Wedding Etiquette Forum

Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux

We are having a very fancy wedding, not black tie, but close to it. We're having "black tie optional" but not required- still very fancy. My fiance does not want to wear a tuxedo- he wants to wear a suit. I know for a fact that my father, his father and my brother-in-law will all be in tuxedos. I jsut feel like it's his wedding, he should be in a tux- he should not be outdressed by the father of the bride, his father and his brother-in-law. Am I wrong? It is probably not my place since the tuxes are his thing but I think if most men, especially the key players, are wearing tuxedos, he willl look a bit out of place.

What;'s the best way to approach this or do I just not say anything at this point? i know people will notice and maybe not comment to him about it- but they will comment to me... especially my family who is expecting him to be in a tux.
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Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't think you can say anything that will get him into a tux without him seeing that as undue pressure.  He's not going to give a d--n what your family thinks.

    You can give a heads-up to your family that he won't be in a tux and that you're not open to comments about that though, and if they try to bring it up to you at the wedding, just change the subject and walk away if they keep trying to push it.
  • edited December 2012
    In Response to Re:Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux:[QUOTE]We are having a very fancy wedding, not black tie, but close to it. We're having "black tie optional" but not required still very fancy. My fiance does not want to wear a tuxedo he wants to wear a suit. I know for a fact that my father, his father and my brotherinlaw will all be in tuxedos. I jsut feel like it's his wedding, he should be in a tux he should not be outdressed by the father of the bride, his father and his brotherinlaw. Am I wrong? It is probably not my place since the tuxes are his thing but I think if most men, especially the key players, are wearing tuxedos, he willl look a bit out of place.What;'s the best way to approach this or do I just not say anything at this point? i know people will notice and maybe not comment to him about it but they will comment to me... especially my family who is expecting him to be in a tux. Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    First, something is either black tie or it's not. There's no such thing as "black tie optional".

    Second, you are correct in assuming that you should have no say in groom's attire. He picks his attire, you pick yours. If he wants to wear a suit, that's his choice. Other men can dress down to meet that, or they can wear their tuxes. FWIW my grandpa wore a black suit while all other "leading players" wore tuxes. He looked smashing, and I've never noticed the difference in looking at pictures.
  • I don't really see why he should wear a tux if he doesn't want to.  I'm sure he will look very nice and well-dressed in a suit.  Why are your father, FFIL, and BIL wearing tuxes?  I mean, are they renting tuxes or are they just wearing them because they already own them?  Also, I'm not sure black-tie optional is really a dress code.  Are you planning to put that on the invitations?  If your venue is upscale, your guests will probably take their cues from that as far as how to dress.  I assume you wouldn't want any of your guests going out to purchase tuxes/evening gowns for your wedding, but correct me if I'm wrong?
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  • I personally think dress codes are a bit outdated and ridiculous. Anywayyyyysss, back to your point.

    I think you misunderstood what "Black Tie Optional" actually means...it's essentially the formal event version of business casual. I would bet you would see zero tuxedos from your male guests.

    A dark suit on your FI is more than appropriate and plenty "fancy". Everyone will know who the groom is.

    If you want actual black tie and the formality of your venue and reception are on that level, then that is what should be stated on your invitation. Otherwise, just let your guests wear what they want.
  • It is an upscale venue- suits would be fine for guests. My father and brother-in-law already own tuxes but his father does not. Doesn't matter- they are wearing tuxes b/c they feel it's the proper thing to do for an upscale wedding for someone in your immediate family. Whether or not they had the money to rent them, they still would wear the tux bc of principle.

    It's not a monetary thing with my fiance, he just thinks the rental tuxes are skeevy. He doesn't think buying a tux would be worth it and I would have to agree only b/c he will prob never wear it again but if someone bought a tux for him he would wear it. I don't know if i should buy it for him to get my family my off my back or what. "Not open to comments" is not really an option- there will be comments unfortunately.

