Addressing Invitations

[Deleted User]

So, I used to think the advice on this board was "ladies first, and never separate a man from his last name." 

So, I thought it went:

Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe.

But. Now people are throwing around:

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

Which one is it for real? Because I've been working on my invitation spreadsheet all evening and I just finished 288 names the FIRST way.

SlothGoals

I found this thread on Invites & Paper:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-invitations-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:223a433f-7b0b-4ac0-b08b-ca8d48f23e5cPost:c3050f61-0bd4-4f46-a62a-56a247feabc2

Based on what CMGr says the second way you posted is correct. I think the way you did it is just for when you're using both first names on an envelope..

kipnus

I hate being addressed as Mrs. H's first name H's last name. I like my own name.

McRogol

Agree with PP - my FMIL is very big on formality and etiquette and as such, all our invites will be adressed the second way even though our wedding is not overly formal (there isn't a sit down dinner).  But it makes her happy so...

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-invitations-23?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:75ce1b7a-8bcd-4a0e-81f6-19b34c4a42c9Post:afa57135-cf0d-4af3-8ab3-1c42f8fcb5f2">Re: Addressing Invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]I found this thread on Invites & Paper: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-invitations-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:223a433f-7b0b-4ac0-b08b-ca8d48f23e5cPost:c3050f61-0bd4-4f46-a62a-56a247feabc2">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_addressing-invitations-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:223a433f-7b0b-4ac0-b08b-ca8d48f23e5cPost:c3050f61-0bd4-4f46-a62a-56a247feabc2</a> Based on what CMGr says the second way you posted is correct. I think the way you did it is just for when you're using both first names on an envelope..
Posted by kristbot[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I feel like CMGr is the one who told me the FIRST way! I could be wrong about that. It was a while ago.

</div>

AroundTheBlock

The absolute rule of etiquette, is that a polite hostess addresses her guests by the title and form of their name that they themselves prefer. It is neither formal nor traditional, and is not proper, to address a lady as "Mrs John Smith" if she prefers to be known as "Mrs Jane Smith", no matter how uncomfortable it makes those of us who know that "Mrs" is supposed to be used only with the husbands' name. It is equally rude to call a lady "Mrs Jane Smith if she actually prefers to be the "Mrs" half of "Mr and Mrs John Smith".

Collecting ladies' preferred title and name is part of collecting addresses. It is a good idea to start early: if you still have peoples' Christmas card envelopes around, you might be lucky enough to find a few that have return-address labels that include their names and titles. You resort to standard form only when you really do not know the lady's preference.

The standard up until the 1980s was "Mr and Mrs John Smith". By the late 1980s many diplomatic protocol manuals were recommending "Ms Jane Smith and Mr John Smith", with Jane and John's names in alphabetical order. Yay women's liberation. The most common usage in first social circles from what I have seen is "Mr John Smith and Mrs Jane Smith" or Mr John and Mrs Jane Smith". If you search the internet you can find recent invitations to the White House or Rideau Hall and so on, that use one of these forms.