Wedding Etiquette Forum

As a wedding guest.....

Just had a quick question for you ladies - I know this isnt etiquette related, but I seem to get the most and most honest answers on the etiquette board than elsewhere so here goes!
What do YOU rememeber as a guest when you attend someone elses wedding...what bothers you, what you liked, the things you remember and tell people about later, what do you NOT notice or remember?
Im trying to decide which areas would be smartest to put extra money into

Thanks Ladies!

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Re: As a wedding guest.....

  • Things I notice (that may or may not be etiquette related):
    -If I have to pay for my booze
    -If the food is bad
    -If the DJ/band is bad
    -If they have tons of spotlight dances or too many group dances (again, bad DJ)
  • 1. The food (especially the cake).
    2. The DJ/entertainment.
    3. The bride's dress.

    Those are the things I always remember regardless of whether they were good or bad.  Everything else, I only remember if it was particularly bad (like the wedding I went to where the bride clearly wanted tall centerpieces but they weren't in her budget, so she went with slightly shorter vases and the flower arrangement completely blocked my view of just about everyone else at the table) or particularly awesome (like my friend who had this fantastic black bridesmaid dress that I am straight-up copying - she's aware I'm a copycat and we have exactly two overlapping guests, so she's cool about it). 
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  • FOOD. Truly though. Food. I also appreciate good music.
  • gaps/waiting (or lack thereof) is what I remember the most
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
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    06.10.10

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  • I do remember if it's a live band just b/c DJ is more common at the weddings I've attended.  As long as the band or DJ is good and keeps the party going, it doesn't matter which it is.

    I don't remember what is served at the bar , but I do remember if I have to pay for it or not.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • Most of what PP mention and I still remember the girl at my sister wedding that wore green(olive) shorts a black shirt and leopard heels. I don't know who she is and my sister doesn't remember seeing anyone wearing that.
  • The last wedding I went to, the invite listed the types of beer available, and said BYOB if you didn't like what was served.  We had to walk up a huge hill in dress clothes, the cocktail hour was outside in the cold, the reception was in an old barn, we couldn't see the head table, couldn't see the dance, and were never told by the staff to get our food, which was cold by the time we got to it.

    So, food, and general atmosphere, are my big things.
  • I notice whether the bar is decent (are there enough bartenders, am I waiting half an hour for a drink, do I have to pay, is the booze decent or that nasty college crap, and if it's beer and wine only, is there a decent selection).  And if the food's really inedible, I notice (if it's edible, I really don't care).  And if the DJ is really abysmal, I notice (although a good open bar goes a long way toward mitigating the effects of a less-than-stellar DJ).  And I notice if I'm uncomfortable- too hot, too cold, too squished, screaming over the music at dinner, stepping over people to get to the buffet, etc.

    I don't remember colors or centerpieces, what the bridesmaids wore, or really even white the bride wore unless it's an especially awful dress.
  • I'm happy to hear that you guys don't remember centerpieces. I'm  stressing about my flowers-it's  nice to know it's not what matters.

    I've been to very few weddings, but what I remember most is the general atmosphere. I don't remember food or cake, but I do remember which ones inspired me to be a dancing fool and which ones were kind of boring. A good DJ FTW!
  • edited December 2011
    Bad that I remember:
    cash bar at cousin's wedding
    gap at brother's wedding

    Good that I remember:
    awesome band at another cousin's wedding
    delicious steak at a 3rd cousin's wedding
  • I remember the bar - open vs limited vs cash.  I don't remember if you had top shelf liquor or not, but I will absolutley remember if I order a vodka sprite after seeing a half dozen people walking away with beer without paying to then be told that'll be three dollars and I have to frantically motion to H to come over with cash b/c I left my purse at the table and they already made the drink.  Yup, that's happened...

