As a wedding guest.....

tenofcups4me

In the short term, I remember almost all of it. Like if I'm describing a wedding to my sister the next day, she'll hear details about everything from how the invitation read to the centerpieces to what the apps were.

I rarely can describe in any kind of detail what the bride wore, besides to say if she looked great or just ok, and I never notice bridesmaids dresses or men's clothing unless it's really unusual. I'm far more likely to remember guests' clothing than bridal party clothing.

I'm most interested in overall ambiance, centerpieces, food, cocktail hour, music and dancing. I would include bar, but top-shelf open bar is pretty much the norm in my crowd so I don't really notice the bar unless it's not that.

But in the long term, months or years later, I remember:

- a particularly nice ceremony and ones that I find offensively religious or sexist
- food only if it was very good or bad, though I do tend to remember which cocktail hours were "spectacular"
- bar only if there was something weird about it (like we went to a wedding where they had scotch, but only for people who knew the "code" -- weird)
- overall ambiance (country club vs. church basement, gorgeous centerpieces vs. none, cool lighting) 
- the way the bride and groom acted (gracious and mingling with guests or I never saw them)
- overall feel of the wedding -- if the band was good and people were dancing or if I was just putting in time till I was able to go home


So mostly I remember the overall feel and anything that was especially good or bad.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad2da68-5d0e-4164-89cd-b89e43aefb34Post:de47608d-31cb-4d5e-a65b-2bea341221d4">Re: As a wedding guest.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: As a wedding guest..... : Or use a different venue. Sorry, but it's not a church issue; it's ultimately on the couple. It says that they prioritized their choice of reception venue over their guests' time and comfort. 
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]


I'm going to have to agree with you. You can't blame the Catholic religion for a choice you make.

At my friends wedding with the gap, the only real downside was the gap. The food was great, the venue was gorgeous, the music was good... but that gap was just awful. The day was long and half if it was spent killing time in a diner.

mandctaft

I remember the food and the dancing the most. Things that bother me at all the weddings I've been to is the amount of time between dinner and dancing.

Well, at my cousin's wedding, we were at the reception site for over an hour and a half before they even got there. While they had snacks, there was no where near enough, so I had a few crackers and some grapes. Dinner was fabulous and mor than made up for it though. But there were their dances, and speeches and cake and everything before the rest of the dancing. It was almost 4.5 hours between when we got there and any dancing. We we so bored.

Some thing at the other weddings. So much time between food and dancing. It gets boring.

We plan on being as quick as possible with pics, being announced, doing first dance, then food, then father/daughter, mother/son, WP dances. Then doing some dances, then cake after a little while, then more dancing! We want to keep people entertained.

sweetcanadian1979

Cash bars do not bother me as i live in an area where that is what it usually is. I have only been to 2 weddings where they had open bar, so to us we know no different, usually the drinks are only a couple dollars though, doesn't matter if it is beer or liquor. Usually 2 bottles of wine per table or a couple free drinks. 

I remember the food, the attire (if the bridesmaids look like tramps with their boobs all over the place etc)

I remember how in love the bride & groom do or don't look. 

i remember if the speeches took an hour while we sit there with a closed bar waiting on something to do.

I remember if there is a huge gap (an hour doesn't bother me). Every single cocktail hour i have been too does NOT serve any sort of app. We are doing munchies (veggies/fruit, chips etc) during the cocktail hour as we are having a bbq so we are sticking with the theme, but with enough food for everyone. It will totally throw everyone off as usually there is no food, just drinks.

If i have to wait a long time i am left having no clue what to do with my time, not enough to get changed & do something else but long enough that i am bored. 

I do NOT remember centerpieces, nor do i care about them, other than commenting that they look pretty, i bring one home if they are not rented & the bride says i can, while i have them displayed some i do not remember from which wedding i got them from, though i remember most of them.

I do not care about the favors, i think oh cute! throw them in my purse & find them months later. 

