Wedding Etiquette Forum

Jack and Jill invitation wording

Hi everyone, I need your help! I'm the MOH and the bride wants us to throw a Jack and Jill for her. She doesn't want any gifts because she already has everything. So in place of gifts she wants cash. Is there any way I can write something on the invite that doesn't scream "Give them cash!" She wants me to write something like "I lieu of gifts please donate to the honeymoon fund." Is this rude? Is there any proper etiquette for this?

Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording

  • Oh super jesus this is terrible all the way around.

    Um no there is no proper etiquette for this- this screams rude. If she doesn;t need anything she really doens't need a shower. This is just a money grab

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  • Please do not do this. A shower is for physical gifts.

    If I got that invite (no matter how you word it) I would decline and think the bride was tacky & classless. Plus, I don't want to pay for their sexfest. I would want to get them a gift to start their married life.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-and-jill-invitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52e4979b-ba6f-466a-9a63-a6f8e2783ab9Post:b1205c90-400c-4706-b9a9-8c3a814b519f">Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Jack and Jill invitation wording : There is no proper way to ever ask for gifts or cash. Your friend should also not be requesting parties be thrown for her.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, I don't see the point in having a Jack and Jill in this case.  </div>
  • If she doesn't want anything tangible, don't throw her a shower.  Spread by word of mouth that the couple isn't registered.  People will get the idea.
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  • I would tell that bride she was out of her mind. There is no nice way to ask for cash, and if she wants cash then there should be no shower.

  • What's the point of even having a shower if all they want is cash?  Let's sit around while we all open cards over and over that contain cash.  What fun!  Not.  They need to not register, not have a shower and NOT ask for money.  People will ususally get the hint and bring money in cards to the wedding, but money should never be asked for.
  • I agree with PPS, the bride should do a very small registry or no registry at all.
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  • Speechless. "Hi MOH, please throw me a party in which you request that people donate cash for my vacation." No, no, no. Please don't do this.
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  • If she "has everything" why does she even want a shower? I think I would try and steer her in another direction. You cannot ask for cash.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Showers are for gifts.  If they don't want any physical gifts, they should decline the shower.  Asking for cash is rude.

    Tell your friend that you are uncomfortable throwing such a shower and that if she doesn't want gifts, you'll just skip the party.  You could offer to throw an engagement party or other non-gift party instead if you just want to throw a party.
  • sparent2010sparent2010 member
    1000 Comments
    edited March 2012
    Bay I think you and I are in the parallel universe for this thread b/c all I see is your response

    ETA: Now everything shows up... wtf. Whatever
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  • Asking for money in any way, shape or form is tacky. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. There is no way to politely word a cash only invite, it will scream "GIVE ME MONEY" no matter how you word it. People will give what they want to give.
  • The whole point of a shower is to *shower* the bride with gifts, so usually people expect to give a gift off a registry, not cash.  So if she doesn't want physical gifts, I'm not sure that a shower is really necessary.

    And there's no good way to ask for cash.  It's just tacky.  If she doesn't have a shower or a registry, most people will reasonably assume that the couple prefers cash instead of gifts.
  • I'm going to skip saying how rude the bride is... everyone else has already covered that.  But, I believe a Jack & Jill is an event where the guests pay a "cover charge" or a flat fee for drink tickets and a chance to win door prizes.  So there would be no gifts anyway.
    Or is a Jack & Jill different in other places?

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  • Is this the kind of Jack and Jill shower where people buy tickets and the money goes to the B&G?  Or it is actually a couples shower?
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  • MrsKathyC, earlier today there was this same question on these boards.  Several of the posters mentioned that in upper new england/canada jack and jills are what you described.  I had never heard of that where I live.  I have always thought of jack and jills as a cute name for a couple's shower.... that said, after hearing what people think of them in other parts of the country I would never ever have one and call it that, because some guests might associate it with what you described.

    OP, like everybody else has mentioned, this is rude.  If she wants a party and you are willing to throw one for her even though she was rude and asked, maybe host a backyard BBQ or something along those lines?  I would make it clear it's NOT a shower, however - if she's rude enough to want this sort of party then she's probably rude enough to be impolite about any physical gifts guests would bring.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-and-jill-invitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:52e4979b-ba6f-466a-9a63-a6f8e2783ab9Post:bf0f3964-3bf2-4bc7-970c-b3cc598f63b6">Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm going to skip saying how rude the bride is... everyone else has already covered that.  But, I believe a Jack & Jill is an event where the guests pay a "cover charge" or a flat fee for drink tickets and a chance to win door prizes.  So there would be no gifts anyway. Or is a Jack & Jill different in other places?
    Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]

    It's different in different parts of the country - in some places, "Jack and Jill" just means "co-ed shower" (so it's a traditional bridal shower, except that the bride and groom both attend and the guest list is co-ed).
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-and-jill-invitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52e4979b-ba6f-466a-9a63-a6f8e2783ab9Post:bf0f3964-3bf2-4bc7-970c-b3cc598f63b6">Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm going to skip saying how rude the bride is... everyone else has already covered that.  But, I believe a Jack & Jill is an event where the guests pay a "cover charge" or a flat fee for drink tickets and a chance to win door prizes.  So there would be no gifts anyway. Or is a Jack & Jill different in other places?
    Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]

    <div>I guess J&J means different things in different places. Where I'm from J&J just means that men are invited as well. I've never heard of it done the way you mention. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-and-jill-invitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52e4979b-ba6f-466a-9a63-a6f8e2783ab9Post:1188a936-3425-42be-8022-06fb9f54432b">Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording : I guess J&J means different things in different places. Where I'm from J&J just means that men are invited as well. I've never heard of it done the way you mention. 
    Posted by Squishy'sGal[/QUOTE]

    <div>Actually where I'm from (NYC), we don't even call it a J&J. If the guys come, we don't call it a shower at all. As a matter of fact I've never been to nor do I know anyone who's had or been to a co-ed shower.</div>
  • amys325amys325 member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-and-jill-invitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:52e4979b-ba6f-466a-9a63-a6f8e2783ab9Post:1188a936-3425-42be-8022-06fb9f54432b">Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording : I guess J&J means different things in different places. Where I'm from J&J just means that men are invited as well. I've never heard of it done the way you mention. 
    Posted by Squishy'sGal[/QUOTE]

    I was just gonna say this.  In my area a Jack and Jill is essentiall a coed bachelor/bachelorette party or shower.  Nothing to do with cash gifts/admission/money making.  Just guys and girls partying together.

    ETA:  But I do agree with PPs that what the OPs friend wants her to do is rude.  You don't ever ask for cash.  It's just horribly rude.
  • Thanks for all your input girls! I've never been to a Jack and Jill and after reading the responses I need to do some research. I knew nothing about tickets or cover charges. I'm more confused now because I feel weird charging our close friends and her family. She just wants a backyard BBQ with everyone that's invited to the wedding with cash gifts preferred. So if it's not a shower and not a traditional Jack and Jill what is it? Just a big pre-wedding party? lol
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-and-jill-invitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52e4979b-ba6f-466a-9a63-a6f8e2783ab9Post:1537df84-7196-416d-b1ec-3e2454453e94">Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]She just wants a backyard BBQ with everyone that's invited to the wedding with cash gifts preferred. So if it's not a shower and not a traditional Jack and Jill what is it? Just a big pre-wedding party? lol
    Posted by darlene+craig[/QUOTE]
    Call a spade a spade - send out invoices and skip the ruse of a party.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-and-jill-invitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52e4979b-ba6f-466a-9a63-a6f8e2783ab9Post:1537df84-7196-416d-b1ec-3e2454453e94">Re: Jack and Jill invitation wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all your input girls! I've never been to a Jack and Jill and after reading the responses I need to do some research. I knew nothing about tickets or cover charges. I'm more confused now because I feel weird charging our close friends and her family. She just wants a backyard BBQ with everyone that's invited to the wedding with cash gifts preferred. So if it's not a shower and not a traditional Jack and Jill what is it? Just a big pre-wedding party? lol
    Posted by darlene+craig[/QUOTE]
    It's an uber-tacky cash grab.  Highly inappropriate and rude.



  • der159der159 member
    First Comment
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-and-jill-invitation-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:52e4979b-ba6f-466a-9a63-a6f8e2783ab9Post:9c2c14db-3f4c-4fa6-a7ad-029906e04554">Jack and Jill invitation wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone, I need your help! I'm the MOH and the bride wants us to throw a Jack and Jill for her. She doesn't want any gifts because she already has everything. So in place of gifts she wants cash. Is there any way I can write something on the invite that doesn't scream "Give them cash!" She wants me to write something like "I lieu of gifts please donate to the honeymoon fund." Is this rude? Is there any proper etiquette for this?
    Posted by darlene+craig[/QUOTE]

    Most of the people in this post have obviously don't understand what a 'Jack and Jill' really is.  The event is held before the wedding of a couple as a big party so that they can collect money for wedding or honeymoon. Guests typically have to purchase a ticket. It acts as a fundraiser for the wedding. Unlike wedding reception or engagement, a jack and jill of stag and drag is not expected to be attended only by invited guest list. Anyone can attend - the more guests, the better. It could be conducted from many months before the wedding, to a couple of weeks before. The event could include food, drink, games, music, dancing, bonfire and other fun activities. <font color="#000000"> The intent of this event is specifically to raise money for the couple</font><font color="#000000">.  These parties are usually held for couples who already own a house and therefore dont need the typical household items that you would receive at a bridal shower.  </font>
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