Poll

ExpatPumpkin

This is why I paid for my BM dresses  

lyndausvi

I'm really sorry you are in a bad sitations.

The cost of the dress and the short notice sucks are are clearly the bride's fault for ordering them so early.

The extra payment by the salon is not the brides fault though.  It's the salon's fault.   Not sure how the bride is suppose to fix the situation.

My MIL's card was double charged when she purchased my SILs' dresses for my wedding.  I had no idea until weeks later.  MIL saw the charge, disputed it with the salon, they fixed.  End of story.  It had nothing to do with me.

So my question is how do you want the bride to fix the situation?  What outcome are you looking for?

MeaghanandMichael

MsMery - that is exactly what she said. Here is a sweet dress, love it? ok yay buy it.

And yes, Lynda I am actually coming aorund to see that point now that it is said and done. You are right, there is really not much more she could do than I did. However, in the beginning of the confusion I was really out of the loop and could have used a hand. I guess, like Ring said, I would have made the call as the bride if the situation was reversed.

And finally, yes Night I still want to be a bm. She is my friend, and she also was truly wonderful and supportive through my whole wedding process. I know the general responses on here would be, "I would step down." But, I guess like all things, things change a bit when you actually are faced with the prospect of ruining a friendship.

I fully admit I posted this for validation and I am by all means glad I got it. Not to say "in your face" to the bride by any means. But, I had a long conversation today with Mike and with the bride and she really just could not see my point of view at all. She thought everything she did was completely fine.  It was frustrating to hear because I consider myself very open to both sides of an issue, but I just feel like this is gone way to far

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-bm-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76a2357a-4990-4f64-b8a6-986d6cb1d71ePost:1f79398f-7f23-48a8-83f0-c5f9f9d34f7a">Re: Poll: BM drama</a>:
[QUOTE]This is why I paid for my BM dresses ;)  
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

This. I don't want my friends to begrudge me that they had to pay a ton of money for a dress they hate.

Lynda - if the bride also bought her dress at the salon and still needs alterations and accessories (and Meaghan said her wedding is in July, so it's likely), then I'd think she'd have more sway over them and they'd assure her better customer service.

AmoroAgain

The bad thing is Meaghan, she's probably so far into this in her head, that she really can't see your reaction as being reasonable.  We see it all the time, and sometimes brides snap out of it, and sometimes they don't. 

Hopefully, a few months after the wedding, she realizes that you were right.

Pirata13

And to clarify, if I were the bride in this situation--well let's say only in this situation where the salon charged my BM's cards before they were supposed to--I as the bride would be raising hell with the salon until they fixed it.  I think maybe that's all Meaghan would like to see her do--make an effort to get the salon to rectify things as opposed to basically acting like "oh well, sucks for you..."

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-bm-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76a2357a-4990-4f64-b8a6-986d6cb1d71ePost:930a2e2e-0a4f-4999-ae2e-2959e134bbe3">Re: Poll: BM drama</a>:
[QUOTE]The bad thing is Meaghan, she's probably so far into this in her head, that she really can't see your reaction as being reasonable.  We see it all the time, and sometimes brides snap out of it, and sometimes they don't.  Hopefully, a few months after the wedding, she realizes that you were right.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]


Agreed. And I think the comment about telling me "bridemaids should step down if they can't afford stuff" was just a low blow because I was uncomfortably calling her out. I actually don't even need to be seen as 'right.' Although, I little immature piece of me knows it will probably get out I took issue with her and I am sure it will come across as me creating drama, not the other way around. C'est la vie right? What I am more concerned about is that she gets it through her head we will need time to figure out budgets before she asks us to up and book hotel rooms, buy a groomsmen suit for mike and the brooch and shoes.

lyndausvi

I feel so bad.  There is so much unneccessary drama over a damm dress you will never wear again.

but you need to just let it go.

You can be mad at the bride over the cost of the dress and the timing of ordering the dresses.

The salon fucked up.  That was the straw that broke the camels back.   I get it.  But your angry in directed to the wrong person.  It was ths salon who did that to you not the bride. 

On another note, I'm concerned that they even did that.  My dress the balance was not charged until my first fitting and/or when you pick it up. My dress sat in their salon for 2 months before I got there (I was OOT).    I do not understand why they did what they did... Unless they have cash issues.  Then I would get the dress out of there ASAP.  You do not want to the WP that have no dresses because the shop closed on them.  

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-bm-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76a2357a-4990-4f64-b8a6-986d6cb1d71ePost:62f1bcbc-c9c1-41fa-b358-71a65a40305d">Re: Poll: BM drama</a>:
[QUOTE]And to clarify, if I were the bride in this situation--well let's say only in this situation where the salon charged my BM's cards before they were supposed to--I as the bride would be raising hell with the salon until they fixed it.  I think maybe that's all Meaghan would like to see her do--make an effort to get the salon to rectify things as opposed to basically acting like "oh well, sucks for you..."
Posted by Pirata13[/QUOTE]

Exactly. Especially since like Mery mentioned, she has a few fittings to go with them herself. She basically said it was just too bad it worked out so unexpectedly. In fact, she went as far as to go on and on about what great people and service the place has... defending them so to speak. It was just bizarre.

AmoroAgain

Well, then all the BM's are idiots or are lying.  No sane person would be okay with this. 

Also, I wouldn't plan on her doing anything differently when it comes to paying for other stuff.  Is she wildly wealthy that she doesn't have to budget for stuff or what?

MeaghanandMichael

Well I brought up to her the point about the timing of the dress Lynda, and that I expected better timing on other WR things by making the point that during my wedding I told people months in advance the date we would be paying for dresses and that it would not exceed 200 dollars. I also told people 6 months in advance about room rates and tux rentals. She repsonded to this with, "well I guess I am just not as good of a bride as you." Great. How do you even reason with something like that?

lyndausvi

I see your point.  But I am the do-er. 