    I also remember if it flowed smoothly or not.  If there are long awkward gaps between dances, cake cutting, toasts, being served etc.  I went to a wedding one time where the DJ would announce "in 5 minutes we'll be (cutting the cake) (having the first dance) (starting the toasts)"  WHY did we need warnings and why on earth did there need to be gaps with nothing going on between each event?

    In that vein I'll remember if the DJ was awful/awkward. And like a PP if the food was bad I'll notice, but as long as it's edible I don't pay much attention.
  • I went to a wedding where there weren't enough chairs for everyone at either the ceremony or the reception and there was only a port-a-potty for restrooms.  Even though everything else was fine, I'll NEVER forget being uncomfortable and fumbling around a port-a-potty in the dark. 

    I always remember exceptional food. I forget mediocre food. I've never been to a wedding with bad food, but I know I'd remember it. 

    I've never been to a cash bar, but honestly if I did I'd probably stay for a short time and just leave and never forget it. 

    I don't usually notice centerpieces unless they're ugly. 

    I notice gaps and far drives between venues because they both suck. 
  • I remember food and DJ/band.  Oh, and I'll remember if I was uncomfortable.  Like outdoor weddings in the cold or hot, inadequate seating with unassigned tables, standing during the ceremony, a bride being visible inconsiderate to her new groom.

    That's it.  I don't really remember the dresses or the BM dresses (unless they're horrible).  I don't remember flowers or decor.  I barely remember favors.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad2da68-5d0e-4164-89cd-b89e43aefb34Post:0bd44358-9e37-442c-a812-fea6e754e7fb">Re: As a wedding guest.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Things I notice (that may or may not be etiquette related): -If I have to pay for my booze -If the food is bad -If the DJ/band is bad -If they have tons of spotlight dances or too many group dances (again, bad DJ)
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree.  </div><div>Also great service, my water glass always being filled, etc.</div><div>I remember decor.  I love flowers and great decor, other decor as well.  </div><div>
    </div>
  • 1. Food and drink. I don't enjoy choking down a dry chicken breast but I like cold food even less. Same deal with having to pay for my drinks. Being given 2-3 drink tickets (which is popular in my area) doesn't bother me since I'm not a big drinker, but a totally cash bar sucks. Also the service as a PP said. My water glass needs to stay full.

    2. Music. If there's not enough variety or only older music that annoys me. I need to get my groove on.

    3. If there are excessive speeches/special dances I find that tedious as well.


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    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad2da68-5d0e-4164-89cd-b89e43aefb34Post:c728559c-e5e4-41c4-aa9c-2060ce9745be">Re: As a wedding guest.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]gaps/waiting (or lack thereof) is what I remember the most
    Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is something that annoys a lot of people. I was much younger when my eldest brother got married (though he's now divorced) and there was a big gap between the ceremony and the reception/cocktail hour. I'd recommend that you start up the cocktail hour sooner rather than later. I've herad stories of people actually leaving and not coming back due to the gap.</div><div>
    </div><div>Center pieces are only really noticed if they block the view of people at the table you're with, so I'd say keep them small. </div><div>
    </div><div>Also the favors aren't such a huge deal. I'm probably cutting them from my wedding just for monetary reasons.</div>
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  • Holly, your sig pic is so cute.
  • This is probably unique to my family situation, but I always notice if there are flashing lights on the dance floor. My mom is epileptic and can't be around them. It's something to consider if you have anyone with that sensitivity. 
  • We had to wait for-fucking-ever at my BIL's wedding my them to finish pictures so that we could eat (no cocktail hour since it was an apps reception).  You can bet your ass I remember that.  
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  • I pay attention to how the guests and WP are treated. At BIL's wedding, the bride made the MOH mop the floor. I wanted to punch her right then.

    I don't give a damn about centerpieces or favors (well, I like pretty flowers, but I don't care how you decorate your tables).

    Ditto PPs on the booze situation. A dry wedding is fine, but don't make me pay for anything.

