Poll: Goal Age

MeaghanandMichael

Thoughts?

kd.joseph

I'm too old for this poll, I voted for ponies and cake!

banana468

I love cake AND cheese!

And I miss eating Gorgonzola.

AmoroAgain

Well, I'd always kind of thought that I didn't want to be married before 30, but definitely BY 30 if that makes sense.  I figured it was enough time to establish myself in a career and be financially stable before embarking on marriage. 

kd.joseph

MMMMM....I orderd my cakes Thursday, cant wait to eat them.

Austen2010

I chose yes because 25 was the age that my Barbies got married. Somehow that stuck. Dumb I know, but I did not hold it as a must and it obviously did not work out that way.

lharri12

I hoped to be married by age 25.  I thought I'd die if I wasn't married before 30.  We got engaged 4 months before I turned 30.  I could have rushed and gotten married before 30, I could have taken my time and gotten married at 30, but the date that worked best is 6 days after I turn 31.  I guess it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be.

aMrsin09

I had wanted to be married by 30 because if I was going to have kids I didn't want to be an older mom.  Well, 35 came and went and I pretty much gave up on the whole kids/marriage thing.  Suprisingly, I met aMr, right after my 40th b'day.

kate51485

Is there an option for "tickers for over three years are absolutely ridiculous"?

sarah0725

I like cakes and cheese and ponies. Also goats.

I don't know if I ever really had time to think about it. I always fantasized about my wedding, sure, but since I got into college, I've pretty much moved from one long-term relationship to the next, and the path of my life has pretty much been decided with my schooling. I mean, I started dating FI when I was 21, and we knew pretty much right away that we'd be getting married. I didn't really have time to worry about my ovaries drying up or anything.

saschaduran

No way.  I didn't think I even wanted to get married so when I met my H at age 34 I was kind of surprised.  Also, since I already had a kid I had no biological clock nonsense going either.

I think it is a horrible idea.  I have 2 friends that, upon turning 30, felt desperate to be married and have a kid.  They both ended up married....one to a guy that cheated after 3 months, they stayed together anyways because she wanted a kid and now she is divorced and struggling.  The other gave her bf a deadline and ultimatum so they ended up married, and she ended up divorced and still desperate at te age of 40 with no kids. 

Get married because you want to marry a person, not because you want to be married.

redheadfsu

Marriage isn't a goal in my book. I don't know how to phrase that w/o sounding snarky, but it never has been a "goal." 

I loved being single & love being committed, so I had more of if I met the right person maybe I would say "I do" attitude.

louisvillebride21

I will probably get heat for this, but whatever. I knew I wanted to be married by 25 at the latest (what would have happened if I weren't, I ahve no idea). I've always wanted to have kids and have them fairly young. My dad was almost 50 when he had me and my childhood kinda sucked because of it. I just wanted to be young for my kids. Hopefully now, I'll be having kid by 25-26 if everything works out.

EmmaBride2B

I think it's silly. What are you setting, exactly, an expiration date?

mizri

I wanted to be married before I turned 30.  I told myself that if I wasn't married by then, I would be a single mom forever.

MeaghanandMichael

It is funny because I always thought I would wait a long time to get married. I was always in relationships and stuff, but I guess meeting Mike changed my perspective. Well, not so much 'changed' as much as actually put marriage into perspective.

I am kind of with you Amoro in that I always thought I would have other things taking precedence (school, job etc) before making the commitment. Funny, I have found I have grown MORE in my career after being married to Mike. That could be coincidence due to my age (a lot of people grow in their mid 20s at their jobs), but the peace of mind of a supportive and caring marriage have definitely helped, for me anyway.

JessAndTrav

There wasn't an exact number, but I wanted (and still want) to have kids by the time I'm 30, thus getting married before that was important to me.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:9a6d969c-b46a-480c-b455-7da88d2aa815">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]I hoped to be married by age 25.  <strong>I thought I'd die if I wasn't married before 30.  We got engaged 4 months before I turned 30</strong>.  I could have rushed and gotten married before 30, I could have taken my time and gotten married at 30, but the date that worked best is 6 days after I turn 31.  I guess it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be.
Posted by lharri12[/QUOTE]


I am not trying to be snarky, but why did 30 seem SO drastic to you? Was it your personal feeling, or a bias you accepted from other people around you?

aMrsin09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:65563b69-b355-4865-9d0b-fef35e7d00b2">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]I Funny, I have found I have grown MORE in my career after being married to Mike.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

And see, I found that my career went by the wayside after we got engaged.  I was able to recognize that there were more important things in life that need my attention.  I honestly don't care if I never work again.

brookelynpaisley

Way back in the day, I hoped to be married by 25. That came and went and I realized I wasn't even ready, so then I was hoping for 30. I got married at 28 and am now hoping to have a baby by 30.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:65563b69-b355-4865-9d0b-fef35e7d00b2">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]It is funny because I always thought I would wait a long time to get married. I was always in relationships and stuff, but I guess meeting Mike changed my perspective. Well, not so much 'changed' as much as actually put marriage into perspective. I am kind of with you Amoro in that I always thought I would have other things taking precedence (school, job etc) before making the commitment. Funny, I have found I have grown MORE in my career after being married to Mike. That could be coincidence due to my age (a lot of people grow in their mid 20s at their jobs), but the peace of mind of a supportive and caring marriage have definitely helped, for me anyway.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

Yeah, H has really supported me and pushed me to try new things and take chances.  When I thought about being married around 30-ish, I was also sure that it wouldn't be feasible prior to that because I would be going to law school, etc.  Then, after college and my total... collapse, I guess you'd call it, I had to start all over. 