If I was the bride I would bitch also.   But as a BM I would do my own bitching and not involve the bride.  I like to take care of my own problems.

lyndausvi

I have a feeling we will be hearing more about this bride in the future.  it's going to be a long 8 months.  Sorry...

Btw I was just like you.  I asked how much they could spend.  I gave them all 2 months notice.  I was concerned about their costs.  I do not get brides who are not like that.

AmoroAgain

Wow was she being dismissive and uncaring or what?! I hope this is only a bride thing and not an all the time thing.

MeaghanandMichael

I did call and take care of it Lynda. I would think she would be by my side though.

And no, she is not ridiculously wealthy. In fact, she has made comments that she can't believe what I spent on my wedding and she could never spend that. Fine, to each her own. Pretty much the dresses are the most 'expensive' part of the whole thing which is odd since it is a bridesmaid expense.

crfische

NOTE: I'm answering before reading so you get my honest answers.

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress? Absofuckinglutely not.

2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes) Absofuckinglutely YES.

3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not? NO. The Bridesmaid can make that decision on her own.

4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue? YES.

lyndausvi

Was she always like this?

I do not like violence, but really she needs a bittch slapping.

MeaghanandMichael

Amoro -  I honestly think it was just a deflective strike. As I mentioned to MsMery, she honest to god was one of the best bridesmaids a girl could ask for. She was nothing but supportive and encouraging to me. You know how weddings can make people all out of sorts

And yes Lynda, I agree that I am afraid we are in for a long few months. Thanks for being my sounding board on this

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-bm-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76a2357a-4990-4f64-b8a6-986d6cb1d71ePost:46af21c8-f05d-4b59-9b8d-107de58949a2">Re: Poll: BM drama</a>:
[QUOTE]And no, she is not ridiculously wealthy. In fact, she has made comments that she can't believe what I spent on my wedding and she could never spend that. Fine, to each her own. Pretty much the dresses are the most 'expensive' part of the whole thing which is odd since it is a bridesmaid expense.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

Ooooh my lord.  I very much dislike her right now.  She's being ridiculous.  Please tell me that her dress was more than $300?  Because you're going to be able to tell in the pictures....

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It's not about being on-the-ball. It's about courtesy.

It's possible that your views of budget get skewed as a bride who's paying out the a$$ for everything. What's a few hundred? I can sort of see how it's easy to forget and think, "Well, SHE'S only paying a few hundred, and I have an entire wedding to pay for." You know, if you're a biitch.

Which again, is why I'm helping out my BMs. $150 per dress is a drop in the bucket compared to an open bar, you know? But I choose not to hold that against THEM. After all, I chose my wedding.

psichick

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress?

probably not but it depends on the person's finalncial situation

2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes)

no, that's what my girls ended up spending (they chose the dress). it's all about what they want and what they want to spend. yes you can get cheaper dresses, but if they're miserable what's the point? i also left the choice up to them, and they wanted a nicer dress.
 
3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not?

definetly not. you asked them to be part of your wedding because of who they are and what they mean to you, not what their bank account looks like. if they cannot afford it than help them out, especially if they were not involved in the choosing of the dresses.
 
4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid?

it's the bride's responsibility. i have taken care of all the ordering and any issues with the dresses.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh, I see now that the dresses are quite expensive compared with her wedding. Well then. I got nothing.

MeaghanandMichael

Yes, hers was more then 300... probably closer to 2k. But yeah, I thought about that too when I first heard lol.

And yes Lynda, I had my bitch slap hand ready which is why I retreated here to be a whine-ikins about it. It is good respite I must admit.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_poll-bm-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:76a2357a-4990-4f64-b8a6-986d6cb1d71ePost:0ef20ac0-eabf-4740-adca-5471a0b4d559">Re: Poll: BM drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a feeling we will be hearing more about this bride in the future.  it's going to be a long 8 months. 
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Totally missed this--you have to pay for the dress 8 months out? Wow. And I was burned about having to pay for one six months out. Especially since they called off the wedding a month later.

I hope she does learn a bit about how to be considerate. If she's this way with her BMs, I worry about how well she'll accommodate her guests.

lyndausvi

that is what we are here for, right?

 

AmoroAgain

Well shiit.  $2000 is a lot more than I paid for my dress.  It's almost half my budget for my wedding.  She needs a reality check.  What the hell.  I hope the rest of the wedding is going to be at that same level.  Not with, you know, cold finger sandwiches and punch because she went all out on her dress.

JessAndTrav

1) Do you think two weeks notice is an acceptable amount of time in which you expect some one to pay $150 for a bridesmaid dress?

No. I think 17 months is (it took two of my bridesmaids that long to scrape it together)

2) Do you think $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress? (plus mandatory brooch and shoes)

Definitely.

3) Do you think asking some one to step down if they can not afford a $300.00 dress is ok or not?

No. You should choose a dress that is affordable for your BMs. Unless they are all wiping their asses with cash, I'd think that's too much.

4) Do you think it is the bride's initiative to call the bridal salon if there is an issue with the bridal order or does that fall to the bridesmaid?

If there's an issue with YOUR dress, then YOU take care of it. BMs aren't slaves.

janedoe1113a

You had order your dress 8 months before the wedding?  That's ridic in itself.

thesuninherhead

No- Even if they have it, they need notice.

No- I'd spend that (and have), but I would hope the bride would be understanding if other BM's didn't feel comfortable with it/couldn't afford it.

No- if they've asked people they really care about, the person should come before the dress

Yes.