Whoa.

crlewis803

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:2ce2d76e-6a66-4b59-b2e2-a8d88afc32c3">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]   Ya you get what Im saying. Thank you. All I wanted was for someone to understand where I am coming from. It is hard. And no one knows because no one else has experienced this. My fiances parents also think that she get pregnant ON PURPOSE to a) get married before her older brother and b)Keep her bf in a relationship thats falling apart. Same thing in the sense that she is all happy about everything, and how her life is going. She is extremely pleased, not scared, that she is pregnant and getting married before her older brother.
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

Whatever her motives are....you get one day, she gets one day. If her parents don't agree with it, then they don't have to fund it and the problem goes away. FSIL and FBIL probably don't have the funds themselves for a big bash. But if your FILs are funding it, then that is kind of like supporting it....so before you caused any rifts, I'd sit back and enjoy it succeed or fail.

cengle

Well, if that's the case, then she's in for a very rude awakening when reality sets in. There's still not anything you can do though. Be frustrated, be upset. That's fine. But ultimately just letting it go and getting over it will be best for you. Dwelling on it and staying angry will do nothing but make you bitter, and that doesn't help anyone. Just remember that you're marrying your FI, and that THAT is the whole point of your wedding day.

jrkjpf

My FI's friends are getting married a few weeks before ours. Although its over a year away, we are technically exactly 2 weeks apart from getting married. Do i have a problem with it? No, should I? No, should you or anyone else for that fact? Absolutely not! Shame shame on your for putting such judgmental statements on your FSIL.

Are you going to be planning your first child's birth on a month, day a week that no one else will be having a child either? Good luck with that.

RobotLegs

Look, you're just being really petty is what it comes down to.

Be the adult and let it go.  18 is pretty much a child.

TrevorMandy

Thanks, I think that is a good idea. I love that family more than anything, its just hard...and don't get me wrong, her brother (my fiance) is upset about it too. I think that his stress came on to me bc this is a huge deal for him. The first to be married of 7 children and then this happens :S But you are right...and I have tried to not let it bother me, but I am sure it will simmer down in weeks to come. MissKate, you have a very rational way of looking at this, and I appreciate it.

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:2ce2d76e-6a66-4b59-b2e2-a8d88afc32c3">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]   Ya you get what Im saying. Thank you. All I wanted was for someone to understand where I am coming from. It is hard. And no one knows because no one else has experienced this. My fiances parents also think that she get pregnant ON PURPOSE to a) get married before her older brother and b)<strong>Keep her bf in a relationship thats falling apart</strong>. Same thing in the sense that she is all happy about everything, and how her life is going. She is extremely pleased, not scared, that she is pregnant and getting married before her older brother.
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]


Even more reason you should feel sorry for her.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:2ce2d76e-6a66-4b59-b2e2-a8d88afc32c3">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]   Ya you get what Im saying. Thank you. All I wanted was for someone to understand where I am coming from. It is hard. And no one knows because no one else has experienced this. My fiances parents also think that she get pregnant ON PURPOSE to a) get married before her older brother and b)Keep her bf in a relationship thats falling apart. Same thing in the sense that she is all happy about everything, and how her life is going. She is extremely pleased, not scared, that she is pregnant and getting married before her older brother.
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

<div>Let's say she did get pregnant on purpose.</div><div>
</div><div>Let's say she wanted to get married before her older brother (I was the oldest and got married last by some 12 years - no big deal).</div><div>
</div><div>Don't you realize your attitude is exactly what she is looking for?</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

mica178

Oh, OP.  If anything, you should pity your FSIL.  An 18 year old girl who gets pregnant so that she can get married before her brother most likely has a world of pain coming her way.  Be happy that you waited and got married for the right reasons.

Bubbalub

Who cares if she got pregnant on purpose or not? I find it funny that you only seem to be commenting on the posts that validate your feelings and not the ones telling you to grow up.


*see what I did there? Heh.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:2ce2d76e-6a66-4b59-b2e2-a8d88afc32c3">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]   Ya you get what Im saying. Thank you. All I wanted was for someone to understand where I am coming from. It is hard. And no one knows because no one else has experienced this. My fiances parents also think that she get pregnant ON PURPOSE to a) get married before her older brother and b)Keep her bf in a relationship thats falling apart. Same thing in the sense that she is all happy about everything, and how her life is going. She is extremely pleased, not scared, that she is pregnant and getting married before her older brother.
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

I'm quite sure that she's chosen to experience morning sickness, ligament pain, not being able to sleep, stretch marks, labor, and delivery all for the sake of beating you down the aisle.

barbie92

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:fa0fee4a-a913-484c-9649-02337b73415d">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, OP.  If anything, you should pity your FSIL.  An 18 year old girl who gets pregnant so that she can get married before her brother most likely has a world of pain coming her way.  Be happy that you waited and got married for the right reasons.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]
I agree with Mica!

TrevorMandy

Yes, I agree with Mica as well. You're right. And I am very happy that we have decided to do things the right way. I really do appreciate words of encouragement through times like this. I am sure my fiance will feel the same.

