Wedding Etiquette Forum

OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?

Before sounding mean, I have to preface this post by saying that my fiancé's parents divorced while he was young. When he was 12 years old, he made the independent decision to move out of his mom and sister's house in order to live with his dad and stepmom (a much better and safer living enviornment). He hasn't been close with his biological mother and sisters at all in the 10+ years since and barely ever sees them (once a year, maybe) as he does not agree with their life choices.

While we are inviting his four real sisters and real mother to the wedding, we would rather not allow them to have "plus one's" due to the fact that their dates or significant others have been in and out of jail and have been involved in illegal situations. I think the part that worries us most is the potential danger to our guests or to our wedding if we allow them to bring dates in addition to the drama they could cause. On top of that, my parents are paying for the entire wedding and we are limited to the number of guests.

I am really at a loss on how to handle this situation and would love some advice from someone who has dealt with this before or has experienced a similar situation. Thanks knotties!
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Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?

  • mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If they are in a relationship and the BF hasn't raped/assaulted someone else who'll be at the wedding, they should be invited.
  • Ditto Mica.

    If you're really concerned about their behaivor at the wedding, just be sure to alert your DOC or someone who works at the venue (ie bartender or event manager) and they can step in if something happens and politely ask them to leave.
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    Anniversary
  • Unless your guests' personal and property safety is in question with their SO's, you must invite them.  Your wedding is never the place to judge other's relationships.
    Anniversary
  • Significant others need to be invited. Random dates, not so much.

    Not inviting them is rude, will make the sisters mad, and you will look bad. Unless they are actually mentally unstable/ dangerous to other guests/threat to children the SO should be invited.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • ditto PPs.  If they have BFs /  SOs they need to be invited. 

    If one of your other guests has a restraining order against someone because they commited a crime directly against them that's different.  Or if one of them was a known child molestor, or perhaps committed hate crimes against a racial/religious group that will be present at your wedding that, too, would be different.  "He's a shady guy and has been in prison" not so much.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:ac388482-d54f-4d12-884d-d21a6196f73a">OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE] as he does not agree with their life choices. While we are inviting his four real sisters and real mother to the wedding, we would rather not allow them to have "plus one's<strong>" due to the fact that their dates or significant others have been in and out of jail and have been involved in illegal situations. I think the part that worries us most is the potential danger to our guests </strong>or to our wedding if we allow them to bring dates in addition to the drama they could cause. On top of that, my parents are paying for the entire wedding and we are limited to the number of guests. I am really at a loss on how to handle this situation and would love some advice from someone who has dealt with this before or has experienced a similar situation. Thanks knotties!
    Posted by LRomance[/QUOTE]

    You are not judging their behavior, you are explaining a fact that they are in and out of jail. I would not invite them. Think about your other guests.

    If I found out someone's SO is a thief then "they" as a social unit are not invited. People leave purses on tables and go dance. I will not allow that guest into my wedding.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:41ba5da5-0805-45dc-a3f3-345353f2b2df">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : You are not judging their behavior, you are explaining a fact that they are in and out of jail. I would not invite them. Think about your other guests. If I found out someone's SO is a thief then "they" as a social unit are not invited. People leave purses on tables and go dance. I will not allow that guest into my wedding.
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

    For all you know they were in jail for drug offenses or some other non-violent issue.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:41ba5da5-0805-45dc-a3f3-345353f2b2df">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : You are not judging their behavior, you are explaining a fact that they are in and out of jail. I would not invite them. Think about your other guests. If I found out someone's SO is a thief then "they" as a social unit are not invited. People leave purses on tables and go dance. I will not allow that guest into my wedding.
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

    Are you going to personally run background checks on all your guests (and the venue employees as well?) That's why this is a slippery slope issue and it must be a very egregious offense they've committed to exclude them.

