Alcohol free dinner

Goldlie11

I'm having a reception dinner when I get married (I know I've mentioned it a couple of times but just making sure you remember).  FI does not drink at all. He does not want to serve alcohol at the dinner.  I told him that we don't have to have full premium open bar, but we should at least serve wine, beer, sangria and/or a signature drink (maybe mojitos since we're going to a Cuban restaurant).  I think it's really tacky to expect people to come and not offer any alcohol.  Thoughts?

For reference, we're inviting 25-30 people,

crfische

He's your boyfriend?

You're planning a non-existant wedding?

I'm so confused.

Pass me the booze.

danieliza1127

I don't think it's tacky to have a dry wedding, but as a guest yes I would prefer to be able to order a drink, at least beer or wine. 

Just because your FI doesn't drink though doesn't mean that you shouldn't provide it for your guests.  You could do beer, wine, sangria and no signature drink and that would be great. 

goheels05

I agree with you; think it's selfish to not serve alcohol just because you don't drink.

SwedishChick2011

Having a dry wedding is not tacky.  It may not be ideal, but it's not tacky IMO.

Goldlie11

No he's my fiance.  I'm not used to the term yet.  I will edit it.  

Goldlie11

Maybe it's not tacky, but I don't think that just because he doesn't drink doesn't mean that nobody else get to drink.  

vallyhoo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b76b2ff-7fa1-4273-bebb-e3425a86af58Post:36d09744-3b6b-4c6f-b05a-6bafcb50c8f4">Re: Alcohol free dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe it's not tacky, but I don't think that just because he doesn't drink doesn't mean that nobody else get to drink.  
Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

Then tell him that...?

laurenclaire1386

I don't think it's tacky, but it kind of screams, "I don't drink and you shouldn't either."  I don't like having decisions made for me, as an adult.  But it's your reception, and therefore, your choice.  

scoetto

J doesn't drink. But he's not super uncomfortable being around it, either. We served beer & wine only and had no complaints. I think if FI is that uncomfortable being around alcohol (is he recovering?) then that's something the two of you need to decide together. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b76b2ff-7fa1-4273-bebb-e3425a86af58Post:1f75be0b-9ffe-4de6-9a46-f50a3525ea93">Re: Alcohol free dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's tacky, but it kind of screams, "I don't drink and you shouldn't either."  I don't like having decisions made for me, as an adult. 
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree.</div><div>I am a vegetarian, but I would never have a meat free wedding or dinner at my house.  </div>

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b76b2ff-7fa1-4273-bebb-e3425a86af58Post:46fc2294-0a1f-4bcf-8713-76e6388def9a">Re: Alcohol free dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]J doesn't drink. But he's not super uncomfortable being around it, either. We served beer & wine only and had no complaints. I think if FI is that uncomfortable being around alcohol (is he recovering?) then that's something the two of you need to decide together. 
Posted by scoetto[/QUOTE]
No he's not a recovering alcoholic.  He just doesn't like to drink.  He doesn't like the actual taste of alcohol.  <div>
</div>

kikibaby

If he just doesn't like alcohol, then I don't see why guests shouldn't be able to get a drink.  That's like saying absolutely no mushrooms or onions or whatever, just because one of you doesn't like them.

If I followed that rule, we'd have no food at our wedding at all, as FI is the pickiest eater ever.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b76b2ff-7fa1-4273-bebb-e3425a86af58Post:025748b3-b431-4255-bfcd-3a5ae939d597">Re: Alcohol free dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Alcohol free dinner : I agree. I am a vegetarian, but I would never have a meat free wedding or dinner at my house.  
Posted by NCV2[/QUOTE]
That's a great analogy.  I will tell him that so hopefully he will understand.  He doesn't see the point in serving alcohol.  Other than one friend who will be in attendance, everyone else drinks.  I think it's only fair to serve some kind of drink other than soda.  

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b76b2ff-7fa1-4273-bebb-e3425a86af58Post:86781dcd-8c30-4353-8ecb-b28dae7a172f">Re: Alcohol free dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Alcohol free dinner : No he's not a recovering alcoholic.  He just doesn't like to drink.  He doesn't like the actual taste of alcohol.  
Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

Same with my FI. We're still serving alcohol, because it's a party for our guests, and our guests like it.

kikibaby

So, he really doesn't understand that some people like to have a drink with dinner?  Especially at a celebration?

goheels05

[QUOTE] I agree. I am a vegetarian, but I would never have a meat free wedding or dinner at my house.  
Posted by NCV2[/QUOTE]

Sadly a lot of veg brides would.  We get into a 3 pager argument about this at least once every few months.

kikibaby

Also, FWIW, it is nearly 2 years away, so you've got time to think about what beverages to serve.

laurenclaire1386

The only problem with the veg analogy is that it can be argued that not serving meat will not kill anyone.  Not serving booze certainly doesn't pose any real risk either.  It's just nice to have the option, (for meat, as well as booze) as a guest.

aMrsin09

Do you drink?