I also side eye guests who look like tramps, who are barely covering their tits & ass. I think it is discusting going to a wedding looking like a hooker. IMO only. 

The music, i have spent many a wedding not dancing because the dj sucked. The band we hired had the dancefloor packed at the last wedding we attended who hired them, hearing them at a wedding & seeing that was a total bonus & the reason we have hired them.

Hair & make up, seems silly but i love it when a bride looks gorgeous. I have seen some major flops & i felt horrible for those brides, trials people trials. 

cebrady89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad2da68-5d0e-4164-89cd-b89e43aefb34Post:a6896673-5a80-4abf-8eea-b79223957a27">Re: As a wedding guest.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: As a wedding guest..... : I'm going to have to agree with you. You can't blame the Catholic religion for a choice you make. At my friends wedding with the gap, the only real downside was the gap. The food was great, the venue was gorgeous, the music was good... but that gap was just awful. The day was long and half if it was spent killing time in a diner.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>I sympathize with having those gaps. They are annoying, but sometimes you really can't help it. My church will only do weddings at 1pm. They refused to budge on it, and it's important to us to be married in the Church. But I want my guests to have a full meal, since many are coming from out of town. So I'm having a two hour gap during which time guests are welcome at either my parents house for light appetizers or at my fiance's parents house for the same. Then an awesome reception with tons of food, drinks, and dancing. I don't think people will mind that much.</div><div>
</div><div>Gaps CAN be bad, but they don't have to be. It's not always the couple's "fault". </div><div>
</div><div>And if guests are annoyed by gaps - it's not like you didn't know about it when you got the invitation. Plan ahead, or just skip the ceremony and come to the reception. </div>

cebrady89

Things I remember:

- Centerpieces: yes, I remember centerpieces vividly. I appreciate the time and planning that goes into designing tablescapes, so I always make a note of what centerpieces/florals people have

- Stationery: I'm a sucker for pretty papers, engraving, letterpress, elaborate invites, etc.

- Food!!

- Drinks: Cash bar ruins my night because I never think to bring cash to a wedding. Not that I need to drink to have a good time, but I always remember that I was unpleasantly surprised at having to pay for drinks.

- Music/Dancing: Good music and a nonawkward DJ are key.

- Flow: awkward breaks in the reception, weird announcements from the DJ about what is about to happen. Ew.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad2da68-5d0e-4164-89cd-b89e43aefb34Post:de47608d-31cb-4d5e-a65b-2bea341221d4">Re: As a wedding guest.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: As a wedding guest..... : Or use a different venue. Sorry, but it's not a church issue; it's ultimately on the couple. It says that they prioritized their choice of reception venue over their guests' time and comfort. 
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

Yup, this!

MRads

I agree with a lot of what pp said, especially gaps.  I hate it when weddings don't run on time too.  I took an entire day (or more) of my time to celebrate you and your spouse.  Please be curteous of my time.

Honestly, I'm not really into details, so what I notice most is the thought the couple put into the ceremony and reception, how welcoming and thankful they are to the guest, and more than anything, if the bride and groom are enjoying themselves and their guests at their wedding.  Nothing is worse, in my mind, than a bride who can't relax and enjoy the day they've been planning for months.  I have the most fun when the couple is perfect for each other and they've really thought about the wedding as a time to celebrate their relationship with each other and the people they've invited.

krizzo17

Whether or not you can hear the ceremony. Call me old fashioned, but I'm really there to see you get married, not for the dinner that follows (although I do appreciate that!). Nothing annoys me more than sitting somewhere (usually outside) for 20+ minutes watching the bride and groom move their mouths, and all I hear is traffic/the ocean/nothing at all.

HuckSC

Ok biggest gripe from a BM point of view. We had to be at the church after the wedding to take additional pictures so we arrived to the reception venue after all the guests. Well when we finally get inside and go to the buffett line, the majority of the food is gone and we get to pick over scraps. Yay. I only got a light brunch at 10 am and now I don't get a full meal at dinner. Oh not to mention I was told my hotel room was taken care of and when I check in they ask me how I will be paying.