    My best friend is a resident in one of the country's top tier pedriatric programs and she still has a tramp stamp -- lots of folks do stupid things when they're 19.
    Lizzie
  • I find it hard to believe that the mother and four sisters are all upstanding citizens with no criminal record but are all 5 involved with criminals, especially in light of the fact that you clearly hate them.  

    If your FI intends to continue a relationship with his mother and sisters, you need to invite them and extend the same courtesies to them that you would to other guests.  If he wants to cut all ties, just cut them from the guest list.  But cutting out their boyfriends is an invitation for drama, and is using your wedding as an opportunity to pass judgment on their relationships.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:e9d69c0a-8054-4b96-b8ca-60656282fff0">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : For all you know they were in jail for drug offenses or some other non-violent issue.
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    So as long as it is a non-violent crime than it is okay? I used stealing as an example b/c it is one reason why I would not invite someone.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:8afff9da-6498-4549-a7b7-dbb3ff6ee576">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : So as long as it is a non-violent crime than it is okay? I used stealing as an example b/c it is one reason why I would not invite someone.
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]



    Bad checks? Still get an invite.

    If you are talking robbery usually that is violent.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:8afff9da-6498-4549-a7b7-dbb3ff6ee576">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : So as long as it is a non-violent crime than it is okay? I used stealing as an example b/c it is one reason why I would not invite someone.
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

    <div>So are you running criminal background checks on everyone?  </div><div>
    </div><div>Plenty of people have done something wrong in the past.  That doesn't mean they are suddenly no longer diserving of basic social courtesies.  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:ed7ee367-c0aa-4e88-b0a1-100c4525f8a2">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : Bad checks? Still get an invite.<strong> If you are talking robbery usually that is violent</strong>.
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    I learned something new. I was thinking stealing from someone's purse, Identity fraud, etc. was non-violent.

    And of course you can not do a back ground check on everyone. OP knows these people personally and has a bad gut feeling. I'm telling her to trust her gut. Interesting how a post earlier everyone understood when the OP didn't want to invite her father but now we are making excuses for sister-in-laws......

    I say trust your gut. OP and FI feel uneasy for a reason.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ^No one is making excuses for the sisters. It's just, almost surely, an all or nothing proposition. If she and her FI were to invite the sisters but not their SOs it would a) be exceedingly rude and b) would likely be the final nail in the coffin of Fi's relationship with that side of the family. I think it's important that the OP understands that this will be taken as a massive slight. Frankly, if they're OK with that, it's probably best to not even bother to invite the sisters at all.

    edited for spelling
    Lizzie
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:289fb1b0-9717-4326-aff5-ac0aa99b1eb4">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : I learned something new. I was thinking stealing from someone's purse, Identity fraud, etc. was non-violent. And of course you can not do a back ground check on everyone. OP knows these people personally and has a bad gut feeling. I'm telling her to trust her gut. Interesting how a post earlier everyone understood when the OP didn't want to invite her father but now we are making excuses for sister-in-laws...... I say trust your gut. OP and FI feel uneasy for a reason.
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

    Robbery usually as define by statute is violent. Thus me saying that.

    Most offenders that have drug records also have bad checks or the like crimes to pay for the habit. Maybe my work has jaded me, but unless someone is a danger, then I'm not going to judge them.

    And like pps said...I bet the sisters don't have the cleanest records. But still sounds like OP will invite them. So danger isn't the issue. Just the typical, I don't like the SO that we get here.


    ETA: They are inviting the sister in laws (which I assume have about the same records).  The double standard for the SO is wrong.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • [QUOTE] I would not invite them. Think about your other guests. If I found out someone's SO is a thief then "they" as a social unit are not invited. People leave purses on tables and go dance. I will not allow that guest into my wedding.
    Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Agreed.  If there is any reason to think that the guests' bodies, their property, basic mental health, or their careers are at risk, that's a valid reason for not inviting them.  If sisters get upset, well, you'll understand if they choose to decline, and they are free to change their minds later.