    If he goes with the suit option, then do we ask the dads and BIL to wear suits as well?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
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    You might mention to the fathers and BIL that the wedding doesn't rise to that level of formality that requires a tux, and the groom is wearing a suit.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Tell anyone who comments to take it up with your FI-you have no input in his decision.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:0d56e87d-1b4e-4ddc-840a-39c5cbc01255">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : So let them comment. I would tell them FI is wearing a suit, so that they don't need to break out the tuxes. If they choose to, good for them. If they comment, who cares? Let them complain. It is silly of them to be so concerned with what FI is wearing. It is his wedding, he can wear what he wants.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    yes, but they are paying. Not sure if that makes a difference but when someone else is paying generally I feel you should follow the rules that they have. We had some decisions in things but certain things were just not up to us b/c we aren't paying for them.

    I think my father feels like if he is paying, the groom needs to be represented properly in a tux (does that make sense?). My father is paying for an upscale venue so he wants the groom in a tux. Part of me gets it.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
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    Have your father pay for himself and your BIL-not your FI.  Take that decision out of his hands.
  • edited December 2012
    What time is your wedding?  If it is before 6pm, it might be that tuxes would be a faux pas anyway.

    A good compromise may be a morning suit.  My husband and his party wore them, and they all looked smashing!  Our wedding was too early for tuxes, but I still wanted it to have a formal garden feel.  Hence the morning suits.  They looked more elegant than a regular suit, but weren't as confining and obnoxious to wear as a tux.

    Here's a picture:


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  • edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:c9077218-4526-453a-9e1c-d84ee5f98795">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]What time is your wedding?  If it is before 6pm, it might be that tuxes would be a faux pas anyway. A good compromise may be a morning suit.  My husband and his party wore them, and they all looked smashing!  Our wedding was too early for tuxes, but I still wanted it to have a formal garden feel.  Hence the morning suits.  They looked more elegant than a regular suit, but weren't as confining and obnoxious to wear as a tux. Here's a picture:
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    It is a saturday night wedding.. after 6pm so no faux pas on a tux. I think more guests will be wearing them then we think. My sister's wedding wasn't as elegant, still very nice, but also was @ 6pm (ours is at 8) and many men had tuxes on. I think it's easy to say most men will wear suits but I think a lot of men will be in tuxes... not just my dad, his dad and BIL.

    Gorgeous wedding btw!
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited December 2012
    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:b925013f-1267-401a-80e4-652027fc0131">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : It is a saturday night wedding.. after 6pm so no faux pas on a tux. I think more guests will be wearing them then we think. My sister's wedding wasn't as elegant, still very nice, but also was @ 6pm (ours is at 8) and many men had tuxes on. I think it's easy to say most men will wear suits but I<strong> think a lot of men will be in tuxes...</strong> not just my dad, his dad and BIL. Gorgeous wedding btw!
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    Wow...that really must be a regional thing.
    I have never seen a male guest in a tuxedo at a wedding nor would anyone require black tie in my area even at the fanciest of hotels or country clubs.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:e2a8d84f-aae7-42b7-bb00-6efa5ce52bcc">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : Wow...that really must be a regional thing. I have never seen a male guest in a tuxedo at a wedding nor would anyone require black tie in my area even at the fanciest of hotels or country clubs.
    Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

    LI, CT, NYC metro & NJ have the fanciest weddings in the country. Unfortunately not cheap either. Average wedding costs between $40k-$60k. Most weddings don't require tuxes or black tie but certainly many men wear them and it is widely accepted and done.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:b925013f-1267-401a-80e4-652027fc0131">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : It is a saturday night wedding.. after 6pm so no faux pas on a tux. I think more guests will be wearing them then we think. My sister's wedding wasn't as elegant, still very nice, but also was @ 6pm (ours is at 8) and many men had tuxes on. I think it's easy to say most men will wear suits but I think a lot of men will be in tuxes... not just my dad, his dad and BIL. Gorgeous wedding btw!
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    Thank you, we had lots of fun :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:e60fc77d-fd8e-4091-8024-7792a1b8eb6b">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : LI, CT, NYC metro & NJ have the fanciest weddings in the country. Unfortunately not cheap either. Average wedding costs between $40k-$60k. Most weddings don't require tuxes or black tie but certainly many men wear them and it is widely accepted and done.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    Huh...I guess it depends on the circle because I'm Jersey born and bred and have never seen anyone who isn't in the wedding party in a tux at a wedding.

