Should I ask a friend to be a bridesmaid when she didn't ask me to be one?

eskimo2012

Hi everyone,

I had always planned on including a very old friend as a bridesmaid if I ever got married, and I assumed that I would also be in her wedding. I consider her to be my best friend. We have been close since middle school and have always remained in close touch. I was surprised and hurt when she did not ask me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding last year. We have continued to have a strong friendship and have never discussed the fact that she did not ask me to be a member of her wedding party. 

I am now planning my own wedding and am facing a conundrum. I admit that my feelings are still a little hurt, but I can't imagine my wedding without this friend by my side. Is it appropriate to ask her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, when she didn't ask me? 

Thanks! 

Sully

Jen4948

Wedding party requests are not supposed to be quid pro quo.  The fact that one of you didn't ask the other to be in her wedding party doesn't preclude you from asking the other.  But if your feelings about being excluded from hers are still too painful, then don't ask her because you don't need that to discolor your own wedding.

achiduck

Of course you should ask her if you want her in the WP. It's not a tit-for-tat thing.

SmallenForever

Ask her. I didn't ask some of my closest friends to be in my wedding for various reasons, but I'd still be thrilled if they asked me to be in theirs. 

Carrie81677

Definitely ask her.  I've stood up in four weddings; none of those brides were in my WP, although 3 of the 4 attended my wedding.

libby2483

Since you say you can't imagine getting married without her by your side, I think you should still ask her. Like PPs said, wedding parties do not have to be tit for tat.  One of the BMs who was in my wedding this past summer is getting married next summer.  I will not be a BM for her because they are having an extremely small wedding and she is having her sister as her only BM.  People have lots of reasons for asking or not asking others to be in the WP, so don't be afraid to ask her.

Love11506

Ask her!

brinonny

Are you me? I had this very same dilemma, but ultimately decided that I'd rather have my BF there supporting me as my MOH than exclude her because of my bruised ego. I still have no idea why I wasn't in my BF's wedding party, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. She'll be by my side when I need her most.