How to handle an RSVP switcheroo?

stinapeterson

I sent an email to a good friend from college and her husband, to give them a heads up regarding my wedding date --- they live abroad, so I wanted to give them as much notice as possible. (our save the dates don't go out for a little while). Based on earlier conversations, I was under the impression that this friend would either attend the wedding with her husband, or on her own. However, she replied saying that she would like to bring her sister as her date.

Since I haven't sent the official invite yet, I can't claim that her sister is not on the invitation. However, our reception venue is extremely expensive and I've had to work hard to cut down the list to include close friends and their spouses. No one else is bringing a family member/friend, if they are bringing dates it's a spouse or a long-term boyfriend.

I'm afraid that this friend won't come at all if she can't bring her sister. Help, please!

baystateapple

You already budgeted for her to have a plus one, and she's coming from overseas.  Please just let her bring her sister.

littleluckypenny

Let her bring her sister, ESPECIALLY if they live abroad and have to travel such a long distance for your wedding!  You were going to invite this person with the husband anyway, so I don't see what the problem is.  You were already anticipating 2 people.

Simply Fated

Did you write in the email their names, specifically? Because emails should be treated the same as snail mail letters, which specific names written on them to avoid confusion.

Because they live abroad, I would let her bring a companion if her husband can't make it.

annakb8

Honestly I'd let it go an let her bring her sister. If she lives abroad they probably don't get to spend that much time together and she is probably trying to maximize her time at home. Plus, you had counted on two people anyway. 

andreamarie77

If you were originally going to invite her and her spouse, that would have you accommodating 2 people anyway. So why would it be bad if she's subsituting her sister for her spouse? That's still a count of 2 people. She's not bringing them both, so it's not costing you any extra if you were originally planning on her and her spouse coming.

My FI's aunt is coming without her husband, she's bringing her daughter instead. It didn't change our count, so it's not a problem.

cindyn9178

I do feel it is rude or your friend to do this. You've already budgeted for her husband, so I'd just let her bring her sister if she wants to.

jessicabessica

While I generally don't think you need to let guests substitute another guest if their SO cannot make it, I would make an exception here, since your friend is coming from overseas.  I would write back something like, "Ok, well I am inviting you and your H, and I really hope you both can make it, but let me know if you think he cannot and your sister will come instead."

jemmini6

It's rude for guests to assume that they can just switch out whomever they want on invites, but in this case, I think it's justified (she still should have asked, not told you).  She's coming from overseas, and you already budgeted for a guest, so I'd just let this one go.

chumlee7478

If you've already budgeted her with a plus one, is it a big deal if her date isn't her husband? I agree, she should have asked.  But is it a deal breaker for you? 

stinapeterson

If she was coming from abroad just to attend my wedding, I'd definitely be more accommodating right off the bat, but this is a stopover on her trip. New to this and want to anticipate questions my parents will have (as they are limited in the number they can accommodate, and we need the headcount to come down even farther).

Thanks for your examples of how you've handled similar situations, it's very helpful.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_handle-rsvp-switcheroo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c1a26d7-fa43-4234-8c1d-c1adb6262e1aPost:c7ef35c7-5eec-4907-b3df-97ea0143609a">Re: How to handle an RSVP switcheroo?</a>:
[QUOTE]If she was coming from abroad just to attend my wedding, I'd definitely be more accommodating right off the bat, but this is a stopover on her trip. New to this and want to anticipate questions my parents will have (as they are limited in the number they can accommodate, and we need the headcount to come down even farther). Thanks for your examples of how you've handled similar situations, it's very helpful.
Posted by stinapeterson[/QUOTE]

I see what you're saying with the first part, but consider that if her sister lives here, she probably doesn't see her very often.  She's not going to be spending your entire wedding hanging out with you, so it would be nice for her to get to see someone else that she doesn't get to spend too much time with.  If the sister lives near her, disregard. 

Laurmi

If she's coming from far away, please let her have a plus one. Otherwise it's pretty lonely feeling for her, I'd imagine.

Laura 

2012FutureMrsB

I agree with PP's. Give her the plus one. I've lived overseas before and it's no fun traveling that far by yourself. If you were already budgeting for her husband to come, then money isn't an issue.

sweetcanadian1979

I would just say to your parents, her husband can not attend but being that she is coming from far away (won't know many i am assuming) i am letting her bring her sister as i want this friend there & i want her to be as comfortable as possible. Yes it may be expensive per head (you picked the venue so your choice) but it is expensive for her to come as well.