NWR: leaving kids alone

Calypso1977

would you leave your 9 year old home alone for 1/2 an hour to run to the store?

i would, but a friend of mine says no way.  id also let my kid wait for the bus alone at that age PROVIDED there were other kids there as well (safety in numbers).

our neighbors dont let their kids play in the back yard.  ever.  for fear of being snatched.   i think they are 10 and 12.

we live in safe towns, with low crime, not cities.

for the record, i'm not a parent, but i cant help but feel that most parents today are overprotective to a point that's ridiculous.  molestors and kidnappers have been around forever, i think that we just hear abotu it more now because of the media.l

what do you guys think?

[Deleted User]

Agree. I was left home for an hour or more at 9 and started babysitting others by 12. I think the media makes these horrible instances more noticable than before. Also, just for the record I am only 24 so when I was 12 it was the late
90s- not that long ago.

texagj

That's a tough one. Mine is only four right now and I don't want to think that far ahead. Makes me a little sad.

Still I thought there was a law that said they can't stay alone till they are 12. or something like that. I don't remember where I heard that.

sclams

My parents started letting me be home alone somewhere around then. To a certain extent, it should depend on how responsible the kid is and how safe your neighborhood is. But not letting a 12 year old play in his own backyard, even when you're home?! That's just paranoid!

akhensley81

I don't know about any laws - and I don't have kids - but I think it would depend 1) on the general safety of the area you live, and 2) on the maturity/trustworthyness of the child.

vallyhoo

Is the backyard not fenced? I mean even still I would think that kids should be safe enough to play in a backyard if the parents feel safe enough for them to sleep inside the house that is probably less than 25 feet away.

I think in terms of people who are overprotective, in depends on their experiences. I know someone very close to me who had a daughter that was abducted. When it is someone you know the idea becomes more plausible even if it isn't based in reality.

waltzingmatilda13

I think it depends on the child. All children mature at a different rate and I wouldn't say just because you are a certain age you can/can't do things. I know when I was 6 I would play down the street with my friends without parents around. It wasn't a big deal. I think the media definitely scares parents more these days than they did when I was a kid.

mandapanda78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-leaving-kids-alone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:37e43aa8-0914-4c3d-9352-a95c026bdfc9Post:ac860a9f-33a5-49f2-950b-709dd3074f4b">NWR: leaving kids alone</a>:
[QUOTE]would you leave your 9 year old home alone for 1/2 an hour to run to the store? i would, but a friend of mine says no way.  id also let my kid wait for the bus alone at that age PROVIDED there were other kids there as well (safety in numbers). <strong>our neighbors dont let their kids play in the back yard.  ever.  </strong>for fear of being snatched.   i think they are 10 and 12. we live in safe towns, with low crime, not cities. for the record, i'm not a parent, but i cant help but feel that most parents today are overprotective to a point that's ridiculous.  molestors and kidnappers have been around forever, i think that we just hear abotu it more now because of the media.l what do you guys think?
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That makes me really sad. I know that statistics don't matter when it's YOUR kid who makes up the minority of ones who get snatched/hurt. Nonetheless, I think it's more important to let kids have play and space and learn to take risks. It does depend on the kid, too, though. Temperament, abilities, etc.

</div>

LesPaul

I would leave my 9 year old home alone for a short time, if I were nearby and had phone contact.  My12 year old was too old for daycare and used to come home after school and be there alone for 2-3 hours.  I think it was good for her to have some alone time. 

There's a balance between hovering too close and neglect.  You have to have a sense for what your own child can handle, and be willing to cut the umbilical cord and let the child learn how to deal with the world.  Calling their professors at college is definitely over the line, but so is leaving a 6 year old in charge of a 3 year old.  It's a tough call.

baystateapple

It depends on the circumstances, and the maturity of the child.

My parents left me alone in the house (with my father asleep, he was working third shift) in the afternoons when I was 9, but I hated it.  They didn't leave my sister and I alone in the house until we were 12 and 10.

arv266

I have a 12 and 10 year old, and only recently started to leave them alone while I run out errands.  There was no way IN HELL that I could have left my son alone when he was 9 1/2 years old.  He wasn't ready for that.  Sometimes its more about knowing what your child is capable of, versus how old he or she is.

I know that I am, at times, overprotective.  No matter where you live, crime rates mean zip when it comes to crimes against kids.  It happens in city slums as well in rich neighborhoods.  I am not about to judge how protective a parent is with her/his kids, because I don't know their history. 