HeatherMKR

My cousin's wedding was very low key and casual (mainly due to finacial reasons). My fiance wore jeans and a dress shirt. The reception was in a rental hall in a park (cool, been there before for weddings). However, it was SO cramped and it felt like everyone was breathing on you. And that was during the H1N1 outbreak, and my aunt (cousin's mother) had it and was just all up in people's faces talking. ugh! My point here is that I remember how easily I can navigate through the hall to get food, beer, go to the bathroom, etc. Yeah you can have 300 people, but putting them in a space that's only meant for 200-250 makes a difference.

Likes:

I love favors at weddings, especially if they're candy. 

Salad dressings other than ranch. I don't care for ranch dressing so this is something I always notice lol.

The bride's dress

Dislikes:

I cannot stand those little bells that people ring for kissing. Cute the first time, not the entire evening. 

If it's a wedding of more than 50 people, have a seating chart. My aunt had 150 at hers, and no seating chart. Leaving my mom and little brother without some place to sit. They ended up sitting outside. My dad and I were in the wedding and had no idea until half way through the meal.

CarleyBo

Hated:
cash bars
LONG waits between plated courses
Not enough food
place card tree (really pretty but took 20 minutes walking around it tryng to find my name)
Band doing bad renditions of classic songs
long wait in receptio hall without food/music/drinks while WP took pictures

Loved:
Photo booth!  Great favor and ways to have fun and remember the friends there
Variety at bar (not all red/white wines taste the same)
Food quality - very important
Bride and Grooms that wanted to kick back and have a good time

calliopeia2013

Memorable things generally:

I pretty much always remember venues, especially if they're cool.  Sometimes this involves a pros/cons tradeoff, like the one wedding I went to on an mountainside cliff only accessible by offroad vehicle or helicopter.  Beautiful scenery, total  PITA to get to. 

I don't usually care about the food, unless it's gotten cold.

I care about good vibes from the crowd generally- a lot of which is affected by free-flowing booze, and by a good DJ.  (Don't play the music so loud that people can't talk instead of dance if they prefer!)

And I remember anything particularly uncomfortable--pretty much any outdoor wedding I've ever been to was too hot/cold/wet/buggy; long lines for bathrooms (or gross bathrooms); too-loud music as mentioned above; bands that are painful to listen to, etc.  Oh, and when the ceremony makes me uncomfortable because it's offensive in some way- one particularly memorable one involved the pastor's looooong sermon on how the "obey" part of "love, honor, and obey" was the most important because God made women subordinate to men and that therefore it was a woman's duty to submit to her husband in all things and you couldn't have a good marriage without it, etc.  That was awkward to sit through.

And I don't actually mind gaps.  I mean, they're kind of annoying, but most of my family belongs to churches where they're pretty much a requirement, so I just think of them as a necessary evil.

froggatt.clare

- Food, food, food.  Especially vegetarian options (and interesting ones, I have eaten more pasta primavera than I care to remember.)  I definitely judge bad food.
- Booze, and whether or not I have to pay for it.  I get that not everyone can afford top shelf alcohol, but we were at a wedding over the summer where my FI got the impression that the bar would be hosted for an hour, then cash.  We got there and it was ALL cash, so our idea of loading up on drinks early on went out the window.  I get its a regional thing, but when you have a lot of guests not from that region, it just seems rude.
- Dancing.  I don't really care about bad music (to a point), but if you have a dance floor and music, gosh darn it there should be dancing!
- Attire.  This includes what the bride AND bridesmaids wear, and whether or not the birdesmaids look comfortable. 
- Ditto everyone else about gaps.
- Ceremony length.  Maybe since I'm not Catholic, I never realized how long wedding masses could be.  I'm a preacher's kid and I'm  used to my Dad taking 30-45 minutes MAX to marry a couple.

entropicbeauty

Because I'm a graphic designer, I ALWAYS remember the invitations and any paper products and whether the designs all coordinated or clashed.

