NWR: Should I go home?

shoegal715

I'm on the fence with this one. 

FIs step-mom's mom passed away yesterday and the funeral and visitation are thurs and friday.

I go to school 4 hours away, and am leaving for Europe on Monday. 

I don't have classes thurs and friday, and I have a car so I CAN get back, but ugh it's such a long drive and I cant' really afford the $100 it would cost me in gas. 

FI isn't going to the funeral - he can't take the time off work. He is going to the visitation. FI said he doesn't care what I do, I can stay if I want he doesn't think his dad would care.

I've never met the woman who died, but I am close with her daughter, FIs step-mom.

What would you do? Suck it up and drive back, or is it ok to just send a card with fiance?

Catwoman708

I think because you've never met the deceased, you are out of town, and because of school and the fact that you are about to leave on a long trip, I'd beg off. 

But I'd also call FFIL and FSIL to express my sympathies, and send a card or flowers. 

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-should-home-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:526cfe0d-98e0-44dd-b5ef-6c8615669f73Post:f1b2dacb-db39-4782-ada6-3471872fbdf9">Re: NWR: Should I go home?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think because you've never met the deceased, you are out of town, and because of school and the fact that you are about to leave on a long trip, I'd beg off.  But I'd also call FFIL and FSIL to express my sympathies, and send a card or flowers. 
Posted by Catwoman708[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

aMrsin09

Yep, what they said.

[Deleted User]

I am sorry about the loss.

It sounds like you have some unusual circumstances, so I think sending a card and some flowers would be appropriate in this situation.

leah2b

I am going to give a contrary perspective here.  My father died recently and even though I am not the type of person to expect anything from anyone or ever ask for it, it was really nice to see people I didn't even know take the time out of their lives to travel and pay respects for my Dad.  Losing a parent, no matter how old you are, is devastating.  Some people really surprised me by their show of support for our family and for my Dad and I will never forget it.  Before he passed away, I didn't really understand the importance of this.  For instance, prior to that, my husband's step-mother's mother passed away.  We went to the visiting hours but didn't stay for the funeral.  I regret it now.  If you can swing it, I would say do it because it is a really nice gesture and show of support for your future step-mom.  If you really can't due to travel and expenses,  you are still going to the visitation hours. Not trying to make you feel at all guilty for not attending if you can't - just giving you another perspective from someone who has been there, as you said you were on the fence about it.