As much as I can, I try to give my kids little taste of independence -- walking to the bus stop alone, staying home alone, going down to the supermarket... but in the back of my mind I am always worried about the what "ifs."  Until I am about 80% positive of what my kid would do in a certain situation, I will not be ready to completely let go. 

kikibaby

I remember the first time my mom left me alone.  I was 6, and home with a busted lip from falling out of a tree.  She just ran to the corner to get some more medicine or something, so about 10 minutes maybe.  I colored at the table and was fine.

I regularly came home to an empty house by around... 10?  So yeah, I would totally leave a 9 year old alone for a 1/2 hour.  They're old enough to understand lock the doors, stay inside, don't answer the door, etc.

btrflykate1230

I remember being left alone at 9, provided I didn't cook (I couldn't use the stove, but the microwave was okay). It was always with my sister too, who was a year younger than me. I actually started babysitting at 12, so I really don't think being left alone at 9 is that bad, for short periods of time. I'm thinking like, a few errands, grocery shopping, or something, nothing more than an hour or so.

JenGin74

I was babysitting the small kids on my block when I was 11, so I think (depending on the child) that 9 is old enough to be left alone for a half hour.

Also, a few years ago I had these neighbors that wouldn't let their 11 year old play in their fenced back yard unless she was accompanied by an adult. It was sad. I would see her all the time looking out of the window at the other kids playing outside.

emilyinchile

Depends. I was a good/mature kid, and we lived in a cul-de-sac where I could always go to the neighbors' for help, so I can see why my parents would let me do that (I feel like it was around that age), but with an immature child or a less helpful neighborhood I might wait until the kid was older.

The thing about not playing in the backyard is just unhealthily paranoid though.

Manwaithiel

When I was 9, I was babysitting my younger brother and sister all day during the summer while my parents were at work.

I was also boiling water to make macaroni and cheese and cooking things for them for lunch.

I think it really depends on the child though.

JessAndTrav

It's hard to say. When I was 9 I was definitely staying home alone, but I was the third kid, so my siblings that were older than me were there.

I think it would be based on my kid's ability to handle situations, and I think I probably would.

I also don't plan on only having one kid, so I'm going to guess that there's another kid there, probably that's 7 or so, and if they were both good is handling different sitations well, I probably wouldn't hesitate to leave them both for a short period of time.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-leaving-kids-alone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:37e43aa8-0914-4c3d-9352-a95c026bdfc9Post:c611fe5b-5a4e-43d0-92e1-b2020b3a210f">Re: NWR: leaving kids alone</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know about any laws - and I don't have kids - but I think it would depend 1) on the general safety of the area you live, and 2) on the maturity/trustworthyness of the child.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. My mom never left me alone at 9. We could play in the yard, sure, but she was always there to check on us. I would have been fine, but my brother was nowhere near mature enough at 9 to be left alone.

But I don't think I'd let my kid stay home alone. Nothing bad ever happened on the streed I grew up on, but when my mom was a kid (she lived on the same street) one of her friends a few houses down as kidnapped and they never found her.

That always stuck with me because the parents are still there, hoping she'll come home. So I guess I have that sense that anything could happen at any time, any place, so I'd rather keep my kid with me at that age. I don't know the magic number I'd be okay with, but ultimately it doesn't matter because we're not having kids.

sarabellam

At 9, I would have left my older daughter alone in the house for short periods of time. My younger daughter (currently 9) is another story. This is the child that maced herself last week (long story) and met me at the door as I was coming home from work (husband was home) with a hacksaw, saying she was going to cut down a tree for some firewood and inquiring where I kept the hatchet. That said, I let them ride all around the neighborhood on their bikes all the time.

[Deleted User]

That does sound a little ridiculous of your neighbors.  I think the most important aspect of leaving kids home alone or playing outside alone is teaching them about safety.  My parents always taught us the importance of safety and safe words, etc.  It's not fool proof by any means, but you can't keep your kids inside forever and they need to be comfortable in their surroundings.  Keeping them indoors is only making them scared of what's outside and that's just sad. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It depends on the kid (how mature they are) and where you live. I was sick one night when I was 10 and my parents had to go to parent's night at my brother's school. They let me stay home for about 1.5 hours alone. I was sick. I wasn't going to do anything. We lived in a safe, semi-rural area. So - maybe.

As for playing in the back yard, my mom would always watch us, so... But at our summer house, we were allowed to run all over the shore, as long as we didn't go in the water. If we wanted to swin we had to tell someone so they could watch us. This was from about age 6-7 or so.

