Photos on social networks.

Elleana

Hello,

We want our wedding to be private and only shared with close family and friends, the people *we* choose basically...

So, how can we ask our guests not to post pictures of our wedding on Facebook, My Space, and such without sounding like real snobs (maybe we really are, but we still love our privacy)?

And btw, what's your opinion on this?

shaydenise

You have no control over what people post on facebook and the like.  If it bugs you, delete them as friends so they can't tag you?  I suppose you could tell your guests your photographer doesn't allow others taking pictures while they are present, but that's lying to your guests...

baystateapple

I honestly love seeing photos that other people took during the wedding, and I can't wait to see what our guests have after we get married.  I wouldn't care.

Unfortunately, you can't regulate what your guests put on FB.  The only thing you can do is, as PP said, de-friend those people so they can't tag you -- OR you can personally un-tag yourself from all of the pictures.  But they will still be up.

SaraAndrew2010

Trying to tell your friends not to post pictures on facebook is really controlling.  Untag yourself from photos if you want, but I don't understand why it matters so much if other people see pictures of your wedding.

heyimbren

Some venues have rules about taking pictures during the ceremony. Any chance yours might?

I don't see many people take photos of the bride and groom during the reception, it's usually just photos of themselves and family/friends. If it's people you're close to I suppose you could just talk to them privately and mention that you'd appreciate it.

EDIT: OP, are you going to post photos on facebook or anything like that yourself? I know that facebook actually gets the rights to any photos you put up on facebook so I do know that it bothers a lot of people to have their image on FB (if they don't already have FB themselves).

FutureMrsTR

Are you in the witness protection program?  Because that would be a valid reason to ask people not to post them.  Of course, if you tell them you're in the program that's a problem.  Hmmm...

golden1215

Like PP said, you really cant tell people what to do with their photos.  It's of you, but you are inviting them into your day so once they snap a shot, they own that photo.  You can untag yourself or unfriend them if its a huge deal but that won't stop them from posting the photos, you just won't be able to see them and see what people comment.

A little taste of what celebrities go through daily... we live in a digital age my friend, it is what it is.

xyrius

I've had one person ask me after the fact to take down pictures of a party we had (a party in which she was in the photos) - and I took them down right away.  I don't see the problem asking them after the fact if you notice they've posted some pictures of you, as long as you do it politely. 

Also, if you have photosharing cards - you can ask them to upload their photos to a photo sharing site that you have access to - and then at least they would be able to share their photos in a less public venue.

Since my friend asked me to take her pictures down tha tone time, I now ask permission before I post photos of my friends on facebook - which I think is the polite thing to do anyway. 

marissa_claire

You can comfortably say no photography during certain times.  I've seen a number of programs that request no photography due to flashes OR I actually looked at a church that didn't allow photography during the ceremony.  

If they do happen to take photos and post on FB, I would just send them a PM after the fact and kindly ask that they take it down.  I had a friend recently put up pics of me drinking and I asked her nicely to take them down because my employer monitors my profile and she didn't care at all, just wanted to share her own fun times.

xyrius

marissa - why does your employer monitor your profile?

squirrly

You can ask them to remove the photos after the fact, or untag yourself, but that's really it.  You can't really dictate what people post that you're NOT in, though. 

You might want to check your privacy settings - I don't believe you can control photos other people post if you're tagged, but anything is possible.

AliGirl11

There is a way to make tagged pictures of yourself private so that only you can see them.  Of course, anyone who is friends with the person who posted the pictures will still be able to see them, but people who are just friends with you won't be able to, and they won't link to your page.  That's what I did right before our wedding just so I could edit the tags before the majority of people saw them (i.e., untag myself in any unflattering photos...haha).  But, like PPs, I was super excited to see my family and friends' pics and didn't mind for them to post them. 

golden1215

Even if your employer monitors your profile, its your wedding day.  Does anyone really think they'd get in trouble for partying it up on their wedding day?  If so, start looking for a new employer asap.

kristinanddan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_photos-social-networks-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40163f68-00f5-47b5-953b-fbaee93f0671Post:e354fb50-9ccf-4c27-9bc6-9773f3955e83">Re: Photos on social networks.</a>:
[QUOTE]You can comfortably say no photography during certain times.  I've seen a number of programs that request no photography due to flashes OR I actually looked at a church that didn't allow photography during the ceremony.   If they do happen to take photos and post on FB, I would just send them a PM after the fact and kindly ask that they take it down.  I had a friend recently put up pics of me drinking and I asked her nicely to take them down because my employer monitors my profile and she didn't care at all, just wanted to share her own fun times.
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]

Why don't you limit what your employer sees on your page? You don't have to give everyone access to everything.

