Poll: Goal Age

lharri12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:3fc075b7-5f12-44c3-a597-694808380e16">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Goal Age : I am not trying to be snarky, but why did 30 seem SO drastic to you? Was it your personal feeling, or a bias you accepted from other people around you?
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

No snarkiness detected :)  I'm not sure why 30 seemed so important to me, but I'm from a small town where most girls marry in their early 20s, which is probably why I thought I'd get married around age 25.  Looking back, 25 seems like a crazy "goal."
FI and I dated for 7 years before getting engaged, so we certainly didn't rush into it because of an "age goal," and I didn't pressure him into it - in fact, I avoided talking about it because I didn't want to wonder later if he proposed only because I pressured him to.  That's not very romantic.

harbor_girl

I am actually getting married earlier than I expected I would.  My parents were 33 and 34 when they got married, so I assumed I'd be married in my early 30s as well.  Instead, FI and I will be 26 (engaged at 25 after 4 years of dating).

I don't know that it was a "goal" to be married by 30, but it definitely had always been a hope of mine.  I want two kids, I want to be married before having those kids, and I hope to have those two kids between 30 and 35.  Hence, the desire to be married around 30. 

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:367f9c88-24b1-474b-ae1b-7eee8967734a">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]LVB - I think there is something to be said for the age of getting married effecting the age you have kids. But (and I am not saying you would do this) settling into a marriage for the sake of wanting kids at a certain age is just bizarre to me.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]
I agree. But I also set that 'goal' when I was 15 when my dad died. I'm actually getting married younger than I expected I would. So I'm definitely not settling into marriage. I wanted to have kids a year or two after getting married. Now, life happened and it's going to be about 4-5.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:57587832-9bfc-46e4-bf4f-a08ba8d30ffe">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]I also think that there is a difference between having a goal age you would LIKE to be married by, and a goal age you NEEDED to be married by. The idea of it being a need is unhealthy; I think that this would easily turn into looking for anyone remotely interested in you being the man you will marry. But having a general idea of where you would like your life (for example, marriage at a certain point in your life), doesn't have the same desperation factor to me.
Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]

Yeah.  I agree.  It's not like I rushed into marrying H because ZOMG I'MGOINGTOBE30SOON!    We met when I was 27, moved to Italy a year after we got together,  and had a 2.5 year engagement in some pretty tough circumstances because we felt that if we could make it through this time and still love each other, we could make it through a lot.  I didn't really start planning until about 7 months before we ended up getting married, but it could easily have worked out to be after the age I'd thought of.   It didn't really matter to me because I was happy and new I had the person in my life who I'd always have, so it kind of... ceased to matter about the age thing.

Austen2010

I think the age 30 deadline is pretty based on society. Looking back, I don't think that I viewed 30 as the end of my life, it was just that there were so many more goals that we will need to start on then.

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:54a1c021-7a9a-4b2f-9252-8387225ae960">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE] If I had met Mike earlier in my college career I never would have fell for him. The same slow, steady strength I love now would have been so not my speed when I was younger.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

Ha, same with Mr. Heels and me.  He was Mr. 4.0 and went home every.single.weekend in college.  And I was kind of wild.  We probably would have hated each other. 

AmoroAgain

I tell H all the time that if I'd met him when he was younger, I would have thought he was a jackass.  I mean, he's still a bit of a jackass upon occasion, but there's lot's of great things that make up for it. lol... but before, the things that he cared about, and the things that he did, yeah... wouldn't have worked.

saschaduran

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:54a1c021-7a9a-4b2f-9252-8387225ae960">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]Ten Cups- you make an interesting point about "being ready" not just meaning for marriage. It can mean being ready for a marriage to a specific person. If I had met Mike earlier in my college career I never would have fell for him. The same slow, steady strength I love now would have been so not my speed when I was younger.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

Me too!!  If I had met David even 2 years earlier, I would have been turned off by how grounded he was and how he wanted to see me every day and didn't play games.  I always wanted the guys who were a huge challenge and unavailable.  Nice guys bored me.  I used to dump guys all the time if they acted like they really liked me afer a month or so.  It freaked me out.

