Shower Gifts

mbuckley85

My shower invites were just sent out last week and I already received one gift from someone unable to attend, which was given to my FMIL for her to give to me.  She was going to bring it to the shower, but instead handed it to me to take home, since I am having a shower with 90+ women invited and I'm a slow gift opener.  She seemed like she thought I should wait until the shower day to open the gift, but I was hoping to open it now since I can get the Thank you note done ahead of time, instead of grouping it with the other shower thank you notes.

Would it be inappropriate to open the gift now and write the thank you note?  I can send the thank you with the rest of the thank you notes, right?

Or should I not open it until the shower?

ETA: My shower is July 29th

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-gifts-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d8eda8d-713d-4f8e-be01-5f3bf4fe0cadPost:324f67a0-e510-4290-85bc-cfb250b5720e">Re: Shower Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Unwrap the gift and send the thank you note now, don't use the gift until after the wedding.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
This. 
It will let your FMIL's friend know you recieved it since your shower is still almost a month away.

andrea2473

90 people?!  Wow.

If she wants you to wait, then you should wait.  I mean, what's one more present going to hurt?   Otherwise, it is acceptable to open it ahead of time and send your thank you.  

Kate61487

I think you could go either way on this one.  When a gift is sent to your home / given directly to you I absolutely think you should open it and write the TY right away.  However, in this instance it sounds like maybe the giver intended for you to receive the gift AT your shower, so maybe FMIL doesn't want you to open it yet b/c she doesn't want the giver to know that she didn't follow directions and gave it early.  I know my mom received a couple of gifts for my shower that she was asked to bring to the shower so I could open them with everything else. 

mbuckley85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-gifts-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d8eda8d-713d-4f8e-be01-5f3bf4fe0cadPost:ca1d5a7d-f15f-4cb9-bf48-5788007ae2ee">Re: Shower Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you could go either way on this one.  When a gift is sent to your home / given directly to you I absolutely think you should open it and write the TY right away.  However, in this instance it sounds like maybe the giver intended for you to receive the gift AT your shower, so maybe FMIL doesn't want you to open it yet b/c she doesn't want the giver to know that she didn't follow directions and gave it early.  I know my mom received a couple of gifts for my shower that she was asked to bring to the shower so I could open them with everything else. 
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, that's the confusing part!  I know that if I had received it in the mail I would have just opened it and sent the thank you without thinking but because of the way in which it was given to me, now I'm confused.  I certainly won't be bringing it to the shower since we only have the room for three hours and between eating/socializing/games or whatever they are planning, I don't want gift opening to take forever!  </div><div>
</div><div>I have a feeling the reason things were done in this way versus her just having the gift sent to me is the age of the gift giver.  FI's parents (and therefore friends) are in their sixties for the most part, if not older (FI is the youngest and his sisters were 14 and 17 when he was born!!).  Its entirely possible this woman is not tech savvy at all and went directly to the store to buy the gift instead of having it shipped directly to me.

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mbuckley85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-gifts-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3d8eda8d-713d-4f8e-be01-5f3bf4fe0cadPost:b3bad62d-609c-4231-980b-044c20a2b906">Re: Shower Gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>90 people?!  Wow.</strong> If she wants you to wait, then you should wait.  I mean, what's one more present going to hurt?   Otherwise, it is acceptable to open it ahead of time and send your thank you.  
Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I know...90 invitations went out, plus an additional 7 or so for people under 18 that live at home and were on the invite with their mothers.  This whole wedding thing is outta control!  I actually didn't invite a couple of people from my side, mainly co-workers and some out of town people who aren't extremely close to me and I know that my FMIL took off a lot of people who were from out of the area from her list.</div><div>
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Meegles4

I know people who have had that many people at their wedding or baby showers, including my SIL. Many people in our circle come from huge families and choose to do one shower that encompasses family and friends as opposed to having several smaller showers.

I think it's weird your FMIL would give you the gift early, knowing you're having so many people at the shower and you're a slow gift opener. So, in theory that means she wants you to open it now so you're not taking time at the shower. But then she wants you to wait? Then why the heck didn't she just bring the gift to the shower?

I'm in the camp of opening the thing now. The gift-giver will want to know you received the gift and waiting over a month to send a thank you for something given now seems odd.

Ditto PPs on the not using it before the wedding thing.

mbuckley85

I will open it now, I guess. Knowing myself, I need to get the thank you done so it doesn't get lost in the shuffle. I doubt the gift giver cares whether it get opened now or at the shower, I'm more thinking it's FMILs idea. I agree, it would be nice to bring to the shower, but impractical given time constraints and really, transport it there and back? That seems kind of silly! Its killing me but I think I'll wait until FI gets home bc I need him to explain who the gift giver is. I've only met about 50 of the people from his side and of those that I have met about half I've only met a handful of times! It makes it all so confusing!