Splitting time with families for holidays...how do you all do it?

hlq2011

Missy, I think it's actually easier living away.  I mean, I hate not seeing my family for holidays, but all the running around is insane.  We went home for a week last Christmas, and every day but one, we were visiting someone.  I mean, my parents divorced, so that makes it harder, but still.

GeauxTigers17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_splitting-time-families-holidayshow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c9ff52-ddfb-4823-ae86-139529e61761Post:8f25ce3e-1f42-4358-a519-92f512c79665">Re: Splitting time with families for holidays...how do you all do it?</a>:
[QUOTE]We've had big time issues with family holidays. When we try and do everything, we end up miserable. When we try to split things evenly, his mom throws a fit. When we try to combine family events it's awkward, and yes, again, somehow we end up miserable. Our birthdays are only 8 days apart. His on the 29th of April and mine on the 7th of May. This year, because my birthday always falls on Mother's Day weekend and we are always in St. Louis, we switched weekends so he could be with his mom on Mother's Day. We told her this months in advance. He had several follow-up calls with her. Last Monday when she "found out" we were going to be in St. Louis for his birthday, she threw a fit. Finally he just had to stop her and say "Mom, I did this for you. I am trying to make this work." Ugh ...
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I feel so bad for you. I live in perpetual fear of this because we live far from both sets of parents, and it is my mother that is the issue. She keeps making jokes about how Christmas is "her" holiday, and we aren't even married yet.</div><div>
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neelynicole

Like you, OP, FI was raised Jewish and I was raised... well, non-denominational, but with the holidays being more along the lines of the typical Christian holidays. So that's definitely made it a little easier on us when it comes to separating out the holidays.

FI's immediate family all lives withing about 5-10 miles of us, so that certainly makes it easier to get together for the high holidays. But my immediate family lives 8-14 hours away. So the holidays that I'm used to celebrating, we do an every other year thing.

His family does Thanksgiving, so every other year we spend it with them. Only my family does Christmas, but we still do an every other year thing. The 'off' years we spend the morning just by ourselves (FI loves Christmas), but we spend the evening with FI's BIL's family as they're a Jewish/Christian couple and always have a huge Christmas dinner.

I just found out that FMIL is a little miffed that we won't be in town for Mothers' Day. We're going to visit my brother in FL so that I can finally meet my 2 little nephews. We scheduled it for the same time that my mom will be out there. And that just so happened to be the same time as Mothers' Day. FMIL is just being a nut, and I'm sure she'll understand that we can't spend it with BOTH mothers every time.

Basically, with us, we got off easy. But with any 'coomunal' holidays, we always go every other year; one year with his family, one year with mine.

jmorford

we're only about an hour's drive away from his parents and 10 mins from mine.
for thanksgiving, my fam gets us the day before and his gets us the day of.
for christmas, my family always celebrates everything on 24th, so his gets us on the 25th.
for easter, my fam does breakfast and his does dinner.

soo.... everything but thanksgiving just works out

Enami

We haven't really worried about Mother's Day/Father's Day or 4th of July or any of the holiday weekend type holiday's yet. Probably just spend them with my family, since they're the ones more inclined to DO things then. Thanksgiving and Christmas are our killers. FI grandmother and grandfather are divorced (have been since his mom was little), and refuse to attend functions together. So usually we have to spend to seperate days with his mom's family other than her mom, then spend time with her mom. I think his grandmother is a little nutty and she's stubborn and selfish, but w/e. Now my family, we also have to usually take two days with, mom's side (20-30 people) and dad's side (12-20 people). The only reason that they don't do things together is that there isn't a house big enough to accomodate everyone (my parents grew up as neighbors, so their families have a history). This year, we did:

Thanksgiving: My family til 4/5pm, his after.
Christmas Eve: FI mom's family (minus grandmother)
Christmas Day: My mom's family all day (his family with grandmother after 6pm-ish)
Day-After Christmas: My dad's family

This worked out well for us, since it is tradition to do Christmas Eve at his great-granmother's house, and Christmas Day at either our house or my mom's sister's (she has 4 siblings, 3 of whom live in Massilon, 20 miles from us, and both my mom's parents live in Canton). His family also came over to our house for Easter, which worked out really well.

I told him he needs to finish undergrad school asap so he can start into his PhD work so we can get a big house and host everything there and not worry.

Edit: My parents and his live maybe 12 miles apart, and we are looking to move into that area. All is family live within 20 miles, and most of mine within 30-45.

jwentz2977

We switch back and forth for Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter dinner.  We spent Thanksgiving with my family, Christmas morning we were with my family for breakfast and to open gifts and then went to his parents house for dinner.  Easter we spent with his family.  Mother's day and Father's day is easier.  We spend Mother's day with his mom since my mom doesn't really care about it (We usually go to my mom and dad's the day before) and Father's day, his dad doesn't really care about so we spend it with my dad.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_splitting-time-families-holidayshow?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37c9ff52-ddfb-4823-ae86-139529e61761Post:ca9cf512-68dd-4bd5-a322-ea914d102c10">Splitting time with families for holidays...how do you all do it?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI is Jewish and I am Christian so most Religious holidays haven't been a problem...  How do you all split time with your families at each holiday?   Biggest downside on our part is that we grew up in the same town and only live 30 mins away now.  Both families expect us to get together on Sunday for Mother's Day and I don't think it's fair to either mom to expect them to spend it with their child's FILs (even though they generally get along).   We're thinking about just splitting up or doing brunch with one family and dinner with the other but I'm curious to see how others handle similar situations. ETA: formatting for easier reading
Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]

