Yay/WTF

polichik

Hey, ladies. I should be all "yay!" since I had an awesome weekend, but I'm mostly WTF. My parents and younger brother live in MN, and my parents have been talking about moving back to San Francisco next year. I've been really excited, since I miss them terribly and it woul be awesome for my brother, who is 23 but can't drive or live by himself because of his developmental disabilities. All of their friends and family are out here, and they're really isolated in rural MN. They've been looking into educational programs for him, and she just TEXTED me that they're sending him to the one in MN, which she's said before is not nearly as good as the one in San Francisco. I'm upset, since it's a 4 year program, which basically means they'll never come out here. I know I'm being a baby, but I have spent my ENTIRE life acting like I don't have needs since his have always needed to come first. I'm just tired of being the overachiever and acting like I'm not hurt when they put him first. When DH and I got engaged, I wasn't allowed to tell anyone for two weeks until after my brother's HS graduation because she was afraid I would "overshadow him." Normally I'm over all this, but I kind of feel like I'm going to cry in front of strangers on the bus, and I have 8 clients today. Ok, child rant over. Sorry for the text wall.

mica178

cfas -- I don't get your friend's logic.  At all.

polichik

Since it took me forever and a day to type all that, I now see that the conversation has completely moved on to new topics. Color me awkward :P

ErinG93

Aw Poli, I'm sorry. 

midgetthemighty

It's okay Poli! It's hard to be strong all of the time. *hugs*

baystateapple

*HUGS* Poli

Cfas, it still doesn't make any sense.  Sheesh.

polichik

You ladies are the best... Thanks for not telling me I'm an asshole, ha :P I guess I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but they just visited last weekend and it really seemed like the final tipping point. Oh well.

RupertPenny

Poli, that sucks. No one in my family has disabilities, so I'm sure it isn't to the same extent at all, but I am the "good" one which usually equates to me being the one that gets no attention from anyone. No one cared that I did well in high school, or went to a good college, or went to grad school, or got a good job because it's just what they expected. I'm the only grandchild that has never had tuition or other school expenses paid for by my grandparents and I am also the only one who has ever actually finished school. I know that it's good that they don't help because it means I can take care of myself, but it is still annoying. 

And looks like I went and took your vent and made it about myself. Oops 

polichik

In Response to Re:Yay/WTF:[QUOTE]Poli, I totally get where you are coming from.nbsp; My sister isn't special needs by any stretch, she's just damn dependant on my parents.nbsp; To the point that if either of them die, I'm not sure how she'll function.nbsp; She depends on them for food as I mentioned earlier, she eats dinner there, with her three kids, every night, money when she's short, childcare, and anything else she comes up with that she needs.nbsp;It bothers me that my parents pay for all my sister's fuuckups and such.nbsp;nbsp;It's frustrating watching them continue to spend money on my sister when my sister has no desire to become independent.nbsp;nbsp; Plus, any scheduling for family events has to be around my sister and her kids.nbsp; If I'm not available, it's no big deal, but my sister has to be available.nbsp; WTF family? Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]I'm sorry, Holly. That sounds so awful, especially since it seems like your sister just won't get her act together and seems to have no reason to since your parents accommodate her all the time.

polichik

In Response to Re:Yay/WTF:[QUOTE]Poli, that sucks. No one in my family has disabilities, so I'm sure it isn't to the same extent at all, but I am the "good" one which usually equates to me being the one that gets no attention from anyone. No one cared that I did well in high school, or went to a good college, or went to grad school, or got a good job because it's just what they expected. I'm the only grandchild that has never had tuition or other school expenses paid for by my grandparents and I am also the only one who has ever actually finished school. I know that it's good that they don't help because it means I can take care of myself, but it is still annoying.nbsp;And looks like I went and took your vent and made it about myself. Oopsnbsp; Posted by RupertPenny[/QUOTE]Lady, that's not making it about yourself, that's sharing a common experience :D But seriously, I'm not happy that you've had to go through such BS, but it's good to not feel like I'm the only one, you know?

wrigleyville

YAY: We found an apartment! Now I just need to finish packing. We move in two weeks.

