Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:f75a96ae-2cea-4bd6-873b-92e166e592e1">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's just her brattiness about it, sarah.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

Again, I agree.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:a6d39080-beea-4c3f-91a1-c81a1907b433">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE] Why, logically, are we mad?
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

I think the concensus is usually, "You might have fewer guests if people need to take Friday/Monday off from work." This OP decided to do so and is now upset that she made a poor choice. Not her sister's fault.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:a6d39080-beea-4c3f-91a1-c81a1907b433">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Guys, I'm a little confused. I've been around for tons of posts where somebody comes on here and asks if having a Friday/Sunday/midweek wedding is a good idea, and generally people on here would advise that person to do what they need to do to stay in budget but keep in mind that it can be a major inconvenience for guests. Now here, we have a guest who was inconvenienced, and is upset. Why, logically, are we mad?
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Normally, I think people are told that it can be an inconvenience, and more people will decline/leave early.

This OP isn't bitching about the Sunday wedding, but about the morning after brunch that she chose to take a day off work to attend.  And of course, she's completely ridiculous about how much time she's having to work to make up for it, while she's on TK in the middle of the work day. 

NuggetBrain

So she was the sister.  She was still a guest.  Just because someone is your relation, doesn't mean that they're automatically exempt from the same courtesy you'd extend to other non-related guests.  My mom is helping me out with all the errand running the week of the wedding, but I wouldn't be all "ZOMG!! You're my MOM how could you NOT help me??" if she said she was busy and couldn't do it. 

Everybody's always "You get ONE DAY."  This chick is complaining about her sister expecting two, let alone all the stuff we're always saying about not inconveniencing your guests, being conscious of other people's time and etc etc etc. And people are now jumping down her throat about it.  WTF.

jhdance111

wow.

So, she's your sister first off. I would be hurt if i were her knowing your true feelings, how inconvenienced you were. Wow. A big day in her life, and Gulp. You're inconvenienced. How sad. It's her day, not yours. Sorry, but get over it. So you have to work a little. 

Second, I had a Sunday wedding because of religious reasons. I still offered a brunch because of etiquette for the out of town guests the next day and people still came. People that could not come because they had to work- completely understood. 

crfische

If I'm the idiot that RSVP'd yes to every damn thing, then I would understand that I have to deal with the consequences of me not being able to say no.

Sure, I'd love to go to your wedding and be there, but I just can't take Monday off of work. Sorry!

Or, you can make your choices and deal with the consequences.

buddhagouda

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:cb5e8c36-21ea-4166-a65e-807cc0106bc1">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]  But would I be hurt as hell to find out that someone in my immediate family felt "inconvenienced" by my wedding? Absofuckinglutely.
Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>See, I don't think that's fair at all. There are many things I would do for my brother. Would I take a day off work to go to his wedding? Absolutely. Not a question. </div><div>
</div><div>However, it just MIGHT be an inconvenient time for me. I would do my absolute best to be there. I would never say a word to him, but I might feel inconvenienced. It being family does not inherently mean she suddenly has nothing else in her life to do. 

</div>

NuggetBrain

I'm sorry I don't understand.  Everybody is saying that it's her sister, how could she NOT go, and how upset everyone would be if their SISTER skipped out on their wedding stuff.  And then yell at her for not skipping out on her sister's wedding stuff.  So what, she should have either gone and been screwed at work so as to not piss off her family and presumably her sister, or not gone to keep up at work, and pissed off her family and presumably her sister?

mwhitson14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:2940beda-69fa-440c-9571-2c424ff000a8">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent) : Normally, I think people are told that it can be an inconvenience, and more people will decline/leave early. This OP isn't bitching about the Sunday wedding, but about the morning after brunch that she chose to take a day off work to attend.  And of course, she's completely ridiculous about how much time she's having to work to make up for it, <strong>while she's on TK in the middle of the work day.</strong> 
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Yep.

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:f8a60a85-6acd-4a3d-92b3-d3a2aeb0b3f7">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]So she was the sister.  She was still a guest.  Just because someone is your relation, doesn't mean that they're automatically exempt from the same courtesy you'd extend to other non-related guests.  My mom is helping me out with all the errand running the week of the wedding, but I wouldn't be all "ZOMG!! You're my MOM how could you NOT help me??" if she said she was busy and couldn't do it.  <strong>Everybody's always "You get ONE DAY."  This chick is complaining about her sister expecting two,</strong> let alone all the stuff we're always saying about not inconveniencing your guests, being conscious of other people's time and etc etc etc. And people are now jumping down her throat about it.  WTF.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

That was part of why we didn't have a brunch the day after in the first place.

curleycha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:b8c375ed-de97-4266-8ae5-fdea16a1f2f7">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE] Second, I had a Sunday wedding because of religious reasons. I still offered a brunch because of etiquette for the out of town guests the next day and people still came. People that could not come because they had to work- completely understood. 
Posted by jhdance111[/QUOTE]


