How to ask for monetary gifts

J&K10910

Well, I'm not a complete newb.  I would have put a check in there.  It just wouldn't be a valid check, duh!

heb557

This thread gave me a good chuckle. 

Girlie1030

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:1a9f40bd-5841-4ff6-a699-4b4e02f12e53">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for monetary gifts : Is your napkin white?
Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]

Petal's been perusing other threads (as have I because I'm a nosybitch).  :)

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:6abe6fe9-05b9-4072-8204-2e777dfad4d9">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]That's why we put card-collectors at the door, J--wedding planning and shiiiit. I don't watch it, Any, but he is delicious. And I don't use that word ever.
Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

<div>H got the 1st season and I was like "Vampire Diaries? Really?" and he was all "What, this website said it was supposed to be a good show!". I laughed at him. Then I started watching it, and the first couple of episodes I was all "Wow, this is so cheesy." Aaaand then I kept watching, and it became "Wow this is so cheesy...AND AWESOME. I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!"</div><div>
</div><div>Sad but true.</div>

J&K10910

Hmmmm...Don't understand the white napkin reference, sorry!  But...probably not?

PetalPockets2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:ba40f3f5-ee90-4397-b792-a739c6230ac3">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmmm...Don't understand the white napkin reference, sorry!  But...probably not?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>If it aint white, it aint right....or so I learned tonight. </div>

shabuka1

If you must know yes it was about you. But you are the least of my worries. What you ladies fail to realize is that you are playing yourself if you are going to sit here and believe that you would rather have a gift over money. People know this when going to a wedding and if you had the opportunity to capitalize on it you would regardless if you were to put the money towards a house or what ever it might be. Like a another knottie said, which your are more than welcome to reference that same board you felt the need to look at before, there are culture differences that you might not be aware of, so for you to have a snide remark is really uncalled for. So queen of etiquette you can carry on with your day. I'm sure you are so prim and proper.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:33889b71-5773-43aa-be8d-13b9f885b20a">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for monetary gifts : She already had to get snippy with one of us.  I think she's talking about me. She really hurt my feeling, yo. 
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

ZombieNates

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:36276d48-b650-4735-828f-fbf8540eb06c">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I'm not a complete newb.  I would have put a check in there.  It just wouldn't be a valid check, duh!
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
See, this is why the boards are helpful. Now I'll know what to do when I have a wedding to attend.

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:ee2d780f-1ba4-4f46-9663-bc8f46c82ab0">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]If you must know yes it was about you. But you are the least of my worries. What you ladies fail to realize is that you are playing yourself if you are going to sit here and believe that you would rather have a gift over money. People know this when going to a wedding and if you had the opportunity to capitalize on it you would regardless if you were to put the money towards a house or what ever it might be. Like a another knottie said, which your are more than welcome to reference that same board you felt the need to look at before, there are culture differences that you might not be aware of, so for you to have a snide remark is really uncalled for. So queen of etiquette you can carry on with your day. I'm sure you are so prim and proper. In Response to Re: How to ask for monetary gifts :
Posted by shabuka1[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm very curious as to in what culture it is proper etiquette to request, in writing, on the invitation, that your guests give you money.  Maybe you can enlighten us all?  Maybe I can capitalize on the extra capital for my own wedding.</div>

J&K10910

Look, Shabuka, I'm not kidding anyone.  I totally wanted cash for wedding gifts.  But there's a difference between wanting it and ASKING for it.  ASKING for it is not ok.  Wanting it is fine.  And even with a full registry, and not a word about cash spoken anywhere, we still got cash for 75% of our gifts.  So not only is not asking for cash not ok, it's not necessary.  Everyone wants cash. E veryone knows people want cash.  You don't need to insult people by asking for it.

But since we're talking etiquette, I've got to tell you.  Proper forum etiquette is for the quoted text to be above your response.  YWIA!

nextrightthing

This is kind of funny, but kind of sad that people think that the etiquette advice given on this board has anything to do with race.  Some etiquette rules vary by culture, but I don't think asking for money is one of those....pretty sure that is tacky in any culture, but perhaps I'm wrong.  I would also think having a B-list would be offensive to any one, not just white people because white people need to know they are first.  WTF? 

