Wedding Etiquette Forum
Options

sibling wedding date rivals

My siser, 33, has a 2 year old and her husband to be has an 11 year old from someone else.  They have been together for years and got engaged last Christams.  Her original date was Oct. 27.  A few months ago, she moved it up to Sept 4.   I have always wanted a summer wedding and so does my fiance.  I'm also 36 1/2 and we'd like to have kids right after the wedding.  I am also a teacher and can't afford to take a week of work off unpaid.  So, we want to get married July 24, which would be before my sister.  However, my sister and my family are not approving of this!  They said Fall or next summer.  We said we can help our financially too.  Baisclly, this entire process should be fun, exciting, and enjoyable, but it's becoming nothing but tears and stress.  What are your thoughts?  Am I being unreasonable?   I think we have waited this long and should be able to have the wedding we'd like as well.  It shouldn't have to completely revolve around someone else!  Please help!  This is tearing me up inside!
«1

Re: sibling wedding date rivals

  • Options
    I hope you dont teach english.
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sibling-wedding-date-rivals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e57adab-922f-4671-b4e0-316e52b41ff4Post:b6d0d56b-92d6-4906-9feb-562be93d5b12">sibling wedding date rivals</a>:
    [QUOTE] They said Fall or next summer.  We said we can help our financially too.  Posted by hubjen[/QUOTE]
    Wait. You are over 36, and you still expect Mommy and Daddy to pay for your wedding?
  • Options
    I can understand why they would say that. Financially and time-wise, 2 weddings that close together can really be a burden, no matter who is actually paying for the wedding. If your parents are paying for any of either of the weddings, I completely understand their opinion. If there is travel involved for anyone, that makes it even harder.

    However, I also understand why you would want that date, and agree that you can't make everyone happy when choosing a date and planning your wedding. I would be frustrated too, just I guess try to calmly explain your reasoning, do your best to explain how you would make it as convenient as possible for everyone to have to buy gifts, outfits, and travel expenses for 2 weddings in 2 weeks, and see if you can come to an agreement.

    Could you do it any earlier in the summer?
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
    image
    Married
    Planning
  • Options
    1.  I thought people stopped adding 1/2 on to their age when they were in their teens.

    2.  July and Sept are far enough apart and they are being unreasonable. 

    3.  If you truly want them to have no say, then don't accept any money from them.  I'm confused as to who is helping out whom  in this situation.

    4.  As a teacher, I understand wanting to get married in the summer, but there are plenty of people that getting married mid year - it's not a requirement to take off a week or to go on a HM right after.  Also, you can talk to your principal and see if they'll let you use sick time so that it's not unpaid.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Options
    You're such a thunder stealer!

    Nah. I think your family and your sister are being immature. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold just because of their plans.

    That being said, if it's really causing a lot of conflict and resentment in your family, at least try to explain to them your reasons for wanting your date, and emphasize that you're doing it for YOUR reasons, NOT for the sake of dampening their plans. I hope that they eventually see how ridiculous it would be to hold resentment over this. Otherwise you may have to accept some negativity at your wedding or worse, them not showing up. How would you feel about eloping? Smile
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker
    Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
  • Options
    Those dates are not too close together and you have every right to get married before your sister, even if they are already starting to plan before you are.  However, if the problem with the family is about financial stuff of them footing the bill for your wedding, you should just not accept any money from them for it.

    For example, I had been planning my wedding for a year, my sister announced her engagements 2 months before my wedding and got married 3 weeks later.  They did it JOP style and didn't have family or anyone from OOT, just how they wanted it.  No one was put out by this.  I don't see how 2 months apart is too close for your and your sibling's weddings.
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sibling-wedding-date-rivals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e57adab-922f-4671-b4e0-316e52b41ff4Post:b6d0d56b-92d6-4906-9feb-562be93d5b12">sibling wedding date rivals</a>:
    [QUOTE]My siser, 33, has a 2 year old and her husband to be has an 11 year old from someone else.  They have been together for years and got engaged last Christams.  Her original date was Oct. 27.  A few months ago, she moved it up to Sept 4.   I have always wanted a summer wedding and so does my fiance.  I'm also 36 1/2 and we'd like to have kids right after the wedding.  I am also a teacher and can't afford to take a week of work off unpaid.  So, we want to get married July 24, which would be before my sister.  However, my sister and my family are not approving of this!  They said Fall or next summer.  We said we can help our financially too.  Baisclly, this entire process should be fun, exciting, and enjoyable, but it's becoming nothing but tears and stress.  What are your thoughts?  Am I being unreasonable?   I think we have waited this long and should be able to have the wedding we'd like as well.  It shouldn't have to completely revolve around someone else!  Please help!  This is tearing me up inside!
    Posted by hubjen[/QUOTE]

    I don't know anyone over the age of 12 who adds a 1/2 to their age.  Or who expects mom and dad to pay for their wedding.

    Did you have your date set before they changed their date?  If so, then you shouldn't be guilted into changing yours because they changed theirs afterwards.  Stick to the date you want.  Pay for the wedding yourself, so it won't be as much of a burden on your parents to pay for two weddings in short order.  That can be pretty difficult, and if you already had a date then your sister should have considered that before moving HER date.

    If you picked it after they moved theirs up, it's kind of tight for family, but it's still workable.  As above, pay for it yourself to move the burden.  Or move it earlier in the summer.  Or do it in the spring and go on a honeymoon in the summer if that's why you need a week off to do it.