marissa_claire

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_photos-social-networks-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40163f68-00f5-47b5-953b-fbaee93f0671Post:2b667ec8-e181-46c5-818d-e3a547e0dbec">Re: Photos on social networks.</a>:
[QUOTE]Even if your employer monitors your profile, its your wedding day.  Does anyone really think they'd get in trouble for partying it up on their wedding day?  If so, start looking for a new employer asap.
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1 - I know a lot of employers watch their employee's FB accounts, so I don't think it's all that bizarre.</div><div>
</div><div>2 - It wasn't my wedding day.  And I should have clarified that it wasn't my current employer but a former employer at a university where drinking rules are fairly strict, so people in management positions could have sanctions depending on the circumstances.  I took all photos of me imbibing off of FB and asked my friends to do the same just to be on the safe side.</div><div>
</div><div>While social networking etiquette doesn't appear to exist yet, fact of the matter is there are a lot of people who are very uncomfortable with having photos out there that they didn't take and they didn't choose to share with people.  I think others should be sensitive to the fact that there's a lot of circumstances where you might not want your photos all over the Internet.  If she wants her wedding to be shared with guests only, then I think it's rude for guests to go out and share her occasion with everyone else.  

</div>

Calypso1977

welcome to the digital era.

even if you dont have FB, there is nothign to stop people from putting pictures of you on their pages.  or anywhere else on the internet for that matter.

given my job in government, i make an effort to not put myself in any situations where i'm engaging in illegal behavior or in a setting where others may be engaging in legal behavior.  i also make an effort to not get stupidly drunk in a place where pics of me might get taken.  you never know where stuff ends up.

that said, i cant imagine what would be so embarrassing or illegal about your wedding that could possibly result in negative results at work.

golden1215

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_photos-social-networks-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40163f68-00f5-47b5-953b-fbaee93f0671Post:322a3233-4414-48de-9119-49b2e3248a51">Re: Photos on social networks.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Photos on social networks. : 1 - I know a lot of employers watch their employee's FB accounts, so I don't think it's all that bizarre. 2 - <strong>It wasn't my wedding day.</strong>  And I should have clarified that it wasn't my current employer but a former employer at a university where drinking rules are fairly strict, so people in management positions could have sanctions depending on the circumstances.  I took all photos of me imbibing off of FB and asked my friends to do the same just to be on the safe side. While social networking etiquette doesn't appear to exist yet, fact of the matter is there are a lot of people who are very uncomfortable with having photos out there that they didn't take and they didn't choose to share with people.  I think others should be sensitive to the fact that there's a lot of circumstances where you might not want your photos all over the Internet.  If she wants her wedding to be shared with guests only, then I think it's rude for guests to go out and share her occasion with everyone else.  
Posted by marissa_claire[/QUOTE]

so again I say, if you actually have a job get mad at you for drinking ON YOUR WEDDING DAY (unless you're mormon or something) start looking for a new job.

Or like someone else above said, just don't add your boss(es) or co-workers as friends.  Easy as that.  They can't MAKE you friend them on a social networking site.

marissa_claire

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_photos-social-networks-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40163f68-00f5-47b5-953b-fbaee93f0671Post:bdfdf095-02fc-4bab-84a8-049786ae0977">Re: Photos on social networks.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Photos on social networks. : so again I say, if you actually have a job get mad at you for drinking ON YOUR WEDDING DAY (unless you're mormon or something) start looking for a new job. Or like someone else above said, just don't add your boss(es) or co-workers as friends.  Easy as that.  They can't MAKE you friend them on a social networking site.
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Are you directing this at me or OP?  Because OP said she didn't want her photos online due to privacy.  I don't actually have an employer that would get mad at someone for drinking on their wedding day.... so I'm not sure what you're getting at. In my former job, they would have been upset if I had been drinking at certain places with certain people, so that was the issue at hand.</div><div>
</div><div>And there are plenty of things aside from pictures that employers monitor.  If you go home every night and tweet about how much you hate your job, you are announcing it to the public and people have been fired for those things.  There are tons of stories in the news about how employers now monitor their employee's social media because it's public info.  I'm surprised everyone thinks it's so bizarre.  

</div>

opalsky007

This isn't the first time I've seen this asked, but I'm still in disbelief. We were THRILLED to have friends and family sharing photos on facebook and on our photosharing site. We didn't get our professional photos for 4 months, and they weren't great when they did arrive. I was extremely grateful to the people who took pictures and shared.

I get wanting to have a private, intimate wedding, but never allowing anyone else to see pictures? I don't understand. If you want to encourage guests to share photos with you on a sharing site, that might be a way to encourage them to use it instead of a social media site. But people are always going to post stuff to social media sites. They just do.