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:45dce88e-dd32-477b-a7e2-38dd780fdd5f">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]I tell H all the time that if I'd met him when he was younger, I would have thought he was a jackass.  I mean, he's still a bit of a jackass upon occasion, but there's lot's of great things that make up for it. lol... but before, the things that he cared about, and the things that he did, yeah... wouldn't have worked.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
Ditto. He was the guy I despised in high school and way more of a partier than I  when he was in college.  He was even a little wild for me when we met when he was 22. Finally at 26, he's calmed down enough for me to marry him lol

berryholly

I actually got married way younger than I ever thought I would. I was all about having a few years on my own after college and being established in my career and .  I came from a small town where a lot of my friends got married and started having kids right after high school, so I was determined that I was not going to do that.  I figured I would be about 27-28.

Lo and behold, I met my H when I was 19, and we got married when I was 23. I did reach my goal of graduating college first, but being established in my career? Not so much.  But of course I'm happy about the way it turned out.  It's that whole "It happens when it happens" thing.

aMrsin09

Absolutely Amoro.  If H and I had met even one year earlier, there would have been no second date.

maggyruth

I never set a 'goal' age for when I wanted to be married, but I always had goals for things I wanted to do if I 'wasn't married by this age.' Example...If I wasn't married by 30, I was going to look at buying my own house (I'm 31 now, FWIW).  Ended up doing that at 25.  Sold the damn thing 2 years ago (after the bubble burst, of course...grrr.) 

If I wasn't married by the time I turn 35 I was going to look at adopting a child.  For some reason, my biological alarm clock went off a couple years earlier than typical.  As of right now, I have the snooze button glued down...we don't know if we want to go that route (have kids.)

I am glad that I'm marrying at my current age, rather then when I was younger.  I like myself a lot better, and I think that helps in our relationship a lot.

Austen2010

In Response to Re: Poll: Goal Age:
 I am glad that I'm marrying at my current age, rather then when I was younger.  I like myself a lot better, and I think that helps in our relationship a lot.
Posted by maggyruth[/QUOTE]

This. We have been together for almost seven years but I think if we got married any sooner it would have been a strain on our relationship.

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:766ad13b-29de-4de4-b798-f57a412de332">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Goal Age : Mine was the opposite. I told FI that if we would have met any earlier than we did, I don't think we would have ever dated or if we did, I would have found some way to screw him over. He's one of those genuinely nice guys that there aren't many of anymore. <strong>As stupid as it sounds, I felt like I needed to date enough asshole boyfriends to really appreciate dating a nice guy</strong>.
Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]
Fi has said this about me. We met 6 years ago and I really haven't changed that much in my relationship practices. I always knew exactly what I wanted in a guy and how I wanted to treat them. He didn't appreciate who I was/what I could offer him. Until he was with his ex before me. It was SO BAD that it scared him right to me lol.

K Byte

I didn't have a goal age or a plan at all. I graduated from high school in a rural area, a lot of people basically are born and die there, and so there were lots of people who got married between age 20-22 or so. That was SO not for me. Other than that, I didn't care. I know lots of "plan girls" though, the ones who are like "I must be married at 23, and have our three children when I'm 26, 28, and 30!!!!1" I don't see how you can live life like that though honestly; it must be super stressful. =/

Nebb

For most of my single life, I didnt even think I WOULD get married, so I had no date I wanted to be married by. I had very low expectations for myself.

nda_roxybabe

I have always wanted to get married at 23. No real reason for it and its not a big deal if it does not happen. It was just always the age I imagined getting married.

AmoroAgain

You know... I think I dated every stereotypical jackass in the book.  In fact, there was a guy I was dating when I met H who I thought was the one, but he just... he was so unavailable all the time.  He made all these rules about our relationship and when i could and couldn't be around him.  When that relationship ended, and I started dating H, it was just refreshing.  He liked me, let me know it, wanted to be around me all the time, and made me feel special.  So, I guess it was just the perfect timing.  I was ready to be with someone who was NOT an asshole to me, and he had stopped being a jerkface.

andyandhillary

I wanted to get married at 27.  Earliest possible would have been 25 and "latest" would be 29.  This was all in high school and when I first started dating Andy.  We are getting married now when I am 23 and he's 22.  There wasn't a huge reason for why I wanted to get married at 27.  I think it was because that's what my parents did and it sounded good to me lol.

Aside from graduating from college, I didn't have any big goals that I needed to achieve before getting married.  I never thought that marriage would change my ability to achieve my goals so it wasn't a point of concern.  Looking at it right now, I rarely thing about our age.  It's just the right time.  I have a job I am proud of, I'm living in a city which I always wanted to do, and I found the right person. 