I'm also having a Sunday wedding for relgious reasons ... people don't choose Sunday weddings ONLY because it is a less expensive option.

buddhagouda

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:cf57470d-9ecd-4894-a82a-7d9d9f3522d2">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry I don't understand.  Everybody is saying that it's her sister, how could she NOT go, and how upset everyone would be if their SISTER skipped out on their wedding stuff.  And then yell at her for not skipping out on her sister's wedding stuff.  So what, she should have either gone and been screwed at work so as to not piss off her family and presumably her sister, or not gone to keep up at work, and pissed off her family and presumably her sister?
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

<div>Welcome to P&E where whatever you did WAS WRONG</div>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:cf57470d-9ecd-4894-a82a-7d9d9f3522d2">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry I don't understand.  Everybody is saying that it's her sister, how could she NOT go, and how upset everyone would be if their SISTER skipped out on their wedding stuff.  And then yell at her for not skipping out on her sister's wedding stuff.  So what, she should have either gone and been screwed at work so as to not piss off her family and presumably her sister, or not gone to keep up at work, and pissed off her family and presumably her sister?
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

I just don't get that.  Your family may be disappointed, but they understand that you have a job and if you say sorry, but I've got to work Monday, they get it.  If you come to the wedding, I think it's really ridiculous to say that family is going to harp on you missing a brunch on a work day.

EDIT: I cannot figure out why my posts keep centering.  Sorry I'm obnoxious. 

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:cf57470d-9ecd-4894-a82a-7d9d9f3522d2">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry I don't understand.  Everybody is saying that it's her sister, how could she NOT go, and how upset everyone would be if their SISTER skipped out on their wedding stuff.  And then yell at her for not skipping out on her sister's wedding stuff.  So what, she should have either gone and been screwed at work so as to not piss off her family and presumably her sister, or not gone to keep up at work, and pissed off her family and presumably her sister?
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

Very well put, Nugget. So I guess in a perfect world, what she would do is go to the wedding, take the day off and go to the brunch, then go to work and deal with the consequences, thinking, "Oh my dear sister! That loveable scamp!"

In reality, that's not the way it works. We get mad at our siblings, resent them, steam about them, but then when push comes to shove, we are there for them. Do I get annoyed every time I visit my brother in California and he makes me ride the BART for an hour to his apartment because he can't pick me up at the airport for some reason? You betcha. But do I go anyway, because I love him and I want to see him? Of course! But then do I complain about it to FI? You better believe it.

I think the actual problem here is that OP decided that a board full of strangers was a good place to vent about this sort of thing. It's not. If one of us "regulars" posted a rant like this, there'd be a lot fewer flames

Kati0105

So what, she should have either gone and been screwed at work so as to not piss off her family and presumably her sister, or not gone to keep up at work, and pissed off her family and presumably her sister?

I think she absolutely made the right decision to miss work and go.  I just can't imagine ever feeling resentment toward my sibling over having to work overtime for a few days, and its that attitude that bothers me.  My brother works from 9 am to 1 am almost every day and still took a red eye from Vegas back to North Carolina to go to work after being after FI's bachelor party for three nights.  You just have to make sacrifices sometimes for siblings, IMO.

buddhagouda

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:26969132-ccfb-4bf6-9a7a-55ee449d7260">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE] You better believe it. I think the actual problem here is that OP decided that a board full of strangers was a good place to vent about this sort of thing. It's not. If one of us "regulars" posted a rant like this, there'd be a lot fewer flames
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

<div>You had better believe it. </div>

crfische

I think day after brunches are fucking ridiculous in the first place, so I guess I wouldn't see the big deal in skipping out on them, sister or not.

I love my brother to death, but do you think I stayed in DICKINSON, ND for their gift opening? Ummm, no. I didn't.

It's not like she would have been skipping the wedding, just some eggs and freakin' toast. JUST SAY NO.

npfan812

The thing is, Kati, some people just are going to be inconvenienced by a Sunday wedding--there's really no way around it.

I think what frustrates me the most about this situation was the fact that they could have had it on a Saturday if they had just cut something from other parts of their budget or not been in such a rush to get married that they could have waited a few more months to get married to save enough money to have it on a Saturday.

I'm sorry, but I just don't get the mentality of having a big wedding before you can afford to do it in a way that is respectful of your guests. If you want to get married that quickly, there's always eloping.

jennylove810

If I was in a line of work where I would have to stay until 10pm every night for the rest of the week after taking one day off, you better believe I'd try to find a new job.

Just sayin.

Kati0105

The thing is, Kati, some people just are going to be inconvenienced by a Sunday wedding--there's really no way around it.

I think what frustrates me the most about this situation was the fact that they could have had it on a Saturday if they had just cut something from other parts of their budget or not been in such a rush to get married that they could have waited a few more months to get married to save enough money to have it on a Saturday.

