Need help, Please!

blondie2088

I just got engaged a few days ago and my best friend got engaged a month earlier. I'm her MOH and I asked her to be mine. Yesterday after talking it over for a while my FI and I decided on a date. We had a lot of restrictions because of my family and specifically wanting to be there before my BF's wedding so I could help her with whatever she needed. And because of those restrictions we picked a date a month and a half before her's and because we go to the same church, and the venue was the only thing my FI had a strong opinion on, were having the wedding there... and so is she. My FI and I told my BF and her FI what our date was and even after explaining to her why we chose the date & venue she still won't talk to me. I don't want to hurt her and if I could I would change the date to a different one but I can't unless we wait almost 2 years and we don't want to wait that long.... Advice please! She's like my sister and I don't want to lose her over this.

mica178

Why is she upset?  Because you're getting married before her?  Or for some other reason?

Hopefully she'll cool off and realize that getting married is not a competition and that you are best friends and should be happy for each other.

KristenJF106

Ummm.....why is she mad again?

ootmother2

I think I'm missing something here

grizzgurl

If you have been friends for a long time then she will wise up and cool off. Both of weddings will be special because you are marrying the person you love and want to be with.  If you have mutual friendship and respect for each other you two will be talking soon.  Be gentle, there may be more going on with her than you know. 

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:59fffda8-39f5-4c73-abfa-48b4ad167998Post:afd24ac1-9782-448d-9fd7-8488cdaade94">Need help, Please!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just got engaged a few days ago and my best friend got engaged a month earlier. I'm her MOH and I asked her to be mine. Yesterday after talking it over for a while my FI and I decided on a date. We had a lot of restrictions because of my family and <strong>specifically wanting to be there before my BF's wedding </strong>so I could help her with whatever she needed. And because of those restrictions we picked a date a month and a half before her's and because we go to the same church, and the venue was the only thing my FI had a strong opinion on, were having the wedding there... and so is she. My FI and I told my BF and her FI what our date was and even after explaining to her why we chose the date & venue she still won't talk to me. I don't want to hurt her and if I could I would change the date to a different one but I can't unless we wait almost 2 years and we don't want to wait that long.... Advice please! She's like my sister and I don't want to lose her over this.
Posted by blondie2088[/QUOTE]

Did she have a real reason to be upset (as in the same guest list, who can't go to both, or some other legit reason)? She can not ask you to change your date. However since you picked that date to help her, I'm surprised you two didn't discuss it before you picked it.  Why did it HAVE to be before hers (if you didn't consult with her)? Sounds like both of you might have some competition issues.

GeauxTigers17

I'm not getting the impression that OP felt like she had to get married before the friend - I thought she was saying that she didn't want the weddings to be too close together (primarily because she wanted to be there for her friend) and that the dates after the BF's wedding that were available are nearly 2 years in the future?

If I'm reading it wrong, then I can see why she's feeling one-upped, but if you chose the date that worked and it just happened to be before hers, it's just the way it is. She'll probably get over it, just let her cool off. I wouldn't wait 2 years to get married, either. 

Milsey32

"SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE, I'M GETTING MARRIED BEFORE YOU."

man... i'm feeling fiesty today. 

mkrupar

Ditto Tiger. I don't think the OP came across as "I HAVE to get married before her to help her." From my understanding she and her FI chose the best date that worked for them and their venues. Isn't that what we tell people all the time when they come here complaining a cousin or friend booked their wedding a month before theirs and it's ZOMG the end of the world?

She said in her last sentence if they didn't take that date they would have to wait almost 2 years. She should not have to wait that long if her timeline and budget work for the earlier date.

I can't imagine how many overlapping guests they'd have since they're friends, and not family. They may have mutual friends, but for the most part it stands to reason that their guests lists won't be very similar.

OP - If your friend is upset because you're getting married before her she's just going to have to get over it. Like I said it sounds like you and your FI picked the date that works best for the two of you. It just happened to be before hers. And a month and a half is a long time in the wedding world. No one will compare the two weddings, even if she's thinking that.

mm4662

Can I ask why the reception area is so important to you guys?

I can maybe see why she'd be mad if you are using the venue she had already picked.

mkrupar

Wait, I think I read wrong. OP are you using the same church and venue as her?

It doesn't really change what I wrote above. I'd just like some clarification on that point.

blondie2088

Thank you for your help. My we're having our reception at our church as well as having the wedding there, mostly due to having a small budget and thats what my FI wanted. My BF is having there's at the church as well. The only difference is that her wedding was planned specifically to be the first people to be married in our church's new sanctuary, which is in the middle of being built. And because she told me that in our last conversation we're going to have ours in the current sanctuary. The only thing were going to have the same is the reception location and the dressing rooms. I'm really not trying to one-up her, I just want to get married. And the reason the date is before hers is because most of my guest list is older family and they wont come to a wedding if it's to hot outside even if the weddings is inside, barely anyone came to my cousins July wedding last year, and I live in central Texas and the only time of the year it's not hot is between December and early April... That's the part of the family issue... Thanks again.

mica178

Okay, so do you think your friend is upset that she got engaged first but you're getting married first?  Or is she upset that since you're planning your wedding right before hers, you won't be able to be her wedding slave?  Or is she worried that some of your common friends will choose to attend only one wedding?  I guess I don't get the anger, because at the end of the day, none of those listed reasons are good cause to end or dampen a friendship.

Hopefully she'll simmer down and realize that she should be happy that both of you are getting married, what an exciting time!  

zavie1

I think she is upset because your reception is at the same location. Some people are funny like that. For example, when I was in the early stages of wedding planning, my fiance' cousin was upset that we were considering having our reception at the same location she had hers (5 years ago!). I didnt' know at the time she had it at the restaurant but when I found out , I nixed the idea. I'm not saying you are wrong here nor should you change your plans. But just know that some people are funny like that. If she wants to be childish, so be it. Move on with your life and plan your wedding.