    Anyway, that's irrelevant. If your husband is uncomfortable in a tux, I think you really should try to back him. Yes, your dad is paying for the venue, but I don't think that necessarily dictates what your FI should wear. Can you try talking to your father and explain that it's important to your FI to dress how he wants, it's the one thing he's really pushing for, blah blah. I mean...he is the groom. Maybe, as long as you guarantee he will be plenty appropriate, you can convince your dad to just let it slide?
  • My FI originally wanted to wear a suit (and i was encouraging it). However the more we thought about it the less I liked the idea. 

    I didn't like the idea of all the guys not matching. I wasn't comfortable asking the guys to all buy new suits so they match. I also didn't want them renting tuxes so they match each other and then Fi in a suit. I didn't want the GM to outdress the Groom.

    At the end of the day FI and I agreed its our wedding, youre only doing it once (fingers crossed) he should wear a tux. I'm happy with this descision, however had he of decided to follow through with a suit that would have been fine with me!

    Have you seen some of the suits these days. You can get some extremely nice 3 pc taylored suits that are pretty sexy if you ask me.

    I feel like you are set on him wearing a tux, but don't forget its FI's wedding too and he should get to say what he wants to wear. Did he go to the bridal store with you and tell you which dress you could or couldn't buy?? 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:c7a30de3-61d3-4754-9d25-02991d73e484">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : Huh...I guess it depends on the circle because I'm Jersey born and bred and have never seen anyone who isn't in the wedding party in a tux at a wedding. Anyway, that's irrelevant. If your husband is uncomfortable in a tux, I think you really should try to back him. Yes, your dad is paying for the venue, but I don't think that necessarily dictates what your FI should wear. Can you try talking to your father and explain that it's important to your FI to dress how he wants, it's the one thing he's really pushing for, blah blah. I mean...he is the groom. Maybe, as long as you guarantee he will be plenty appropriate, you can convince your dad to just let it slide?
    Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

    haha I could try. This is the same father who feels singing with me at my wedding is a good idea. I tried to defend him and look where that got me, lol. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE my father, but it's generally his way or the highway... so I feel, stuck. Ultimately I upset my fiance or my father. There's no compromising really. I think my father feels it's a reflection on him (it's not), but I really do understand both parts.

    Perhaps if my father could buy my fiance a tux that would solve the problem although I don't know if he would do that. Fiance has no problem actually wearing a tux- he just doesn't want a wear a rental b/c he thinks they are gross. But he ahs no problem with a bought tux- he just doesn't want to be the one who buys it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:4fe71695-a842-484d-ac30-6a62ba827373">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : Like Stage said, now is the time to start standing up for your FI.  Although, it probably would have helped if you had said this up front (re: him wearing a bought tux).  <strong>I don't think you said that previously.
    </strong>Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

    I actually did.
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  • If your FI doesn't want to wear a tux, then he shouldn't be forced to wear one, regardless of who is paying.  If it is that big of a deal, tell you father that he does not need to pay for this portion and that FI will be wearing a suit of his choice.  

    But I'm more of the old-school "They had their day and now it's yours" persona.  I really don't like when parents try to dictate every single detail of their child's wedding just because they are paying.  If your family comments on his suit, smile and say "He just wanted to look and feel his best on his wedding day."  And that's it.  