    </div>
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  • One of our groomsmen served time in prison. Doin' it wrong, over here.
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  • Newbie/Lurker chiming in…

    Personally, I think it depends on the situation. Yes, social units need to be invited together, etiquette wise. But if they are a danger to people, I’m willing to break etiquette for the safety of my guests.

    Regarding drug offenders: I know from personal experience that some drug offenders have done some pretty disturbing things (inflicting bodily & mental harm on others.) Even if they served their time, that doesn't mean that all should be forgiven and/or forgotten. There are consequences to people's choices. Sometimes that results in being shunned at social functions.

    We're talking multiple people here, so I can see drama as a certainty. (How come Snow White gets to bring X, but Sleeping Beauty can't bring Z?)

    Trust your gut instinct. But be willing to deal with the possible drama. IMO, my gut has never let me down. It's always when I didn't follow it, I found myself with regrets. Talk it out to your FI and some independent 3rd parties that you trust, before you make the decision.

    If you decide to invite the dates, if safety is a concern, you will probably want to consider hiring a security officer or have a plan in place if something should happen.

    Good luck.

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  • So drug offenders don't deserve a second chance if they served their time and made changes in their life? Nice. I'll go tell all the clients I worked with that apparently some people in society still don't think you are worth including in society. Nice message to send huh? To op, I need more info about their crimes before i offer a suggestion.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:8345c8c1-18ef-4f21-92b4-a1a2e151edbc">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of our groomsmen served time in prison. Doin' it wrong, over here.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    <div>Don't feel bad.  I had to rescue one of my GMs from potentially being in jail instead of our wedding.  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:1cc36272-c1db-41c0-aa3e-c0881e699f50">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So drug offenders don't deserve a second chance if they served their time and made changes in their life? Nice. I'll go tell all the clients I worked with that apparently some people in society still don't think you are worth including in society. Nice message to send huh? To op, I need more info about their crimes before i offer a suggestion.
    Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

    <p class="MsoNormal">I wasn't implying that ALL drug offenders don't deserve second chances. I said that SOMETIMES, there are still consequences after they have served their time. Why is it a bad thing to have consequences? People lose trust and have to earn it back all the time. I mean, are you telling me that I should have faith that serving the jail time “fixes” the problem?</p> <p class="MsoNormal">IMO, it really depends on the situation. Most of the time, it's not the drug offense that gets to me in itself- it's the more serious crimes that go unreported that accompany it.   I guess I'm just hardened from personal experience.</p>
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:5ea59590-3e3e-4186-a8bf-a25d9de32560">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : I wasn't implying that ALL drug offenders don't deserve second chances. I said that SOMETIMES, there are still consequences after they have served their time. Why is it a bad thing to have consequences? People lose trust and have to earn it back all the time. I mean, are you telling me that I should have faith that serving the jail time “fixes” the problem? IMO, it really depends on the situation. Most of the time, it's not the drug offense that gets to me in itself- it's the more serious crimes that go unreported that accompany it.   I guess I'm just hardened from personal experience.
    Posted by KatoNorway[/QUOTE]

    The thing is that, excluding someone's boyfriend isn't creating 'consequences.' It just makes the bride look like a witch.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • Notice I said made changes in their life. I don't think a wedding is the place to pass judgment. If they have made changes and are working on being a better person, I don't understand a consequence of not being invited to a wedding. How do you expect a person to earn trust back if you don't give them a chance to earn it back. Now if the person is still using drugs, or has made no changes in their lifestyle then that's different.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:5ea59590-3e3e-4186-a8bf-a25d9de32560">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : I wasn't implying that ALL drug offenders don't deserve second chances.<strong> I said that SOMETIMES, there are still consequences after they have served their time. Why is it a bad thing to have consequences?</strong> People lose trust and have to earn it back all the time. I mean, are you telling me that I should have faith that serving the jail time “fixes” the problem? IMO, it really depends on the situation. Most of the time, it's not the drug offense that gets to me in itself- it's the more serious crimes that go unreported that accompany it.   I guess I'm just hardened from personal experience.
    Posted by KatoNorway[/QUOTE]

