kps, bps, nps.

mandysmear

what is anti - CIO mean?  bump term? 

kellyjellybelly

I *think* CIO stands for "cry it out"

mandysmear

ahh, makes sense.  thanks!

andy71781

The Bump and Nest get pretty crazy with acronyms.

AmoroAgain

Why would you be anti- cry it out?  Seriously.  We all had to do it, and it's not like we were scarred for life.  We're a hell of a lot better than the whiney, clingy, self entitled brats that seem so pervasive these days.

wadingmoose

So, no one is anti-chief information officer? 

Whew.  My boss's boss's boss will be relieved.

kellyjellybelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:55a2e17c-0381-4234-97cb-2af6310772e7">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]Why would you be anti- cry it out?  Seriously.  We all had to do it, and it's not like we were scarred for life.  We're a hell of a lot better than the whiney, clingy, self entitled brats that seem so pervasive these days.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
I googled it - I'm all for people making their own parenting decisions, but it really seems people find a way to blame every negative action of a child on some for of parenting.  

mandysmear

i find that people are so judgemental over there.  the way they do something is the right way.  no ifs, ands, or buts about it.  how about different strokes for different folks.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:7bc42816-874e-4ff2-8c45-20a8ef676e79">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kps, bps, nps. : I googled it - I'm all for people making their own parenting decisions, but it really seems people find a way to blame every negative action of a child on some for of parenting.  
Posted by kellyjellybelly[/QUOTE]
Does it have something to do with attachment parenting?  Cause I think that's pretty damn messed up.

kikibaby

Thanks for asking this, I was wondering, too.  I think some people feel that it "traumatizes" the baby to leave them crying. 

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:fc74e190-a934-4580-91db-d20a4179f2c6">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for asking this, I was wondering, too.  I think some people feel that it "traumatizes" the baby to leave them crying. 
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
Whatever.  It traumatizes the parent.

kikibaby

Oh, and speaking of TB (and TN, for that matter), another gripe:  I hate that I can see that X number of people have read my post and nobody has freakin' responded. 

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:df0aad78-ece6-40a0-a76f-3a0d78574631">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, and speaking of TB (and TN, for that matter), another gripe:  I hate that I can see that X number of people have read my post and nobody has freakin' responded. 
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Ummm..THANK YOU.  I hate that too.  I posted an intro post on GP and like 15 people looked at it before responding.

mandysmear

Yeah, I tried to  hang out on the D&R board and asked for advice.  NOTHING.  Nothing.

The buying a house board was helpful once when I asked anyone if they had built a house.  Just in case I needed someone to chat with about the process.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

The one on KPS that said something about how people shouldn't judge erly-20-somethings for getting married more than they should judge 30-somethings for getting married totally missed the point. 21 /=/ 33. Sorry, it just isn't the same.

kellyjellybelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:13ea43b8-5eef-44db-a3ae-db959824c948">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kps, bps, nps. : Does it have something to do with attachment parenting?  Cause I think that's pretty damn messed up.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
When I typed it in, attachement parenting came up, so I'm guessing so.  I only know what I learn from google about these things.  All these different kinds of 'parenting' seems so strange to me.  Don't you just kinda... parent?  Obviously, I don't have kids, so I have no idea what I'm talking about :)

kikibaby

It makes me feel like I'm at a party saying hi to people and they're all ignoring me.

AmoroAgain

I've heard a bit about it, and as far as I'm concerned, it's damn freaky and probably causes more problems than anything else.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:2dd850fa-d5eb-4d21-84a1-737031a78b6f">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]It makes me feel like I'm at a party saying hi to people and they're all ignoring me.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
That's because they're all wondering who the hot chick is that just walked in.

I can't even post on my local cause they all ignore me, except the one girl who I know IRL who posts there.

kikibaby

There are some parts of attachment parenting that I kind of like, but there are some parts that are a little extreme to me.  I don't think it's a bad idea to take ideas from here and there that work for you.  And yeah, to each their own

KentuckyKate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:13ea43b8-5eef-44db-a3ae-db959824c948">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kps, bps, nps. : Does it have something to do with attachment parenting?  Cause I think that's pretty damn messed up.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
From what I gathered lurking in one day, I think it's the opposite of attachment parenting.  Like the APers pick their kid up every time it makes a peep, and the CIOers don't.  Both sides think their way is the only acceptable way to parent, so many self-righteous arguments ensue.

kikibaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:b9a3b222-789e-45af-a708-a8b05673b88e">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kps, bps, nps. : That's because they're all wondering who the hot chick is that just walked in. I can't even post on my local cause they all ignore me, except the one girl who I know IRL who posts there.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Haters!

