Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest List Issue!!!

Ok, I know I will get a lot of heat for this, but I don't know how to figure out moving forward with this issue.  So give it to me straight!

My FI and I had a falling out with another couple about a year ago.  My FI and I have reached out to this couple a million times to try and reconnect, but the girl in that relationship insists she hates me and wants nothing to do with me.  My FI and the guy are still friends but rarely talk, as this guys girlfriend wants him to stay clear of us.

Overall, the guys have tried to make things work, and so my FI asked if we could be the bigger people and send a wedding invitation to them.  He said he knew they would RSVP No, but wanted to, so that in the future we could maybe work things out.  I said yes, knowing they would also RSVP No, considering I had emailed her a bunch saying sweet things about trying to get together and work things out, and she would not respond to them, but to say "I will let you know if I ever feel the need to work things out, but at this time, I don't"

Now we get the RSVP back, and they said YES.  I told my FI I am excited that they want to move forward, so I sent her an email, letting her now I was happy to see the RSVP back as a Yes.  She wont respond, and it appears she will not talk to me even still. 

I asked my FI why she is coming if she wont talk to me, and that might make me feel uncomfertable on our big day.  I clearly have to still have her come, but don't know what to do at this point, as it will make me feel sad if someone at our wedding wont even give me the time of day.

Any tips on what to do.  I figure I should stop contacting her, but what do I do about my big day, let it go?  I feel I will be disrespected by her cold actions, and I personally feel that isn't fair to do to a bride on her wedding day.

Thoughts???

Re: Guest List Issue!!!

  • Stop trying to be friends with her.  I think she's made it pretty clear by now.  You most likely won't see her on your wedding day except for a quick "hi, thanks for coming," so just don't stress out about it.
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  • You will be so busy you will barely notice her.  Really.  I barely had time to spend with with my own husband, let alone enough time to notice one guest being cold to you.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Ditto PPs. Just let it go. I wouldn't stress over it too much because you'll be so wrapped up in other things that I'm sure she won't bother you in the slightest on your big day.
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  • Ditto PPs. Just let it go. You'll be so wrapped up in other things that you'll probably hardly notice she's there.
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  • I have a feeling that the boyfriend of the couple sent in the RSVP without telling her.
  • You are probably right. 
  • If you do even see her on the wedding day just say hi and thank them for coming that is all-
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  • Stop emailing her and trying to be friends.  It just won't work.  She has told you if she feels differently in the future, she will contact you.  As for the wedding, the only time you may see her is when you go around to the tables to thank people for coming.  You greet her like you would anyone else and thank her for coming.  If she doesn't not respond back, then it is her who will look bad to the rest of the table, not you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6075f2d1-0390-4c9f-b2a2-7d9c6365f396Post:5f60eff0-8a1f-4cb4-b89e-d55ef69922f6">Re: Guest List Issue!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest List Issue!!! : Yup.  OP, I will give it to you straight.  This chick wants no parts of you.  You should not have invited her to the wedding.  Now you're freaking out because they said yes.  So, this is on you.  If they show, smile, say thanks for coming, and move on to the next guest, and after the wedding LEAVE HER ALONE.  <strong>If I hated you and you invited me to your wedding, I would think you were a creeper. </strong>
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm not sure that's fair.  I mean, her FI wanted to invite the guy, and we always tell people they can't invite people without their SO's, even if their SO's hate you.  I don't see that she did anything wrong here.</div><div>
    </div><div>I agree though that it's not a big deal and she won't even notice this girl on the big day.  Just smile and be polite if you do, OP.</div>

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  • I agree with Eagles too, you really did bring this on yourself and they shouldn't have been invited in the first place. Now if they come, just because they RSVP'd yes doesn't mean they will, they come. Chances are you're going to be so busy you won't even notice them.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6075f2d1-0390-4c9f-b2a2-7d9c6365f396Post:5be03687-f10b-4150-bccc-2524c1c2dab5">Re: Guest List Issue!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you, Ranch.  I seriously would be creeped out if someone I didn't want to be friends with was emailing me over and over saying "sweet" things to mend our relationship.  Then if I got an invitation to her wedding?  Jesus Christ on a cracker.  Not cool.
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    Yeah that would've bugged me too, like how many times do I have tell you to leave me alone kinda thing.
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  • OP, I don't think you were wrong to invite them since it was important to your FI. If they show up, you'll just deal with it. I'm assuming that there will be enough other people there that you won't be forced to spend the entire evening with her.

