We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs

VegasCalling

Not wanting to give all of our family members and friends STDs, we just decided to send out our wedding website through email and Facebook messages to family members. 

We're going non-Trad for our wedding anyway, and didn't want the hassle of disseminating STDs when we can easily use modern technology to spread the word and info. 

Additionally, I ended up just posting my wedding website in a Facebook post and invited all 20 people on my profile with a message saying "more the merrier". 

How many ettiquite rules have I broken?

AMYM312

Good thing you didn't give your family STDs. That would be gross.

gananoque

As long as you just sent it to people who are actually invited, there's no problem with it. The facebook problems start around weddings when inconsiderate brides & grooms start sharing details on their wall, etc., knowing full well that they have "friends" who are not invited. If you're just sending personal messages, it's the same as email and I think that's a totally acceptable way to spread info about your website & wedding date. STDs are completely extra and not necessary.

J&K10910

You left out the "this post is stupid" option in your poll.

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:b1d57165-1377-42b3-ac30-6f9d8178e427">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]You left out the "this post is stupid" option in your poll.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Hmm, your response seems unnecessarily mean....</div><div>
</div><div>And rather rude. </div>

J&K10910

Well what's the point in telling you how many etiquette rules you have or haven't broken if you've already done the thing in question?  It's not like you can take it back if you've broken 17 etiquette rules.

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:34ebf1ae-b5b6-47bf-ab72-17fb8e7a05f7">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Hmm, your response seems unnecessarily mean.... And rather rude. 
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]
Yet accurate.  I guess I don't see the point of this post either?  Do you actually care about what ettiquette rules you broke or are you bragging that you did it?

Your post seems very "I know I broke ettiquette and I DON'T CARE!"

VegasCalling

I'm kind of surprised by the responses so far. 

I read in another thread that STDs are a recent and unnecessary extra, and that  just calling or emailing OOT guests is fine. 

Seems to be no firm ettiquite regarding STDs as people are all over the map on the issue. 

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:3e242648-9381-4227-b6b4-e01519edf81b">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm kind of surprised by the responses so far.  <strong>I read in another thread that STDs are a recent and unnecessary extra</strong>, and that  just calling or emailing OOT guests is fine.  Seems to be no firm ettiquite regarding STDs as people are all over the map on the issue. 
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]
This is true but I am in the camp that facebook shouldn't be involved in wedding planning.  You also didn't invite people specifically you just said "the more the merrier" which is fine for backyard BBQ but for a wedding?  Not so much.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:3e242648-9381-4227-b6b4-e01519edf81b">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm kind of surprised by the responses so far.  I read in another thread that STDs are a recent and unnecessary extra, and that  just calling or emailing OOT guests is fine.  Seems to be no firm ettiquite regarding STDs as people are all over the map on the issue. 
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]

Then why did you need to ask about it?

FWIW, I don't think you did anything wrong...though I would have actually done like an e-card STD... If you ONLY sent out the address to your website, that's super weird but I guess I don't think it really breaks any etiquette rules. 

And yes, STDs are completely unnecessary.  But so are wedding websites.  So there's that.

monkeysip

I'm confused.  At first you said you messaged the website to your family (who I assume are invited) on facebook.  That sounds okay to me.  But then it sounded as if you just posted your website right onto your facebook... which sounds like it's opening the door to a bunch of problems.

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:e8fc1744-41d2-401b-b791-58a4a715c8eb">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]Well what's the point in telling you how many etiquette rules you have or haven't broken if you've already done the thing in question?  It's not like you can take it back if you've broken 17 etiquette rules.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Well if you had written this, it would have sufficed... </div><div>
</div><div>The answer is that I'm simply curious. </div><div>
</div><div>It seems that you responded as crudely as possible with no seeming instigation on my part. Shooting your load a little early was pretty unbecoming. </div>

J&K10910

I can't really say that it makes me sad that you find my posting style unbecoming.

Honestly, it seemed like you only posted this to rile people up.  So I guess we're even

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:2bb5e943-640c-4a7f-a06f-740279c8c8df">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm confused.  At first you said you messaged the website to your family (who I assume are invited) on facebook.  That sounds okay to me.  But then it sounded as if you just posted your website right onto your facebook... which sounds like it's opening the door to a bunch of problems.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I did all three of the following: messaged my wedding website through Facebook, emailed my website to non-Facebook family members, and then posted my wedding website link directly to the newsfeed. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm considering taking down the Facebook post if it really is just that tacky. But then again, I only have 20 non-family-member Facebook friends, so maybe I shouldn't care. The other 21 Facebook friends are family members who knew already anyway. </div>

