Wedding Etiquette Forum

Vent...people inviting themselves

Who invites themselves to a wedding? I would kinda understand this from someone that I see a few times a year or something. But I just got asked for an invite from someone I've meet once. Yeah, we've met all of one time and he wants to come to my wedding.

Backstory: my friend S has a cabin Southern California. About a year ago S invited me and 4 other people to her cabin. Among those people were G and G's brother, A. I had never met G or A before this trip. We had a great few days and then we all went back to our lives. G and I have talked and even hung out since that trip. I now consider her to be a good friend of mine, so when it came time to send out wedding invites G got one.

Cut to last month when A friend requested me on facebook. I accepted, because he was a nice guy and its not like I hate him. We didn't really talk on facebook until today. We are planning another cabin trip, which A and I were discussing. Then he asks what I've been up and I mention that I'm getting married. Then he says "I want an invite, hun." WTF? I don't even know you; we aren't friends. You're my friends brother. I just politely told him that right now "we are already over our max at the venue, but I can't wait to hang out with him at the cabin." Have a feeling this might be an awkward trip.

This is the first instance I've had of people attempting to invite themselves and it came from the last person on earth I would've thought about. I just don't understand people sometimes. Its not a freaking party in the backyard where I can just squeeze you in. Its a wedding; there are head-counts, seating charts and lots of money involved, among other things. I've had to cut people I consider friends to fit everyone and now I'm supposed to make room for someone I've met once? Ummmm...hell no. UGH!

Re: Vent...people inviting themselves

  • I had the exact situation with a FB friend who I've met once. She turned out to be kidding. It was still annoying, but at least she wasn't actually serious. Hopefully he's doing the same thing.
  • akhensley81: I hope he was joking but based on his response I kinda doubt it. When I told him about being over already he says "Oh, ok. I understand. Big wedding then?" He seemed disappointed. I don't need the stress of worrying about his feelings.
  • So many people have been doing this since I got engaged!  At this point, it almost seems like a reflex remark, and I largely ignore it and move on in the conversation.

    My mom re-connected with a friend of hers that she had not been in contact with since high school, and I went with her to an event at the friend's house that was the first time they'd seen each other since high school.  Mom's friend said she hoped she was invited to the wedding since she loves weddings!  I just laughed and changed the subject.  People are funny.
  • How bizarre? Maybe he's single and hoping to meet someone?
    Maybe he knows you throw the BEST parties and wants in?
    Maybe he secretly fancies seeing you in a tiara?

  • s&t - There's no need to waste your time worrying about his feelings. Like you said, you met him once. If he's all butthurt because he's not being invited to your wedding, that's his problem. Not yours! :) You have much bigger things to worry about.
  • I have had a lot of people do this to me too. I usually just change the subject and carry on the conversation.  

    It's definitely hard, though, since I'm in grad school (same place as undergrad) and was in a sorority as an undergrad.  As such, I have a lot of people that I hang out with, but aren't all that close to.  I've even had one girl say to me that she's so excited for my wedding because she's turning 21 two weeks before!  I think to myself, 1. I wasn't really planning on inviting you since we aren't that close, 2. I didn't realize that a wedding was the appropriate time time to get completely sh!tfaced.  I would love to invite them all, but the fact that FI and I are on a budget and that his family alone is over 80 people, we just can't.  
    image
  • I have this happen to me a lot too- especially the guys that my FI plays sports with.

    You said the right thing, and thats what I have been doing. It is not getting any less awkward tho!

    I also have had to get my mom under control- I suspected and confirmed she was telling people who were not on our must have list that they were coming. An open and honest discussion ended that luckily. But I also found out the day we got engaged she invited a few of  her friends who would have otherwise not been invited, but what can you do. Next time I have news to tell her I am hiding her phone lol.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    244 Invited image 43 Attending image 5 Declined image Waiting on 198 image
    RSVP Date October 3, 2011
  • I had a distant family member contact me just over a month before the wedding to invite himself and his girlfriend.  We had the room for him at the venue and I was tired of getting into arguments with family over wedding etiquette (they would likely think he was the one in the right and I was in the wrong if I turned him down), so I caved and said I could fit him in.  He said he had to find out from his girlfriend if she could get the time off work.  I told him he needed to tell me ASAP so that I could get my numbers to the venue on time.  It's been over a week and I still haven't heard back from him again!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards