Whoa.

TrevorMandy

   All of my friends and family think it is wrong, so I can do nothing else but not care what complete selfish strangers think. Step back and take a look at it through someone elses eyes. Think of how you would feel if this was your day.

pantherRN

You can't really do anything. She is entitled to her day and you to yours. But the key is that it's one day, not a week, not a month.

I'm sorry you are upset, good luck.

kcscejal

You do nothing but get over it.

opalsky007

I'm surprised that you see their behavior as vindictive. They want to get married, and they want to do it soon because of the baby. I don't think they intend in any way to steal your special day--and how can they when it's going to be a month away from their special day?

I understand it's frustrating that the guest list is similar, but I imagine that if people who are traveling have to decide between two weddings to attend, they are going to attend the one that they have known about for a while. I don't expect you will have people decline because she is getting married too.

It's not fair for you to ask anyone else to put their lives on hold for the month surrounding your wedding. You need to let this go, and focus on planning your own wedding. Good luck.

FutureMrsTR

I know this is old, but...


:::pops popcorn:::




Ok, continue...

shanaea87

 I seem to be missing is your lack of compassion for her. She's 18 and pregnant. Guranteed she is stressed out and worried. Did you ever ask her how she is doing or maybe even say congratulations to her? Alot of people want to be married before the baby comes along.
-You get one day for your wedding. She has every right to have a wedding a whole month before yours.
 -I find it rude that you are judging her wedding because she hasn't put the money into it that you have yours or time either.

Good luck.

TrevorMandy

    I think that if you were in the same situation, you would feel the same. I am sure that you are all married and your weddings went without a hitch. My parents, his parents, my fiance, and his other siblings think they should do it after. So here is my question. Why does it need to be before our wedding? If she isn't due until months after, why does it have to be right before? I am not a fan of controversy and, quite frankly, I am surprised at how rude strangers can be...

KateG528

Your FSIL is probably having a rough time right now being thrown into a wedding because she is pregnant. How about having a little compassion for her and her situation. I know that it is hard for you knowing how much time and energy you put into planning, but realize that people will most likely come to your wedding because they have known about it longer if they have to choose between the two. 

lyndausvi

I'm thinking she would be more comfortable being married with less than a baby-bump.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:5233337f-aa86-48fe-95de-9c593bc77d85">Re: Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]    I think that if you were in the same situation, you would feel the same. I am sure that you are all married and your weddings went without a hitch. My parents, his parents, my fiance, and his other siblings think they should do it after. So here is my question. Why does it need to be before our wedding? If she isn't due until months after, why does it have to be right before? I am not a fan of controversy and, quite frankly, I am surprised at how rude strangers can be...
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

Actually, most of the posters were extremely nice. 

It is not a great situation, but you do not have any say over when she gets married.  She is 18 years old and she is pregnant, and I don't blame her for wanting to be married before the baby comes.  The amount of money spent on the wedding should not determine who gets her say when it comes to when your SIL gets married.  That is between her and her FI.

I suggest that you focus your energy and your frustration someplace else, and try to remember that she is a teenager who is going through a rough time right now.  People will still come to your wedding.  I don't think this is worth getting upset about, considering that there really is nothing you can do.

Habs2Hart

Maybe because she might be showing a few months later and wants not to look preggers at her wedding.  Or because she is ashamed about being pregnant before marriage (not that she should be, but she may well be).  You don't know her reason, but I doubt it is vindictive. 

You know, it's really exciting when you have others to share things with.  I have several friends getting married a few weeks, a month, a few months after my own wedding.  I also have my MOH giving birth around my wedding date.  It's the way life is.  You get one day, and so does your FSIL.  You don't get to pick her date and neither does anyone else. 

Ya, it might suck if some people cannot make both, but then you can take some of your "tens of thousands" that you'd be spending on the people that can no longer come and have a more fabulous pretty princess day. 

I think you are acting childish. 

