Pls settle an argument for me..

xoxBridexox

Hi ladies,

I'm a BIG TIME lurker - so much so, that when my mother and I began to argue over my shower she told me to "go ask the knot" whose right.

So, fellow knotties... Are bridal showers supposed to be a surprise? if the bride HATES (emphasis on HATES) suprises should the shower be a surprise?

Was your bridal shower a surprise?

My mother could care less if I hate surprises - she still thinks it should be one. Whose right? 

banana468

Then tell your mom if SHE gets married you'll throw her a surprise shower.

MyNameIsNot

I had never heard of a surprise shower before the knot.  I guess it's her perogative if she wants to surprise you, but it seems sort of silly to me.  I agree with PP who suggested that she let you in on the date, but you can be surprised about the rest of it.

And maybe her next birthday party should be a surprise.

tlv204

Mine was not. My mom had a surprise shower when she married my dad, and hated her sisters so much for it (they got her gardening, so she was in a wife beater and cut off jean shorts--hot, mom) that when I got engaged she went around loudly telling anyone who would ever even consider throwing me a shower that it was NOT going to be a surprise and she would ruin it if they tried to make it a surprise by telling me.

So yes I know several that have been surprises, but I'm with you, I wanted to know when it was so I could look nice at a party thrown for me.

tenofcups4me

Of course they don't have to be a surprise! Seems to me a lot of them were when I was younger, but more recently they're rarely a surprise. Mine wasn't. I lived a couple hours out of state and they knew the only way to guarantee I'd be in that weekend was to discuss the date with me ahead of time. Of course, it was also the only way to guarantee I wouldn't have made other plans. I think life is so complicated now that trying to throw a surprise can be really tricky.

In either case, it doesn't matter if she likes surprises or not. The shower is supposed to be a party for YOU and should reflect what you like, not what she likes.

vallyhoo

I don't understand how a bridal shower can be a true 'surprise.'
I mean, you and your mom are alraedy discussing it so if she tells you that you have to be at X place on X date at X time... you will probably know what is going on. So, surprise ruined? If she wanted it to be a true surprised me thinks she shouldn't have mentioned anything to you. That's how surprises work for me though.

betrothed123

It can go either way, depending on what the host wants to do.

Mine was not a surprise, because the hosts knew if they tried to surprise me I'd most likely show up in a pair of ripped jeans and a baggy hoodie.  They wanted me to dress it up a bit.

lyndausvi

surprise showers are the norm in my family.  But I have yet to hear of a bride who was 100% surprised.  Someone always spills the beans.

I get you do not like surprises,  I'm not sure this is something I would be fighting with my mom about.   Let her think she is giving you a surprise shower and then do a lot of snooping around.