H has been amazing for me though.  He encourages me without making me feel like a loser, which is pretty impressive.

Course, I turned 30 in January and I haven't been working for nearly 3 years now, but the experience I've been having here is completely due to him so I'll take that too. :)

saschaduran

I agree Meaghan.  I think being in a positie nurturing commited relationship can encourage growth in other areas of your life.  I have definitely grown.  I can focus more now that I am not so concerned with wanting to go out and have fun all the time.   I can have fun being hom with my husband.  Sometimes you find the right guy in your early 20s, sometimes not until your 40s. 

But to me, setting a deadline just means that you will end up settling and marrying the wrong guy because you had a silly goal in your head that it was time".  recipe for disaster.

MeaghanandMichael

LVB - I think there is something to be said for the age of getting married effecting the age you have kids. But (and I am not saying you would do this) settling into a marriage for the sake of wanting kids at a certain age is just bizarre to me.

tenofcups4me

In college, I assumed I'd get married at around 24 or so. I have no idea why, but that was the number in my head.

In my 20s, I assumed I'd be married by about 30.

I always wanted to be married, but never met the "right person" to marry and wasn't going to marry just anyone simply to get married.

I got married for the first time at 39. The divorce papers were finalized when I was 40. No, there isn't really any moral to the story; just the way it played out.
 
Ironically, DH and I actually knew each other in college. No way to prove it one way or the other, of course, but I pretty strongly believe that had we hooked up then, we'd be divorced by now. I don't think we were ready for each other till a few years ago.

kate51485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:60c49757-8cfe-4604-a332-04e32482a66d">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Goal Age : And see, I found that my career went by the wayside after we got engaged.  I was able to recognize that there were more important things in life that need my attention.  I honestly don't care if I never work again.
Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

Never working again is not an option for me at this point, we'd be in the poorhouse.  So why shouldn't my career flourish?  It doesn't mean my attention isn't still being given to other things.

mocha beans

I never really thought I would actually get married, so I never really thought about what age I wanted to be married by.  My dad's family, who has been the most influential in my life and incapable of managing most long term relationships, along with my own dismal experiences, kinda resigned me to being single-ish most of my life.  I decided I wanted to do the career and hobbies thing and spend time with friends.  Kids were never an issue either.

I think once I met FI and started to get into that serious relationship, I wanted to be married by about 25, because he wanted kids and he was getting close to 30 and didn't want to be the "old dad".  It's a few years past that point now, and we're not sure if we want kids, so this age works great.

aMrsin09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:5bad699f-dd86-478a-8289-fbc755508920">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Goal Age : Never working again is not an option for me at this point, we'd be in the poorhouse.  So why shouldn't my career flourish?  It doesn't mean my attention isn't still being given to other things.
Posted by kate51485[/QUOTE]


Sure, and in 5 weeks, it isn't going to be an option for me either.  In fact, I see myself needing to have two jobs.

When H lived with me in the states, my career had me working 12-14 hr days, 6 days a week.  And that was fairly typical for my field for most of the 20 years I did it. There was very little time or energy to pay attn  to other things.

goheels05

I'm with you, Meg, I didn't really think I'd marry young(ish).  I didn't really want children, so there was no rush.  A lot of my friends hated being single/dating, but I liked being on my own, being able to do what I want when I want, and even the dating scene.  When I was dating the guy I dated before Mr. Heels, I remember my girlfriends asking if I thought he was going to propose any time soon and I laughed and said "I hope not, that would be really awkward." 

Before my grandpa died, he made me promise not to get married until I finished college, and I laughed.  I hate that he never got to meet Mr. Heels, but I don't regret waiting to get married.

lisarose7

My goal age changed as I got older.  I was engaged at 19 to my high school sweetheart and we wanted to get married as soon as I graduated college at 22 so that we could have all 3 of our kids before we were 30.  At the time, this made perfect sense...fortunately I realized 8 months in that we were growing apart and we ended it (on good terms).  When I started dating my current FI, I half-jokingly told him he'd better put a ring on my finger by the time I was 30 or it was over (I was 25 at the time).  However, when I was 29 and he told me he was thinking about proposing, I talked him out of it because we weren't at a good place in our lives to get married (we were living 1500 miles apart, with our respective families because we had no money, and I was going back to college for another degree).  I'm now 32 (I'll be 33 2 weeks before the wedding) and the timing is finally right.  I have absolutely no regrets about marrying at 33 instead of 22, 25, 30, or any other age.

FWIW, I also agree with tickers over 3 years being ridiculous...although I'm tempted to say anything over 18 months is also a little silly.  I was "officially" engaged for over 2 years, but I didn't start counting down months for a while.

MeaghanandMichael

Ten Cups- you make an interesting point about "being ready" not just meaning for marriage. It can mean being ready for a marriage to a specific person.

If I had met Mike earlier in my college career I never would have fell for him. The same slow, steady strength I love now would have been so not my speed when I was younger.

saschaduran

What is this obsession with 30?  Like after that you are old and it all goes downhill.

Let me tell you that if life peaks in your 20s, you are going to have a long, long life of wistfully reminiscing about how amazing your 20s were, and you will miss out on a lot.

That's why people start seeming old...they have the midset that youth ends at 30.