Poll

MeaghanandMichael

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress?
2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes)
3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not?
4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid?

Honesty please, as these are all drawn from real life drama and I need to know if I need a knottie reality check or not... TIA!

AmoroAgain

no
yes
no
Oops.  meant brides responsibility.

anna.oskar

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress?
  Nope. I think 2 months is better since it gives time to budget for it.

2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes)
    Yep.  Although i have paid that amount due to mandatory hair styling. Around $150. is good

3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not?
     Nope. They should be picking outfits/dresses that are affordable

4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid?
        I think the bride should call but a bm should call if it effects their personal purchase.

bbyckes

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress?
Not acceptable. 

2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes)
Way too much.

3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not?
I don't think it's okay.  That being said, if the bride is unwilling to change to a more inexpensive dress, there doesn't seem to be any other option - the BM should step down.

4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid?
If it's regarding the specific BM's dress, I think the BM should call.  If there's an issue in general, it's the bride's responsibility.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Ah, yes, I remember your post from the other day.

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress? - No.
2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes) - Yes.
3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not? - No. I would offer to pay for at least part of the dress if cost was the only factor in the BM not being able to be in the wedding.
4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid? - Yes. Her wedding, her problem.

mocha beans

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress?  Currently, in this economy and during Christmas time, no.
2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes) Yes, for the afore mentioned reasons in #1.
3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not?  No.  But it is a fantastic way to build some deep running bad feelings.
4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid?  Depends on what happened I think, and if the order was placed by her or not.

ggmae

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress? Yes, but it would also totally depend on how much money the BM had coming in each week and/or saved.

2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes) Yes, but I think my girls ended up paying close to that when all was said and done. They picked the dresses though.

3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not? Not okay.

4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid? Bride.

janedoe1113a

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress?: No
2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes): Yes
3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not?: No, let them be the ones to step down if they can't afford it.
4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid?: Who placed the order?

opalsky007

No.
Hell yes.
No, but if the bride thought so, better for the BM. Things are not likely to get better from here.
If it's an issue with the order being incorrect, that should probably fall to the bride since she chose the dress. If it's a sizing or payment issue, the BM.

lpstl

1. No, in this economy some people need longer than 2 weeks to budget for additional expenses.

2. For me, personally? I don't think it's too much providing my arse looks smokin hot in the dress. If my arse looks big, it's too much.

3. I'm going to say no unless it's a really extenuating situation. Like the BM said they were cool with it but blew all her money at the casino the night before the last day she could order it.

4. I don't understand. Is the issue with a BM dress or the bride's gown, or all of it? I think it really depends on the specific situation.

salt78

1) No way.
2) Yes way.
3) Eff that. That's not ok.
4) That's the bride's job.

Please don't tell me you know someone that is doing all this...

vallyhoo

I am trying to read between the poll, and sense that the bride may have asked you to step down due to the dress mishap? If so, that is ridiculous.

I think that the deal with the dress was messed up from jump street because the store had carte blanche to charge your credit card under the guise that they would give the bride notice. That in and of itself doesn't make the most sense.

I really hope the drama doesn't escalate (although I sense it has) and you can work this out, Meg.

MeaghanandMichael

GAH! I agree with almost everything you girls have said!! IRL almost no one agrees with me. Jesum crow. This must be why I like it here.

As far as number 4, the issue was that payment of the second half of the dress was charged to all bridesmaids with out advance notice the dress had come in (it was promised for the end of January), or time to look and see if the product was even acceptable.

ac_in_dc

1. No, give more advance notice.

2. It depends. The bride should get a feeling for her BM's budgets before she goes dress shopping with/for them.

3. Probably not, there should be discussion upfront as the what a BM can afford and arrangements should be made in advance for different kinds of dresses, etc.

4. For the order as a whole, the bride. For an individual dress, probably the BM.

TiDa2009

1.  No.

2.  Yuppers, especially the "plus" part.

3.  No.  If they truly can't afford it, they should have the option to step down, or, if it's really important for them to stand up with you, pay for it and help them find a cheaper option.

4.  I don't know.  I personally would try to figure it out for them, but since the BM is usually the one who places the order and pays, it would probably be best for her to do the figuring.  It would depend, I guess.

Kati0105

1) I think BMs should always be consulted re: what they can afford to pay and when.
2) Yes.
3) Not ok.
4) I think this falls to the bridesmaid.  I had nothing to do with the BM dress orders.  I just told them when to order by and the options for places to order from.

