine what they can afford before making any hardened plans for all three of these events?  Or you can tell her to try the Knot forums for some ideas...that should work out well for her. 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]
hah! I did email her yesterday and told her that I don't think I can afford the whole weekend. I also didn't volunteer my house. but you're right, I do think she should've talked to the other bm's first.
and what makes me feel bad is that other than me, one of the other BM's replied all "OMG I can't wait, I'm in for all three! squeee!" so I feel like I'm dumping on the parade.

FutureMrsFezz

Ouch.  I'd listen to Sara and run!

That being said, my mom did offer to help my girls who hosted my shower.  So I think it's done either way.  But 2 different showers?  Chick is crazy.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:8112b931-07ac-4986-844b-700b80777d03">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]You should bring your mom to all these events.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
God I love you.
even my mom would be like "biiiiiitch, pleeeeeease!"

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:5a6d2887-81cd-4bf8-b1fb-3efad9e25f4d">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]Andplusalso, did she really use Comic Sans font in her email?
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]
yes. and it was green. I couldn't figure out how to change the font on here, but I changed the color so your eyes didn't bleed.

mica178

I've heard of multiple showers, but never multiple showers all hosted by the same people.  That's just silly talk.

Pirata13

EIther the family or bridesmaids can host. But there should 100% absolutely be a discussion on budgets. I just went through this and it was a rough situation. We all basically hate the one BM for refusing to give even a penny to the shower.

But definitely overkill. If the bridal party wants to host a couples shower with friends, then the family can host a family-only shower.  And Bach weekend--yeah I can't afford that kind of "event" either. And I'd be clear and put it out there for everyone since I am sure you are not alone in concerns for cost. It may encourage other BMs to speak up and say um yeah waiiiiit.

Birdie1483

I think her clarification of "Yes, a weekend" is what rubbed me the wrong way the most. BM's have usually thrown the showers in my group of friends before, but they've always been aware of each other's financial situations.

I would send her an email and not beat around the bush on your financial concerns. Your friend can still have an awesome bachelorette party weekend without everyone draining their savings on one weekend.

I just did a weekend thing a few weeks ago where we spent $24 each on a hotel room in downtown Louisville and then the rest was up to us. We hit up a local winery and then did dinner and the bars, but everything was free (besides cover charge) and we had the option of paying for additional things like wine tasting or not. We didn't get any fancy packages at the bars we went to and we still had a great time and the bride got the experience of being the center of attention for the night.

Beachy730

Ditto Emily's response. 

In my hometown its common for the mothers to throw the showers, so thats what I'm used to.  But there are a lot of areas and people who don't think a mother should throw the shower, so its aunts or other family members, or the BMs.  But I've never heard of a couples shower and a bridal shower.  Its one or the other.  And demanding that you give a full weekend for her bachelorette is ridiculous.  Clearly the MOH doesn't spend any time on here, but you can be the hero for the rest of the BMs and put her in her place a little bit.

This makes me think about all the brides who say they don't understand why their BM dropped out after saying it was too expensive.  I wonder how many MOH's do things like this and send BMs running out of the WP, and the bride has no idea that its happening.

sarah0725

Yikes! And how does wine tasting cost that much? Jeez.

sarabellam

Yep, I stand by my "run" advice.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:b189d968-6a6e-4d1f-8367-38651c847340">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ouch.  I'd listen to Sara and run! That being said, my mom did offer to help my girls who hosted my shower.  So I think it's done either way.  But 2 different showers?  Chick is crazy.
Posted by FutureMrsFezz[/QUOTE]
I actually had two showers. but it was because some friends of ours demanded to throw us a stock-the-bar party, right after we got engaged. so maybe that was more of an engagement party? I don't know. it was fun. my bridal shower sucked ass though. bridal showers usually do.

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:e84860dc-451b-4165-962f-22db986f3eda">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: so, I'm in a wedding again. : hah! so I feel like I'm dumping on the parade.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Better to dump on the parade than to be broke as a joke! :)

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-wedding-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c990469-fd3b-4bed-9e41-9f085c6c1788Post:d4f7a323-6326-4454-b729-fabe3df92ac4">Re: so, I'm in a wedding again.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: so, I'm in a wedding again. : God I love you. even my mom would be like "biiiiiitch, pleeeeeease!"
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]
I'm quite fond of you as well. I can't hear the phrase "bitch please" without thinking of this: <a href="http://www.hulu.com/watch/67442/saturday-night-live-update-celebrity-blogger" rel="nofollow">http://www.hulu.com/watch/67442/saturday-night-live-update-celebrity-blogger</a>