How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests?

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-deal-with-inviting-your-b-list-wedding-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d49b6e1-810e-4807-a85a-754ab70e0e9fPost:cf18d673-4d11-4bbc-8104-6a5165facac0">Re: How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]Swtpinkldy - You are so right! I don't think it is a rude thing. I mean, no one wants to be second, but sometimes the bride and groom have to invite family over their friends.  and to everyone else - What if you are having a smaller wedding, do you really want a bunch of empty chairs?
Posted by bummedbridezilla[/QUOTE]

I'm shocked -- shocked, I say -- that you've latched on to the commnet from the poster who agrees with you and validates your piss-poor idea and treatment of so-called friends.

Look, just be honest with your second-rate friends. Tell them that the invitations were sent to the really important guests, they RSVPd, and since some of the VIPs couldn't make it, you've decided to throw your less-important friends and acquaintances a bone and invite them because having empty seats is simply something no bride should have to deal with.

While you're at it, be sure to include your registry info in their invitations, which really only need to be Xerox copies of your A-list invitation -- and hey, it's okay to cross the A-list RSVP date date out and write the B-list RSVP date in with a Sharpie. You certainly wouldn't want them to forget to give you your well-deserved wedding gift.

Oh, and drink tickets. I suggest a set number of drink tickets for your B-list guests, like two per and then they have to pay for any after that, while your A-list guests get the open bar.

If you're going to be rude, go big or go home.

Shlby81

B lists are bad! Even I no that one!

pretzelgrrl

I had a group of people I sent invites out to who had not received save the dates when I realized I was able to afford inviting them...but i don't think this is a real b list but maybe I am wrong

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-deal-with-inviting-your-b-list-wedding-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d49b6e1-810e-4807-a85a-754ab70e0e9fPost:80f67245-fac9-473b-893c-9c2520aec8dd">Re: How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a group of people I sent invites out to who had not received save the dates when I realized I was able to afford inviting them...but i don't think this is a real b list but maybe I am wrong
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

<div>I would not call the b-listed.  </div>

azdancer8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-deal-with-inviting-your-b-list-wedding-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d49b6e1-810e-4807-a85a-754ab70e0e9fPost:80f67245-fac9-473b-893c-9c2520aec8dd">Re: How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a group of people I sent invites out to who had not received save the dates when I realized I was able to afford inviting them...but i don't think this is a real b list but maybe I am wrong
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

<div>No, that is definitely not the same as B-listing. If all of your invitations were sent out at the same time, you're good to go. :)</div>

JoanE2012

If I knew I was B listed, I would probably accept and not show up.  Family emergency....soooo sorry! 

lauraanne9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-deal-with-inviting-your-b-list-wedding-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d49b6e1-810e-4807-a85a-754ab70e0e9fPost:da043be4-8ebb-455c-bc0a-70e6a160c004">Re: How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]So no one you guys know has sent out invites after they became aware their family or very close friends couldn't make it?
Posted by bummedbridezilla[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>The only invites that we sent out at different times were the couple of people who I was not able to track down addresses for...and this was after we sent multiple emails, made phone calls, and reached out via Facebook and had people make phone calls.  So, these people got the invites about 2 weeks after the others went out.</div>

MegenQ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-deal-with-inviting-your-b-list-wedding-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d49b6e1-810e-4807-a85a-754ab70e0e9fPost:51720949-1d72-498a-9b95-46d9fb588351">How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm doing some research and I was curious how others deal with their "B" list invites. You know the people you invite to fill up the spots that the "A" list couldn't. How do you do it with out hurting someone's feelings?
Posted by bummedbridezilla[/QUOTE]

I just made the tables for six people instead of eight as people declined. People may not say that they are insulted by being invited two weeks before the wedding, but they are going to be thinking it.

DocileDoom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-deal-with-inviting-your-b-list-wedding-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d49b6e1-810e-4807-a85a-754ab70e0e9fPost:85d330e8-ac3e-4ba4-9e3b-231baf10eecd">Re: How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Look, just be honest with your second-rate friends. Tell them that the invitations were sent to the really important guests, they RSVPd, and since some of the VIPs couldn't make it, you've decided to throw your less-important friends and acquaintances a bone and invite them because having empty seats is simply something no bride should have to deal with. While you're at it, be sure to include your registry info in their invitations, which really only need to be Xerox copies of your A-list invitation -- and hey, it's okay to cross the A-list RSVP date date out and write the B-list RSVP date in with a Sharpie. You certainly wouldn't want them to forget to give you your well-deserved wedding gift. Oh, and drink tickets. I suggest a set number of drink tickets for your B-list guests, like two per and then they have to pay for any after that, while your A-list guests get the open bar. If you're going to be rude, go big or go home.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Everyone here seems to assume that the B-list is just to get more gifts. This is most likely not the case.

