Wedding Etiquette Forum

Marriage Poll

The other day I was talking with a friend who was adamantly against gay marriage. She was fully entrenched in "Marriage is between a man and a woman, period." She would never do anything against gay marriage or say that to a gay couple, but that's how she feels in private. This then appeared on RHODC.

When it really comes down to it, what do you think about gay marriage? Not what you say in public, or "as long as they aren't hurting anyone", but what you truly think.

Poll created to protect the innocent.
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Re: Marriage Poll

  • I believe marriage should be between two people who love each other.  If those people happen to be of the same sex, I see no problem with that.
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  • I totally support gay marriage.  I don't see how we can say that marriage is for only procreating and allow older/infertile people to marry.  There is just no non homophobic reason not to allow them to marry.
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    [QUOTE]I totally support gay marriage.  I don't see how we can say that marriage is for only procreating and allow older/infertile people to marry.  There is just no non homophobic reason not to allow them to marry.
    Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]
    Ditto.  
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  • I agree with all of you. One of H's very good friends are gay, and have been a couple for over a 10 years. They are absolutely adorable together and I'm so glad they have the opportunity to get married now.

    And yes about the procreation thing. Just look at all of the couples on here who have no intention of having kids.

    It still pisses me off that most adoption agencies won't allow a gay couple to adopt though, then complain about how they have so many kids without parents.
  • Quite honestly I don't really care. I am not going to stand up and protest against it but at the same time I am not going to go out of my way to support it. I usually just try to avoid talking about the whole thing with people because it seems like it brings the worst out it people?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marriage-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68fd49a3-a359-4784-8918-2f086dd7ea33Post:af8910b8-572d-40d7-9c26-ccedb2c45d41">Re: Marriage Poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]Quite honestly I don't really care. I am not going to stand up and protest against it but at the same time I am not going to go out of my way to support it. I usually just try to avoid talking about the whole thing with people because it seems like it brings the worst out it people?
    Posted by RodeoRed[/QUOTE]
    I've never understood why people can't or won't care about something like this. 
  • I really truly don't give a crap what goes on in other people's bedrooms or marriages, and don't see how either affects mine.
  • I am completely for gay marriage, and it really bothers me that so many people can't get married because of bigotry.
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  • JenGin74JenGin74 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marriage-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68fd49a3-a359-4784-8918-2f086dd7ea33Post:87f42023-e2bc-4bff-91ad-1ea134f2ced7">Re: Marriage Poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marriage Poll : I've never understood why people can't or won't care about something like this. 
    Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

    I can see her point of view. Maybe it's not high on her list of things to care about. Maybe she cares more about animal abuse or something? IDK.

     I think if two people, whether gay or straight, want to get married they should be able to. I don;t think it's the government's place to tell someone who they can or can't marry.
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  • I think marriage should be for 2 people who love each other and want to spend their lives together, regardless of sex. Usually the reason I hear people say they're against it is because they think it's "gross" or because "the Bible says" what marriage is/should be. And that pisses me off. If 2 men or 2 women want to get married, then what you (collective) think shouldn't matter. I hate that gay couples have their right to marry taken away because ignorant people think it's gross or anti-Bible.

    /rant.
  • I want everyone to have the same rights. Period. If two men or two women want to get married, more power to them. The "marriage" word seems to be more of a church issue than a state issue though--so, I see where the conflict comes from even though I'm not religious. But, if that's the case, I think everyone should either have civil unions, or marriages. Everyone equal. 

    I just watched that episode of RHODC this morning, and was furious with this discussion. The woman, who was black (don't know her name), said she was against gay marriage, but would be okay with civil unions--and thought that was okay. And someone spat back that, well, that was "separate, but equal." We have a long history in this country of "separate, but equal" and in infuriates me that a group of people who have been subjected, and subsequently opposed, to a separate but equal life style would think it's okay to request, and rightfully so, their own equality, but not want the same for everyone else. 
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    [QUOTE]I have no problem with gay marriage whatsoever, but I do wonder when people make such strong statements about how the government should have NO role in telling people who they can marry or whether a particular marriage is right or wrong, whether those people feel the same way about other types of marriages that aren't permitted such as polygamous relationships, or marriage between siblings, or between a father and a daughter... do you really believe that none of these should be forbidden, or do you think that some restrictions are ok, as long as they align with your own personal morality?
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    I really don't think these are the same thing. My mom says this too, but I think the difference is that a lot of these other types of relationships are banned for other reasons that are good for a stable society.

