Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
Father's girlfriend and wedding photos
A friend of mine who just got married has a dilemma. Her father-in-law has a serious girlfriend of two years and he lives with her. My friend and her husband like the girlfriend and invited her to the wedding. The girlfriend and the groom’s mother got along fine at the wedding, but the girlfriend was not included in any wedding photos. She was not invited to the wedding photo shoot. Nor did the photographer did not take any random party or table shots of her. The girlfriend is feeling hurt now. None of the guests took photos of her either—they were apparently wary since the groom’s mother was there. My friend feels bad now.
How could this have been better handled? Photos are tricky and I may have a similar situation on my hands.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Father's girlfriend and wedding photos
Take some pictures with her and some pictures without.
Sounds like the GF needs to grow up a bit.
Also, keep in mind that it's up to the person whose parent it is to make these decisions. My FI's parents are both divorced and in new relationships. FI is opting not to include the new partners in photos for various reasons, and while I don't know that I'd handle his situation the same way, we've talked it through and I trust that he's making the right decision for his family, so I'm going with it.
I have no idea. It's sad that she wasn't included. I'll have a hard time with this too.
My FI both have divorced parents and both of our dads remarried. He doesn't like his step mom but I adore her, his mom gets alont ok with his dad's new wife but his mom and dad don't get along.
My mom is fine with my dad but he's akward around her, my mom and step mom get along ok. My dad has met his dad but no one else in his family, my mom has met almost all of them.
Both of our dads have step kids; my step sisters have husbands/families, FI's step siblings are all younger.
I think photos will just be very akward for us, lol.
If anyone can pull these situations off with no akwardness I applaud them!
[QUOTE]The dad was with her when they called, "Father of the groom wanted at the photos.." She was not asked to come. What should my friend do about the fact that her father-in-law's SO is so hurt by this?
Posted by ErinGoHuskies[/QUOTE]
Your friend should apologize for the oversight to both her father and the GF. SOmetimes these things are unintentional. <div>
</div><div>There's not a whole lot you CAN do after the fact. </div>
[QUOTE]The dad was with her when they called, "Father of the groom wanted at the photos.." She was not asked to come. What should my friend do about the fact that her father-in-law's SO is so hurt by this?
Posted by ErinGoHuskies[/QUOTE]
<div>Who asked her not to come? Did they say "Father of the groom wanted at the photos and FOG's GF stay here?" or was she just not specifically asked to come? If I had been specifically/publicly asked not to go with my BF while photos were done I probably would have been insulted as well whether or not I was actually in the photos.</div><div>
</div><div>Can your friend invite FIL/GF to dinner some time soon and when she gets a minute alone say "I'm so sorry that we didn't think to include you in the photos at the wedding, I feel badly about it but the day just got away from me and I was kind of relying on the photog to coordinate everything." Then leave it alone. If GF continues to be upset then she needs to get over herself.</div>
Rambley Blog
So… a lesson to all of us… to avoid hurt, do as one of the posters above said, “err on the side of inclusiveness.”
[QUOTE]A friend of mine who just got married has a dilemma. Her father-in-law has a serious girlfriend of two years and he lives with her. My friend and her husband like the girlfriend and invited her to the wedding. The girlfriend and the groom’s mother got along fine at the wedding, but the girlfriend was not included in any wedding photos. She was not invited to the wedding photo shoot. Nor did the photographer did not take any random party or table shots of her. The girlfriend is feeling hurt now. None of the guests took photos of her either—they were apparently wary since the groom’s mother was there. My friend feels bad now. How could this have been better handled? <strong> Photos are tricky and I may have a similar situation on my hands.</strong>
Posted by ErinGoHuskies[/QUOTE]
I am in the same situation and we are going to include FFIL's girlfriend in most pictures. Maybe not all, but most.
And he did the same with her mother and her H.
[QUOTE]The groom’s father was apparently nervous around his ex-wife as it was a messy divorce. And the groom didn’t say anything. My friend (the bride) feels like she’s the one apologizing when either of them could have said something. Should the girlfriend have gone to the photo shoot when they called her date (groom’s father) to the shoot? From what I understand she was trying to be sensitive and under the radar but she didn’t realize she would be so totally excluded.
Posted by ErinGoHuskies[/QUOTE]
It's not the bride's responsibility to be sure the father of the groom's girlfriend is in pictures. At some point, the girlfriend or groom's father should have said something discretely to the groom. They certainly were aware of the delicate situation since the girlfriend was acting discretely. Complaining afterwards isn't helpful. So, what could be done in the future? The girlfriend or groom's father before the wedding could have a discussion with the bride/groom about including her in a few photos, because she plans to blend into the background.
It sucks that the photos happened like they did, but all you can really do is apologize at this point and let her know that it wasn't deliberate or done to hurt her. Perhaps you can offer to do photos in a photo studio with them to help with the oversight?
My dad's GF is in formal family photos with my dad from our wedding. Hell, I had my brother escort her down the aisle before the rest of the parents. They live together and they've been together longer than my husband and I have. My dad has a picture hanging in his living room from my wedding of me, my husband, my dad, dad's girlfriend, and my brother.
40/112
The girlfriend is apparently being told to "get over it" by both the FIL (her boyfriend) and the bride and groom. My friend feels bad but thinks it is not her fault--that it is not her problem her groom's parents were divorced, etc. and that she should not have had to worry about it on her big day.
But the hurt feelings are going to linger for a long, long time and this woman lives with her FIL and will probably be married to him someday. I am going to make sure something like that does not happen at my wedding.
It is definitely *our* wedding day as brides. But we do have to think about people and their feelings.
Spending hours selecting a wedding favor for the table... when favors are lost and forgotten soon afterwards...vs. taking five minutes to ask the photog to take a photo of your FIL's live-in SO with whom he is clearly very committed and serious? Photos are around forever. It was very thoughtless and unfeeling IMHO.