I also remember how good the bar was (selection wise, not talking about top or bottom shelf liquor, but if they only had rum and vodka versus a full bar), never been to a cash bar but you better believe I'd remember and gripe about that.

Food is a big one that I remember (and we will gripe about it after the wedding if it was sub-par).

And then there's also gaps - this is probably my biggest pet peeve about weddings (I understand why there are gaps, I just find them SEVERELY annoying)...this is why we're going to take all of our photos before the ceremony so that at most our "gap" between ceremony and wedding will be is 20 minutes (ceremony and reception are at the same location). Totally understand why most weddings can't go this way, FI and I just happen to not care whether we see eachother before the ceremony.

amys325

Personally, I only remember things that are different and unique.  So many weddings are so generic and similar that nothing really stands out. 

Also, GOOD food.  I normally just assume that the food is going to be horrible and it normally is.  I've been 2 two weddings (out of at least 20) where the food was amazing and memorable. 

And the thing that I think a lot of people feel the need to spend a lot of money on, but I don't even think twice about....Invitations.  I throw them out almost immediately. 

Bonzo2011

Since most of my own responses are similar to other ladies, I asked FI to give you a male perspective. He remembers: -watching the processional, but has no idea what happened during the ceremony -good food stays in his brain -he remembers my friend almost hyperventilating while thanking guests for coming to her wedding -if the location is very nice -easy access to beverages -garter toss--at my friends wedding a 9 year old boy caught the garter and wore it on his head for the rest of the reception -staring into the sun during one wedding was bad -bride looking beautiful (not necessarily the details of the outfit, but the overall look) I hope this helps. I found it interesting to find out what FI remembers!

futuremrsgates

My cousin's wedding was an extravagant affair - completely beautiful and amazing until we found out friends and family were staying after to clean up. What? No one had told us and we're in evening gowns and tuxes, sweating our butts off loading sodas and whiskey into everyone's cars three floors below! I don't think I've ever seen my dad that angry, and it kind of killed whatever good impressions she'd made with her wedding.

Not enough dancing for me, kills a wedding. There's nothing more saddening to me than a great DJ with an empty floor.

I don't think a dry wedding is cool. Ever, but that's how my family rolls. If you're against liquor, or have struggling alcoholics, I say at least give people the OPTION and host a cash bar, but post a sign explaining your reasons. I've heard countless stories of receptions that end after dinner because of a lack of alcohol.

I hardly if ever remember the food, but then again, it's never been BAD. My cousin had On the Border cater her wedding and it was soooo good! Everyone had one burrito and was stuffed. She told me it only cost her around $3000 for 180 guests, so my FI is definitely pushing for it. He loved it. 

One of the most memorable weddings I ever went to was a shotgun wedding (bride was 4 months pregnant) in an aluminum-siding church followed by a cake and punch reception in the back of the church then a party at her MIL's house. Something about how little attention had been paid to the un-necessities made it seem more real and genuine - like the wedding really was about Eric & Ashley, not how pretty the non-existent centerpieces were.

Carla1019

Never thought to ask my FI ...good idea.

Dislikes
He said he notices if the Bride and BMs are wearing too much make-up. He doesn't like giving women hugs and make-up ends up on his suit.

Doesn't like sweetheart tables. He was in a wedding and the B&G had to keep looking for the WP for toasts.

Likes
Good food
Good music
Funny wedding sermons

hansa11

What a good question...would have helped me in my own wedding planning.  To think about the things I stressed about that no one was going to care about or remember anyway...

Things I liked:

- Good food!  So often the food at weddings isn't that good or exciting, so if you have good food, people will remember. 
- Enough food and drinks - If you keep guests fed and hydrated, they'll be happy.  That means plenty to eat and drink during every part of the ceremony - cocktail hour, if guests have to wait around while pictures are being taken, if the main meal is going to be later...
- Programs - I know these aren't necessary, but I do like knowing who everyone is and what's going on during the ceremony, especially if there are customs I'm not familiar with.