People are invited to weddings in order to celebrate the couple's union, and some people unfortunately can't afford to invite everyone that they would like in one go. They invite mostly family, or obligation invites, but forgo inviting friends or people who they would really like to be there. When choosing between seeing your mother crushed that her 5 siblings couldn't be invited and telling your friends that you can celebrate with them later in a non-wedding way, some people don't have as clear cut of a decision as others.

The maximum amount of people there is often decided due to budget constraints, not only on food, but on venue and other areas as well. If the only venue can afford can host 40 people, are you going to invite all your 40 obligation invites plus friends? No, because that's against fire code. If there's one thing you are as a classy bride, it's safe.

But if some of those people can't make it, it's still definitely okay to invite others. Sure, some of the others you invite may have legitimate emergencies and some may just be insensitive knotties. Either way, it's better to try and fail than to have never tried at all.

If you feel like you'll have to B-list, I suggest sending invites early. Send them out about the 3-month mark, and call everyone who hasn't RSVP'd at the 2-month mark, to ensure that the seats really will be empty. That way you can still give others enough time to plan time off for your wedding.

If it's a destination wedding, you're probably not going to be able to do this. Then again, if it's a destination wedding, you've probably already prepared to have very few people around you that day.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-deal-with-inviting-your-b-list-wedding-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d49b6e1-810e-4807-a85a-754ab70e0e9fPost:b9fd32fd-9d23-4591-9918-d5d6a0cb1bd7">Re: How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests? : <strong>Everyone here seems to assume that the B-list is just to get more gifts. This is most likely not the case</strong>. People are invited to weddings in order to celebrate the couple's union, and some people unfortunately can't afford to invite everyone that they would like in one go. They invite mostly family, or obligation invites, but forgo inviting friends or people who they would really like to be there. When choosing between seeing your mother crushed that her 5 siblings couldn't be invited and telling your friends that you can celebrate with them later in a non-wedding way, some people don't have as clear cut of a decision as others.I<strong>The maximum amount of people there is often decided due to budget constraints, not only on food, but on venue and other areas as well. f the only venue can afford can host 40 people, are you going to invite all your 40 obligation invites plus friends? No, because that's against fire code. </strong>If there's one thing you are as a classy bride, it's safe. <strong>But if some of those people can't make it, it's still definitely okay to invite others. Sure, some of the others you invite may have legitimate emergencies and some may just be insensitive knotties. </strong>Either way, it's better to try and fail than to have never tried at all. If you feel like you'll have to B-list, I suggest sending invites early. Send them out about the 3-month mark, and call everyone who hasn't RSVP'd at the 2-month mark, to ensure that the seats really will be empty. That way you can still give others enough time to plan time off for your wedding. If it's a destination wedding, you're probably not going to be able to do this. Then again, if it's a destination wedding, you've probably already prepared to have very few people around you that day.
Posted by DocileDoom[/QUOTE]
1.That's what it looks like though to a B-lister though.<div>
</div><div>2.Should have chosen a bigger venue to accomodate all your guests maybe?</div><div>My venue was smaller than I prepared for (it was being constructed when I first looked and they had changed their cap) There were a lot of people my H& I would have liked to have invited but once invites were done they were done. No B-listing.</div><div>
</div><div>3. I'd probably also decline a wedding where I was clearly B-listed. That's not insensitive.</div>

lyndausvi

exactly crash.

If you really wanted me you there are a ton of things you could have done to include me in round one of the invites.

Face it, you wanted a certain type of wedding at a certain location more than you wanted to be able to have a wedding where everyone you wanted to could be invited.   

It's okay,  but do not pretend the wedding you are having was your only option.  You had the option of picking a different location or having a day wedding instead of a evening wedding or having a non-meal wedding, etc.

There are a lot of ways to have a wedding where everyone you want can be invited. 

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-deal-with-inviting-your-b-list-wedding-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d49b6e1-810e-4807-a85a-754ab70e0e9fPost:b9fd32fd-9d23-4591-9918-d5d6a0cb1bd7">Re: How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you deal with inviting your "B" list wedding guests? : Everyone here seems to assume that the B-list is just to get more gifts. This is most likely not the case. People are invited to weddings in order to celebrate the couple's union, and some people unfortunately can't afford to invite everyone that they would like in one go. They invite mostly family, or obligation invites, but forgo inviting friends or people who they would really like to be there. When choosing between seeing your mother crushed that her 5 siblings couldn't be invited and telling your friends that you can celebrate with them later in a non-wedding way, some people don't have as clear cut of a decision as others. The maximum amount of people there is often decided due to budget constraints, not only on food, but on venue and other areas as well. If the only venue can afford can host 40 people, are you going to invite all your 40 obligation invites plus friends? No, because that's against fire code. If there's one thing you are as a classy bride, it's safe. But if some of those people can't make it, it's still definitely okay to invite others. Sure, some of the others you invite may have legitimate emergencies and some may just be insensitive knotties. Either way, it's better to try and fail than to have never tried at all. If you feel like you'll have to B-list, I suggest sending invites early. Send them out about the 3-month mark, and call everyone who hasn't RSVP'd at the 2-month mark, to ensure that the seats really will be empty. That way you can still give others enough time to plan time off for your wedding. If it's a destination wedding, you're probably not going to be able to do this. Then again, if it's a destination wedding, you've probably already prepared to have very few people around you that day.
Posted by DocileDoom[/QUOTE]

<div>This is terrible advice.  It doesn't matter <em>why</em> you B-list people, their feelings are still going to be hurt and it's still incredibly rude.  It's also ridiculous to expect people to RSVP for something over 2 months before the event.  It will also be completely obvious to the A-list that you're going to do a B-list because of the super early response time and all of those people are going to think that you're a rude person.   </div>

ginadog

What if you are having a smaller wedding, do you really want a bunch of empty chairs?"