    If there's a dj, I notice how loud the music is. I get that dance music is loud, but if it's so loud I can't hear the server asking me what kind of cake I want, it's too loud. Not every guest at a wedding dances, and it's nice to not have to bust out earplugs just to attend a reception.
  • Remember: food, DJ, atmosphere, bride's dress... that's about it. I don't really pay much attention to the decor unless it's really beautiful or different than the norm in some way. I don't care about favors (unless it's a candy/cookie bar or a photobooth).
  • I always remember if the food is good or not, the way the venue looks, the line at the bar... I might be biased because I worked at a catering hall but I'm extremely observant of the service. I notice right away the littlest things, like if someone drops a glass, I expect the broken glass to be cleared straight away. At my friends wedding a bartender dropped a glass. It apparently wasn't cleaned up and someone cut their foot on it. At the same place someone dropped a tray of appetizers right in the doorway. It took awhile for someone to clear it up and people kept accidentally stepping in it. I also notice if the bartender talks too much and if people are dancing.
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  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I don't know what details you're looking for.  Hopefully, something here is useful.

    Food: Good food and plenty of it is always important, but my favorite wedding food was the lamb roasted on an open pit by members of the family, because it was part of their heritage, and uniquely memorable.

    Alcohol: I have fond memories of the small, casual wedding when the bride and groom called all their friends and family over to share a shot of their favorite whiskey in place of the traditional toast.  I actually have less fond memories of an open bar, because along with the free yummy drinks came memories of my uncles double fisting appletinis and a drunken aborted FOB speech.

    Cake: An awesome delicious apple spice cake at one.  At a different wedding, the traditional white flowers on white look was less memorable than the spread on the dessert table.

    Toasts: When given by a natural public speaker who adds humor, great.  When given only as an obligation, or when they don't engage the audience, boring.  When given by someone who gets drunk during cocktail hour, skip.

    Photography: I don't like when the photographer is all up in everyone's business, so you can't actually see the bride and groom.  I prefer a more discrete approach.  Also, if doing photography before, please have someone available to greet your guests who actually knows what's going on.  Don't take everyone in the know away for pics and strand the rest wandering aimlessly with conflicting information.

    Memorable personal details: Bride and groom leaving in a horse-drawn carriage (pretty horseys yay), or walkng down the aisle between rows of toy lightsabers held by ther wedding party.  The little boy rice-hander-outer who loudly announced "My daddy's wearing my mommy's underwear!" to the assembled.  Groomsmen in top hats and canes and pocket watches, and bridesmaids with parasols.   The things that show personality are always nice to see.

    Favors:  Eh, I don't really care much either way.  Chocolate is chocolate, and the pretty box, bag, or plastic trinket they come in always get thown away eventually anyhow.

    Sentiment:  One of the lowest budget ceremonies was also the most beautiful, because the emotion was palpable and genuine.  I cried. The highest budget was the most orchestrated, and the emotion showed through least.

    Cocktail Hour:  You don't need both heavy appetizers and a full meal.  Most of the weddings I've been to, oddly, didn't have one.  Works fine if you don't have a gap.  If you do have a gap, fill it with something.

    Themes:  Don't bother trying to involve your guests.  They won't play along.

    Aisle Runner:  If you're outside, skip.

    Location: The big budget country club was swank, but not distinctive. Outside a manor on the grass under the trees was beautiful.  Inside the local odd fellows hall with plain white drywall walls was a jarring contrast to elegant Victorian garb, and could have used more decoration. 

    Seating: I know everyone else here likes assigned tables, but the stand-out results I've enjoyed were at smaller weddings, one without assignments from the start, and one where we ditched the assignments and rearranged ourselves early on.  The larger, more formal receptions with assigned tables wheren't bad, just meh.

    Music: One wedding let us request songs of the DJ to dedicate to the couple.  Another had a family friend sing at the ceremony.  