    <div>Why is it your place to determine the appropriate consequences that someone must suffer after committing a crime?  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:9a84d29a-5fb6-40ff-b549-040ff64231a6">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : The thing is that, excluding someone's boyfriend isn't creating 'consequences.' It just makes the bride look like a witch.
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE
    <p class="MsoNormal">OK, I got ya.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">OP- what did they serve time for? <span> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you do decide to invite the units, have a security plan if violence is a concern. <span> </span>Also, do not underestimate how awesome eloping or very small guest lists can be.</p>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:8288c4a2-27ca-4ccc-a1b9-c2d80a4cc859">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : Why is it your place to determine the appropriate consequences that someone must suffer after committing a crime?  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
    <p class="MsoNormal">Um- Yes I think it was in my own right not to invite a certain relative who is a drug abuser and physically harmed their child. Their serving jail time did not magically erase the mistrust. Everybody involved in that situation has their own right on how to decide how to deal with this person. I choose to set boundaries, until I see changes.</p>
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:57eb0d84-23ff-4553-b345-318dde23142a">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Notice I said made changes in their life. I don't think a wedding is the place to pass judgment. If they have made changes and are working on being a better person, I don't understand a consequence of not being invited to a wedding. How do you expect a person to earn trust back if you don't give them a chance to earn it back. Now if the person is still using drugs, or has made no changes in their lifestyle then that's different.
    Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
    <p class="MsoNormal">Let me put it this way, I'm not using the wedding as a chance to "judge" them. The judgment was made, after they made the choice to commit the crime. In my case, this person was not invited to other functions as well. It just so happened that I got engaged, got married, and went on with my life. Just as this person continued to go on with theirs, not always sober.
    There is no black and white in this. Situations are different. I'm not going to stop talking to someone busted for smoking pot. But someone who's been cleaned for a couple of months from meth, the road to trust is going to be longer.</p>
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:404ee987-084b-4491-861c-1cbde9ef79ff">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : Um- Yes I think it was in my own right not to invite a certain relative who is a drug abuser and physically harmed their child. Their serving jail time did not magically erase the mistrust. Everybody involved in that situation has their own right on how to decide how to deal with this person. I choose to set boundaries, until I see changes.
    Posted by KatoNorway[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm sure you punishing this person by not inviting him to your wedding will get him to turn his life right around... </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:6e30a9e4-395b-4a07-bb54-63ad522e24b7">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? : I'm sure you punishing this person by not inviting him to your wedding will get him to turn his life right around... 
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOT
    <p class="MsoNormal">I have zero control over his life. Again, it’s his choice to hurt people physically and mentally. And it's not a punishment. It's a healthy boundary to protect myself and my family. God, I'm sure there are cases where common sense safety concerns trumps etiquette. And if not, I really don’t care if I insult a scumbag.</p>
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-not-allow-inappropriate-sisters-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6d567434-a331-4b59-a4e0-0bbad5576152Post:5a8a275e-b451-406f-b48e-b62f7dfb50eb">Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OK to not allow Inappropriate sisters to have dates? :  I'm sure you punishing this person by not inviting him to your wedding will get him to turn his life right around...  Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOT I have zero control over his life. Again, it’s his choice to hurt people physically and mentally. And it's not a punishment. It's a healthy boundary to protect myself and my family. God, I'm sure there are cases where common sense safety concerns trumps etiquette. And if not, I really don’t care if I insult a scumbag.
    Posted by KatoNorway[/QUOTE]

    I'm confused. But as this thread is about excluding an SO only, I assume this guy is dating a guest? 

    If he is physically & emotionally abusive he is going to beat the crap out of the girl (physically or emotionally) if she goes to your wedding without him. So you put her in a pickle. Just don't invite either of them. By excluding <u>only </u>him you are opening her up to trouble. Just inviting her without him is putting her in danger.

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    Married 9/15/11

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