Rehearsal Dinner invites

Rachel405

What are the rules for inviting OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner? Is it always a must?  50% of our guests are from OOT and we're having a wedding of about 100 guests. Our wedding is a lunch, so the rehearsal dinner might end up costing as much as or more than our reception!

Fi's mom is planning the dinner and has given us the option of having strictly wedding party, immediately family and grandparents only OR inviting all the OOT guests. If we do the first option, she will give us the difference in price to put towards the reception.

I personally want to have a big rehearsal dinner and enjoy visiting with all the OOT guests in a casual setting, and my fiance does too, but he was wondering if we could just do it small (without being rude) and have more $$ to put towards the wedding, which could potentially take off some stress surrounding our (tight) budget.

FMIL has asked me for a headcount of my OOT guests, and I feel guilty sending her 25 names.......

hoffse

You don't have to invite all the out-of-towners.  I'm in a similar situation as you, except we don't get the leftover and FI's parents are pretty insistent that we invite everybody to the rehearsal.  It's not my or my FI's preference, but we aren't paying for it.

Extended family and random out of town guests don't usually expect to be invited to the rehearsal.  It's a nice thing to do because it feeds them that evening, but it's not expected, and these people are adults who know how to take care of themselves.  Up to you guys.

MyUserName1

It is not rude to do wedding party and immediate family only so long as you include the SOs of those people.

We're electing to do the giant-invite-everyone-and-their-mother rehearsal dinner thing, but I definitely understand the appeal of a smaller event!

In short, either way is perfectly acceptable.

Avion22

We're inviting EVERYONE to the rehearsal dinner -- literally everyone (except my parents) are from out of town, and we want more time to hang out with everyone, and give people a chance to socialize.  However, we're doing a super-casual picnic in a local park, so it won't cost any more than doing a really nice dinner for a smaller group of people.   

You don't have to invite all out-of-town guests.  I've attended tons of weddings as an out-of-towner and never expect to be invited to the RD.  So it's really up to you.

MrsSmith2Be02

You don't have to invite all OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner.  What I am doing is having the rehearsal dinner and the afterwards having a separate welcome reception which is basically cocktails and hors devoures for the OOT guests.

dawnp917

Our wedding is mostly oot guests so having everybody at the rehearsal was not an option especially since our rehearsal is on a Thursday afternoon. Instead we are inviting all oot guests to a local brewery on Thursday evening for a casual pint. We are also having a BBQ the Saturday after the wedding.

Starqueg

I was just discussing this yesterday with my FMIL.  She and her husband are paying for our rehearsal dinner Saturday night and also a Friday night dinner (wedding is a Sunday).  The original plan was just family on Friday and then OOT guests, family, and WP on Saturday.  Well, the guest list ballooned and she realized that it'll cost far more than she was expecting and be more people than she really wants.  I think it's going to end up being us, parents, aunts and uncles, first cousins, children and spouses of first cousins, grandparents, and WP.  That still adds up to 58 people, which is not going to be cheap for dinner in the NYC area, but is honestly the smallest number we could come up with for just close family. 

Meegles4

We are not inviting OOT guests, and my entire family aside from my parents is OOT. We made this decision partly because FI's aunt is paying for the dinner and I didn't want to balloon her guest list (and, frankly, she slightly balked at even inviting the BP's significant others).

The other reason was that unlike PPs, I didn't want the RD to be a big thing. As much as I'd love to see my OOT family, I felt like inviting them all to the RD just created another big event tied to the wedding, when the wedding really is the focus. Also, since we're doing it the night before, I'd like the RD to be pretty low-key and also be an early night since we'll be going strong all day for the wedding. Keeping it to just the bridal party and parents seemed to fit the bill.