WTF: I think my friend wants to make a play for my FI. She's dropping a bunch of weird hints. Her marriage is ending, so I'm hoping she's just blinded by emotions and attaching to any man who will pay attention to her, but I'm nipping it in the bud RIGHT EFFING NOW. I don't think she'd actually try something, and normally I'd let FI handle it, but FI doesn't need more issues on his plate. He has enough to deal with at the moment.

polichik

I know this is late, but cfas, did you respond to her? I've seen tons of angry debates about this on Facebook walls lately.

midgetthemighty

Good for you Wrigley. That is something that should be nipped in the butt immediately.

polichik

In Response to Re:Yay/WTF:[QUOTE]YAY: We found an apartment! Now I just need to finish packing. We move in two weeks.WTF: I think my friend wants to make a play for my FI. She's dropping a bunch of weird hints. Her marriage is ending, so I'm hoping she's just blinded by emotions and attaching to any man who will pay attention to her, but I'm nipping it in the bud RIGHT EFFINGnbsp;NOW. I don't think she'd actually try something, but FI doesn't need any more issues on his plate. He has enough to deal with at the moment. Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE] Congrats on the apartment, wrigley, that's awesome!

And holy balls, I can't believe your friend is pulling that. I went through something similar last year, and my vote is to confront her if you think the friendship is worth saving or just pull the plug. I can't fathom what was going through your friend's mind.

If you don't mind me asking, how is your FI doing?

myname1234

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yaywtf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42a3966d-cb51-4245-99ce-c65d202f93dcPost:93caeb79-9ddd-47b9-84c7-8bb4ff73d9d4">Re:Yay/WTF</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Yay/WTF : That's exactly what's happening.  I've told my mother to stop enabling her dependant behavior, but that falls on deaf ears.  My sister was pregnant when she graduated HS, and my parents helped her through all that.  Because she had a kid so young, and my parents supported her, she's never had to be independant, so I'm not sure she knows how. It drives me nuts. 
Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]

Holly, I'm right there with ya.  My sister (although she's 15) will be that exact same way.  It's already been pointed out to me that she'll be staying home after she graduates because "she's not <em>strong</em> like you".   When I tell them they are enabling her, I get the "you just don't understand how hard she has it"  um...nope....I had a job for 2 years by the time I was 15, I didn't have a gaming system (let alone 4)  and I didn't have mommy and daddy catering to my every need.

Suddenly having the ability to be a functional member of society is a bad thing.

[Deleted User]

I love your red hair, poli. And you're not being an asshole.

calixtine

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yaywtf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42a3966d-cb51-4245-99ce-c65d202f93dcPost:77c8eea8-1f25-4bf4-9763-3e3e3842a88c">Re:Yay/WTF</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey, ladies. I should be all "yay!" since I had an awesome weekend, but I'm mostly WTF. My parents and younger brother live in MN, and my parents have been talking about moving back to San Francisco next year. I've been really excited, since I miss them terribly and it woul be awesome for my brother, who is 23 but can't drive or live by himself because of his developmental disabilities. All of their friends and family are out here, and they're really isolated in rural MN. They've been looking into educational programs for him, and she just TEXTED me that they're sending him to the one in MN, which she's said before is not nearly as good as the one in San Francisco. I'm upset, since it's a 4 year program, which basically means they'll never come out here. I know I'm being a baby, but I have spent my ENTIRE life acting like I don't have needs since his have always needed to come first. I'm just tired of being the overachiever and acting like I'm not hurt when they put him first. When DH and I got engaged, I wasn't allowed to tell anyone for two weeks until after my brother's HS graduation because she was afraid I would "overshadow him." Normally I'm over all this, but I kind of feel like I'm going to cry in front of strangers on the bus, and I have 8 clients today. Ok, child rant over. Sorry for the text wall.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

I know everyone has moved on from this but I just wanted to say I totally get where you are coming from and it is completely understandable.  My older brother has a lot of issues with depression, anger, and a lot of unresolved gripes about how our parents failed him.  So my family pretty much walks on eggshells around him and I resented that for a long time.  I went through a faze in high school where I just refused to play his game and my parents made me feel like the bad guy for standing up to his emotional abuse.  It sucks being the stable/strong/independent/healthy sibling sometimes so if you want to bitch it out sometimes, I think you've earned it.