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:045066c0-392d-42c8-bc99-d9b0077f21d6">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]This is kind of funny, but kind of sad that people think that the etiquette advice given on this board has anything to do with race.  Some etiquette rules vary by culture, but I don't think asking for money is one of those....pretty sure that is tacky in any culture, but perhaps I'm wrong.  I would also think having a B-list would be offensive to any one, not just white people because white people need to know they are first.  WTF? 
Posted by nextrightthing[/QUOTE]

<div>Rofl, what? Where did  you get that it's only white people that are offended by this? </div>

shabuka1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:0844634e-f543-4283-99f9-551ade401696">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Look, Shabuka, I'm not kidding anyone.  I totally wanted cash for wedding gifts.  But there's a difference between wanting it and ASKING for it.  ASKING for it is not ok.  Wanting it is fine.  And even with a full registry, and not a word about cash spoken anywhere, we still got cash for 75% of our gifts.  So not only is not asking for cash not ok, it's not necessary.  Everyone wants cash. E veryone knows people want cash.  You don't need to insult people by asking for it. But since we're talking etiquette, I've got to tell you.  Proper forum etiquette is for the quoted text to be above your response.  YWIA!
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Thanks, but I wasn't kidding from the beginning. Maybe next time when you comment on a question for someone else you can leave all the EXTRA out and just answer the question. As far as the culture difference, Typically in the hispanic culture they do a money dance, but we have already established on this board that it was tacky. Day in and day out the knotties on the Etiquette board are more rude than helpful. If someone has  a genuine question people are so quick to insult. How about offering solutions. That is the purpose of this board anyway. Right? You ladies have a good evening. I will get my advice from someone who I respect their opinion since you ladies can't seem to be nice enough to do that yourself.

kthowell

Lol...... Ughhhh I can't with this post lol good night ladies! Or queens of my way or your tacky rude and ghetto

PetalPockets2012

Any, it's in the thread Girlie linked.

nextrightthing

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:40061dc4-5cfb-41e5-ad52-8ff1959f86b2">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for monetary gifts : Rofl, what? Where did  you get that it's only white people that are offended by this? 
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

This was what the troll's board was discussing on the post in the link above. 

Anysunrise

OH! That post wasn't even there for me when I posted on the first page. That's hilarious.

kthowell

Yes Shabuka tell these bleeps! They def don't know how to answer a simple question without adding extra uncalled for stuff..... My advice is to also just answer the question asked and learn to be nice. Damn and they say we don't know how to act ! Smh

melb2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:0844634e-f543-4283-99f9-551ade401696">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Look, Shabuka, I'm not kidding anyone.  I totally wanted cash for wedding gifts.  But there's a difference between wanting it and ASKING for it.  ASKING for it is not ok.  Wanting it is fine.  And even with a full registry, and not a word about cash spoken anywhere, we still got cash for 75% of our gifts.  So not only is not asking for cash not ok, it's not necessary.  Everyone wants cash. E veryone knows people want cash.  You don't need to insult people by asking for it. But since we're talking etiquette, I've got to tell you.  Proper forum etiquette is for the quoted text to be above your response.  YWIA!
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Um yes. Bam!

This: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_e-board-strikes-again">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_e-board-strikes-again</a>
made my brain hurt to read...

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:7512b170-8fc3-4342-8df5-7b5ca44c5572">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for monetary gifts : Thanks, but I wasn't kidding from the beginning. Maybe next time when you comment on a question for someone else you can leave all the EXTRA out and just answer the question. As far as the culture difference, Typically in the hispanic culture they do a money dance, but we have already established on this board that it was tacky. Day in and day out the knotties on the Etiquette board are more rude than helpful. If someone has  a genuine question people are so quick to insult. How about offering solutions. That is the purpose of this board anyway. Right? You ladies have a good evening. I will get my advice from someone who I respect their opinion since you ladies can't seem to be nice enough to do that yourself.
Posted by shabuka1[/QUOTE]

I didn't say you were kidding.  You said not to kid ourselves.  That's what I was referring to.

I gave you solid advice too.  I don't understand why you're talking like I completely ignored your question.  The question that you posted JUST TO FUUUUCK WITH US.

shabuka1

In Response to Re: How to ask for monetary gifts:
[QUOTE]Quite frankly, you shouldn't have had a wedding that put a strain on you.   But it's too late now. What you can do now is have no registry (or a very small registry) and spread via WORD OF MOUTH (and ONLY word of mouth) that you'd prefer cash gifts.  You may not put anything on your invitation.  You  may not have a shower. 
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

What I am referring to is this. This is how this board gets out of hand. Yes I might have said that on the other board but you don't know if that is my current situation or not. Neither does the other board. What if I was actually putting up a situation that I am actually going through but instead I get a response like this. Had you just answered the question like some of the other knotties in the beginning it would have been cool. But like I said this board always gets out of hand. This was the first and last time I ask for advice on this board.

ErinG93

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:4bf7966a-a54b-4daa-a54e-018f8ce1516d">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE] What I am referring to is this. This is how this board gets out of hand. Yes I might have said that on the other board but you don't know if that is my current situation or not. Neither does the other board. What if I was actually putting up a situation that I am actually going through but instead I get a response like this. Had you just answered the question like some of the other knotties in the beginning it would have been cool. But like I said this board always gets out of hand. <strong>This was the first and last time I ask for advice on this board.</strong>
Posted by shabuka1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's a relief.