Some friends make the case that I should have waited because people change a lot.  This is true.  However, I think he and I did well changing from HS to college and now college to "big kid world" just fine.  IMO, I'd rather have my best friend there with me through life than without him.  Life doesn't get any less scary as you get older. 

I have one acquaintance who is seriously depressed because she isn't married.  She's 24.  Bless her heart, but she gets that crazed "deperate for a husband" look everytime she meets a guy.  Women like that just break my heart.  It just makes me think that they define themselves by labels and by other people like I'm Mrs. Bob Jones and I'm a great wife!  How about just defining yourself by being yourself? 

amylydia23

I like this poll and love everyone's responses.  I thought that I would be married at 25 and already have started a family by 30.  Well, then I met the perfect man so here I am at 23 and I am married.  We had a JOP ceremony with just the two of us and we are planning a big wedding for Aug 2011.  I know that this is frowned upon on these boards but our families are both very supportive and excited for the big celebration.  We aren't planning on starting a family or buying a house until after the big wedding and after my husband is out of the Army so that will probably put right after the age of 25 or so.  I guess I'm not that far off!

andyandhillary

Oh, and no babies for me until im 30 most likely.  I'm not the super young mom type. 

goheels05

Hillary, I always assumed you were older.

I have a crazy single friend like that, too.  She's engaged now (I think they dated 6 months before he proposed), but this is the same girl who had a nervous breakdown at my bachelorette party and ran out screaming "WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN?!!1!!!!!!!!!111!!"  Right after college, we met up for lunch, and she told me that she's tired of dating and the next guy she dates better propose to her or she's out.  Good luck with that . . .

shellydiane820

It honestly never occurred to me what age I'd get married.  I can honestly say I didn't think about it.

However, I knew I wanted a wedding, but the thought of matrimony...didnt' think about it.

amalama

Well, when I was 19 and had the 28 year old boyfriend who was trying to pressure me into getting married, I thought I wouldn't want to get married until closer to 30. When BF and I started dating, I definitely wanted to get married sooner. When we talked about it in those days, our (very loose) plan was to get married in 2008, which would have made me 23.

So now I am almost 25, and don't really care much anymore. I want to be married by 30, but more because by then we will have been together for 10 years so I don't really feel the need to wait that long, not because I will be 30. Now our tentative plans are to get married soon after I am done with school, which would put me at 27 or 28.

andyandhillary

Haha really, Heels?  How old did you think I was? 

My acquaintance is also not only in the hunt for a husband, but she is apparently looking for Prince Charming (or Edward Cullen...for some people). 

scoetto

I didn't really have an "age" I needed to be married by, either. Right as I graduated college I met my ex. We were together for 5.5 years and I always wanted to get married and he didn't. I ended up leaving him and stayed single for 2 years before I met J. J and I got married when we were both 29 - 4 days before his 30th.

This poll makes me wonder if HE had a complex, although he had been married briefly 9 years before...

genahubbard

I got jilted at age 21 by my baby's daddy. Yep. Jilted. Best thing that ever happened to me!  Made me a lil gunshy about marriage tho....

I was so busy with school, childrearing, career-building, etc that I really didn't want to share my life (and time) with anyone. By the time I built the career, finished school, and my kid became a teenager, I got REALLY picky & figured it would prob never happen (much to my mom's nagging chagrin).

So...here I am, finally doing the deed at 37. I don't even require a walker mom!

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-goal-age?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6fc16c54-87f3-499a-89c2-6770bfcb8ed4Post:d67e308f-b069-4c1d-b9a2-afc07de6a2cc">Re: Poll: Goal Age</a>:
[QUOTE]Haha really, Heels?  How old did you think I was?  My acquaintance is also not only in the hunt for a husband, but she is apparently looking for Prince Charming (or Edward Cullen...for some people). 
Posted by andyandhillary[/QUOTE]

I don't know, I figured mid-late 20s.  You come across as very well-versed, not that someone who is 23 can't be.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

andyandhillary

Aw thanks!   I feel the same way about Roxy. 

[Deleted User]

if i'd turned 30 and was single with no prospects, i was going to be really upset. my reasoning: the pool of dateables that wouldn't be previously married and/or have kids would start getting really limited at that point. i wouldn't have wanted to marry someone with that kind of baggage. luckily i was engaged at age 30 so i never had to face that.

judge on, but that's how i felt.