Good luck.

J&K10910

You're INVESTING money in your wedding?  I have a feeling you're going to lose it all (the money, not the wedding). 

I'm getting married in less than two weeks and I assure you that it's not all going without a hitch.  That doesn't happen. 

I'm glad you're not my FSIL, because it sounds like she needs support, not a bratty future sister in law whining because her getting knocked up is stealing your thunder.

shanaea87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:5233337f-aa86-48fe-95de-9c593bc77d85">Re: Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]    <strong>I think that if you were in the same situation, you would feel the same. I am sure that you are all married and your weddings went without a hitch</strong>. My parents, his parents, my fiance, and his other siblings think they should do it after. So here is my question. Why does it need to be before our wedding? If she isn't due until months after, <strong>why does it have to be right before</strong>? I am not a fan of controversy and, quite frankly, I am surprised at how rude strangers can be...
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

Actually most on here re not married. I am not married and will not be until next summer.
She would probably like to have a dress fit her when she is not showing so much.

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:5233337f-aa86-48fe-95de-9c593bc77d85">Re: Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]    I think that if you were in the same situation, you would feel the same. I am sure that you are all married and your weddings went without a hitch. My parents, his parents, my fiance, and his other siblings think they should do it after. So here is my question. Why does it need to be before our wedding? If she isn't due until months after, <strong>why does it have to be right before?</strong> I am not a fan of controversy and, quite frankly, I am surprised at how rude strangers can be...
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

Would you want to be super pregnant for your wedding?

sarah0725

Why are you so sure that the guests will only come to one wedding, and pick hers? If I were invited to two family weddings a monht apart, I would make every effort to attend both, even if they were out of town.

And I don't think people were all that "cruel" to you. You could stand to show some empathy for your FSIL, who is young, scared, and pregnant.

DNAtime

You know, when you have a long engagement things change over that time.  People don't put their life on hold for your wedding. 

You should be grateful that she isn't planning it the day or week before your wedding.  She gets to have her wedding whenever she wants, just like you can have your wedding whenever you want. 

There are many reasons to get married earlier in your pregnancy as opoposed to later.

crlewis803

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:8b3eabc0-d1d6-498d-810f-7db85b58d7eb">Re: Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine! : Your FSIL is 18, pregnant, and having a very rushed wedding ... and all you can do is think about your wedding? Your FSIL is probably feeling very stressed, insecure, and probably frightened about being a mother and a wife so quickly and at such a young age. I would recommend trying to feel a little compassion for her situation. You get one wedding day. One. You choose the date that you did, and she choose her date. Though, the way you describe it makes me think that she is being pressured to marry so soon. Your wedding will be fine, I promise. And people will still attend. Just remember that she will be family and that she isn't trying to 'steal' anything from you. Good luck with all of your planning. ETA: It's her first post. I nice-ified it.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]


This. 100%. You get one day (and really, just a few hours in that day if you technically think about it). The girl is super young, pregnant, and all ready stressed. Let your FILs do whatever they want, its their money. Maybe she wants to be somewhat slim in her wedding dress instead of very pregnant. Your FILs are probably feeling some stress too. Let her have her day and you can have yours.

waltzingmatilda13

Yes, it sucks and yes, I think it would make anyone upset. But I think you need to put yourself in her shoes for a minute. She's 18, pregnant and planning a wedding in 2 months. I would venture a guess that she probably wants to get married before she starts showing (either to wear her dream dress or to not let everyone see that she is pregnant).

I don't think anyone was rude to you. At all. I actually think people went out of their normal responses to be nice because you are new here. But if you were coming here for validation, you're not going to get it. What you should take away from here is a little perspective. We can't help you by telling you how to change her wedding date for her, but hopefully we can help you deal with being upset about it and trying to move on from it. Dwelling on the situation isn't going to help anyone, but you can be the bigger person by pretending like it doesn't matter and trying to be happy for her. Especially since both families seem to be on your side and none of them are here asking us why she's doing it. It's life and it's not always fair.