KateG528

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:89d52fcf-c5ab-496a-8e33-38a272cb6e7c">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Whoa. : I'm quite sure that she's chosen to experience morning sickness, ligament pain, not being able to sleep, stretch marks, labor, and delivery all for the sake of beating you down the aisle.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>In her defense, 18y/o girls sometimes dont think about all the consequences of their actions and if her FSIL truly did get pregnant to trap her man then she has a lot more to worry about than when her wedding will be, for example when to hire a divorce attorney because it wont last if they are only getting married because she is pregnant.</div><div>
</div><div>But it really does not matter what her reason is for getting married, she has the right to pick any day she chooses and that is what this entire thread boils down to. A person gets a wedding DAY, not a wedding WEEK, MONTH or whatever. OP picked her day and FSIL picked hers to suit her needs. It was bratty and selfish for her to get mad at us when we were trying to give her perspective. </div><div>
</div><div>If FSIL got pregnant on purpose, she has a hard road ahead. She is a child and she needs good guidance and if it was my FSIL I would be trying to support her and letting her know I would be there for her if and when she needs me.  FSIL is going to need ALOT of support.</div>

NcsuPsych

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:1ed7e0a1-dd21-44a1-b5f0-3a732527be4c">Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]   All of my friends and family think it is wrong, so I can do nothing else but not care what complete selfish strangers think. <strong>Step back and take a look at it through someone elses eyes.</strong> Think of how you would feel if this was your day.
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]


OP, I know this wasn't your original post, because you were qouted. However, even after reading all of the other responses as well as your responses, I wanted to point something out.

In this, youre pretty much telling people here to 'look at it through someone elses eyes'. I'd advise you to take your own advice. While you say it's thought that she got  pregnant on purpose and just wanted to be married. . yadda yadda. . .you dont know the complete story, and I'd bet bucks that you never will.

Condoms break, BC doesnt always work, you never know what actually happend . The best thing that you could do is be encouraging for her at this point. While Im not all for teen pregnancies, it happens. Making those that it happens to, feel bad, doesnt help their situations at all. So while you may not agree with their decisions, it's their decision to make. Just like paying "Tens of Thousands" of dollars for your wedding was YOUR decision.

Try to imagine how she's feeling right now and what she's going through. Try being a sister/friend to her. I'm sure she could really use one right now.

Your day will be more than you could ever possibly imagine, I'm sure. Don't let something like this cause a drift in the family. It's not worth it, I promise.

Good luck!

Mrs.B6302007

Oh, I agree that there can be a "glamor" to getting pregnant.  I just couldn't help bringing up the not-so-glam side since it was so fresh to me.  ;-)

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:9cf80012-4109-4900-a89f-0cb01d2b422f">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I agree with Mica as well. You're right. And I am very happy that we have decided to do things the right way. I really do appreciate words of encouragement through times like this. I am sure my fiance will feel the same.
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]

And there you go again not addressing the majority of posts that disagree with you...

IMO, it's pretty childish not to be able to address differing opinions, especially when they started out (and for the most part have remained) nice.

missy68

It isn't that big of a deal, really. Just deal with it gracefully. If she wants a reaction, she won't get one. If she's getting married so they'll be married before the baby comes, then support her. That's your future niece/nephew she's carrying.

And, FTR, I am married, have been for over a year and a half, and my H's sister popped a surprise on us and got married the day before we did. We didn't even know she was engaged. Someone else's cousin got married on the same day. Shiit happens.

Good luck.

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:2ce2d76e-6a66-4b59-b2e2-a8d88afc32c3">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]   Ya you get what Im saying. Thank you. All I wanted was for someone to understand where I am coming from. It is hard. And no one knows because no one else has experienced this. <strong>My fiances parents also think that she get pregnant ON PURPOSE to a) get married before her older brother and b)Keep her bf in a relationship thats falling apart. Same thing in the sense that she is all happy about everything, and how her life is going. She is extremely pleased, not scared, that she is pregnant and getting married before her older brother.</strong>
Posted by TrevorMandy[/QUOTE]
You realize that pregnancy takes two, right?  It's kind of hard for one person just to choose to get pregnant on purpose -AND- make it happen.  The boyfriend that supposedly was "trapped" did contribute half to this, you know?

In any case, despite her displays of happiness (sometimes kids don't get the full extent of what having a baby will actually mean in their lives, hence happiness), I don't know if it serves you well to think the worst of your FSIL or consider her to be that diabolical.

However, even if she is, she's going to find out within the next few months that it just might not have been worth it.  While kids are a blessing, she doesn't seem to be in the best situation to have them right now.  Eighteen years of raising a kid, plus a marriage to someone she supposedly "trapped" is not a good combo.  Not so sure if the consequences are worth it if she did in fact do it on purpose.  It would be a super hard lesson for her to learn. 

And so even if FILs are right, you are definitely <em>not</em> the one that I would feel sorry for.  Let it go, seriously.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:e6f04c12-3147-4785-b747-8d525c8ef185">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Whoa. : What are you most upset about? Explain to me why you are so upset that she will be getting married before you. Are you afraid that people are going to judge you because she got married first? Are you afraid people are going to compare your wedding to hers? What are you so afraid of?
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

THIS.  I want answers to all of this.  In all seriousness.  Because really.

mica178

Okay, kids.  The OP vented and is now seeing more clearly.  Let's lighten up on her a bit.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-needed-sister-law-having-wedding-before-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d6423f3-a39d-4498-a94c-e7122da03890Post:69961466-800e-49eb-85d4-3c8ebf14a924">Re: Whoa.</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, kids.  The OP vented and is now seeing more clearly.  Let's lighten up on her a bit.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

All hail Mod Mica!