Splitting time with families for holidays...how do you all do it?

July2012bride

FI is Jewish and I am Christian so most Religious holidays haven't been a problem... 

How do you all split time with your families at each holiday?  

Biggest downside on our part is that we grew up in the same town and only live 30 mins away now.  Both families expect us to get together on Sunday for Mother's Day and I don't think it's fair to either mom to expect them to spend it with their child's FILs (even though they generally get along).  

We're thinking about just splitting up or doing brunch with one family and dinner with the other but I'm curious to see how others handle similar situations.

ETA: formatting for easier reading

kcscejal

We're only normally together for Christmas and Easter.  FI's family usually does Christmas a few days after Christmas over a weekend, so I go to both.  Thanksgiving has always been at my parents house, but next year we're spending it at his mom's.  We will probably stop by his dads too since he lives near his mom.  For things like Mother's Day if we were going to get with our parents FI and I would probably just split up.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

We don't spend all holidays with family because we live in different states (not driving distance). But normally we spend Thanksgiving with my in-laws, Christmas Eve with my dad and Christmas day with my mom. When we have kids we might be living close to my in-laws, so things might change.

Brandiewine11

We live almost 1500 miles from both our families, and our families live 1000 miles from each other, so we do not visit for most holidays at all. We usually do Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other, usually alternating each year.

For mother's day in your situation, while you might like it, there is no reason you need to both go to both families. I'd say split up and spend the day with your own mothers. If you are close to your FMIL and really want to spend time with her, then your compromise of brunch then dinner is a good one.

hlq2011

Easter we mostly spend with FI's family, because it's not as big a deal, and they're local and my family is not.  Thanksgiving and Christmas we alternate - this year we are at my family for Thanksgiving and FI's for Christmas.  A few days after Christmas we'll head up to my family and have a late holiday there.

Next year it'll be reversed, Thanksgiving here and Christmas with my family, and we'll have a late Christmas with his family at some point.

teacup0618

We live in South Jersey and so do my parents. His fam lives in upstate NY. So most holidays are spent with my family and we alternate celebrating Christmas Eve at my parents and Christmas day at his or vice versa. Its a 4 hour drive from here to there so we usually leave at 4 or 5 in the morning on Christmas morning to get to whoevers house were celebrating Christmas day.

annakb8

We don't really have this figured out. We live far away from both families so it's hard to see anyone for holidays. And both of our families live in Florida, but 7 hours away from each other. I feel like this makes it harder because if we go to see one set of parents it feels like we are so close to the other set and should go visit, but we really aren't close at all. I think you are pretty lucky to live within 30 minutes of your parents and your FILs.

I think if I were you I would split up for mother's day. That seems like the easiest route and will ensure you can both spend quality time with your moms.

specialk84

We spend most holidays with my parents.  FI's family is really bad about making plans in advance, so we usually go with whoever asks us first.  His mom actually called us the night before Easter and asked if we'd host dinner for 20.  No.

opalsky007

We live nowhere near either of our families, and they don't live close to each other. Mine get Thanksgiving or the 4th of July, and his get Christmas. Christmas is not a huge deal in my family, but it is in his family. Meanwhile, his don't really do much for Thanksgiving or July 4, but those have always been big in our family.

The rest we do on our own.

July2012bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_splitting-time-families-holidayshow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c9ff52-ddfb-4823-ae86-139529e61761Post:e73dadc7-5dd1-42b5-8166-cb37d658318f">Re: Splitting time with families for holidays...how do you all do it?</a>:
[QUOTE]We spend most holidays with my parents.  FI's family is really bad about making plans in advance, so we usually go with whoever asks us first.  <strong>His mom actually called us the night before Easter and asked if we'd host dinner for 20</strong>.  No.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

<div>That is crazy talk...</div><div>
</div><div>We are really lucky that we live where we do...far enough that FMIL can't just drop in whenever she wants (which she does to her 26 year old son who lives about 8 min away), but close enough that we get together often. </div>

georgia_bride09

We live close enough to our families so that we pretty much see everyone on every holiday. Yet we have to go to them. It's a pain, don't get me started.

Our first Mother's Day, we each went to church with our own mom. Since then, we've tried to split the day equally. This year we'll probably go to church with his mom, then he has to work, so I'll see my mom Sunday evening. We're also going out to eat with my parents Saturday for unofficial Mother's Day.