MrsTucker2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:5233337f-aa86-48fe-95de-9c593bc77d85">Re: Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]    I think that if you were in the same situation, you would feel the same. I am sure that you are all married and your weddings went without a hitch. My parents, his parents, my fiance, and his other siblings think they should do it after. So here is my question. Why does it need to be before our wedding? If she isn't due until months after, why does it have to be right before? I am not a fan of controversy and, quite frankly, <strong>I am surprised at how rude strangers can be...</strong>
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

Honestly, these ladies are being pretty nice to you. That's not gonna get you any helpful advice by name calling...

A lot of the PPs have valid points. She's 18 & pregnant - that alone is a big deal for someone so young. Pouting and causing drama about it doesn't makes you seem more considerate than she does.
Why does *yours* have to be first? Everyone's known about your wedding longer since you said you've been engaged a whole lot longer anyways.
Being the better person, you should just look the other way and continue to focus on *your* wedding.

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:5233337f-aa86-48fe-95de-9c593bc77d85">Re: Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]    I think that if you were in the same situation, you would feel the same. I am sure that you are all married and your weddings went without a hitch. My parents, his parents, my fiance, and his other siblings think they should do it after. So here is my question. Why does it need to be before our wedding? If she isn't due until months after, why does it have to be right before? I am not a fan of controversy and, quite frankly, I am surprised at how rude strangers can be...
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

My sister got married 5 weeks before I did.  I was happy for her.  Nobody was rude.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:1ed7e0a1-dd21-44a1-b5f0-3a732527be4c">Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]   All of my friends and family think it is wrong, so I can do nothing else but not care what complete selfish strangers think. Step back and take a look at it through someone elses eyes. Think of how you would feel if this was your day.
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

YOU WERE QUOTED.  You can DD all you want, but we have a record of what you said.

KateG528

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:5233337f-aa86-48fe-95de-9c593bc77d85">Re: Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]    I think that if you were in the same situation, you would feel the same. <strong>I am sure that you are all married and your weddings went without a hitch.</strong> My parents, his parents, my fiance, and his other siblings think they should do it after. So here is my question. Why does it need to be before our wedding? If she isn't due until months after, why does it have to be right before? I am not a fan of controversy and, quite frankly, I am surprised at how rude strangers can be...
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Um girlfriend you may want to check out peoples wedding dates/tickers before making comments like these because my wedding is still a month off and many of the other posters are far off as well.  My best friend and BM just informed me she cant make it to wedding because her SIL is giving birth that weekend and her parents are flying in from out of the country for the ONLY time this year. I have had several other incidents that I would definitely call hitches, but that is life, and you have to live it and get over it.  Stop being a brat, no one was rude to you.</div>

LDYGTR13

Whoa.

Habs2Hart

OP - You are calling US selfish?  Really?

Pot... meet kettle.

DDing your post and putting WHOA as your title will just attract more attention, and you've been quoted, so it's here for everyone to see. 

If you aren't getting validation for acting spoiled, you should have lurked her before posting.  Most of the posters here don't validate poor behaviour.  It's pretty black and white and shades of grey will get you nowhere. 

You are the one acting like the younger person here. 

mica178

First, OP, you mentioned that your FSIL wants to have her wedding in 2 months.  What we want and what actually happens are two different things.  There's a chance that she won't be able to pull it off, or that your FILs will talk her into waiting.  You might be worrying a lot over nothing.

Second, as PPs mentioned, it's entirely your FSIL/FBIL's decision when they get married.  One month before your wedding isn't that bad.  They could choose to get married the day before your wedding.  That would be rough.  Maybe FSIL wants to marry before she has to wear a maternity gown.  Maybe she needs health insurance.  Who knows.  Smile, congratulate them, and continue planning your wedding.

