No kids allowed...with exceptions?

BMG2013

We are struggling what to do with the no kids rule for our wedding. We definitely do not want everyone bringing their children and would prefer adults only for both ceremony and reception.

However...I have 2 nieces and 2 nephews who I would not dream of getting married without them being there. I am very close to all 4 of them and none are babies so would all be fine staying up late.

Another tricky part: I would love to have the girl I nanny for and her Mom in attendance (Dad is not in the picture). She is 7 years old, very well behaved and I have been a nanny for her for years so she is extremely special to me.

Is it possible to have these 5 children but not allow others to bring their children? I know that's being a hypocrite but am not sure if it's acceptable. Thanks for all advice!

Summer2011Bride

I'm of the thought that children should be invited like adults are--you invite those you like and are close to. I know that, depending on family dynamics, that may cause problems if you invite one aunt's child but not the other's, for instance. However, technically, you are within your right to do so, though many people say inviting in circles is the way to go.

In your case, I think you are fine to invite all of them. You are close to all of them and want them there, and the number of kids would still be so small. It's not like you're inviting half of your extended family's kids but not the other half. You're also not splitting up families (inviting the older child but not the younger one) which often doesn't go over well. So I think you are fine on both accounts.

Peledreamsofrain

Hrm, this is a toughie.  Parents don't necessarily think rationally when it comes to their kids sometimes.  I could easily see a parent questioning what you think is 'wrong' with their kid, that you chose not to invite them, while you invited other children.  They may view it as a judgement that their child is not well behaved, or not liked by you. 

If you do decide to invite only some children, there is a high probability of drama.  Just be aware and prepared for it.

wawbrey

I am also of the opinion that children can (and in many cases should) be invited like you would invite adults. I know many parents don't share that view, but they are people too (which is ironically the battle call of many of those parents). I say invite the five you're choosing to include, and leave it at that. Don't offer up excuses either. From experience, an excuse opens up the door for parents to make their child an exception. It's helped me tremendously to just tell the parents we did it such and such way and leave it at that. Good luck!

loca4pook

I think your reasoning is legit and people would understand that......I think inviting nieces and nephews is understood my most..If you nanny someone and they are like a child to you, surely people would understand

pomundson0

The only kids that are invited to ours are actually in the wedding, my neice and nephews all have a part to play, but since neither FI or myself are really big kid-people, we invited just the parents.  The last thing I want to hear is someone's child throwing a tantrum because they're bored and tired, or running through the reception and something getting spilled (on me), things like that   Is there a way to give the young lady a job? I think people are a little more understanding if the kid in question is part of the ceremony rather than just a guest's child

kmmssg

I think you are fine to invite those 5 kids.  I am STRONGLY in the camp that kids are like anyone else.  You don't invite all the neighbors, church family, or coworkers, and you don't have to invite all the kids. Yes, parents do get a big wrinkle in their panties about this sometimes, but they are the ones being rude when they do that.