<div>We live in the same town we grew up in, less than a mile from ILs and 6 miles from my parents.  It's gotten easier because H and his parents don't really get along anymore so he always wants to spend holidays with my family, but when we do split we either do one the night before and one the day of or do one in the morning and one in the evening.</div><div>
</div><div>Christmas is always Christmas Eve with ILs and Christmas morning with my parents.  Thanksgiving is at our house with both families, though after last year H asked if we could just spend it with my parents.  Mother's Day and Father's Day we usually do dinner with my parents and then go by his parents' house either before or after dinner.</div>

jess9802

My parents live 2 hours away, but my brother and I both live here, so they travel to spend the holidays with us. FI's mom and stepdad live here in town.

We spend Thanksgiving dinner with one set of parents, then have dessert with the other set. We spend Christmas Eve with FI's family, because they host a huge party. Christmas morning we spend at our house, and anyone who wants to join us can, though I suspect that will always be my parents, and probably not my FILs. We then have dinner with the parents we did not have Thanksgiving dinner with.  Easter - probably FI's family, though this year it was on my dad's birthday, so we spent it with him.

Mother's Day we'll see one mom either the day before or the morning of, and then the other mother the day of or later in the day. Father's Day we spend with my dad, since FI's dad died 10 years ago and he wasn't raised by his stepfather.

brit_bell90

We always spend holidays with both families, it normally ends up us eating at noon with in-laws, then running somewhere 30 minutes away to eat at 2 or 3 with my family. I love Christmas though, his family has always celebrated christmas day, my family has always celebrated on Christmas Eve.

Habs2Hart

It gets confusing.  His two sets of parents live about 20 minutes from each other but 3hrs from us, so last year we went down boxing day and spent some time at his dad's then his aunt's and then his mom's.  Christmas day was with my mom and SD and then we saw my dad and sm a few days before Christmas.  They usually have to fly up to Canada to see us all since we all live here. 

Thanksgiving we did everyone, but it was a whirlwind trip because that was our engagement weekend, then we went back north and did dinner with my mom and step dad.

Four sets of parents make things incredibly difficult. 

agall1006

we spelled it out - we're going to be our own family, so we want to start our own traditions - we tell them not to expect us at any certain time for any amount of time, that way no one gets dissappointed. it's easy w/ my family, we're large and we have parties, my fiance's family is small so they have more trouble dealing with it, they'll get over it. just some advice -don't spend every holiday pleasing both your families, take some time for yourself! I know how it is to drive 4 hours back and forth and here and there, it's exhausting.

lzmac

We have issues often with our families with holidays.  My parents are divorced and so are DH's.  That's where our problems exist.  

 

Mothers day we are having my mom and step dad, dad and step mom, and his mom over for supper on either the Sunday or Monday depending on which day works best for everyone.  

 

Right now we split holidays between our families, but it can get hard when DH's grandmother is super weird about holidays.  She wants to control every holiday her way.  And when we have kids everything will be at our house, with no exceptions because I don't want to cart around our kids.

AutumnD5*21

Our holiday schedule is further complicated by the fact that I work at a hospital, so I work 3-11 every other holiday.  My family is used to scheduling around my job, but they're not used to scheduling around another family just yet.  This year I worked New Years Day, I'm off Memorial Day, I work the 4th of July, I'm off Labor day & Thanksgiving (doubling back these holidays is necessary so one does not work the same holidays every year), and I work Christmas.  Next year it will be reversed.  2 years ago we went to both Thanksgivings (mine for lunch, his for supper).  I don't know if we can do that again.  I thought we'd explode.  Maybe we'll just have pie at the 2nd.  I don't remember what we did last year.  For Christmas this year, we will probably spend Christmas Eve with one family, and Christmas morning before I go to work with the other.  If it's not one of the 6 holidays listed above, it's a good chance I'm at work anyway.  I worked on Easter, and I will work on Mother's Day.  Oh, and don't get me started on the fact that my sister (who doesn't work) wants everything planned around her, regardless of my work schedule.

Kristynmarie810

My husband and I were together for 8 years before we got married, so luckily we sorted this all out before hand.  Every Thanksgiving is spent with my family as well as Christmas Eve.  Christmas Day and Easter are spent with his family.  Mother's Day we split.  We do brunch with one Mom and dinner with the other.   It's worked this long, i just hope it stays that way

rombacja

We try to split things fairly between the two families. We're in Chicago and then one fam in Detroit and one in St. Louis, so this past year we did Thanksgiving with FI's family, Christmas with mine and then a few days after Christmas hit up FI's family to celebrate. Then Easter with his fam. The important thing for us to make clear with our families is that "fair" is not always "equal". That was our big thing. Especially with nieces and nephews, we do our absolute best and we make sure that even if they're thinking it, no one ever says out loud "they get more time" or "it's not fair". We made it very clear that is no acceptable to say to us.