    I do think it's strange that you are/were trying so hard to be her friend over and over when she clearly told you that she does not want to be friends.
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  • Honestly, I'll be they'll be no shows.

    But yeah, stop trying to talk to the girl, it makes you look desparate.

    I don't think you did anything wrong in sending an invite since your FI is still friends with the guy.  Maybe they'll break up at some point and you can resume a friendship with the guy. 
  • I realize I'm new here, but to me it sounds like her fiance brought this on them more than the poster. He wanted to invite the guy and she didn't want to be a bitch by saying no. I agree that she prob should have stood her ground but it was more the guy's thinking that got them into this situation. 
  • @ eagles

    I took the OPs post to mean that her FI and this guy were still friends.  It says they rarely talk, but still friends, and that it's the girl that doesn't want them to be friends.  I understand what you're saying.  If the guy friend doesn't really want to be friends, then you're right, it was weird of them to invite this couple at all.  I just took OP's post differently than you.

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  • If you didn't want her there, then you shouldn't have invited her.  Now you're stuck with her, and you have to suck it up and deal with it.  Nobody created this problem but you.

    I agree that they may not show up... just to make sure you waste money on their meals.  I also think the guy sent it back without her knowledge.  Therefore, they may come back around later and change to a decline. 
  • Honestly i would not have invited them because YOU took the chance they would say yes thinking they would say no. Maybe she wants to go for free food & alcohol & to see what kind of shindig you could pull off? I mean, why not, right? 

    If you did not want this issue you shouldn't have invited them. Period!

    She said she did NOT WANT to be your friend but you have kinda email stalked her a bit & haven't left her alone. That is pretty creepy. If someone told me they did not want to be my friend i wouldn't have pestered her. 

    You are in the wrong & now have to live with your actions. Simple
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  • I do want to know what the hell she did to make this girl hate her so much.  Op, did you sleep with her boyfriend or something?
  • I would like to know what she did too? My ego certaintly couldn't have taken that much of a beating... I think after the first time she said she hated me that would be really hard for me to keep emailing and harrassing her to be friends, maybe I am weird though... Not everyone has to like you OP, I think it is time to move on.
  • OK so the reason she hates me.  We all traveled together, and the last time we took a trip we invited another fun couple.  We all got along great, but the girl hated that I shared my time with other fun people.  She told me, after the trip, she felt I left her out, and didn’t care about her as a friend.

    Background, both me and the Girl were brought together because the guys have been long time friends.  We tried to be friends, but she has been around longer then me, and hated my FI pasts girl friend.  I was trying my hardest to look past her friendship issues, in order to make it easy on my FI and his long time guy friend.

    Overall, I reached out to her because she flipped out on me for not being a good friend to her.  I felt bad that I didn't try harder to spend quality time with her when she felt uncomfortable in group settings.  ( I didn’t know at the time she felt uncomfortable)

    I love how some of you assume im crazy for reaching out to her.  I hate to be in the wrong, and I hate to hurt people.  This situation, I hurt her, and she felt stupid for basically exposing her friendship issues.  She isn't over it, as she feels I was not a true friend to her, because I would often plan group events she felt uncomfortable in, but never told me she did. 

    Hope this clears it up.  We basically got in a huge fight over something we could have solved by just talking, and I regret not understanding any of this before she flipped out about it. 

  • @SweetCanadian, I just also ready your lovely post to me.  Calling someone a STALKER is a big word to use.  I was in the wrong, I was trying to make things right.  I did it, because my FI was hurt they were not friends anymore due to her distancing them from us. 

    Also, her boyfriend told my FI that the only way they could really hang out more, was if we made up.  He said if I do appologies, eventually she will come around. I emailed her when it was brouht up, not just for the heck of it.

    I hope you would try harder to do something that is important to your FI.  Even if it made you look a little desperate.
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