Calypso1977

even if she doesnt add her bosses, often times you can still view someone's friend list (unless you block it) even if you arent their friend.  all they would have to do is click on some of those friends pages and they can see stuff.  i'm still amazed at how many open profiles people have.

golden1215

marissa_claire - not directing at anyone, just saying if an employer gets mad over celebrating on your wedding day I think its very overbearing of the employer.  They control your work life, not your entire life.  As long as you are not doing things illegally or going around wearing your work shirt while getting trashed I dont think they should have any say in your social life. 

And OP- are you getting married in a church?  Because those are public places.  A random guy could come sit in on your ceremony and you cant really stop him.

sep72fendr

Ahahaha Marissa, it sounds like you were in ResLife. I had to moniter my facebook and make a lot of things private when I was an RA for a University. I also couldn't add residents to my normal page or anything until after they were no longer my residents. Gotta keep it clean, PC, and be a good example for those who can see it.

As far as the pictures go, I would love for people to post pictures of the wedding. If they didn't share, I wouldn't think that they had a good time. Also, everyone else could see how happyyyy you are on your special day. :-)

Elleana

Hi, thank you all for your opinions.

I still would like to be asked before being exposed on social networks (either on my wedding day or some other situation) and just because I just don't like to have my life/image spread out on the Internet when I chose not to do it (I have Facebook and pretty embarassing pictures that *I* chose to share).

But I think you are right and maybe we would end up hurt susceptibilities by asking people beforehand not post pictures of our wedding day. Although we will do as some of you suggested and just ask politely if people can remove the ones we are in.

Golden1215:
No, I'm not marrying in a Church, but i don't think you can compare if someone random would come and watch you getting married with having your image all over the internet (shown to tons of people) when you want to make a specific situation private.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_photos-social-networks-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40163f68-00f5-47b5-953b-fbaee93f0671Post:1ce0323d-db82-4523-9188-2a47dba8c13e">Re: Photos on social networks.</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, thank you all for your opinions. I still would like to be asked before being exposed on social networks (either on my wedding day or some other situation) and just because I just don't like to have my life/image spread out on the Internet when I chose not to do it (I have Facebook and pretty embarassing pictures that *I* chose to share). But I think you are right and <strong>maybe we would end up hurt susceptibilities </strong>by asking people beforehand not post pictures of our wedding day. Although we will do as some of you suggested and just ask politely if people can remove the ones we are in. Golden1215: No, I'm not marrying in a Church, but i don't you can compare if someone random would come and watch you getting married with having your image all over the internet when you want to make a specific situation private.
Posted by Elleana[/QUOTE]


I have NO idea what you're trying to say here.

opalsky007

You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_photos-social-networks-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40163f68-00f5-47b5-953b-fbaee93f0671Post:69a2e951-183d-48da-a6e9-0e9138def4f2">Re: Photos on social networks.</a>:
[QUOTE]You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

heehee :)  I watched the beginning of PB on TV the other night before I fell asleep.  Now I'm going to have to watch my DVD this weekend.

Elleana

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_photos-social-networks-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40163f68-00f5-47b5-953b-fbaee93f0671Post:2664b98b-e7bb-41bb-925c-bec6b6818b69">Re: Photos on social networks.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Photos on social networks. : I have NO idea what you're trying to say here.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

English is not my mother tongue... Although I think I'm using the correct expression.
I just meant "hurting people's feelings".

opalsky007

Love that movie. If you couldn't tell.

 :-D

kayakrunhike

I loved that my friends and family posted pics on FB.  It gave us a chance to see the wedding froma  viewpoint we wouldn't have had otherwise.

Basically, you can't really do anything about it, and it makes you look like a control freak.  It seems really odd that you two love your privacy so much that you can't let anyone who isn't attending see the pics.  This is not worth the headache it will cause.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_photos-social-networks-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40163f68-00f5-47b5-953b-fbaee93f0671Post:f014df6e-34e3-4059-927d-0b2dd7bc5132">Re: Photos on social networks.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Photos on social networks. : English is not my mother tongue... Although I think I'm using the correct expression. I just meant "hurting people's feelings".
Posted by Elleana[/QUOTE]

Ah, I think you want "sensibilities" instead of "susceptibilities" then.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_photos-social-networks-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40163f68-00f5-47b5-953b-fbaee93f0671Post:f014df6e-34e3-4059-927d-0b2dd7bc5132">Re: Photos on social networks.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Photos on social networks. : English is not my mother tongue... Although I think I'm using the correct expression. I just meant "hurting people's feelings".
Posted by Elleana[/QUOTE]

I think you were trying to say, "offend people's sensibilities" or "sensitivities".

Sorry for poking fun. I like busting out Princess Bride quotes whenever the opportunity strikes.