SEWF

H's family lives out of town, so it depends on his wok schedule. If he has to work right up until the holiday, we'll go to my family thing. We try to go to either Christmas or Thanksgiving with them, or make a special trip to see them some time during the year. 

If I were in your situation, I'd go to one for brunch and the other for dinner. As long as you spend time with each of them, they should be happy.

Wiscisbliss

We see my family more often, because they are willing to come and see us and it is much closer.  So Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Labor Day, etc are way more likely to be spent with my family.  But this year, we are not visiting either one on Mother's Day.  

We will be alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. 

H's family  - - - 10 hour drive - - - Us  - - - 4 hour drive - - - My family

I think that the brunch/dinner split is a very good idea!

LoveMuffins

We're close to both my family and FI's father & stepmom, so we've been switching back and forth the past few years, but we've worked out a married 'holiday schedule' that's going to start this upcoming year. Spend Thanksgiving Dinner and Christmas morning with my family, and Christmas Dinner with his, and we're going to see if his family would be interested in having us over during the day on Thanksgivings, or getting together the next day or anything. It worked out cuz Christmas dinner is the bigger thing in their household, whereas my family is more into Christmas mornings.

and we're probably going to start going down to his mom's for easter. just to keep it easier =P

mandapanda78

I celebrate the holidays by avoiding my own family like the plague. :-D  We usually end up at my family's around Christmas every 3rd year. We love going to his parent's house, but it's in Oregon, so it's not exactly easy/cheap to get there. Christmas when we're not at either family's house, we stay home, which is what we did this year. Thanksgiving is almost always at my Aunt's house, which I love because I never get to see them otherwise. We don't generally consider family events for any other holidays.

adamar15

We're close distance-wise to both of our families, so we run around like crazy people on holidays.  I think my mom will probably come with us to his family's Mother's Day celebration, because we take the boats out and play in the lakes, and she enjoys that.  If we don't combine families, it's usually his family in the morning and mine at night.  This Christmas is going to be tough, because Christmas eve is my 25th birthday.  We usually spend the night at his family's house on Christmas eve, but my mom wants us this year.

mandapanda78

Also, it doesn't help that all the siblings are scattered. On of my two SIL's lives in Texas and the other lives in Taiwan. Sometimes the IL's will go to one of their daughter's for the holidays, and sometimes we'll go with. My brother lives in Indiana and sometimes my mom and sister will go to him, sometimes not. It's a crazy mixed up 21st century family I tell ya. Things were even more complicated when my dad was alive.

achiduck

We do Easter with his family b/c it's not a big thing in mine.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually spent with both families (Sunday/Monday - since TG is always a Monday in Canada). Christmas eve is spent with my family since we're German and that's when we do Christmas. Then we split Christmas day between FI's mom and dad since they're divorced. We spend Xmas morning alone followed by appetizers at FI's dad's place and dinner at his moms.

ajroark

Easter is traditionally my family's holiday since FI's family doesn't have any yearly traditions. Christmas is usually his family and then either Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas, we get together with my family.

Thanksgiving has been the only difficult one so far as both of our families have big Thanksgiving Day traditions. We tried going to both family festivities one year and ended up missing Thanksgiving dinner (we went to my family's house at 3 p.m. and they weren't serving dinner till 7 p.m. and we left at about 6:30 to get to FI's family's house only to find out they had already ate)! So, now we usually switch off, going to one family's house every other year and it's worked well so far!

aragx6

We've had big time issues with family holidays.

When we try and do everything, we end up miserable.

When we try to split things evenly, his mom throws a fit.

When we try to combine family events it's awkward, and yes, again, somehow we end up miserable.

Our birthdays are only 8 days apart. His on the 29th of April and mine on the 7th of May. This year, because my birthday always falls on Mother's Day weekend and we are always in St. Louis, we switched weekends so he could be with his mom on Mother's Day.

We told her this months in advance. He had several follow-up calls with her. Last Monday when she "found out" we were going to be in St. Louis for his birthday, she threw a fit. Finally he just had to stop her and say "Mom, I did this for you. I am trying to make this work."

Ugh ...

cengle

Christmas is the hard one, because our families live 4 hours apart, and Christmas is a huge deal for both famillies. this past year, I was able to use vacation time and we spent the week prior to Christmas with his family, then left on Christmas Eve and spent the weekend with my family.

