Should guests pay?

MillerParker

My BM & I are checkin out venues online and we come across the price per plate. One said $36.99. She offered to pay for her plate. Then asked is it appropriate to ask guests to pay for their plates. I've never heard of a way a couple could request assistance from the guests.  We'd certainly like to hear some opinions or get some advice.
Thanks

Stackeye210

I would not attempt this in any way shape or form.  Pay for what you can afford and do not ask the guests for assistance in doing so. 

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-guests-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:345da20d-6f46-46e2-aaab-2d94ed417ab6Post:3306e75a-66d3-476a-a57a-20b845ca9051">Should guests pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]My BM & I are checkin out venues online and we come across the price per plate. One said $36.99. She offered to pay for her plate. Then asked is it appropriate to ask guests to pay for their plates. I've never heard of a way a couple could request assistance from the guests.  We'd certainly like to hear some opinions or get some advice. Thanks
Posted by MillerParker[/QUOTE]

Wait, who offered to pay for her plate?

Edit: My reading skills SUCK. aaah your BM.

Still, NO. not at all.

MillerParker

Ok thanks!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

No. If you invite someone to something you are hosting it, and therefore paying. You should never ask your guests to open their wallets at your wedding. Your reception is to host and thank your guests for witnessing your vows and supporting your marriage.

Set a budget you can afford. Then decide what you can spend in each area, based on that budget (dress, photographer, music, transportation, WP gifts, food, alcohol, venue space, etc). Host what you can afford, even if that means cake and punch in th afternoon or a dessert reception at night.

texagj

lol! If i did this my wedding woes would be solved!

pinkpinot

Jeez I wish venues around my area were 40 bucks a plate.

xyrius

Why did your BM offer to pay her own plate?

mandysmear

Man I wish I had the audacity to do that.  I could have had a bigger wedding and spent way less money. 

People must really think that weddings are all about turning a profit.

leah2b

Oh my goodness - no no no!  It is not your "guests" jobs to pay for your wedding!

xyrius

Ugh, I've had two invites asking me to pay actually. 

One was a "friend" that wanted $50 per person to attend, she put that on the RSVP.  I ended up skipping the meal.

The second was my cousin, asking for $20 per person on the invite itself.

TheCranberry

I've heard of people "paying for their plate" in the sense of getting a gift equal to about what the per person cost is.  Friends of mine have also had friends/relatives offer to pay for their plate when inviting themselves to a wedding.  As in: "Oh, I really want to come to your wedding.  If I pay for my plate can I?" 

I've never heard of people actually asking for cash up front in order to go to the wedding.

Meg1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-guests-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:345da20d-6f46-46e2-aaab-2d94ed417ab6Post:a9c8c839-2f54-455c-bdb5-711fb347b16c">Re: Should guests pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Jeez I wish venues around my area were 40 bucks a plate.
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]


For real.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-guests-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:345da20d-6f46-46e2-aaab-2d94ed417ab6Post:afcf8a8b-d1a1-4d74-b8be-836c1cfb52ff">Re: Should guests pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Man I wish I had the audacity to do that.  I could have had a bigger wedding and spent way less money.  People must really think that weddings are all about turning a profit.
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

Seriously. My mom asked me about what kind of bar we were doing, and said, "some people have their guests buy their own alcohol." Well, I'm paying for their alcohol. Um, no one in my family has ever done a cash bar.

lalap69

No, no and no.

Why would your BM feel the need to offer to pay for her plate?

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-guests-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:345da20d-6f46-46e2-aaab-2d94ed417ab6Post:2eac9671-3d0a-442f-8332-964f01cfd3f2">Re: Should guests pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's something my mom got on an invitation to a wedding.  A "chair rental" fee.  Oh yes.  They were asked to pay $50 each to rent their chairs at the ceremony and reception.  That takes it from "pay for your meal" into "pay to get in the door at our ceremony".  Klassy. Makes me wonder what one had to rent to eat...;)
Posted by kaederose[/QUOTE]
What if your mom offered to eat standing up?

FutureMrsW9

and, no, you absolutely CANNOT ask guests to pay for their plates!  tacky.com

justinsfiancee

Wow most of you say $40 is cheap!  That is insane to me, where the h are you all living?  Mine was $17 and that was more expensive than anyone I know

BlueBoxBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-guests-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:345da20d-6f46-46e2-aaab-2d94ed417ab6Post:5afb42e0-df2d-4067-9428-7b1f2fc72900">Re: Should guests pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow most of you say $40 is cheap!  That is insane to me, where the h are you all living?  Mine was $17 and that was more expensive than anyone I know
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]

<div>We're getting married in downtown Chicago and our venue/catering starts at $215 per person. But that also includes a 4 hour open bar, passed cocktail hors, 3 course dinner (with guests' choice that night, restaurant style), champagne toast and our wedding cake. </div><div>
</div><div>OP: And no, we're not asking guests to pay to attend. I can understand friends wanting to "chip in," but they just can gift you with a check of more than $40 if they really want to. </div>

sister2groom

Yeah, I don't spend $40 a head on dinner much, so if I did, I would want it to be at the restautant of my choosing, and my own menu selection.

FutureDondada

Wow, the $$ spent on plates. Dang. I found a beautiful venue close to home (outside Syracuse) that has a buffet for $12 a person. I knew it was a lucky find but damn I didn't realize how lucky!