    You each both get one day, neither one can monopolize a week or month for the wedding.
  • Options
    Get married in July.  It will be fine.

    It sounds like their problem is money.  I can see how your parents wouldn't be able to pay for both of your weddings that quickly.  At 36 1/2, you shouldn't be relying on your parents for money.
  • Options
    Oh. THAT's what you mean about "helping our financially" - I was confused. Yeah. You gotta pay for your own wedding. Then plan what you want.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker
    Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
  • Options
    If your parents are paying for your wedding, they have every right to tell you when is a good time for them to shell out the cash. If you want to have complete control over your date, pay for the wedding yourself. You're too old to be accepting money from your parents, especially when it's obviously difficult for them to pay for two weddings close together. Why not rid them of their stress and pay for the wedding yourself?
    Photobucket
  • Options
    Pay for your own wedding and stop adding 1/2 to your age.
  • Options
    The title of this post makes me think the only way to settle this is with a boxing match. 
    image
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Options
    My friend and her sister got engaged around the same time and ended up having their weddings the same day. Her sister got married in the morning, my friend's was in the afternoon, and then they had one reception for both. This made things much easier on all family attending, nobody was asked to travel twice in a period of months, and probably saved a ton of money too. It worked out really nicely.
  • Options
    Ha somehow I thought July and Sept were 2 weeks apart. My bad. Yeah then I don't think they're that close unless you guys expect your parents to pay for both, then that is way too close still. Even if they're only paying for part, that can be a real burden.
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
    image
    Married
    Planning
  • Options
    We didn't get a troll for Christmas, did we?

    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sibling-wedding-date-rivals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e57adab-922f-4671-b4e0-316e52b41ff4Post:9fd5916b-2e3a-48dd-b36a-7556def06a49">Re: sibling wedding date rivals</a>:
    [QUOTE]My friend and her sister got engaged around the same time and ended up having their weddings the same day. Her sister got married in the morning, my friend's was in the afternoon, and then they had one reception for both. This made things much easier on all family attending, nobody was asked to travel twice in a period of months, and probably saved a ton of money too. It worked out really nicely.
    Posted by SparrowSong[/QUOTE]

    I like this idea.  I honestly don't see the huge deal about having a whole day all to yourself to be the center of attention.  I'd have no problem sharing a wedding day with my sister if it really reduced the financial and travel strain on our family.

    Maybe I'm missing a bride gene or an AW gene, but meh.
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sibling-wedding-date-rivals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e57adab-922f-4671-b4e0-316e52b41ff4Post:988e1591-4324-40f7-8f16-1e9ded2369e3">Re: sibling wedding date rivals</a>:
    [QUOTE]We didn't get a troll for Christmas, did we?
    Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

    A real troll would have come back to play.

    Worst Christmas gift EVAR.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Options
    I guess it's because we were all such bad knotties this year.  It's our coal.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Options
    I could barely read that.
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • Options
    Maybe we'll all understand when we're 36 1/2.
    image
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sibling-wedding-date-rivals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e57adab-922f-4671-b4e0-316e52b41ff4Post:a6479a45-530e-4a82-8fab-49cfe905bd7e">Re: sibling wedding date rivals</a>:
    [QUOTE]The title of this post makes me think the only way to settle this is with a boxing match. 
    Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]

    I'd watch it.
    Crosswalk
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sibling-wedding-date-rivals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e57adab-922f-4671-b4e0-316e52b41ff4Post:28a72a29-f262-4de1-9dd3-8b32b42a6de5">Re: sibling wedding date rivals</a>:
    [QUOTE]I could barely read that.
    Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

    agreed.  But maybe it's because I'm 30 1/3.
  • Options
    Well Anna, I was totally lost because I'm 23 and 11/12ths.
    my read shelf:
    Amber Lea's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) imageTell Me A Tale
  • Options
    I'm 31 and 1/12th, but I'm growing a baby, so do I add its age to mine? 

    :confused::
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Options
    I just turned 36 12 days ago so I guess I have another 5.5 months to go until the magical moment of understanding decends upon me.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sibling-wedding-date-rivals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e57adab-922f-4671-b4e0-316e52b41ff4Post:59ce1561-0cb0-49bf-af7b-9e78d3b47fc0">Re: sibling wedding date rivals</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm 31 and 1/12th, but I'm growing a baby, so do I add its age to mine?  ::confused::
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

    You do indeed!
  • Options
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sibling-wedding-date-rivals?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e57adab-922f-4671-b4e0-316e52b41ff4Post:14c9b872-fc97-421b-b5f0-f1af542e20eb">Re: sibling wedding date rivals</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: sibling wedding date rivals : You do indeed!
    Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

    That's too much math for me.
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Options
    You're just closer to the enlightenment age.  That is all you need to know, Sucrets.
    my read shelf:
    Amber Lea's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf) imageTell Me A Tale
  • Options
    The day after Christmas I will be EXACTLY 23 and 1/2.  At 6:06 AM.  I'm having a big party, and if anyone doesn't come, I'm going to throw a fit and cry and ruin the party.  They better bring me presents too.  Christmas presents AND half birthday presents.  Biitches.
  • Options
    Hi, I'm Brooke! I'll be 28 1/2 in 3 3/4 days! Very exciting!! You should totally biitch slap your sister for even considering getting married in the same calendar year as you. Just tell your parents to give you the money and plan what you want. ooooh, you should do a theme! And I think your English is great! It must be hard learning a second language!! Yay, brides!!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards