Second Marriage, father no longer living

audreyecu61

My wedding is several months off, I'd like to acknowledge my father who passed away about 10 years ago.

How have you seen this done?

I was thinking of taking some of his pictures and having a collage of them made poster size and placing it somewhere.

Not sure what else to do.

misshart00

I don't know that you should do something that large. You don't want your wedding to turn into a memorial service. How about a note in the program?

erinlin25

Talk to your other family members and get their input on it to make sure you will not upset anyone. IMO, memorials are nice but should be low key so it does not scream "look at this, how sad they are not here."  The nicest things I have seen have been simple things like one photo up on a table with a candle or something.

Kate61487

First, I'm sorry for your loss.  We put a section in the program and listed close family members who had passed (H's father, my aunt/godmother, grandparents, and two cousins he'd lost just that past year).  We also are Catholic so our mass included prayers of the faithful, during which we mentioned those who had passed.

The page in our program (which was at the end) said "Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.  Celebrating with us in spirit: ....."  I surrounded it with a star border. 

Both of these things are very common / expected in our families so it didn't take anyone by surprise the day of.  I've also seen brides carry something small and personal with them like a handkerchief, or piece of jewelry.  I've also seen a single framed photo on the alter or near the guest book.  A collage would remind me, personally, of what you see frequently at funerals so I'd shy away from that.

mlg78

I'm using the poem "dear lord please clear a spot for him..." I'm on my phone or I'd link it for you.

TKzilla

I've seen other people have an empty seat with a picture of their loved one. That stuck out to me. Best wishes!

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-marriage-father-no-longer-living?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:580af844-6849-47aa-aa64-51a3c453a944Post:e5b56876-a2b0-4cde-81a1-9b06be3f6778">Re: Second Marriage, father no longer living</a>:
[QUOTE]I've seen other people have an empty seat with a picture of their loved one. That stuck out to me. Best wishes!
Posted by CourtaniaLynn[/QUOTE]

For a lot of Knot posters (Retread in particular), this suggestion doesn't go over well.  Retread especially warns that this should be discussed with the surviving spouse and other immediate family members of the deceased before doing it, because even if the person in question died many years ago, a photo on an empty seat can bring back the pain of their loss too sharply.

It's important to remember that a wedding is not a memorial service for the deceased-it is a happy occasion, and guests who didn't know the deceased (especially if they are there for the other side) can be made really uncomfortable with memorials, especially if they are too conspicuous or ubiquitous.

There are lovely and not-so-overt ways to "remember" deceased loved ones at one's wedding:  tributes in wedding programs, wearing or carrying a memento of the deceased, or providing food, drink, music, entertainment, decorations, or flowers that the deceased enjoyed during their lifetimes.  But calling too much attention to their absence, and the reason for it, really isn't a good idea at a wedding.

s-aries8990

I think a poster might be a little too much. Speak with your mother and siblings and grandparents about this; even though he was your father, he was their wife/son/father as well and their feelings should be acknowledged and considered. What do they think? I think that leaving a spot for him, maybe sans picture, would be nice. Ditto pp's about mentioning him in the program. Can you wear/carry a locket with you down the aisle?

TKzilla

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_second-marriage-father-no-longer-living?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:580af844-6849-47aa-aa64-51a3c453a944Post:05cd84ca-f188-4761-a94d-4a84e5ed1407">Re: Second Marriage, father no longer living</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Second Marriage, father no longer living : For a lot of Knot posters (Retread in particular), this suggestion doesn't go over well.  Retread especially warns that this should be discussed with the surviving spouse and other immediate family members of the deceased before doing it, because even if the person in question died many years ago, a photo on an empty seat can bring back the pain of their loss too sharply. It's important to remember that a wedding is not a memorial service for the deceased-it is a happy occasion, and guests who didn't know the deceased (especially if they are there for the other side) can be made really uncomfortable with memorials, especially if they are too conspicuous or ubiquitous. There are lovely and not-so-overt ways to "remember" deceased loved ones at one's wedding:  tributes in wedding programs, wearing or carrying a memento of the deceased, or providing food, drink, music, entertainment, decorations, or flowers that the deceased enjoyed during their lifetimes.  But calling too much attention to their absence, and the reason for it, really isn't a good idea at a wedding.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, those are really good points. I would hope that whatever she decides to do, she consults with her other family members, too.</div>