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:2be647c6-467f-457f-be41-0f81b74d4b68">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kps, bps, nps. : Whatever.  It traumatizes the parent.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
A lot of the parents who are anti CIO feel the baby is crying because it needs something, like a diaper change or they're hungry, cold, etc. Others know their baby is crying just for attention and that is where the whole trauma issue comes into play. Parents who are anti CIO, feel their children will be traumatized if the parent doesn't respond to wanting to be held.
It's easy to say that, "well, we turned out fine and our parents let us cry it out..."
The thing is, these parents who do AP (attachment parenting) often talk ill of  their own parents and their techniques. They don't believe they are well adjusted and that is why they went in search of alternative parenting techniques.

Extreme AP is very selfish and I'm not afraid to say that. It is done for the parents' benefit, despite how much they say otherwise. There is a line between parenting... and spoiling/smothering. The extremists cross that line and then some.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:8eaef416-d775-485a-8593-bb11fdfb6509">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kps, bps, nps. : A lot of the parents who are anti CIO feel the baby is crying because it needs something, like a diaper change or they're hungry, cold, etc. Others know their baby is crying just for attention and that is where the whole trauma issue comes into play. Parents who are anti CIO, feel their children will be traumatized if the parent doesn't respond to wanting to be held. It's easy to say that, "well, we turned out fine and our parents let us cry it out..." The thing is, these parents who do AP (attachment parenting) often talk ill of  their own parents and their techniques. They don't believe they are well adjusted and that is why they went in search of alternative parenting techniques. Extreme AP is very selfish and I'm not afraid to say that. It is done for the parents' benefit, despite how much they say otherwise. There is a line between parenting... and spoiling/smothering. The extremists cross that line and then some.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
My parents sucked, but I don't think it's because they let me cry it out, it's because they are just sucky human beings.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kps-bps-nps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:74f85fc0-8ee1-4a2d-a7d5-7749bd0cafa9Post:300392b7-0869-44d6-b313-cac01b7a92bc">Re: kps, bps, nps.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kps, bps, nps. : My parents sucked, but I don't think it's because they let me cry it out, it's because they are just sucky human beings.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
lol yeah. Some people try to analyze everything and end up over analyzing. The end result is attachment parenting.

kikibaby

I have awesome parents and *gasp* my mom didn't even breastfeed me!  Selfish lady.

ohwhynot

In my experience, CIO didn't work very well.  Every time our baby got sick, it had to go out the window, because there's no way in hell I'd let my sick baby CIO.  So then we'd have to go through the whole ordeal again after he got better, and it sucked.

With our 2d baby, we didn't do CIO and we attached a co-sleeper to our bed.  Worked much better.  To this day, our 2d child is a better sleeper than our first.

This is only my experience - anecdotal evidence.  This is what worked for ME and MY children.  Other people experienced much, much better results with CIO.  I don't believe the hype from either side - every baby is different and every parent's experience is  going to be different.

It kind of pisses me off, Amoro, that you are dead set against something with which you have absolutely no experience.  

katiewhompus

There have also been studies done (no I don't have them nearby to quote them) correlating CIO with under weight or under stimulated babies. It could also be that the parents who are letting their kids cry are also not giving them as much attention as possible.

Fwiw, the person who originally wrote the parenting style and told our parent's generation to let babies cry it out issued a public apology, stating that with newer research he's found his parenting styles were likely to have caused more harm than good.

I agree with a lot of the AP things, but I also haven't been exposed to the extremes either to make a judgement on the crazies. For me it was summed up with a statement "Babies are not malicious, they don't want to ruin your day" They cry because they want something. To me it doesn't matter if it is attention or food or because they need a change. However once they are older and can understand better then they will be learning that crying/whining will not get them what they want. I just think it's a stretch to think that a newborn is crying to annoy you, or just to whine.

My parent's never let me CIO. I'm not selfish or entitled, and have a very strong bond with them because I learned early on that they would always be there for me.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I thought CIO was a Dr. Spock thing?

Anyway, I can see the point of letting a toddler CIO. You know how sometimes toddlers have tantrums for the sake of tantrums and you just have to walk away? But I also concede it depends on the kid.

katiewhompus

The difference for me is toddler verses newborn. Yes a toddler is going to throw a tantrum and I see the validity in having them cry it out AFTER establishing there isn't a real concern (food, injury, etc). I just think it's a bit sad when a newborn has to cry it out.

kikibaby

It seems to me that if you constantly run to the baby every time it cries, you are rewarding it.  So that they realize that if they just want someone to come to them, all they have to do is cry.  If you're of the belief that a baby needs to be held every time it wants to, I guess that wouldn't matter to you. 

I know people who have answered the baby's cry for attention, and they end up never being able to put the baby down.  The baby won't sleep through the night, take naps without being in someone's arms... that's not healthy for the parents.  You need to be able to put baby down to sleep and have your own life.