Third, if guests want to attend both weddings, they'll find a way to make it to both.  I've been to weddings spaced two weeks apart, and many of the same people were at both weddings.  And we all had to travel to both.  But we loved both couples, so we made the necessary sacrifices.  I wouldn't worry about attendance at your wedding.  People have been planning on attending yours for months, they're not going to throw their plans out the window just because another wedding came up.  If anything, they'd probably favor yours over hers since you gave more notice.

Good luck with your planning.

GeauxTigers17

I feel sorry for your FSIL. If I was 18 and pregnant, I'd probably want to do it ASAP too, so that I wasn't enormously pregnant at the wedding. 

I'm not sure why you are so dead set on having no one else's wedding before yours. I understand that the situation isn't ideal, but I'm surprised you don't have more compassion for her. Her life is going to be really difficult. It's hard enough having a baby when you feel ready, let alone in a situation like this. 

My cousin get engaged 4 months after me and set her wedding date 3 weeks before mine. I'm not even remotely upset about it, but for the record, she didn't have nearly as good of an excuse as this! 

sarabellam

Yeah, going back to edit your original post will do nothing to endear yourself. What should you do? How about focus on your upcoming wedding, where presumably you will marry the man of your dreams. How does your FSIL having her wedding a month before yours detract from that a single scintilla?

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:1ed7e0a1-dd21-44a1-b5f0-3a732527be4c">Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]   All of my friends and family think it is wrong, so I can do nothing else but not care what complete selfish strangers think. Step back and take a look at it through someone elses eyes. Think of how you would feel if this was your day.
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

I.....would let it go and try to have some compassion for this knocked up teenager and my BROTHER.  I don't want to get yelled at by KA so I'm going to keep my opinions of you to myself because...yeesh.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:5233337f-aa86-48fe-95de-9c593bc77d85">Re: Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]   <strong> I think that if you were in the same situation, you would feel the same</strong>. I am sure that you are all married and your weddings went without a hitch. <strong>My parents</strong>, his parents, my fiance, and his other siblings think they should do it after. So here is my question. <strong>Why does it need to be before our wedding?</strong> If she isn't due until months after, why does it have to be right before? I am not a fan of controversy and, quite frankly,<strong> I am surprised at how rude strangers can be...
</strong>Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

1. Don't try to think for other people.
2. Why do you think your parents get a say in FSIL's wedding? They don't. 
3.Probably so she can get into a dress and be comfortbale without a huge baby bump
4. Actually everyone was pretty nice to you because it was your first post.

Good luck.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:5233337f-aa86-48fe-95de-9c593bc77d85">Re: Advice Needed! Sister in law having wedding before mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]    I think that if you were in the same situation, you would feel the same.<strong> I am sure that you are all married and your weddings went without a hitch</strong>. My parents, his parents, my fiance, and his other siblings think they should do it after. So here is my question. Why does it need to be before our wedding? If she isn't due until months after, why does it have to be right before? I am not a fan of controversy and, quite frankly, I am surprised at how rude strangers can be...
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I had a hurricane hit on my wedding day.  Oh and it was a beach wedding.  Still had a smile on my face though.</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

MattsPenguin

Now I ended up in a VERY similar situation to you.  My younger (and much less mature brother) got engaged right before I did.  However, I was supposed to get married 3 months before they way.  Then she ended up pregnant and they got married really quickly.  They had a two person + the JOP wedding, so I didn't have to "compete" wtih them.  But I was definitely upset at the way the whole thing went down.  Especially when my SIL says things to me like "Isn't it funny how you were supposed to get married before us and we got married first?  Isn't it funny how we're having the first grandchild?" 

No joke, that is what she said to me verbatim at my bridal shower.

Anyway, you have a right to be upset, not only for yourself, but for your guests.   However, I think that you must be the bigger person in this.  Your guests have probably known about yours for a much longer time than theirs.  Yours will probably be much different, too.  Really, try to brush it off.