myname1234

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yaywtf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42a3966d-cb51-4245-99ce-c65d202f93dcPost:e181a321-32dc-49af-a6cc-bd22c185c80b">Re: Yay/WTF</a>:
[QUOTE]I read a really great quote on Pinterest a few months ago: "Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy."  I know SO MANY parents who need this advice. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

LOVE this quote!  Thanks for sharing it.

wrigleyville

Poli - he's doing well. Counseling has helped a lot. He goes every week, and I join in on occasion for a couples session. It opened my eyes to a lot of my habits (good and bad) as well, so I'm glad we're going this route. He's on medication, and he says he can already feel a difference. He's been more productive and focused, for one, and he's sleeping better.

As for my friend, I think she's just sort of envious/wistful since her H is a jerk. I don't think she'd actually DO anything, but I gave FI a heads-up that she's been acting strange. I'm undecided about confronting her because I'm truly unsure of her motives. It could just be "you're so lucky to have him" talk, not "you're so lucky; I want him". I'd hate to assume. I'm going to give it a couple days and see how everything plays out. We've been friends for 11 years, and I've never known her to act like this, so I'm truly "wtf".

ETA: Sorry, but this is a P&R. I'm slammed today.

sleepyb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yaywtf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42a3966d-cb51-4245-99ce-c65d202f93dcPost:736d86a9-74b3-40ab-8e78-6ec0088aea4d">Re: Yay/WTF</a>:
[QUOTE]My boss is the worst.  He coddles his children so much that it's gross.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

My hope is that when I become a parent, I'm able to find that line.  My parents coddled both my brother and I to some degree.  We never lacked for affection and mostly got anything we asked for.  Yet, we are both still fully functional and independent adults living productive lives in society.  We're still extremely close to our parents (we both speak to them almost daily).  I should have taken notes growing up....

ETA: by got what we asked for I mean that if there was a pair of shoes that I just had to have (that could also be found at Payless) - I got them.  If they thought it was unreasonable (Doc Martins), I had to save up for them myself.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yaywtf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42a3966d-cb51-4245-99ce-c65d202f93dcPost:60ddb03c-cfe4-4f0c-8682-21e7d163246c">Re:Yay/WTF</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Yay/WTF : Especially when half of her postings were Bible quotes from Leviticus.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]
Leviticus? Isn't that the especially insane one?

sleepyb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yaywtf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42a3966d-cb51-4245-99ce-c65d202f93dcPost:30fdb822-d6f6-44f4-95f1-0663a34e8ebf">Re: Yay/WTF</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey, my mom busted her ass so that my sister and I could go to good private schools, but if I wanted a cup of tea at 13, I could make it myself. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

Same sentiment

polichik

In Response to Re:Yay/WTF:[QUOTE]I love your red hair, poli. And you're not being an asshole. Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]Thanks, Jill : for the record, that lonely colon would be a smiley face if the mobile site wasn't anti parentheses.

