Who is the host of my wedding?

sari9912

I'm starting to draft my invitations. I always assumed that my parents were the host they have paid for about 2/3ish of the wedding. My FI and I and future in-laws are paying for the rest. Anyway, my family parents pretty much gave us the money and told us we could plan what we wanted and they would be here to help if we wanted/needed because they had an awful wedding because there families were so involved. I'm really really grateful for everything my parents have done for us, they have been wonderful. My future in laws have been very involved in the planning aspect of the wedding and micromanaging. 

To be honest, I don't know what makes someone the host. I know that it is not an honor to be on the invitation but I'm worried that my future in-laws will be really offended if they are not. I also do not feel like "together with there families is appoprate. 

I'm not sure which one we should use

Dr. and Mrs. Bridesparents

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Bride's Name

to

Groom's Name

Date

time

Venue

Address

City, State

or

Dr. and Mrs. Bridesparents

Mr. and Mrs. Groomsparents

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Bride's Name

to

Groom's Name

Date

time

Venue

Address

City, State

or (I don't normally like this but I think it is a compromise)

Dr. and Mrs. Bridesparents

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Bride's Name

to

Groom's Name 

son of Mr. and Mrs. Groomsparents

Date

time

Venue

Address

City, State

itzMS

Disclosure: The wording I used was NOT traditional from an etiquette standpoint, but all of our parents wanted to be on the invitation by name and we all shared costs. It wasn't worth fighting the etiquette fight.

Bride's Name

and

Groom's Name 

Together with their families

Mr and Mrs Bridesparents
Mr and Mrs Groomsparents

Request the pleasure of your company
at the celebration of their marriage
Date

time

Venue

Address

City, State

AddieCake

Another vote for "Together with their families!"

ericaandtom2012

We went with "together with their parents".  Both sets of parents contributed, but H and I were the ones "hosting" (meaning we did all the planning and received all the RSVPs, etc.).  We thought about trying to list all the parent names, but it looked cluttered.  If neither set of parents really cares about having their names listed, go with "together with their parents/families".

bopple321

I honestly think I would go with "together with their families."  Otherwise, I'd be listing my mom, her husband, my dad, his wife, FI's mom, his dad, and his wife.  HOLY CLUTER!  I don't think you should leave a parent off of the invitation simply because they contributed less than another.  I see your point with the official definition of "host" but that's really only going to lead to hurt feelings.  You need to get along with these people and, in the long run, you won't care how many parents were on your invitations.  Why do you say you feel "together with their families" is inappropriate?

JoanE2012

We did this.  My parents paid for the venue.  FI and I pretty much paid for everything else.  We kept it traditional, but wanted to mention his parents.

Dr. and Mrs. Bridesparents

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Bride's Name

to

Groom's Name

son of Mr. and Mrs. Groomsparents

Date

time

Venue

Address

City, State

hoffse

Host is a loose definition, but a (very) general rule of thumb is that the host should receive RSVPs.  I wouldn't say that receiving RSVPs is what makes you the host - just that it's one of the duties of a host, and that's one way to figure out who at least one host is when it's unclear.

We are going with the first for ours.  I am planning it, but my mom is doing a lot of the implementation for me because it's in my hometown (where my parents lives) rather than where I currently live.  They are also receiving the RSVPs and are footing the bill for the majority of it.  It's a social norm in my circle for parents to be the hosts rather than the couple (old fashioned, I know), so we are sticking with it even though all the plans are really mine (and to a lesser extent my FI - he doesn't really care as long as the "final objective is accomplished").  I would feel weird being on the invitation, personally, but that's probably because I see "together with their famillies" maybe 10-20% of the time.  I've never actually seen the groom's parents anywhere on an invitation.  It's almost always the bride's parents who are listed as hosts in my circle.

OP, I think in your case it can be whoever you want.  I have seen RSVPs go to the couple when the invitations say the parents are hosting, and I do actually notice it - I find it mismatched - but I'm sure I'm probably in the slim minority on that one.  

Kristin789

Totally agree with CMGr on this.

Why do you think the groom's parents go on this invitation?  If your parents were hosting a dinner party and your FI and his parents were coming, would you put FI's parents' names on the invitation?  Of course not.  The invitation comes from the hosts, and the hosts of your wedding are your parents.

Now the groom's parents host the RD, and so the groom's parents' names go on the top line of the RD invitation.