    Incest: Causes increased risk of birth defects and other health problems, and also is often not an issue of "consenting", because in a parent-child situation there is coercion involved

    Adult-child: Again, not consenting adults.

    Adult-animal: Sheep can't give consent.

    Polyamory: Here you might actually have an argument. A lot of the bigamy laws had to do with trying to outlaw Mormonism anyway.
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  • While im "for" gay marriage, I also never really think about it or "care" because everyone here can, so its not really on my radar.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marriage-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68fd49a3-a359-4784-8918-2f086dd7ea33Post:ddf1d1e2-bdb3-4298-94a0-49a70559875c">Re: Marriage Poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have no problem with gay marriage whatsoever,<strong> but I do wonder when people make such strong statements about how the government should have NO role in telling people who they can marry or whether a particular marriage is right or wrong, whether those people feel the same way about other types of marriages that aren't permitted such as polygamous relationships, or marriage between siblings, or between a father and a daughter... do you really believe that none of these should be forbidden, or do you think that some restrictions are ok, as long as they align with your own personal morality?</strong>
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    <div>This was another point I was going to make. This whole topic is a very slippery slope, and opens up the door to other non-tradition lifestyles like you mentioned above. </div><div>
    </div><div>While I'm all for gay marriage, I'm not all for incest, or people marrying their dogs---or a pineapple (I've heard of this before). So, it makes me feel a bit hypocritical. </div>
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marriage Poll : Yeah, I didn't think you would not be friends with someone because of that.  I meant to add on "Since that's not the case, you have no reason to feel guilty. "
    Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

    No worries! And thanks. I'm sure I'll get over all the weird feelings someday.
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  • Canadian show-off.
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marriage Poll : This was another point I was going to make. This whole topic is a very slippery slope, and opens up the door to other non-tradition lifestyles like you mentioned above.  While I'm all for gay marriage, I'm not all for incest, or people marrying their dogs---or a pineapple (I've heard of this before). So, it makes me feel a bit hypocritical. 
    Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

    Once again, the issue is consent. The day a pineapple says "Yes! Yes I will marries you!" to me is the day I check into a mental hospital.
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    [QUOTE]Canadian show-off.
    Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
  • I'm not necessarily against the multiple wives unless someone was forced into it. Granted, I don't know much about that lifestyle, but if 2 or 8 consenting adults want to be in that kind of relationship, well then...I guess that should be their right.
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marriage Poll : Once again, the issue is consent. The day a pineapple says "Yes! Yes I will marries you!" to me is the day I check into a mental hospital.
    Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]
    I get the consent part, trust me, I do. 
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  • ::walks in in flame-retardant suit::

    I'm probably in the minority, but gay marriage weirds me out. I don't have any religious grounds for it or any other reason for that matter, other than the fact that it makes me uncomfortable. I sincerely WANT to be okay with it, but I'm not. That being said, I will never vote against gay marriage. While I may not agree with it, I would never vote to ban people from doing something that makes them happy. I won't vote for it though, either.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marriage-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68fd49a3-a359-4784-8918-2f086dd7ea33Post:49779faa-d88f-406f-8e9e-4df6f07fc3f9">Re: Marriage Poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]The problem with saying we ban other types of relationships based on what is good for society is we then open the door to say what is good for society.  Many people think gay marriage is bad for society, and we have no proof that it isn't.  Similarly we have no proof that polygamy is bad for society.  I do think the two are related, and if we ban one we can ban another.  The people, or government determine what they think is good for society and allow and incentives it. Maybe they shouldn't but I think its silly to ignore that there are people who think gay marriage is bad for society, and not all of them are religious.  Personally I think the government should get out of marriage and we should all have civil unions.  I also believe gays should have them, as should polygamous people.  That being said, I don't think its crazy or evil to disagree with me. 
    Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

