Wedding Etiquette Forum

How late is too late for the wedding?

We have finally landed our date for a beautiful beach near our reception site--my dad's house. Only problem is that in high season you can't use it until it closes to the public, which means the earliest the ceremony can start is 7:00pm. That puts the cocktails at 8:00pm, and dinner at 9:00pm. We are not planning on allowing kids at the wedding, but still... is this too late for most people to eat dinner? Appreciate any feedback...
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Re: How late is too late for the wedding?

  • Yes it's too late for dinner.  At that time, I would probably go for a passed app / cocktail style reception.  A dessert reception / buffet would be nice at that time, too.

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  • 9:00 is late for dinner, IMO. And that's IF everything goes exactly according to plan.
  • It's really too late. The latest I would want a full sit-down dinner to start is at 7 pm. 

    As a pp suggested, maybe go for a cocktail or dessert reception? It'll be cheaper too :)
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  • boo... that is what I was afraid to hear.. but that's what I get for asking. :(
  • I would probably eat dinner before the wedding since I would expect it to be late. I would go with the heavy apps instead. You can still do a lot with that, and offer a lot of food. 
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  • My cocktail hour was from 7-8 and then dinner probably wasnt until 9 by the time orders were taken and the first two courses were served before dinner. Where I live that's normal, but different areas have different customs. I think if you at least have a cocktail hour before dinner is served than people aren't eating as late, the meal is just later.
  • Could you just eliminate the cocktail hour and go straight to dinner?


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  • I don't think it's too late to serve dinner. People will know the time the ceremony begins and can eat something light before attending. I am wondering though- If it rains, will you be able to have the ceremony indoors?
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  • It definitely depends, IMO. I prefer dinner at 5ish. My dad eats dinner around 4:30. My mom eats dinner at 6ish. it's almost 10pm and my boyfriend still isn't hungry for dinner. And my grandmother went to bed an hour and a half ago. So... I would say it depends on your guests lol
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  • I'm on the app / dessert train.  not eating dinner until 9 just wouldn't work for me.    But I think you should absolutely have your 7/7:30 ceremony where you want it.  Just match the food accordingly :-)  (and skipping the cocktail hour is a good idea too.  Presumably you'll do all your photos before, in the daylight)
  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    I don't think it's too late. It really doesn't bother me, as long as I know what to expect and can plan accordingly. I'd probably eat a really late lunch or just a small meal before leaving for the wedding so my stomach wouldn't be growling during the ceremony. But if you do have a lot of older guests, you may have people leaving right after dinner or even before. So just be aware if you decide to go with your original plan that it may not work for everyone.

    ETA: I'm not sure if you are just estimating, or if you KNOW your ceremony is going to last an hour, but let's say you're flexible. If your ceremony only lasts, say, half an hour, that means you could start cocktail hour around 7:30-7:45. You could make cocktail hour not even a full hour if you wanted, maybe end it around 8:00-8:15, then serve dinner at 8:30. Or, as PPs said, you could eliminate cocktail hour all together, or eliminate dinner.
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  • That was the timeframe of my first wedding and most evening weddings I attend.

    Ours was:
    7pm ceremony
    7:30-8:30 cocktail hour
    8:30 entrance, 1st dance, hora, toasts
    9 dinner

    Reception ended at 12:30. Most guests were still there, including all our parents' friends (in their 60s).

    The cocktail hour had an enormous amount of food (also common in my area) so I can guarantee no one was "hungry."

    We had no time contraints, but intentionally chose a wedding that started at that time so that it could go till 12:30 instead of endng early. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    I say it depends.  I've attended such weddings with no issue.  I've see this time frame often at work with no issues.  

    DH, myself and our friends routinely eat dinner that late again with no issue. In our social circle it's not a big deal.   On any given night our restaurants are packed at 8-9pm at night. It's not completely unheard of.  People generally eat the rest of their day's meals around the event's time frame.  Having a cocktail hour around 8 will hold people over until the meal is served. 

    Sure there will always be someone on a food schedule either medically or just because, but it's not something I would arrange my schedule around. 

    That said, you might be in a social group that eats at the early bird specials (5-6pm), You know who they are.    Nothing wrong with that, but if most of your crowd is like that it might be a problem.

    ETA - I just noticed you are from the NYC area.   At least in my experience 9pm for dinner is not too late.  Of course again it depends on your social circle, but I've attended a few weddings up in that area and all of them had 7pm ceremony start times.






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  • I don't think your ceremony will take an hour. Mine took about 12 minutes, but hey, your might take longer.

    I'd aim to start the reception at 7:30 and skip cocktails and have dinner right away. But again, that's IF everything goes according to schedule. Through no fault of my own, my ceremony started almost 20 minutes late. Thankfully, we timed everything so it wasn't too bad (had the musicians booked for longer than we needed, etc).

    I second the idea of doing a stations/cocktail style reception, or a dessert reception.
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  • I don't think it is too late.  I've been to plenty of weddings that start late, and have never found issue with it.  If the wedding doesn't start until 7, your guests are likely to grab a snack beforehand.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_late-late-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf0e2f7-b71c-4bab-a021-d3ba3515f765Post:c3a38746-6a14-4dd4-ba3b-edb517329b72">Re: How late is too late for the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]9:00 is late for dinner, IMO. And that's IF everything goes exactly according to plan.
    Posted by Jill9288[/QUOTE]
    This.  I think it would be better if you did an apatizer and cake and punch reception.  Not a big meal, but enough that your guests have something to chow on since they will probably be getting a little hungry by then.
  • I think 9 pm is fine for dinner.  Don't eliminate cocktail hour- that's where the best food is.  I see you're from the NYC area.  I've been to a few weddings in the city, LI, and Westchester with later start times.  Also like others asked will the ceremony really be an hour?  My cocktail hour was 7 to 815 pm...after toasts and intros etc probably didn't eat until 845.  Most people stayed until at least 1130pm and this was a Friday night wedding.

    Good luck!
  • RYLZRYLZ member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited January 2012
    I think the timing is fine.  People will see the wedding time on the invitation and realize they wont be eating dinner until an hour or 2 afterwards.  I've been to  lots of weddings here (NYC) and your times are not unusually late.  Cut the ceremony in half, serve dinner at 8:30 and it's not even an issue.

    As a guest I'd be more concerned with the HOUR long ceremony! :-)
  • I am in the same boat. Wedding is at 7. We are doing pictures before. We are doing a short (30 min) and going directly to the reception. Skip the cocktail hour. In my area most people don't do them. In our case dinner will be served by 8, which while a little late isn't terrible

  • If I were invited to a 7 pm wedding, I would assume the reception was not a full dinner.  Even if it were, I'd have to eat beforehand and likely wouldn't be hungry for your dinner.  There's just no way I could wait until 9 for dinner.  however, you know what works for your guests and what those in your circle are used to.
  • It appears that you're in NYC. I would not call that an abnormal dinner time for people here. If there are hors d'ouevres at the cocktail hour, I would say that you are fine. Of course, if you have many out of town guests, that is something to consider. I find that people who live elsewhere tend to eat earlier.
  • Is your ceremony really going to take an hour?  That's pretty long for a ceremony outside of a church.  

    9 is a bit late, but if you are having apps in the cocktail hour, it will be fine.  But I think that you'll find that you can cut a bit off the cocktail hour and/or ceremony so that dinner is served at 8:30.  

    I would do dinner choices or something on your RSVP to be totally clear that dinner will be served.  While I personally don't know anyone that routinely eats dinner before 6, it seems that some people would assume that there wouldn't be dinner after a 7:00 ceremony.
  • It wouldn't be too late for me, but I think that it would for most people.  I think it really just depends on your guests.
  • I think it really depends on your guests.  About 30% of our guests were headed home by 9 (my grandma, older aunts/uncles, etc), so waiting till 9 to do dinner wouldn't have worked for me.

    Only you know your guests and what the norm is for your area/social circle.  If you've been to several weddings where dinner is served at 9, then you should be fine.  However, if most of the weddings in your circle serve dinner by 5 or 6, then I'd say 9 is too late.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_late-late-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf0e2f7-b71c-4bab-a021-d3ba3515f765Post:94e02206-4e59-4fb3-a462-bef775871988">Re: How late is too late for the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I would do dinner choices or something on your RSVP to be totally clear that dinner will be served.  While I personally don't know anyone that routinely eats dinner before 6, it seems that some people would assume that there wouldn't be dinner after a 7:00 ceremony.
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    We had tableside choice at my wedding so no dinner choices in advance. But we used the line "Dinner and dancing to follow" on the invitations. I was pretty sure everyone would assume that, since that's the norm in my crowd, but we wanted to be clear just in case.
  • We are having a 7pm ceremony as well. However, we got around the late dinner issue by having it scheduled as followed.

    6-7: Pre-ceremony cocktails with passed apps
    7-7:30: ceremony
    7:30-8:00: brief cocktail "hour" with stationary apps and open bar while space is flipped
    8:15: WP and B&G entrance, first dance
    8:30: Dinner (buffet style)
    9:15:cake cutting, follwed by drinking and dancing till 11!

    If you can make it work, you should consider a pre-ceremony cocktail hour where guests can nibble since the ceremony is beginning at dinner time

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  • Since your from NY area, I don't think its too late. I feel like hte Northeast is a bit more of a later crowd- reading through these posts.

    I would however, try to have cocktail hr by 730 OR just cut it down to a cocktail half hr.
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  • Oh, I voted for too late but just saw you're in NYC - I think it's probably ok then. But like PP have said, is your ceremony really an hour? Can you do a cocktail half hour intsead? Those would be ways to make things a little earlier if you're worried about it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_late-late-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf0e2f7-b71c-4bab-a021-d3ba3515f765Post:3a8e82ae-a3fa-4a59-a068-a8e9c2b5be19">Re: How late is too late for the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a 7pm ceremony as well. However, we got around the late dinner issue by having it scheduled as followed. 6-7: Pre-ceremony cocktails with passed apps 7-7:30: ceremony 7:30-8:00: brief cocktail "hour" with stationary apps and open bar while space is flipped 8:15: WP and B&G entrance, first dance 8:30: Dinner (buffet style) 9:15:cake cutting, follwed by drinking and dancing till 11! If you can make it work, you should consider a pre-ceremony cocktail hour where guests can nibble since the ceremony is beginning at dinner time
    Posted by pillsburyaj[/QUOTE]

    This is what I was going to mention- passed appetizers before the ceremony. You don't even have to do open bar at this time (my friends would probably get rowdy haha) but could do tea, water and soda or something. maybe write something on the invite about a pre-ceremony cocktail hour (or something saying you will have snacks) And if your wedding is at 7, most people will probably eat a little something beforehand.
  • Is everything at your dad's beach house?  If so, maybe do the cocktail hour before the ceremony.  Then the meal directly after.

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