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:119cb6e9-2940-4b0b-8f13-dd3e7706b74e">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Well if you had written this, it would have sufficed...  The answer is that I'm simply curious.  It seems that you responded as crudely as possible with no seeming instigation on my part. Shooting your load a little early was pretty unbecoming. 
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]

I'm bored

J&K10910

By posting it on your profile, you now have to invite every single FB friend you have, and any that are added between now and the wedding that can see it.  But even if you take it down, I'd still do that, because you have no idea how many of them have seen it.

divinemsbee

OK, so from what I can remember of the post you DD'd yesterday, you've said that most of your and your FI's family isn't coming because your wedding is in Vegas and you were feeling pretty bummed about it. Are you maybe doing this because you want to make up numbers from all the people that weren't going to come? As long as you're prepared for something like "the more the merrier" to lead to friends of friends, and the website being shared, then, I guess, you've done that. It's not correct by any means, but you've done it. And the etiquette states that STD=Invitation, so if you're counting this as your STD, then you may end up with more than you bargained for.

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:d45ede13-3021-49e3-9bc2-b7cbe4f32cf0">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]Calling or e-mailing if perfectly fine.  Posting it on facebook for all the world to see is not.  I can't tell you the number of brides who have gotten themselves into trouble with friends and family by posting their wedding plans on facebook.  I sincerely hope that it doesn't come back to haunt you.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Hmm...I didn't mention yet that I've actually posted about 10 times with various details about the location, venue, reception, theme, colors, possible dress, and afterparty plans... All of this was in the last several weeks before posting the wedding website link with a "more the merrier". I figured the biggest ettiquite rule I broke was basically that everyone not yet invited would know that they are backup invitees...</div><div>
</div>

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:fd932644-b75a-4d67-9602-9b2a0cbaadef">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, so from what I can remember of the post you DD'd yesterday, you've said that most of your and your FI's family isn't coming because your wedding is in Vegas and you were feeling pretty bummed about it. Are you maybe doing this because you want to make up numbers from all the people that weren't going to come? As long as you're prepared for something like "the more the merrier" to lead to friends of friends, and the website being shared, then, I guess, you've done that. It's not correct by any means, but you've done it. And the etiquette states that STD=Invitation, so if you're counting this as your STD, then you may end up with more than you bargained for.
Posted by divinemsbee[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah that's exactly what happened. I figured that if a lot of family members weren't going to come, that I'd just invite all of the Tier 2 people (non family members) en masse, knowing that they probably won't come anyway due to the destination expenses. I worded it so that it would be clear that the people on my profile were invited rather than anyone out there that happens to come across it. So it was a more calculated thought of "sure, even if all 20 came, I could afford them anyway" kind of thing. 

</div>

ootmother2

Fabulous!  That B list is almost a klassy as your emailed STDs.  Congratulations

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:a9dbb284-9c10-451c-87a0-666e91c1661a">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Like a B list?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yes, that would be the correct terminology: "B list". </div><div>
</div><div>Although, by no means do I not want them there. Hell, if every single one of them came, they'd actually make for a much more interesting an exciting occasion that old stuffy family members. </div>

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:0939f8c4-ab7c-4b90-8317-06a916390ca8">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]Fabulous!  That B list is almost a klassy as your emailed STDs.  Congratulations
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Well, the thing I've noticed about most weddings and the traditions is that most people are trying to present themselves as being from a much higher socioeconomic status than they actually are. </div><div>
</div><div>All of the frou-frou STDs and invitations, the inviting 200 people that you barely know, the throwing a $30k party when the combined income of the couple is more likely around $45-$60k, etc. etc..</div><div>
</div><div>It all seems more tacky because it's obvious that most of the people doing it all are solidly middle class and trying to be something they aren't. It's like the groom who wears a top hat and brandishes a cane: everyone knows he's just going "over the top" with his attire because he thinks it will be the last time he dresses up. </div><div>
</div><div>I especially don't get all of the paper stuff. I mean really, who uses snail mail for correspondence under 40 years old?</div>

J&K10910

So....how will they RSVP?

This is getting weirder and weirder.

Hilraythebride

I sent out save the dates because we are having and OOT wedding and most people will have to travel at least an hour.  Our reception will be around 5PM so many people are renting a hotel.  I wanted them to have the information to book early because it is a peak weekend in the town.

I also posted my wedding website on FB but I hid where the reception is so that unless you are invited you won't have the password.  I feel that I want people to look at our wedding story and if they want to come to the ceremony it is at a church so they are welcome.

I personally wouldn't send a STD in that matter but I would be confused to as who is invited if I just saw something that said "the more the merrier," it just doesn't seem like though has been put into it in terms of who is coming, more of a whoever CAN come.

