MIL has special cake request

kxp004

So my FI and I went to select our cake, and afterwards we were discussing it with his ma... it was then that she made a special request... She wanted to know if they made gluten free cakes at the cake shop and if we would make the entire cake, which will serve 150 people, gluten free.... Apparently,my FI's distant older step brother's wife and children can't/won't eat anything that contains gluten...They are on these special diets that tell you what you can eat according to their blood type.... but regardless, am I being selfish for not wanting to make a gluten free cake? What is the polite way of handling this situation?

She said that sometimes they "fudge" their diet, so why can't they "fudge" it for the wedding cake?

FutureMrsTR

I don't think I'd be making my entire wedding cake around a couple of people who won't (not can't, won't) eat gluten.  I'm sure they'll be fine either a) just eating it or b) not having cake for one night.  You won't be able to accommodate everyone's special diet needs/wants.

danieliza1127

I wouldn't do it for just them.  They can just decline the cake.  It's not just for them, it's for ALL of the guests at your wedding. 

AdeleDazeem

A bridesmaid in my sister's wedding can only eat gluten-free and my sister really wanted her to be able to eat dessert.  She ordered her and her husband two, small, chocolate torts to have as dessert instead.

I think your mother in law is being a little ridiculous.  If you're having other desserts, make sure they can eat some of those or have a small cake just for them if you know that they would appreciate it. 

Beyond that, I think, is overkill.

APW2010

That is an unreasonable request. If you feel like accomodating these people, have a few gluten free cupcakes or something - are you providing a dessert besides the cake? I wouldn't feel any need to accomodate them with the cake - honestly, gluten free stuff tends to taste pretty terrible imo and I certainly wouldn't subject the rest of my guests to that.

kikibaby

Hell no.  They're not even allergic, they just don't eat cake.  I don't even think you need an option- if it was dinner, I'd say accomodate them, but not for dessert.  They can skip it.

shannie413

A few of my cousins are allergic to gluten and on the gluten-free diet.  They are so used to not eating it that it wouldn't even occur to them they cake is there.  Also I have tried a gluten free cake and they aren't very good.  They can also be also be pricey.

colsta

Yeah, you can't accomodate every guests dietary restrictions (and in this case, dietary preferences). You should just accomodate as many people as possible. Have you checked to make sure others aren't allergic to soy, milk, eggs, almonds, peanuts, strawberries - the list is endless. Sure it sucks having food allergies, but most people with allergies know to avoid the foods and most places won't be able to cater to them specifically.

luckyme502

I wouldn't worry about them.  I am on a special diet by choice and I am splurging for our wedding and eating the wedding cake.  Could you imagine if you had to take into account everyone's preferences for your reception?  I'm not sure you'd have much left to eat. 

georgia_bride09

So does your FMIL also want your entire menu to be gluten-free? Why just the cake?

I might look into serving them gluten-free meals and a separate gluten-free dessert, but I certainly wouldn't make my wedding cake gluten-free.

If I had a dietary restriction, I would probably eat before I came to the wedding if I thought that I wouldn't be able to eat whatever was being served.

janedoe1113a

That's ridiculous.  You shouldn't have to base your cake around one families eating habits.  They can skip dessert.

Mrs.B6302007

having allergies is one thing but b/c it's their lifesyle?

too.  bad.
they don't have to eat it if they don't want it just like someone who doesn't like the flavors offered doesn't have to partake.

nhelene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-special-cake-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7271a873-5a57-43c0-9a2f-100f04f719fePost:a2f8c69c-db16-4379-9228-580c14f834bb">MIL has special cake request</a>:
[QUOTE]So my FI and I went to select our cake, and afterwards we were discussing it with his ma... it was then that she made a special request... She wanted to know if they made gluten free cakes at the cake shop and if we would make the entire cake, which will serve 150 people, gluten free.... Apparently,my FI's distant older step brother's wife and children can't/won't eat anything that contains gluten...<strong>They are on these special diets that tell you what you can eat according to their blood type....</strong> but regardless, am I being selfish for not wanting to make a gluten free cake? What is the polite way of handling this situation? She said that sometimes they "fudge" their diet, so why can't they "fudge" it for the wedding cake?
Posted by kxp004[/QUOTE]

This sounds more like a fad diet than an actual dietary restriction to me, which makes her request even more ridiculous.