Things I didn't like:

- #1, more than anything that happened at the reception, is the lack of a proper thank you note for my gift - I really do notice who didn't send me a thank you note and I don't forget.  Please sit down with pen and paper, write a proper note and send it in the mail.  At one wedding, as we entered the reception, we were diverted into a line where we had to wait and have a picture with the bride and groom.  Later on during the reception, the photographer's helper went to each table and handed us a card with the photo inside and a pre-printed message something along the lines of "Thank you for sharing our wedding with us and for your lovely gift."  After another wedding, we received an e-mail (or I should say, my husband received the e-mail since it was only sent to his address) with a pdf attachment of a (presumably photo-copied) hand-written note thanking us for our gift.  At least that one was a personalized note, but come on, don't be so lazy. 
- Music that's so loud you can't talk to the people at your own table.
- Long gaps - I can tolerate gaps under two hours if there's a drive to the reception and guests are taken care of with some sort of cocktail hour or other event.  But I think it's rude to be left to fend for ourselves for too long, especially when you know the wedding party is riding around in a limo bar hopping.

amys325

Oh and I definitely remember the booze and if you cut me off during dinner I will remember you and your wedding forever.  Cutting off wine during dinner is unacceptable!

Edited because I forgot a word.

stefaniewattie

WOW!!! Im astounded at the amount of response I got!! Clearly this was the right board to post on!

Thank you all so much, It has really helped me put things into perspective..and I got a few good laughs as well!

tanyanubin

I don't remember most food, unless it's amazing. I still remember the baby lambchops at one wedding 10 years ago! I DO remember the best and the worst DJ/Bands though. To me that colors the whole reception. I feel that a great one can make a reception, and a lousy one can really drag it down. I hardly ever remember flowers, unless they are totally fabulous. And I can't tell you what favors I've ever gotten. I usually throw them away quickly. I asked a close friend what favors she had at her daughter's wedding recently. SHE didn't even remember! So, for my daughter's upcoming wedding, we will skip favors, and have a photobooth instead. (He proposed to her in a photo booth...it was special to them both because they went to one on their first date)

Elinetrouwt

Oh, you guys make me scared! I'm looking for a DJ, I can't find any one I like and I don't know how you are supposed to know someone's good. I mean, with the photographer I could watch the portfolio. I'm nervous about it already and now I realise this will make or break the reception

I haven't been to many weddings, but the one thing I remember from each one is the venue, the way it looked and how it reflected on the couple's personalities.

I haven't been to weddings with large gaps, but I'd hate them. You can avoid them, no one requires you to have a gap: you can always move the reception to another time, choose a different kind of ceremony, or fill the gap with some activity. I have been actively avoiding a big gap and I'm proud of it .

futuremrsgates

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad2da68-5d0e-4164-89cd-b89e43aefb34Post:bfa4293a-e5ae-45f2-9715-4e72081383b5">Re: As a wedding guest.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, you guys make me scared! I'm looking for a DJ, I can't find any one I like and I don't know how you are supposed to know someone's good. I mean, with the photographer I could watch the portfolio. I'm nervous about it already and now I realise this will make or break the reception :( I haven't been to many weddings, but the one thing I remember from each one is the venue, the way it looked and how it reflected on the couple's personalities. I haven't been to weddings with large gaps, but I'd hate them. You can avoid them, no one requires you to have a gap: you can always move the reception to another time, choose a different kind of ceremony, or fill the gap with some activity. I have been actively avoiding a big gap and I'm proud of it :).
Posted by Elinetrouwt[/QUOTE]

<div>Most DJ's will have a video you can watch on their website or youtube. If not, request an invitation or drop by another wedding he's performing at just to see him - but make sure it's cool with the B&G first!</div>