polichik

In Response to Re:Yay/WTF:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Yay/WTF:Hey, ladies. I should be all "yay!" since I had an awesome weekend, but I'm mostly WTF. My parents and younger brother live in MN, and my parents have been talking about moving back to San Francisco next year. I've been really excited, since I miss them terribly and it woul be awesome for my brother, who is 23 but can't drive or live by himself because of his developmental disabilities. All of their friends and family are out here, and they're really isolated in rural MN. They've been looking into educational programs for him, and she just TEXTED me that they're sending him to the one in MN, which she's said before is not nearly as good as the one in San Francisco. I'm upset, since it's a 4 year program, which basically means they'll never come out here. I know I'm being a baby, but I have spent my ENTIRE life acting like I don't have needs since his have always needed to come first. I'm just tired of being the overachiever and acting like I'm not hurt when they put him first. When DH and I got engaged, I wasn't allowed to tell anyone for two weeks until after my brother's HS graduation because she was afraid I would "overshadow him." Normally I'm over all this, but I kind of feel like I'm going to cry in front of strangers on the bus, and I have 8 clients today. Ok, child rant over. Sorry for the text wall.Posted by polichikI know everyone has moved on from this but I just wanted to say I totally get where you are coming from and it is completely understandable.nbsp; My older brother has a lot of issues with depression, anger, and a lot of unresolved gripes about how our parents failed him.nbsp; So my family pretty much walks on eggshells around him and I resented that for a long time.nbsp; I went through a faze in high school where I just refused to play his game and my parents made me feel like the bad guy for standing up to his emotional abuse.nbsp; It sucks being the stable/strong/independent/healthy sibling sometimes so if you want to bitch it out sometimes, I think you've earned it. Posted by calixtine[/QUOTE]Good for you for setting limits for what you will and won't tolerate. It sucks that your family can't see it that way, but it sounds like you're setting a really good example. Hug.

polichik

In Response to Re:Yay/WTF:[QUOTE]Poli he's doing well. Counseling has helped a lot. He goes every week, and I join in on occasion for a couples session. It opened my eyes to a lot of my habits good and badnbsp;as well, so I'm glad we're going this route. He's on medication, and he says he can already feel a difference. He's been more productive and focused, for one, and he's sleeping better.As for my friend, I think she's just sort of envious/wistful since her H is a jerk. I don't think she'd actually DO anything, but I gave FI a headsup that she's been acting strange. I'm undecided about confronting her because I'm truly unsure of her motives. It could just be "you're so lucky to have him" talk, not "you're so lucky; I want him". I'd hate to assume. I'm going to give it a couple days and see how everything plays out. We've been friends for 11 years, and I've never known her to act like this, so I'm truly "wtf".ETA: Sorry, but this is a Pamp;R. I'm slammed today. Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]I know you're back at work, but I wanted to give you and your FI major props for going to counseling. It's such a brave thing to do, and it can make such a difference. I know things still need to change, but I'm really happy for you guys.

mizutamababy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_yaywtf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42a3966d-cb51-4245-99ce-c65d202f93dcPost:3bc34cf5-f4b4-4193-834b-a0286c28733c">Re: Yay/WTF</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know if this is a 'yay!' or a "WTF?' <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/slaves-to-fashion/2012/05/should-teens-be-allowed-to-han.html">http://www.glamour.com/fashion/blogs/slaves-to-fashion/2012/05/should-teens-be-allowed-to-han.html</a> CN -- A mall is Dallas now has a rule that no teenagers under 17 can hang out at the mall after 6pm without their parents. On one hand -- Yay! Irritating teenagers are gone! The mall doesn't have to worry about stupid shenanigans. On the other -- WTF!? Perfectly well-behaved teenagers are now being punished too. And what do you do as a teenager after 6pm other than hang out at the mall?
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

It's Northpark... I doubt most of these teens can afford the designer brands they sell there anyways. (It's probably the second "classiest" mall to the Galleria in the Dallas area.)

Re: Poli that sucks about your family/sister... I had a best friend like that.  Her parents never let her make any decisions growing up and always demanded perfection so when the time came for her to be independent, it was too overwhelming and she tried commiting suicide multiple times.  She lived at home, couldn't hold down classes... After dropping school she couldn't stay on at any job more than a week.  The sad thing is that psychologically people like your sister won't ever get better until someone slowly teaches them how to function on their own.

They tested my friend's maturity level and the result came back as stuck at 14 years of age...  I tried to help her but at some point she thought I was just "against her" and couldn't understand why it wasn't OK for her to be like this and didn't want to be friends anymore.  I mean I guess in general the teen mindset is kind of like that.  It's hard to watch that kind of thing happen to someone you love... I really hope wherever she is now she's happy and getting better.

prlove

YAY- the doctor told me yesterday that for some unknown reason i am holding 5-10lbs of water weight.  gave me a diuretic and that's 5-10lbs I don't have to work off woohoo!  I was wondering why i got fatter out of no where.

WTF- I can't stop peeing now!