</div>

furturekingsbury

Why is race being brought up? She made that post AFTER some ladies (loosely used) become rude and mean after someone asked a honest question. There are rude people in general not just one particular race. So, underline remarks are a low blow, childish IMO

furturekingsbury

Why is race being brought up? She made that post AFTER some ladies (loosely used) become rude and mean after someone asked a honest question. There are rude people in general not just one particular race. So, underline remarks are a low blow, childish IMO

furturekingsbury

Why is race being brought up? She made that post AFTER some ladies (loosely used) became rude and mean after someone asked a honest question. There are rude people in general not just one particular race. So, underline remarks are a low blow, childish IMO

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:4bf7966a-a54b-4daa-a54e-018f8ce1516d">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for monetary gifts : [QUOTE ]Quite frankly, you shouldn't have had a wedding that put a strain on you.   But it's too late now. What you can do now is have no registry (or a very small registry) and spread via WORD OF MOUTH (and ONLY word of mouth) that you'd prefer cash gifts.  You may not put anything on your invitation.  You  may not have a shower.  Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE] What I am referring to is this. This is how this board gets out of hand. <strong>Yes I might have said that on the other board but you don't know if that is my current situation or not.</strong> Neither does the other board. What if I was actually putting up a situation that I am actually going through but instead I get a response like this. Had you just answered the question like some of the other knotties in the beginning it would have been cool. But like I said this board always gets out of hand. This was the first and last time I ask for advice on this board.
Posted by shabuka1[/QUOTE]

You said it in the post.

I'm afraid I'm not understanding the point you're trying to make.  I mean, I get the main point, which is that I should answer the question and not comment on anything else.  That's just not going to happen.  Maybe you're not aware, but this is the internet.  And frankly, I don't care if it would have been cool or not.

You screwed up by planning a wedding that put a financial strain on you.  That sucks.  I'm sorry you're in that position, but you can't make up for it by breaking etiquette and asking for money on your invitations.  That doesn't mean there aren't other ways to achieve getting money--you got some excellent advice on how to do that. 

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:4bf7966a-a54b-4daa-a54e-018f8ce1516d">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for monetary gifts : What I am referring to is this. This is how this board gets out of hand.<strong> Yes I might have said that on the other board but you don't know if that is my current situation or not. </strong>Neither does the other board. What if I was actually putting up a situation that I am actually going through but instead I get a response like this. Had you just answered the question like some of the other knotties in the beginning it would have been cool. But like I said this board always gets out of hand. This was the first and last time I ask for advice on this board.
Posted by shabuka1[/QUOTE]

<div>It was the first sentence of your OP. "<span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">Long story short, Fi and I have paid for our entire wedding ourselves and it has really put a strain on us.</span><span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;"> "</span></div><div><span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">
</span></div><div><span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">It's not exactly like she went through your post history to find it, and it was 100% relevant to your post.</span></div>

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:cf5bd86b-0123-4fda-8286-d6cd0b37bded">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is race being brought up? She made that post AFTER some ladies (loosely used) become rude and mean after someone asked a honest question. There are rude people in general not just one particular race. So, underline remarks are a low blow, childish IMO
Posted by furturekingsbury[/QUOTE]

The AAW board is the one that started bringing culture and race into it.  The AAW board is the one that mentioned "privilege."
 

Frankly, this has nothing to do with race, culture, ethnicity, religion, language, geographical location, or anything.  Etiquette advice was asked for (though she said on the AAW board that she posted it to fuuuck with us....so there's that), etiquette advice was given.  The AAW board blew things up. 

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:2b9f32d7-2717-4828-be2b-efe73d64d662">How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Long story short, Fi and I have paid for our entire wedding ourselves and it has really put a strain on us.</strong> As much as I appreciate a lovely gift, I definitely would prefer money instead. What is the best way to phrase or get the word out that we would like money as opposed to gifts? Is there a way to put it on our invites so people could know?
Posted by shabuka1[/QUOTE]

See?  I didn't make it up or stalk you.

shabuka1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-ask-for-monetary-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40b5afbd-a47d-4510-8d70-3aae4bb37495Post:5e95be2f-f658-47a0-9e8e-8a79c3e7379b">Re: How to ask for monetary gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How to ask for monetary gifts : See?  I didn't make it up or stalk you.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

What I am saying is that there was no need for you to comment about it. All you had to do is give advice on how to or not to  go about getting monetary gifts. Was it necessary for you to comment on that I should't have had a wedding that put a strain on me. That is the point I am making. No one never just addresses the question. Regardless of the fact that is the internet doesn't give you a free pass to be nasty to people. That only happens on this board. But its cool. I'm sure there will be sound advice for other indivduals, comments and all.