You could always do a small second dessert to meet their needs if it's in your budget.

abbiewebster

no way would i have a cke to suit the needs of a few guests, maybe have a few guten free cupcakes or something, plus gluten free anything doesnt taste as good, i was trying a gluten free diet years ago and would never do it again.

Knittibell

I have Crohn's disease and some food allergies and it's very common for me to not be able to eat something or most things at an event. I would NOT do a total gluten free cake. Ask whoever is making the cake if they can do some gluten-free cupcakes if you want to, but honeslty, don't worry about it. I know I'm food restricted and it's tough, I often snack before events and just eat what I can, and I never bitch about it, or would THINK to!

mica178

How about having your caterers put up an alternate dessert display?  Fruits, maybe some other desserts besides the wedding cake.  I'm not a fan of cake for everyone except for that family at table #3 who will eat (gluten-free cupcakes).  Don't single them out.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-special-cake-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7271a873-5a57-43c0-9a2f-100f04f719fePost:c88d9594-28a3-4c96-81e0-b51cb374842f">Re: MIL has special cake request</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to MIL has special cake request : This sounds more like a fad diet than an actual dietary restriction to me, which makes her request even more ridiculous. You could always do a small second dessert to meet their needs if it's in your budget.
Posted by nhelene[/QUOTE]

It is.  A fad diet I mean.  I bought the book several years ago.  Pain in the butt.

damaless

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-special-cake-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7271a873-5a57-43c0-9a2f-100f04f719fePost:b854f55c-012e-4708-b0db-6f79d6aa5f35">Re: MIL has special cake request</a>:
[QUOTE]I have Crohn's disease and some food allergies and it's very common for me to not be able to eat something or most things at an event. I would NOT do a total gluten free cake. Ask whoever is making the cake if they can do some gluten-free cupcakes if you want to, but honeslty, don't worry about it. I know I'm food restricted and it's tough, I often snack before events and just eat what I can, and I never bitch about it, or would THINK to!
Posted by Knittibell[/QUOTE]

<div>I second the suggestion to do a few gluten-free cupcakes to accommodate your FMIL's request.  This way you get the cake you want and you don't have to have an argument with FMIL.</div>

kxp004

No she hasn't said anything about the meal...

We are having italian food (pasta parmigiana or however you spell it, fet. alfredo, etc...) i dunno if that has gluten in it.... we have to make a special meal for my FFIL because he's allergic to garlic...

but like i said i dunno if pasta products have gluten in it

Knittibell

Oh yeah, Pasta and Gluten are a BAD combo! As I said before, though- these people know how to feed themselves. I'm allergic to fish and shellfish (epi-pen allergic), and can't eat fiber- no veg, salad, fruit, whole grain or steak. Yeah- try feeding me at a wedding! LOL! But as adults they can have a big lunch or breakfast beforehand- and as kids their parents can pack something for them. NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

The most I've ever done is once when the meal was chicken and shrimp or beef and shrimp, I called the bride and asked the shrimp be left off my plate on account it could kill me. She told the caterers to take the shrimp from one plate at table 5 and stick it on another plate due to allergy my fi got extra shrimp... and I was surprised when, during the clam chowder appetizer, I was served chicken noodle soup- so kind of her to think of it! Even calling her for that, I felt bad.

Don't worry about it, really.

kxp004

oh and there will be cheese and fruit and veggie trays during the cocktail hour...

that should be good right?