    At the end of the day, it's really not a big deal and shouldn't be so stressful.
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  • all the men in our wedding were in suits they already owned.  we just purchased ties for them to wear so they'd coordinate with the BM dress.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:ac4da796-d39b-4904-b6f4-fccb913fbfc4">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : Where, exactly, did you say it was the rental thing your FI had an issue with?  I'm missing it, apparently.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    you ARE missing it. 7th post down.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:96169114-9def-4836-bad1-edbe979eb121">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : haha I could try. This is the same father who feels singing with me at my wedding is a good idea. I tried to defend him and look where that got me, lol. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE my father, but <strong>it's generally his way or the highway... so I feel, stuck. Ultimately I upset my fiance or my father. There's no compromising really.</strong> I think my father feels it's a reflection on him (it's not), but I really do understand both parts. Perhaps if my father could buy my fiance a tux that would solve the problem although I don't know if he would do that. Fiance has no problem actually wearing a tux- he just doesn't want a wear a rental b/c he thinks they are gross. But he ahs no problem with a bought tux- he just doesn't want to be the one who buys it.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    What are you going to do when you and your FI make the decision about when you will or won't have a family and your dad tells you that he wants a grandchild NOW? What will you do when your FI has a job offer that will move you across the country and daddy doesn't want his little girl to live that far away from him? Like Stage and Edie have said, you really need to start standing up for your FI because at the end of the day, you will be married to him and starting a new family and life with him.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:e60fc77d-fd8e-4091-8024-7792a1b8eb6b">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : LI, CT, NYC metro & NJ have the fanciest weddings in the country. Unfortunately not cheap either. Average wedding costs between $40k-$60k. Most weddings don't require tuxes or black tie but certainly many men wear them and it is widely accepted and done.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    In this case, buy your FI a tux. He will certainly have many an opportunity to wear it for all of these OMG fanciest weddings in the country that you'll to go to in the future.
  • Honestly?  Perfect time to establish the independance of your marriage from your parents' control.  I couldn't think of a better set-up to show the strength of a united front, and your complete support of each other's decisions.  Not too hot topic to cause permenant hard feelings, but very very clear example.  Opportunity knocks!
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  • edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:1ef5e874-2c78-45ca-ba9d-01e2c4cdcca3">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly?  Perfect time to establish the independance of your marriage from your parents' control.  I couldn't think of a better set-up to show the strength of a united front, and your complete support of each other's decisions.  Not too hot topic to cause permenant hard feelings, but very very clear example.  Opportunity knocks!
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    Yes, you're right... but if my father really wanted to he could pull the the funding and then there would be no wedding. I DO NOT think he would do that, but it's sort of like that saying... "don't bite the hand that feeds you" or something like that. My parents are giving us the world with this wedding- I feel like I am sort of disrespecting them.

    I do need to stand up to my dad in defense of my fiance, I know that, it's a tough battle when it's not my money being thrown around though.

    yeah I might just buy it for him. I think he will get more usage out of it than he thinks he will. I think a tuxedo is always a good thing to own especially if you are peevy about rented ones. EDIT: he is BM in another wedding 3 mos after ours that is going to be wearing tuxes so if he doesn't buy one I am not sure what he would do about this wedding since he wont rent one.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:96169114-9def-4836-bad1-edbe979eb121">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : haha I could try. This is the same father who feels singing with me at my wedding is a good idea. I tried to defend him and look where that got me, lol. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE my father, but it's generally his way or the highway... so I feel, stuck. Ultimately I upset my fiance or my father. There's no compromising really. I think my father feels it's a reflection on him (it's not), but I really do understand both parts. Perhaps if my father could buy my fiance a tux that would solve the problem although I don't know if he would do that. Fiance has no problem actually wearing a tux- he just doesn't want a wear a rental b/c he thinks they are gross. But he ahs no problem with a bought tux- he just doesn't want to be the one who buys it.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    Ok, does he really not like rentals or is he making an excuse? I don't mean to be nit-picky but I know that sounds like a perfect "here's why I can't wear a tux without starting an argument" statement (one I would make :P). Also, you've said he thinks it's not worth the money to buy - would he really be ok with your dad spending that money, that he doesn't think is worth it? I think, before you start thinking of plans to get into a tux, you should sit down with FI and say "listen, if money were not a problem, and you could wear anything you want to our wedding, what would you wear?" (do NOT phrase it, "would you wear a tux" because then you're obviously trying to get him to say, yes). If he says "oh, if money weren't an issue, I'd be in a tux in 10 seconds flat" then go to Dad and see what you can work. If he says "I still think I'd wear my suit" then I think you need to stand behind him on it and try to explain to dad, even if he's stubborn. Again, this is your and your future husband's wedding. I think the least that can happen is that he chooses his own clothing.
  • edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:a3d80147-e73c-4dbb-ba9e-7b688a3aa62e">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : Ok, does he really not like rentals or is he making an excuse? I don't mean to be nit-picky but I know that sounds like a perfect "here's why I can't wear a tux without starting an argument" statement (one I would make :P). Also, you've said he thinks it's not worth the money to buy - would he really be ok with your dad spending that money, that he doesn't think is worth it? I think, before you start thinking of plans to get into a tux, you should sit down with FI and say "listen, if money were not a problem, and you could wear anything you want to our wedding, what would you wear?" (do NOT phrase it, "would you wear a tux" because then you're obviously trying to get him to say, yes). If he says "oh, if money weren't an issue, I'd be in a tux in 10 seconds flat" then go to Dad and see what you can work. If he says "I still think I'd wear my suit" then I think you need to stand behind him on it and try to explain to dad, even if he's stubborn. Again, this is your and your future husband's wedding. I think the least that can happen is that he chooses his own clothing.
    Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