I wasn't allowed to stay at home alone with my brother (3 years younger) until I was 13 or so.

MISSCOURTNEY20

My son was 9 when I started leaving him home alone in the mornings when I went to work and then my best friend would come and pick him up. He was maybe at home for about 20 minutes by himslef.

Now he is 15 and my daughter is 5. I leave them at home for a Saturday sfternoon with no thought. I know that my son is not going to let my daughter do anything that will hurt herself.

squirrly

I wouldn't live someplace that I felt it was unsafe to let my 10 & 12 year olds play in the back yard while I was in the house, so that wouldn't be an issue for me.

As far as a 9 y/o alone at home?  At 9 or 10 I was riding the bus home with my sister who was 5 or 6, and we were home alone for an hour or so waiting on mom to get home from work.  By the time I was 12 I was babysitting her when my parents would go out to dinner/bowling league/UK basketball games.  But, they'd always be home at a reasonable time - I never had to put her to bed, just keep us safe in the house. 

We also lived WAAAAAY out in a rural area, so crime was non-existent, but an ambulance would have taken forever to get to us, too. 

I think it depends a lot on the kids themselves, and who else might be closeby if they needed something - we always had really nice neighbors on either side of the house, had their been an emergency.

kikibaby

Having older siblings around doesn't guarantee anything anyway.  My sister was supposed to be watching me when I was about 10, and she decided to go to a friends house down the street instead.  So, my friend and I thought it would be a great idea to make cookies.

Except we thought the first step was melting a bunch of chocolate in the microwave.  Then trying to remove said chocolate (in a glass bowl) with our bare hands.  Which we dropped, boiling chocolate splattered all over my legs and I got 3rd degree burns.

Point being: kids will get hurt, get in trouble, whatever.  Even with baby sitters, older siblings, even parents around.  It's just what you sign up for being a parent, and you cross your fingers that they survive when you give them a little freedom.

squirrly

Kiki, that means that your older sister made a bad choice, and that your parents did too - leaving her in charge.  That doesn't mean that all older siblings are going to do the wrong thing.  It just means you need to know your kids and not give them that amount of freedom until they're ready for it.

kikibaby

She was 18.  I'm just saying, things are going to happen to kids, and you can't put them in a bubble. 

squirrly

I hope she got in some serious trouble for that.  Did she have a history of being unreliable?

kikibaby

Not really, she was just being a teenager and figured it would be ok to visit her friend for a few minutes.  This is why 18 year olds don't often make good parents

zippityb

I was a latchkey kid. My parents worked full time and my mom went to school full time. My sister was supposed to watch me, but she'd go to friends' houses and stuff. I never got into trouble though. I'd just eat snacks and watch tv. We were pretty much left alone all day during the summer. When I turned 16, my parents would leave me home alone when they went out of town. It was just never a big deal.

SarahPLiz

I grew up in the country, so maybe I'm being naive, but here is my experience:

We were allowed to ride our bikes to our friends houses (with big orange flags on the back of the bike) from about age 6 on, as long as we were in a group and we called when we got there. At about 8, we could go alone, but still had to call. We spent entire days riding bikes and playing in the woods. As long as mom knew the general vicinity of where we'd be, it was fine. 

My mom preferred for us to play in the yard than to be inside. If someone strange came down our road, we'd just hollar for our parents or my aunt and uncle who loved across the road. No biggie.

I don't have any kids yet, but I am incapable of being a paranoid parent. I think my ADD would get in the way. I want my children to grow up confident that they can handle what the world throws at them, and they needn't be afraid to try new things and live a little. 

ETA: We stayed home alone a lot. We got off the bus before my mom was home from work. Usually my grandmother was home across the road if we needed anything, but we were expected not to kill each other or burn down the house. By the time I was 9, I was a hamburger helper expert and often had dinner done by the time mom got home from work (with a gas stove).

My little sister was born when I was almost 11, and I was her sole caregiver more times than I can remember. I think that trusting your kids is important. 

mica178

I think we were left alone at 9 for up to a couple hours.  At that age, I was walking myself to school, going to the corner store with friends.  It was a different time, though, pre-Polly Klaas days.  My sister's youth and childhood were very different.  She wasn't allowed to walk to her middle school (one mile away in a very small and affluent suburb).

I don't have  kids yet.  But I agree that everything depends on where you live and the maturity of the kid.