The way I see it, guests do in a sense pay for their meals, through their gifts...but in no way do you count on getting that $$ or ask them for it

I have a very VERY small budget and feel horrible needing to have a cash bar, I couldnt imagine asking them to pay for their food as well!

MillerParker

Hey guys, I'm on the same page as you! I dont think its appropriate for anyone to pay for anything.  Now if they wanted to assist with paying for a few details, I would gladly accept donations.
She offered to pay for her plate because she didnt want to burden the budget (in her eyes she feels like she is).  This is also the first time either of us have to had to research anything for the wedding.  Its hard to set a budget when you dont know what prices are for things.  The cheapest that I've seen for a caterer is $9-$11/plate.  That may seem cheap to some, but thats right on the money for me! I'm paying for most of the wedding myself as my fiance doesnt make as much as I do. My parents arent together, but they are helping here and there with things as we figure out the prices. His family just doesnt have any $ to put on a wedding. Most are telling me to have a small initimate shindig, but I've always wanted a big wedding. There is an initial shock when you see the caterer costs almost the same as the venue- which still hasnt been chosen yet. My guest list is at 200

MillerParker

Thats really expensive for 200 people, dont u think?  The wedding will be in Chicago. I figure $3500 (max) for the venue. I didnt want to spend more than that for the caterer. DJ- I found $600 w/an emcee. Photog- still working on that, thinking of going to the art schools to get an amatuer student that is best in class. Floral- would be small and dont want to pay more than $300 for it. Mom is buying dress, BMs are buying their own dresses. WP gifts. groomsmen pay for their own rentals. cake- which we found out there are some bakeries that use EBT card!!!! I'm buying stuff here/there to cut down and decorating costs of the caterer. I'm making my own invitations and save the dates. if i'm missing something here, please help cause this is a lot of money that I feel I dont have or will be able to pull it off

allisong23

So, you are having a wedding for 200 people and are using EBT to pay foryour wedding cake?? Yep, that is what the federal food stamp program was meant for - a wedding cake for 200 people.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-guests-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:345da20d-6f46-46e2-aaab-2d94ed417ab6Post:5afb42e0-df2d-4067-9428-7b1f2fc72900">Re: Should guests pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow most of you say $40 is cheap!  That is insane to me, where the h are you all living?  Mine was $17 and that was more expensive than anyone I know
Posted by justinsfiancee[/QUOTE]

I'm in MSP, ours came out to about $30 and it definately wasn't more expensive than anyone I know.  Where did you have your reception?

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-guests-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:345da20d-6f46-46e2-aaab-2d94ed417ab6Post:8058906c-664f-46c3-bf97-505893f63533">Re: Should guests pay?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, you are having a wedding for 200 people and are using EBT to pay foryour wedding cake?? Yep, that is what the federal food stamp program was meant for - a wedding cake for 200 people.
Posted by allisong23[/QUOTE]

I think she was just mentioning that she noticed they accepted it, as an "OMG WTF" rather than a "SWEET!" moment.  I hope. 

allisong23

Yeah, I think OP meant that she was going to use her EBT to pay for it. Why else would you bring it up? This pisses me off. I would not judge anyone for being on assistance if they needed it. But if you can afford a weddig for 200 people, you don't need it. And why shoould the government (and me, as a taxpayer) pay for your wedding cake? Did you pay for mine?

calindi

Oooooff... yeah... if you're on food stamps, I definitely will judge using that to pay for a 200 person wedding.  If you can't afford it, don't have it.  You can either have a 200 person wedding very casual picnic style (and it can still be done very classy) within your budget, or you can have a smaller wedding that you can actually afford.  But you're essentially telling all of us that the taxes we pay to the government (with the hope that they're using welfare to help those who need it) is actually being spent on your wedding cake.

And I'm all for social welfare programs, but this is one of those examples that make people argue against them and I can't say I disagree.  Don't use food stamps to pay for any part of your wedding, please please pretty please!

MillerParker

Soooo not using EBT for my cake! I was just saying it, cause I didnt know if people do that. I'm not on welfare. Like I said, I'm paying for mostly everything myself, and you find tips and tricks along the way. I thought it was funny, so I shared it. Certainly dont need people judging me for anything, got other issues to deal with. But they say u can invite 200 people but only 100 will come.  Is that true? I noticed one of the repsonses has a tag that 220 invited, 117 said yes, the others cant come, etc....

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-guests-pay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:345da20d-6f46-46e2-aaab-2d94ed417ab6Post:f83867b5-e023-4d4e-ad38-32af13cef871">Re: Should guests pay?- BRIDE'S RESPONSE</a>:
[QUOTE]Soooo not using EBT for my cake! I was just saying it, cause I didnt know if people do that. I'm not on welfare. Like I said, I'm paying for mostly everything myself, and you find tips and tricks along the way. I thought it was funny, so I shared it. Certainly dont need people judging me for anything, got other issues to deal with. But <strong>they say u can invite 200 people but only 100 will come.  Is that true?</strong> I noticed one of the repsonses has a tag that 220 invited, 117 said yes, the others cant come, etc....
Posted by MillerParker[/QUOTE]

<div>You can't count on it.  If 10 people have 10 weddings and each invite 200 people, one will have 195, one will have 100, and the rest will have somewhere in between.  If you invite 200, you need to plan for 200 until people tell you otherwise.</div>

Linz10882

Holy cow, $17 and $40 per person?!  You people are lucky!!  We're looking at $150/person here in Miami (and I received quotes muuuuch higher than that).  $17 can't even buy you two coctails in Miami, lol.