    Dances:  One bride gave the bouquet to the longest married couple, as revealed during a couples dance.  I liked that.  The open-bar wedding only had young drunks on the dance floor - honestly, the cheesy family group dances at the casual wedding were more fun, and encouraged more mingling.

    Flowers:  Eh, I don't know that I've every really remembered the flowers for long.
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  • Oooh, I forgot about the gap at one of my friends wedding. It was a PITA. It was in the city, too, so it wasn't like we could just go home, as some people on here suggest. From what I understand, they kept that tradition(?) so the bridal party could take pictures around the city or something.
    image
  • Regarding the gaps: I totally agree that they suck, but unfortunately if you want to be married in a Catholic Church and want to have an evening reception, you sometimes have to deal with it. My ceremony is going to be from 3-4pm and our reception isn't till 6pm. Nothing I can do about it except have an earlier reception...but our venue won't allow it, so looks like there will be a gap. I know some people will have a problem with it, but hopefully the rest of the reception will make up for it. :(


    I definitely never ever remember flowers and I certainly don't care about favors. I always remember the bride's gown. Most important, though, are probably the food and music. I think it's fair to say that we all agree on those being pretty important because they really have the most effect on your guests' enjoyment 

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  • kimberlykhkimberlykh member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I've been to about 50 or so weddings and these are the things I remember:
     I remember if the bride and groom seemed gracious to their guests and make an attempt to say hi/acknowledge them.
    The overall flow- like if the reception is always stopping for some sort of toast, special dance, or something.
    I've never been to a cash bar, but I'm sure I'd remember that. 
    Food only if it is especially bad or especially good.
    Personal touches (i.e. photos of the couple).
    How fast (or slow) the thank-you note came.
    But, by far the thing I remember most is how much fun I had (which is usually about the booze and the crowd and probably the music)

    I don't remember: cake, flowers, the bride's dress, bridesmaid's dresses, invitations, menu cards, centerpieces, favors.

    It was kind-of therapeutic writing this because some of the things I never remember are the exact details I'm stressing about right now!
  • Cash bars would make me want to leave. After spending money on travel, hotel and a gift you can bet I want some "free" booze! Not getting enough to eat has happened at the last two weddings. Also, I traveled for one wedding where there wasn't enough chairs for the ceremony....or reception. I stood for like 6 hours!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad2da68-5d0e-4164-89cd-b89e43aefb34Post:ad7a7ef9-af37-4d79-bece-ce7459fa444f">Re: As a wedding guest.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Regarding the gaps: I totally agree that they suck, but unfortunately if you want to be married in a Catholic Church and want to have an evening reception, you sometimes have to deal with it. My ceremony is going to be from 3-4pm and our reception isn't till 6pm. <strong>Nothing I can do about it except have an earlier reception...but our venue won't allow it</strong>, so looks like there will be a gap. 
    Posted by bridetobe71412[/QUOTE]

    <div>Or use a different venue.</div><div>
    </div><div>Sorry, but it's not a church issue; it's ultimately on the couple. It says that they prioritized their choice of reception venue over their guests' time and comfort. </div>
  • I remember the dress and if the bride was pretty (I HATE when people look like strangers), I remember if the food was bad or if I had to pay for my alcohol and if the dollar dance goes on for freaking eternity. I always remember if the cake was good. I remeber if the general easthic worked but not the little breakdown of stuff.

    The most memorable ever goes to my friends bridesmaid (his sister), dress BARELY covred her ass or her boobs, hair like a birdsnest, 10-15 rings, 8 earrings, 15 ish necklaces, all tattoos showing...or so we thought until someone mentioned them at dinner and we got an IN-DETAIL description of the 3 not showing...TMI
  • Music. Food. Brides dress. Centerpieces. And if they had any other fun things. I always remember the music. Because it determines if I had a good time or not. After my wedding everyone kept saying how great my DJ was! And well, he was! Everyone danced all night and the reception was amazing! I definitely spent a lot on my DJ but it was so worth it.
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