    He is a germaphobe. The rental tuxes thing is legit. Now I don't personally know if they are skeevy or not b/c I have never worn one haha but no it's not an excuse.

    If money wasn't the issue, it would be (bought) tux. He already told me a tux is the proper thing he should be wearing but he doesn't want to buy one so he'd rather wear a suit over a rental. His preference is: bought tux, suit, rental. Already had that talk, lol. The suit is only b/c he doesn't think he'd get enough usage out of a tux to justify its cost to purchase.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:41886b46-6f6a-4959-832a-66414ce4b2cd">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : Yes, you're right... but if my<strong> father really wanted to he could pull the the funding and then there would be no wedding</strong>. I DO NOT think he would do that, but it's sort of like that saying... "don't bite the hand that feeds you" or something like that. My parents are giving us the world with this wedding- I feel like I am sort of disrespecting them. I do need to stand up to my dad in defense of my fiance, I know that, it's a tough battle when it's not my money being thrown around though. yeah<strong> I might just buy it for him.</strong> I think he will get more usage out of it than he thinks he will. I think a tuxedo is always a good thing to own especially if you are peevy about rented ones. EDIT: he is BM in another wedding 3 mos after ours that is going to be wearing tuxes so if he doesn't buy one I am not sure what he would do about this wedding since he wont rent one.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]


    You said the same thing about him singing at the wedding.  It sounds like you are constantly worried about your dad pulling the funding if he doesn't get his way.  How about this idea?  Delay your wedding and pay for it yourself, that way your fiance, (you remember him, right? The guy you are marrying?) will actually get SOME say in his own wedding.

    By the way, buying it for him or having your father buy it for him is a bad choice unless he expressly consents to that plan.  He already said he didn't want a rental, and he felt like buying one isn't worth it.   He may still see it as "not worth it" even if it isn't being paid for with his money.  

    The bottom line is, your father should have ZERO say in your future husbands attire, whether he is paying for the wedding or not.  Caterer, venue, cake choice, ok.  But, your husbands clothes?  No way.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:f4f6f9a5-c90b-4055-8d2d-73fc4c94f8bf">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : You said the same thing about him singing at the wedding.  It sounds like you are constantly worried about your dad pulling the funding if he doesn't get his way.  How about this idea?  Delay your wedding and pay for it yourself, that way your fiance, (you remember him, right? The guy you are marrying?) will actually get SOME say in his own wedding. By the way, buying it for him or having your father buy it for him is a bad choice unless he expressly consents to that plan.  He already said he didn't want a rental, and he felt like buying one isn't worth it.   He may still see it as "not worth it" even if it isn't being paid for with his money.   The bottom line is, your father should have ZERO say in your future husbands attire, whether he is paying for the wedding or not.  Caterer, venue, cake choice, ok.  But, your husbands clothes?  No way.
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    We could never pay for the wedding we want. Yeah we could have a courthouse wedding but we don't want that. We'd be waiting years to be able to have a wedding if we had to save for it... no delaying.

    My fiance has no problem if anyone buys it for him- HE just doesn't want to buy it himself. He has no problem with it if my father or I buy it- I just have to get my father to agree to that.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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