Thanksgiving is huge for his family, not so much with mine, so we do Thanksgiving with his family and do my family's Thanksgiving over the weekend. In the alternative, 2 years ago, my family went and joined his family for Thanksgiving, so we were able to see everyone at once. 

For stuff like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter, etc. we don't usually see either family, because we live in another state.

Once we have children, all of these problems will be solved, because I've decided I'm making them all come to us. I'd much rather host than drive, even with kids. No one in either family has small children, so we'll (most likely) be the first, so making them travel to us won't be too big of an inconvenience for them.

DodgersBride

We live close enough to spend all holidays with both families. We do the whole travel across LA county on Christmas,Thanksgiving, Easter and Mother's day. 4th of July is always with my family because it is a huge deal for us and FI's family doesn't really do much. Father's day is with FI's family since my dad passed away.

tenofcups4me

My situation is similar to yours July: We live two hours from our families, who live 1/2 hour from each other. My family is Jewish and Dh's is Christian so that takes care of Jewish holidays and Christmas (we don't do any other Christian holidays with them). We do every other year for Thanksgiving -- one year we go to my extended family, the other we host his family at our house.

We always do Mother's Day and Father's Day with my parents -- if Dh's parents are around (they travel a lot), we'll split those days so we have brunch with one and dinner with the other. We've also considered inviting both to our house, but that hasn't worked out yet. Sometimes we spend long summer weekends (July 4, Mem. Day or Labor Day) with one or the other family, but that's variable.

missfarar

We haven't figured this out yet. However, I think we'll be spending a lot more time with my family than FI's. I think the tricky holiday this year will be Father's day, we'll probably visit one dad on Saturday and the other on Sunday.

Mother's day will probably be spent with my family since FMIL really rocked the boat this past weekend and we don't care to be in the same room with her at this time...

Karen's MOH

We don't have a 'system' in place yet. Up until we were engaged, it was pretty much he did his I did mine. We live 4-5 hours from my parents, hour and a half from his grandmother, and across the country from both his parents. So it's a tough one! Last year was the first time I spent Christmas with his family in CA, but we had already decided that this Christmas will be with my family, since I will have a new nephew there.

For something like Mother's Day, we never get to see our parents, but if we did, I imagine we would either split up or do the brunch/dinner thing. Both sound like good options to me.

lbow1984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_splitting-time-families-holidayshow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c9ff52-ddfb-4823-ae86-139529e61761Post:8f25ce3e-1f42-4358-a519-92f512c79665">Re: Splitting time with families for holidays...how do you all do it?</a>:
[QUOTE]We've had big time issues with family holidays. When we try and do everything, we end up miserable. When we try to split things evenly, his mom throws a fit. When we try to combine family events it's awkward, and yes, again, somehow we end up miserable. Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

This!

laurenpm

Our holidays are always exhausting.  Both of our parents are divorced, so we have 4 different households to spend time with.  We usually end up going non-stop first thing in the morning until late at night just trying to make sure everyone gets equal attention.  I am praying that we will figure out a better system b/c right now holidays are just too much work.

DNAtime

We live about 30 minutes from both sets of parents. For the major holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, we make the effort for both of us to go to both places. So we will work out either two days or one will have lunch and the other dinner.
  I love Thanksgiving so much I even host a Thanksgiving potluck the sunday before for friends. I can't have enough thanksgiving

For minor holidays, mothers day, etc. Its not worth doubling up.  We have discussed switching years, however at this point we are splitting up.  So on Moms day this year, I am going to brunch with my mom and sister and he is hanging with his family.

lclicious

So exhausting. We live in Brooklyn and both of our parents live within 40 minutes of eachother in Massachusetts. since we're both close to our families we usually have to see both when we're there and sometimes drive to Rhode Island to see his extended family. Easter, we were lucky enough to do brunch at my parents and afternoon at his sisters....then the 5 hour trip home.

mica178

Our families live on opposite coasts.  This year, we figured out which holidays we could travel and spent those with H's family, then did the ones where we didn't have enough time off with my family (locally).  When we move to be near H's family, I anticipate the reverse.

[Deleted User]

We live 650 miles away from both of our families for 2.5 yrs. There have only been a few holidays we have been able to go home for. The ones we have went home for, we usually divide up the holiday.

Since we are moving back home, it should be interesting seeing how all the holidays and celebrations will work out from now on.