MyNameIsNot

1. Not ok.  2 months is ok.

2. Way too much.  Bride should be asking BMs what they can spend before picking a dress.  That's outrageous.

3. Not ok. 

4. It depends on who placed the order and what kind of problem it is. 

LarissaAnn

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress? 

No.

2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes) 

Unless it's an absolutely fabulous dress that all the bridesmaids adore and they've got the money to shell out AND are willing to do so, yes.

3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not? 

No, but as the bridesmaid, if the bride was absolutely insistent about all of this, it's likely I'd ditch the "honor" myself.

4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid? 

This depends on the situation.  One of my bridesmaids had an issue with the store shipping the damned dress to the wrong address multiple times, tried to blame my bridesmaid for the error (it was definitely an error of the store's), and then cavalierly suggested that she might not have the dress in time for my wedding.  She called to let me know when it got down to the wire so I'd be forewarned, and I offered to call & b!tch the store out and threaten them myself, but she said she'd take care of it, and she did.  I offered my backup, but she didn't need it.  I don't think either one of us was out of line.

TiDa2009

In that case, Meaghan, I think the bride should be dealing with the salon.

lyndausvi

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress? no.  But it would not be a hardship for me either.


2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes) yes.


3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not? no.


4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid? Depends on the issue.  Anytime I've ordered the dress I've taken on the responsibilty myself. I guess on certain situtations the bride might be able to help out more than me.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-bm-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76a2357a-4990-4f64-b8a6-986d6cb1d71ePost:d10b7971-95fe-4ff5-909d-7d81bdd4cee9">Poll: BM drama</a>:
[QUOTE]1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress?  No<div> 2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes) yes</div><div>3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not?  I would be honest as to why I am stepping down.   </div><div>4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid? Honesty please, as these are all drawn from real life drama and I need to know if I need a knottie reality check or not... TIA!</div><div>The bride
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

</div>

MeaghanandMichael

Yup -  I confronted the bride about a number of things that were shoddy surrounding her entire dress buying process (demanding the first payment of $150 dollars on September 15th to have it in by September 30th, now giving the store carte blanche like Vally said to charge whatever, whenever without notice). So yeah I brought it up gingerly and basically she told me that if it was about money and I didn't like it I never should have asked to be a bm. Um one, yeah not about the money but they random asss way this was handled. 2 - I never begged to be a bridesmaid, in fact I was thrilled when you asked me, but a little surprised!

lpstl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-bm-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76a2357a-4990-4f64-b8a6-986d6cb1d71ePost:b6563b01-442d-4e3c-8102-c4e829b968a7">Re: Poll: BM drama</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as number 4, the issue was that payment of the second half of the dress was charged to all bridesmaids with out advance notice the dress had come in (it was promised for the end of January), or time to look and see if the product was even acceptable.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

Sooooo the bride's issue.

ring_pop

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress?
No. I receive my paycheques monthly, and I would hope to have some time to budget/save for the dress.

2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes)
Yes.

3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not?
Well I don't think that forcing a $300 BM dress is OK, so.. in my world, this wouldn't happen. But I do think that if a bride wanted to kick me out for this reason, I would gladly step down.

4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid?
It *should* be the bride's issue to deal with, but as the BM, I'd do the due diligence to try to clear it up myself anyway. It's MY money, after all; why should I expect someone else to look out for me?

lyndausvi

I would still deal with the situation myself.  It's my money not the bride's, so I can't imagine the bride being able to do any more than I could.

vallyhoo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-bm-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76a2357a-4990-4f64-b8a6-986d6cb1d71ePost:be4d2c74-8cd0-4ef6-8e6b-4f5b6f6c4c00">Re: Poll: BM drama</a>:
[QUOTE]So yeah I brought it up gingerly and basically she told me that if it was about money and I didn't like it I never should have asked to be a bm. Um one, yeah not about the money but they random asss way this was handled. 2 - I never begged to be a bridesmaid, in fact I was thrilled when you asked me, but a little surprised!
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

That all really sucks, I'm sorry.

Night_Sprite

Do you still want to be a BM?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Did she ever ask what you guys wanted to pay for a dress or did she just say, "This awesome dress is $300. You need to order it for my wedding."?

Pirata13

no
yes
no
the bride

sorry your friend sucks. I'd be telling her where to put that mandatory brooch. 

If you want, I will.

AmoroAgain

If everyone is telling you (including other bms) that they're okay with this, then they're lying.  No one in their right minds would be okay with all of this stuff going on. 

Also.  Seriously Lynda.  We get it, you have money and you live a charmed life.  It does not need to be mentioned all.the.time.

MissLeahM

I would call my CC and tell them I didn't authorize it at the time and then pay the salon when I said I would.