I would be beyond angry if DH had told me I don't drink so you can't drink at your own wedding.

ScarletGem

[QUOTE] I agree. I am a vegetarian, but I would never have a meat free wedding or dinner at my house.  [/QUOTE]

I am in this boat exactly.  DH and I are both vegetarians, and served two meat entrees at our wedding and always have meat-something when guests come for dinner. 

OP, do you drink?  Do you let your FI prohibit you from drinking when you have dinner together?  Would you be upset if he tried? 

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b76b2ff-7fa1-4273-bebb-e3425a86af58Post:91628a0b-d16f-41bc-a530-b222052d4120">Re: Alcohol free dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I am in this boat exactly.  DH and I are both vegetarians, and served two meat entrees at our wedding and always have meat-something when guests come for dinner.  OP, do you drink?  Do you let your FI prohibit you from drinking when you have dinner together?  Would you be upset if he tried? 
Posted by ScarletGem[/QUOTE]
I drink on occasion.  I've been losing weight, so I've pretty much given it up (no, I'm not in recovery either).  He just feels that we don't HAVE to offer alcohol and that it will increase the tab a lot.  He's never bothered me when I did have drinks in the past.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3b76b2ff-7fa1-4273-bebb-e3425a86af58Post:efa6553d-3222-493b-aaae-3c5d92f9ae77">Re: Alcohol free dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, FWIW, it is nearly 2 years away, so you've got time to think about what beverages to serve.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
I agree.  He just brought it up the other day that he didn't want to serve any alcohol.  I told him that's no going to happen.

aMrsin09

checlk with the restraunt and see if they can give you some sort of per person bar package.  Ours had a pkg for $35 a person ofr 2 or 3 hours and it included a few different wines and a few different beers.

We didn't go with this option, but it was at least there.

LauraT25

ScarletGem -

Not to get too far off topic, but I'm sort of interested in the vegetarian thing going on.  When I was vegetarian, I didn't handle meat because it grossed me out - so people would bring it to my apartment if they wanted it, and I made it clear that that was okay with me.  And I cooked pretty normal meat-free stuff for people (like veggie lasagna, or stuffed shells), I didn't make everyone eat tofu.  I would have had meat options at the wedding, of course, but I don't think it's unreasonable not to actually cook meat if you're vegetarian.  I guess I'm saying...I think it's awesome, but shouldn't be expected, that you cook meat dishes for your guests.

BecW2be

So, he doesn't want to serve alcohol because he's cheap, not because he doesn't like it.

Your reception is to thank your guests for coming and sharing your day. I think you should consider them for dinner. I'd offer alcohol.

salt78

I like booze.

ac_in_dc

I know no one asked me, but I could give a flying fuuck whether or not you serve me meat at a meal, as long as the stuff tastes good and fills me up.

But if you don't serve me booze I will get very cranky, leave early, and probably talk shiit about how un-fun your wedding was.

lpstl

What AC said. All of it.

Also, if we caught wind your reception was going to be dry someone would have a minibar set up in a SUV out in the parking lot, and everyone would bring flasks.

ScarletGem

[QUOTE]ScarletGem - Not to get too far off topic, but I'm sort of interested in the vegetarian thing going on.  When I was vegetarian, I didn't handle meat because it grossed me out - so people would bring it to my apartment if they wanted it, and I made it clear that that was okay with me.  And I cooked pretty normal meat-free stuff for people (like veggie lasagna, or stuffed shells), I didn't make everyone eat tofu.  I would have had meat options at the wedding, of course, but I don't think it's unreasonable not to actually cook meat if you're vegetarian.  I guess I'm saying...I think it's awesome, but shouldn't be expected, that you cook meat dishes for your guests.
Posted by LauraT25[/QUOTE]

Thanks, Laura.  For me isn't not a serious ethical decision; it's just that I don't particularly enjoy eating meat, it was an easy way to cut a lot of fat and crap from my diet, and I find the health and environmental arguments compelling. 

The big thing is when my mom comes to visit, which is only about once a year since we usually go to her instead of her coming here.  She practically only eats meat, and has a mental block on anything that is entirely vegetarian.  So it's really out of respect for her that I make it. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It seems like he's being judgemental of those who do drink. I understand if he has a huge moral or religious opposition to alcohol, and therefore doesn't want to spend money providing it to guests. That's a given. If he just doesn't LIKE alcohol and therefore thinks it's a waste of money, you need to explain that being a good host isn't dependent on HIS preferences, but what makes the guests comfortable.

So it all boils down to whether or not he has a good reason, I guess. Be fair about what a good reason is.

And if you both agree that you want a dry reception, that's not tacky. You just need to both agree.

(In the same vein, if a vegetarian didn't want to offer me meat because of a moral opposition, that's perfectly understandable to me.)