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Inviting the boss...HELP!!!!

I met my fiance through a co-worker (her brother-in-law) who actually planned the set-up unbeknown-st to me at the time.  However, once this co-worker realized that we actually hit it off and became a serious couple; she tried everything to break us up (talking trash about me to my fiance and his family, as well as to my co-workers and basically making my life at work miserable).  Her relationship with my fiance's brother (although they have three children together, they were never married and he cheated on her several times over the years) was in trouble when I met her; and she explained this to me on several different occasions while we were friends before she actually introduced me to her brother-in-law).  She actually stopped being friends with me, and my fiance explained to me that after she set us up and realized there was a possibility that I could be part of the family, I would   know everything about her, her past, her family and her secret life that she made everyone believe was so perfect, etc.; and she didn't want one of her co-workers knowing her life wasn't what she pretended it to be.
This co-worker and my boss are really good friends.  My boss is already unprofessional because she is friends with a few co-workers and makes it obvious that she favors them.  Since becoming engaged, (it has been over two months now), my boss has never acknowledged it. 
I know she knows about it because she already authorized my vacation time for my honeymoon and because one of my other co-workers (who is also a good friend of the boss, but also a good friend of mine as well) told me that during one of her conversations with the boss (and there have been many- which in my opinion is the most unprofessional thing a boss can do); my boss has talked trash about me, repeating things that my soon-to-be sister-in-law (if we can call her that) has said about me and my fiance....like my fiance is a loser, that he doesn't really love me, it will never last, were not really going to get married, I'm a player, and blaming me for the break-up of her relationship.  Since my fiance and I started dating over two years ago, her and his brother have separated and he is now with another woman and they are engaged!
When my co-worker told my boss that my engagement ring was beautiful and asked her if she had seen it; she said, "no, & I don't care to".  Even though it's a big deal at my work (my true friends are really happy for me), she has not ever acknowledged it.   
I don't really have anything against this person and I don't dislike her as a person, but not only am I really hurt by this, I've never thought she was very professional as a boss and most of the people at work don't think so either....however, I believe it's almost a given to invite her to the wedding, especially since a lot of the people from work who will be there are some of her close friends who like me!  Unfortunately, her attitude about my wedding has made me think that I really don't want someone (a hater) who acts like that at my wedding, but I feel like if I don't invite her she will make my life at work even harder. 
I know that I don't have to invite "anyone" to my wedding if I don't want them there, but I feel somewhat obligated just to keep the peace.  I don't know what to do!.. 

Re: Inviting the boss...HELP!!!!

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    I wouldn't invite her and I would start looking for another job.  If your boss is that unprofessional that she openly gossips behind your back and favours other employees, is that really a place that you want to work?

    I know it's hard to find a job in the current economy, but it's something that would prompt me to start looking anyway.
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    I don't think you need to invite your boss at all. 
    I also think she sounds like a crappy boss and that you should find a better job.
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    BeeBee22BeeBee22 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2010
    Agree with Amysmomma on all counts. Since your co-worker is divorced from your FBIL, I wouldn't inviter her either. Clearly neither of them has any interest in your wedding, so they have no valid reason to be offended.
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    angel2210angel2210 member
    First Comment
    edited August 2010
    I would absolutely not invite her. I refuse to have anyone at my wedding that so obviously doesn't support it, especially someone that hasn't even bothered to take the time to get to know me and my FI.

    Also, ditto on the new job hunt.

    ETA: My original statement would also include the co-worker/FBIL's ex. I don't care what relation she has to the family, which really isn't any other than being his children's mother, if she's so adament about you two not being together, I would DEFINITELY not invite her.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-bosshelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c0d018b-c400-4c97-b02d-7c6b89b514dbPost:c2874ba2-e929-4615-b726-d4b5d00e71dc">Inviting the boss...HELP!!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I met my fiance through a co-worker (her brother-in-law) who actually planned the set-up unbeknown-st to me at the time.  However, once this co-worker realized that we actually hit it off and became a serious couple; she tried everything to break us up (talking trash about me to my fiance and his family, as well as to my co-workers and basically making my life at work miserable).  Her relationship with my fiance's brother (although they have three children together, they were never married and he cheated on her several times over the years) was in trouble when I met her; and she explained this to me on several different occasions while we were friends before she actually introduced me to her brother-in-law).  She actually stopped being friends with me, and my fiance explained to me that after she set us up and realized there was a possibility that I could be part of the family, I would   know everything about her, her past, her family and her secret life that she made everyone believe was so perfect, etc.; and she didn't want one of her co-workers knowing her life wasn't what she pretended it to be. This co-worker and my boss are really good friends .  My boss is already unprofessional because she is friends with a few co-workers and makes it obvious that she favors them.  Since becoming engaged, (it has been over two months now), my boss has never acknowledged it.  I know she knows about it because she already authorized my vacation time for my honeymoon and because one of my other co-workers (who is also a good friend of the boss, but also a good friend of mine as well) told me that during one of her conversations with the boss (and there have been many- which in my opinion is the most unprofessional thing a boss can do); my boss has talked trash about me, repeating things that my soon-to-be sister-in-law (if we can call her that) has said about me and my fiance....like my fiance is a loser, that he doesn't really love me, it will never last, were not really going to get married, I'm a player, and blaming me for the break-up of her relationship.  Since my fiance and I started dating over two years ago, her and his brother have separated and he is now with another woman and they are engaged! When my co-worker told my boss that my engagement ring  was beautiful and asked her if she had seen it; she said, "no, & I don't care to".  Even though it's a big deal at my work (my true friends are really happy for me), she has not ever acknowledged it.    I don't really have anything against this person and I don't dislike her as a person, but not only am I really hurt by this, I've never thought she was very professional as a boss and most of the people at work don't think so either....however, I believe it's almost a given to invite her to the wedding, especially since a lot of the people from work who will be there are some of her close friends who like me!  Unfortunately, her attitude about my wedding has made me think that I really don't want someone (a hater) who acts like that at my wedding, but I feel like if I don't invite her she will make my life at work even harder.  I know that I don't have to invite "anyone" to my wedding if I don't want them there, but I feel somewhat obligated just to keep the peace.  I don't know what to do!.. 
    Posted by skatemom[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>If the boss isn't your friend or family, I would say don't invite her. </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, all of the cattiness of the office aside, your boss doesn't really have to be super excited about your engagement or your wedding so don't be upset that she isn't up your ass about your ring. 

    </div>
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    There is no need to invite your boss if you aren't close to her and if she is going to be so negative.  She sounds like a real piece of work, and I would advise you to look for a new job so that you don't have to put up with her!
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    1) Boss is highly unprofessional. Your options are to file a grievance and prepare for fallout or quit.

    2)  Do not invite boss to wedding.  There is no expectation of this.

    3)  Boss is actually being professional by not acknowledging your engagement.  She shouldn't be commenting on your personal life unless it is interfering with your professional life. 
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