Maybe I'll check into the cupcakes just cause there are kids...but yeah everything y'all have said makes sense, i just want to make sure she doesn't get PO'd cause I didn't change the cake

squirrly

An alternate dessert would be reasonable.  Remaking the entire wedding cake would not.

banana468

If I was really close to these people, I'd get them a little cake just for them.

But if they're doing this to be on a fad rather than because of a lifestyle choice, health restriction or religious restriction, I'd say no.

nhelene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-special-cake-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7271a873-5a57-43c0-9a2f-100f04f719fePost:27f0884f-a13c-4799-883e-a44cbf69dd66">Re: MIL has special cake request</a>:
[QUOTE]oh and there will be cheese and fruit and veggie trays during the cocktail hour... that should be good right? Maybe I'll check into the cupcakes just cause there are kids...but yeah everything y'all have said makes sense, i just want to make sure she doesn't get PO'd cause I didn't change the cake
Posted by kxp004[/QUOTE]

Maybe another fruit tray could be put out around the time the cake goes out.  Then you would have a second dessert that would satisfy people with dietary restrictions and people who just plain don't like cake.

tenofcups4me

No way. And I wouldn't order them a special dessert either -- you're not close to them and it appears that they choose a gluten-free diet rather than "need" to be on one. No one needs dessert so they either don't get dessert or they eat the cake. Easy.

And yeah, pasta is very high in gluten. If it's really an issue for them, you might consider a special meal for them. But a meal is different from dessert.

kxp004

kk.... cool thanks for all the advice y'all...
We'll see if she mentions anything about the pasta

@tenofcups4me
oh and nice tarot card

srkropf

Hmmm, A-- Do you have to tell them it's glutten or glutten free? B-- If it's not a medical thing, like sugar free something for a diabetic, I wouldn't even worry about it. Maybe, if you're feeling generous you could order 6 cupcakes, or a very small cake for them, otherwise don't worry about it because you don't even know if they're even coming-- do you and your FI want them to come...?

kxp004

They haven't RSVP'd yet... well we don't mind them coming and it's nice that they might be, but my FI isn't close to them, no one really is except for my FMIL....plus my FI and his stepbrother are like 16 years apart too...so we really get along better with my future nieces and nephews then the parents, but then their kids are also super super super sheltered so we have to watch EVERYTHING we say and do

tenofcups4me

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mil-special-cake-request?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7271a873-5a57-43c0-9a2f-100f04f719fePost:cf4bf549-8240-484c-a0a3-bee63433081f">Re: MIL has special cake request</a>:
[QUOTE] @tenofcups4me oh and nice tarot card :)
Posted by kxp004[/QUOTE]

:-) 
You're the first person who's ever commented on my SN's meaning here. I'm not sure if you're the only one who knows what it means or if others know, but haven't commented. It's a favorite of mine (for obvious reasons!)

katiewhompus

People on vegetarian diets could just not eat the food too, but we consider it polite to offer them a food option. 
If they are on a gluten free diet then it would be polite to provide them with a gluten free option. Whether they are doing it as a fad or as a necessity. Anything that uses a wheat flour is gluten, so pasta, cakes, most crackers, breads, etc. My mother is not allergic to gluten but she is sensitive, and if she eats any she will be sick beyond belief the next day.
Gluten free cupcakes are delicious and easy to make. I had a regular gluten cake but had both regular and gluten free cupcakes. Even my friends who could eat wheat ate the gluten ones because they said they tasted better.
You could also work with the caterer to see if they could make gluten free pasta in portions for those allergic.

phut_action

Are you having a dessert bar too? Maybe rather than having the whole cake gluten-free, opt for one tier, or if that doesnt work our sound good then offer an alternative gluten free dessert, maybe a mousse or something (I dont know if that's gluten free but just sayin, there has to be a fairly common dessert out there without gluten). 

I wouldn't change your whole cake for one family, especially since you're implying they're not close to you and your fiancee.