I totally agree and would never have a Sunday wedding myself for this reason.  But your OP still makes you sound overly resentful of your sister.  I get that you were inconvenienced (although only mildly, IMO), but your sister had the right to make the decision to get married when she wanted to and in the way she wanted to.  You had the right to decide what wedding events you were able to attend.  Rather than dwelling on what's in the past, you should just suck it up and work the long hours for two more days or whatever and ideally hope that your sister is having a good time on her honeymoon.

SwedishChick2011

I think the main issue was the Monday brunch, not the Sunday wedding.  I didn't have a brunch anyway, but I definitely would never have had one on a Monday.  That's really inconvenient.  I could see maybe retired people being fine with it, but for most working people, not so much. 

Also, I'm not a big fan of day-after-wedding brunches anyway.  Meh.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:62adab16-fd72-4b75-910e-c4e281f4cc31">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]If I was in a line of work where I would have to stay until 10pm every night for the rest of the week after taking one day off, you better believe I'd try to find a new job. Just sayin.
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]

Yeah, because this economic environment is REALLY friendly to job seekers.  Great idea.

OP, I was with you in regards to the irritation at having to go to the brunch and jack up your work schedule, but it really isn't any of your business on how they choose to spend the money for their wedding.  I get they could have waited longer or knocked out parts of their budget, but really, that's asking them to jump through a lot of hoops just to make it easier for you not to miss work.  You can't really complain about having to jump through hoops yourself, while expecting others to do the same.

kikibaby

npfan- I wouldn't spend the extra I would need for a Saturday wedding no matter how long I waited.  FI and I are hardly rushing into marriage.  We've been together 4 years and we're in our 30's. 

My feelings are that if someone can't make it to my Sunday wedding, I'm not going to be upset at them.  That's their choice.  My parents are probably the only ones I would make a concession for. 

My sister got married when I was in college, during finals week.  I didn't go because of it.  Neither of us were bitter or angry about it. If I had gone I might have failed a class.  I didn't go and then complain later.

carrieoz_76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-reason-sunday-weddings-suck-guests-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2f7856cb-0567-43e5-9013-d4aa9e2bd84cPost:f8a60a85-6acd-4a3d-92b3-d3a2aeb0b3f7">Re: Another reason why Sunday weddings suck for guests (vent)</a>:
[QUOTE] My mom is helping me out with all the errand running the week of the wedding, but I wouldn't be all "ZOMG!! You're my MOM how could you NOT help me??" if she said she was busy and couldn't do it.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't throw a hissy fit, and I would try to get past it without causing too much trouble, but would I be hurt if my mom was too busy to help me in the days before the wedding?  Yea.  Yea, I would be.  I mean, I'm busy too, but I make time for family when they really need me.  I move things around when I have to and I don't b*tch about it.  It's what you do for family (and close friends).<div>
</div><div>Back to OP, though.  I probably wouldn't have had a brunch the day after a wedding, esp. the day after a Sunday wedding.  And if I did, I'd have told ppl that if they can't come I completely understand (and I would).  But you're a grown up, and if you took the day off so you could spend that time with your sister, so you probably need to consider it time well spent, and get over it.</div>

squirrly

Well, I think the bride is off her rocker if she's seriously pissy about somebody not being able to come to the brunch.  And I think the OP is a bit of a wuss for not standing up for herself on that one.  Suck it up for the wedding, and the brunch if it doesn't cause other issues, but if she had to be at work, she should have been an adult about that. 

And, yeah, I think there would have been fewer flames for a reg too.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Meh, I wouldn't have been able to have a Saturday wedding at my venue because they require a minimum amount for a Saturday and we just don't have a big enough guest list to meet that minimum. I wasn't go to pay for people who weren't even going to be invited.

I also agree that I wouldn't complain to internet strangers about my work schedule. FI, absolutely, but it would stop there.

abbalish

I feel like you all actually went pretty easy on the OP! 

Granted, I'm coming from a place where I have ample time off, but I do not think taking one day off to attend a sibling's wedding is that unreasonable.  I did it for my siblings, they did it for mine.  You may feel a slight twinge of resentment (which OP is far beyond), but it's family, get over it.

I think there's a difference between Sunday weddings and holiday weekend Sunday weddings.  We had the latter, over Memorial Day.  I realize not everyone has the day off but the vast majority of our guests did.  I didn't even know post-wedding brunches were such a *thing*.  I had a Sunday wedding on a holiday weekend and everyone went their merry way the next day.

tlv204

I'm with nugget and buddha, and whoever else said that. OP has no right to spout off all the reasons why it would have been better to have a Saturday wedding, but damn I would have felt inconvenienced too. 

Sisters aren't automatically best friends, you know.

classyashley918

Some people have to have Sunday weddings...ahem... for instance I'm Jewish so my options are before sunset on Friday (i.e. people have to take off work on Friday), after sunset on Saturday (=REALLY late and many Rabiis won't so it), or Sunday. So. Most Jewish weddings are on Sunday. Don't just make a blanket statement. k thanx bai.

MeaghanandMichael

Welp, checking back in I can see this post got all sorts of out of control.
When P&E got like this before, I pretty much took time off from the insanity. Slow your roll people.