You sound like your main concern is when you look out into the guests at the ceremony that you don't want to see empty seats.  You said you'd be devastated and you'd want to fill that with seat filler people, people that weren't your great friends in the frist place (that's why they are on the B list you mentioned).

Why not just have the same number of seats as your RSVP Yes list?  I mean, then there's no need for empty seats, right?  You seemed to be quite focus on "seeing empty seats."

Or are you worried about having a party with just 20 people more so?

What about the girls who only invited 50? Not having so many show up would be devastating.

Then you have your nearest and dearest with you to celebrate, the people you wanted there in the first place!

Don't listen to the WeddingBee people!  It's all in very poor taste! 

ksblumb

B-listing honestly blows my mind.

For us, the point of inviting people to celebrate in our day was to be surrounded by those who loved us and have supported our relationship since the very beginning. Not to fill seats... not to get presents...

If they aren't close enough or important enough to you to be invtied the first (and hopefully only) time, they shouldn't be invited at all.

KLS123

I've been B-listed and I wasn't horribly offended. It was a wedding for a family friend and originally only my parents were invited. When they found out about two weeks before the wedding that some people who RSVPed "yes" cancelled last minute and if my sister and I wanted to join in the festivities we were more than welcome. My sister and I went and had fun. We didn't bring an additional gift and they made it clear a gift wasn't necessary (my parents gave a nice gift and my sister and I were in college at the time) so it wasn't a gift grabby situation. We all had fun and it's not a big deal...

I personally won't B list and you shouldn't do this to close friends but do people seriously end friendships over B-listing? That's ridiculous and quite petty.

MoxieMickie

In Response to Re:How do you deal with inviting your :[QUOTE] .I personally won't B list and you shouldn't do this to closenbsp;friendsnbsp;but do people seriously end friendships over Blisting? That's ridiculous and quite petty. Posted by KLS123[/QUOTE]

When you b list someone, you are saying that the person isn't important enough for you really to want them there, but you want to use them to fulfill a role in your wedding vision. Why would that person want to make you a priority in their life?

Universal "you," not this poster

KLS123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-you-deal-with-inviting-your-b-list-wedding-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d49b6e1-810e-4807-a85a-754ab70e0e9fPost:db176896-6d81-4afa-ae0d-813816569bec">Re:How do you deal with inviting your</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:How do you deal with inviting your : When you b list someone, you are saying that the person isn't important enough for you really to want them there, but you want to use them to fulfill a role in your wedding vision. Why would that person want to make you a priority in their life? Universal "you," not this poster
Posted by MoxieMickie[/QUOTE]

I get that and like I said, it should never be done to close friends. But if the person wasn't expecting an invite to begin with like my previously stated situation then I don't see anything wrong with the whole "Hey, people backed out to my daughters wedding last minute. the food and drink are already paid for. want to come have a good time with free food and an open bar? Please don't worry about getting a gift, we just don't want the extra space to go to waste and we thought that you would enjoy being there!"

Obviously this only works if you know the person well enough to know they won't be offended and instead honored that you thought of them in such a predicament. There are people that I would be offended if they said this to me as I would have hoped to be invited in the first place, however there are situations where you can get away with this in my opinion because I have been on the recieveing end of it and I didn't mind one bit!

JanoBean75

Your B list is not something you use after you've finalized your guest list.

When you start planning your budget and are looking for a venue, you begin your guest list. Your "A" list are all your MUST HAVES. Your "B" list is who you'd like to have if budget and space allow.

You don't move people from B to A unless budget and space allow. All guests should be invited at the same time. Don't move them from B to A because people on A decline.

phfiely

KLS: this exact situation happened to me. An acquaintance from college was getting married in San Diego, where I lived. We had mutual friends, some of which I am/was really close to, so when they flew out for the wedding we met up. It turned out that the bride had guests who had RSVPed yes cancel last second, and told our mutual friends if I wanted to come celebrate with dinner and drinks I was more than welcome to. I went and had fun didn't bring a gift. I wasnt offended because I would never expect to be invited to her wedding, but it was still fun to catch up and from her perspective at least the food wasn't wasted. I would be offended by being Blisted for a friend's wedding though and probably wouldn't go. in this case, I had no emotional Attachment so it was just fun to see everyone.