    Not sure if this was responding to me, because I was the one talking about social reasons for marriage regulations, but if you look you'll see I left out polygamy. I think my jury's still out on that one, although I have yet to meet any person who is happy and stable in a polygamous relationship. But it seems pretty clear to me that bans on marriages involving individuals that cannot give consent is completely separate from anything involving gay marriage, so I don't see any sort of conflict involved in banning incest but allowing gays to marry.
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  • A law or someone's rights should not be based on a fictional book.
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    [QUOTE]::walks in in flame-retardant suit:: I'm probably in the minority, but gay marriage weirds me out. I don't have any religious grounds for it or any other reason for that matter, other than the fact that it makes me uncomfortable. I sincerely WANT to be okay with it, but I'm not. That being said, I will never vote against gay marriage. While I may not agree with it, I would never vote to ban people from doing something that makes them happy. I won't vote for it though, either.
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]
    i judge this.
  • That's fine. I judge it too, trust me. I can't pinpoint why I don't like it, I just don't. I genuinely wish I didn't feel the way I do and could just say "I'm fine with it."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marriage-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68fd49a3-a359-4784-8918-2f086dd7ea33Post:fa18d18c-213d-4e0f-8941-c74daf1345f4">Re: Marriage Poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's fine. I judge it too, trust me. I can't pinpoint why I don't like it, I just don't. I genuinely wish I didn't feel the way I do and could just say "I'm fine with it."
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

    Well, as long as you're not voting against it, I think your feelings are up to you.
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  • That's how I see it Sarah. I may not like it, but I will never vote to keep people from doing what makes them happy. It's not my place to judge who or how other people love, so I stay out of it. But the question asked true feelings and I was open and honest about it. I should have just kept my mouth shut.
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  • polygamy is illegal for many logistical reasons, not just societal ones. for example: if a man is in the military and passes away and has 3 wives, who gets his pension and benefits? all of them? that gets expensive. what if the same man is in the hospital, who makes the decisions about his health care? who is entitled to his social security benefits? life insurance? should all the wives be able to be on his medical insurance (and what about the cost of that)? what about children? if he has 15 children should the "family" get all those tax deductions or if needed welfare benefits? it raises completely different issues than gay marriage. 

    as for the gay marriage thing, marriage is a legal institution, not a religious one, and people forget that. gays are not asking for churches to recognize their marriages (that's a different fight), only the government to. so the argument about the bible saying marriage is between a man and woman is completely irrelevant as the church is irrelevant in the argument. 

    in the end, people deserve to be happy imo and no one should have the right to tell people that they can't love or marry whomever they want that makes them happy. i mean isn't the pursuit of happiness part of the deceleration of independence and one of the foundations of the country?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marriage-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68fd49a3-a359-4784-8918-2f086dd7ea33Post:291047e5-16fc-4fbb-9aab-3e2527c183ce">Re: Marriage Poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]polygamy is illegal for many logistical reasons, not just societal ones. for example: if a man is in the military and passes away and has 3 wives, who gets his pension and benefits? all of them? that gets expensive. what if the same man is in the hospital, who makes the decisions about his health care? who is entitled to his social security benefits? life insurance? should all the wives be able to be on his medical insurance (and what about the cost of that)? what about children? if he has 15 children should the "family" get all those tax deductions or if needed welfare benefits? it raises completely different issues than gay marriage.  as for the gay marriage thing, marriage is a legal institution, not a religious one, and people forget that. gays are not asking for churches to recognize their marriages (that's a different fight), only the government to. so the argument about the bible saying marriage is between a man and woman is completely irrelevant as the church is irrelevant in the argument.  in the end, people deserve to be happy imo and no one should have the right to tell people that they can't love or marry whomever they want that makes them happy. <strong>i mean isn't the pursuit of happiness part of the deceleration of independence and one of the foundations of the country?</strong>
    Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]

    I know this is just a typo, but hot damn, it's a hilarious one.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marriage-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68fd49a3-a359-4784-8918-2f086dd7ea33Post:230303e2-3927-4b46-8a58-6384b5db22be">Re: Marriage Poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's how I see it Sarah. I may not like it, but I will never vote to keep people from doing what makes them happy. It's not my place to judge who or how other people love, so I stay out of it. But the question asked true feelings and I was open and honest about it. I should have just kept my mouth shut.
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

    Nah, I don't think you need to keep your mouth shut. I think you're doing the right thing logically, but also being honest with yourself. Nothing wrong with admitting that.
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