I also wouldn't post detailed information on my FB page about all the details but that is because I don't want people to pester me about it.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:df4f74ce-b1a5-40c9-a15b-4ea3b55f163e">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Well, the thing I've noticed about most weddings and the traditions is that most people are trying to present themselves as being from a much higher socioeconomic status than they actually are.  All of the frou-frou STDs and invitations, the inviting 200 people that you barely know, the throwing a $30k party when the combined income of the couple is more likely around $45-$60k, etc. etc.. It all seems more tacky because it's obvious that most of the people doing it all are solidly middle class and trying to be something they aren't. It's like the groom who wears a top hat and brandishes a cane: everyone knows he's just going "over the top" with his attire because he thinks it will be the last time he dresses up.  I especially don't get all of the paper stuff. I mean really, who uses snail mail for correspondence under 40 years old?
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>What did any of that have to do with anything?</div><div>
</div><div>You sound awfully judgy for not having a regard to etiquette.  No one said that you should throw a lavish wedding or invite too many people.  

</div>

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:a08bc477-7ff7-4779-b109-876cf58f893a">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Then why wouldn't you just invite them along with everyone else on the first list?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I probably should have. I went back and forth about how many people I wanted there, so the A-list was family-only. </div>

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:ad2eb2ef-f8d3-48b3-89c4-f282befed9d9">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]So....how will they RSVP? This is getting weirder and weirder.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Word of mouth. Via facebook, email, phone, text, etc..</div>

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:ff4af15f-8f21-4e1c-abdf-c6f3770d66a8">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Word of mouth. Via facebook, email, phone, text, etc..
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]

This is going to be a disaster.  And I'm not saying that to be mean.  I'm saying it to try to help you.  You will very likely regret this.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:df4f74ce-b1a5-40c9-a15b-4ea3b55f163e">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs : Well, the thing I've noticed about most weddings and the traditions is that most people are trying to present themselves as being from a much higher socioeconomic status than they actually are.  All of the frou-frou STDs and invitations, the inviting 200 people that you barely know, the throwing a $30k party when the combined income of the couple is more likely around $45-$60k, etc. etc.. It all seems more tacky because it's obvious that most of the people doing it all are solidly middle class and trying to be something they aren't. It's like the groom who wears a top hat and brandishes a cane: everyone knows he's just going "over the top" with his attire because he thinks it will be the last time he dresses up.  I especially don't get all of the paper stuff. I mean really, who uses snail mail for correspondence under 40 years old?
Posted by VegasCalling[/QUOTE]

lolz, you can rest easy now as we didn't try to act solidly middle class for sure

mbody

OP you posted last night that you are planning on having a Vegas DW and you are (maybe were now) upset that a lot of family wouldn't be making it. Are you posting this on facebook just to have more people there? Also, are you hosting a reception? b/c if you are, you'll probably need to have a solid number of RSVPs- and getting them word of mouth, facebook, e-mail, ect. just doesn't seem like it will cut it. But I think you're pretty set so I'm not sure what exactly you were trying to get/learn out of this post. 

VegasCalling

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-sent-our-wedding-website-in-facebook-messages-and-in-emails-in-lieu-of-stds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bf826ad-865a-4006-bc83-e14dce70fba9Post:298a4814-6275-4651-9e7a-112b6223ae4e">Re: We sent our wedding website in Facebook messages and in emails in lieu of STDs</a>:
[QUOTE]It is not polite to discuss a party you are throwing with someone who is not invited to that party. This is the etiquette rule that you broke, and it is an important one. By posting your wedding plans on a public site like facebook, you are basically saying, "Look at the big wedding I am having!" to thousands of people who are not invited. [/QUOTE]<div>Well, only 20 people who were reading my Facebook posts about the wedding weren't invited. But I can see what you mean. I guess even if it's a small number of people reading my posts and feeling excluded, it's still not very nice.
<div>[QUOTE] This is the etiquette board.  You are welcome to post here for etiquette advice.  I get the feeling that you don't really want any advice.  You are not accepting any of the good advice that you have been given, and you seem to have a hostile attitude.  I don't understand why you posted this at all.</div><div>[/QUOTE]  No no, I am genuinely interested in people's perspective on etiquette, even if I don't agree.</div><div>[QUOTE]  I think you are a snob to judge other people like you did in your last post.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE] Well, perhaps you are right. But it seems that most of what people do regarding wedding etiquette comes across as a desperate attempt to present a much higher class standing than they are. I can't help but notice. It's like "Yeah, who are you kidding?" to see the formal 20-component wedding invites, etc. </div><div>

</div></div>