NWR: leaving kids alone

tpender13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-leaving-kids-alone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37e43aa8-0914-4c3d-9352-a95c026bdfc9Post:bb3a34f4-44fb-47fb-8d25-8085c89e1a83">Re: NWR: leaving kids alone</a>:
[QUOTE]At 9, I would have left my older daughter alone in the house for short periods of time. My younger daughter (currently 9) is another story. This is the child that maced herself last week (long story) and met me at the door as I was coming home from work (husband was home) with a hacksaw, saying she was going to cut down a tree for some firewood and inquiring where I kept the hatchet. That said, I let them ride all around the neighborhood on their bikes all the time.
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

I'm sure these weren't funny situations, necessarily, but it sure sounds funny from here. Is it okay that this made me LOL?

I agree that it depends on the kid. I think I was about 8 when my parents started leaving me home by myself, and I think I was babysitting by 10. We did live out in the boonies and everyone knew everyone, though.

Stackeye210

I think it solely depends on the child and if they're mature enough to handle being alone at that age for short periods of time. 

My parents left me alone at around 10-11, however, they always called the neighbor across the street as a heads up that I was alone and I knew I could run over there if I needed help of any kind. 

You have to know your surroundings and your kid.  It's a case by case basis.

ohwhynot

Wow, this is very interesting for me to read, because we're dealing with this issue right now.  Son, age 10 (going on 11, in the 5th grade), hates his afterschool program and has been begging to be able to come right home after school.  We live directly across the street from his school.  Next year, there will be no choice:  there is no afterschool for 6th graders.

So, now we let him come home after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  He has a check list of things he must do (a very detailed list, including things like "Make sure the front door is closed all the way" and "Return housekey to your backpack") and he has to call us when he gets there and when he has finished his homework and wants to have a friend over or go to a friend's house.  He gets home around 2:30 and we get home around 5. 

At the beginning of October, we'll probably let him come home 3 days a week - we told him he'd have to earn this right by making sure he does everything on the checklist (esp homework), making sure the house is in order when we get home (i.e., that he puts his snack wrappers & plates away and cleans up after himself and his friends), and not being a pill when he's at the afterschool program.

So far, it's going very very well.  I'm a little leery of what will happen when it gets dark early, though:  he's kind of a scaredy-cat.  It helps knowing that there are grownups at school right across the street, there's a mom down the road who is home in the afternoons, and he has our cell phone. 

Calypso1977

OWN, that seems perfectly reasonable to me and it seems like you are taking a careful approach - but also letting go.  you are teaching him valuable lessons.

ohwhynot

Thanks, Calypso.  It is definitely a balancing act and, like all parenting, a work in progress. 

He is highly motivated to earn more days at home, so that helps.  He can also play "screens" (videogames, computer, or wii) after he does his homework and cleans up after snack, so that's a good incentive for him to do those things quickly. 

He's your typically flighty kid, which is why the instructions are so ridiculously detailed - without them, he'd probably lose his key, leave the front door or the freezer door wide open, etc.  Sigh.  I'm hoping these tasks will become automatic after a while.  He's also a bit skittish and has a vivid imagination, which is probably why he always wants to have a friend over as soon as he can.  I think being alone in the house does spook him a bit. 

The next challenge will be when to leave him AND his sister alone, together - I honestly can't see that happening for quite a while.  She's about to turn 9 and they would NOT handle it well at this point.  Maybe in a year or so . . .

Kasi80

Ahh, a topic that hits home.  My daughter is 9 and we have started to leave her at home for short periods of time.  So far it has only happened a few times.  The first time we gave her one of our cell phones and had it set to call us if she needed to.  We were only gone 30 mins or so.  We told her only if it was an emergency to call us.  She called every minute or so and leaving crazy messages just because she could.  This last time we told her she can't do that and the phone is for emergencies only and she did perfectly fine.  We left her for a little over an hour that time.

Her home shcool is on 1/2 a mile away but I don't think she's ready to walk yet.  Right now she goes to a school which is nearer my job (40 mins away) which has a before and after school program.  after next year that will end and she will have to walk.  My issue with her walking now is that I don't think she can manage being safe walking to school.  She's kind of a ditz sometimes and will probably wander into the street without paying attention to what she's doing.  She also will probably let the dogs escape, forget to lock the doors, forget all her school supplies, etc.  She's not quite ready for all that responsibility yet.