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Etiquette

RSVP notations from guests

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Re: RSVP notations from guests

  • Thanks ladies!

    The entrees don't have either tomatoes or onions in them. It would just be the salads, and potentially some of the apps.  We haven't nailed down the apps yet though, we still have time on those.  There is one salad with neither onions nor tomatoes, I just looked at the email from the venue.  Between a garden, caesar, and spinach salad they can choose. The casear has neither offending item. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:30486b99-98a6-4f1b-971a-48ccf2e57f36">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]We've dealt with deadly food allergies in my family for decades. Never once has an allergic reaction arisen during a social event, and never once have we asked for special accomodations at a social event. We just don't eat suspicious foods. If everything is suspicious, we don't eat. Often, we eat before social events. We understand that to be served food is not to be forced to eat it, especially if we can politely explain to our dining companions that we're allergic. If it's a food allergy, only eating it is harmful. If just being in the same room as the allergen is harmful, then it's an environmental allergy. I don't know theknot consensus on environmental allergies. Grass is a very common environmental allergy, but there's no theknot consensus against outdoor weddings. We expect guests to deal or decline if they can't deal. My family takes the same approach with our long list of food allergies.
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

    So you just buy food for all these people and then it just gets thrown out?  Sounds smart.
    OR you could just accommodate the allergies and actually have people eat the food that you are paying for.

    I agree that picky eaters don't need to be accommodated, but allergies should be taken seriously.
  • As a spin-off of this, how did you all go about gathering food allergies?  I don't necessarily want to put a fill-in-the-blank line on our RSVP cards because knowing FI and my family we will get a ton of "requests" instead of allergies.

    Will most people just write on the RSVP if they are allergic, or call?

    One of our dishes has nuts and I know we have a few known nut allergies.  I will be informing those I know of that the Salmon is cashew encrusted, but if they still want salmon to let me know so we can have the chef accomodate.

    I don't know ALL of the allergies though.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:75fad09a-0eb5-49c8-b165-e8e8978d5719">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]As a spin-off of this, how did you all go about gathering food allergies?  I don't necessarily want to put a fill-in-the-blank line on our RSVP cards because knowing FI and my family we will get a ton of "requests" instead of allergies. Will most people just write on the RSVP if they are allergic, or call? One of our dishes has nuts and I know we have a few known nut allergies.  I will be informing those I know of that the Salmon is cashew encrusted, but if they still want salmon to let me know so we can have the chef accomodate. I don't know ALL of the allergies though.
    Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]

    I think if someone has an allergy, they will alert you in some way.  Same with vegetarians/vegans.

    I agree that if you open up the discussion of "please let me know your allergies" you will be inundated with requests.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:880ef179-7841-4cd6-89e9-52e180ab5383">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Midge doesn't like someone!  That made my day (:
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    Being rude to your guests is a pretty big turn-off to me. :) You should poke around my month board. You'll quickly learn of one particular poster I.CANNOT.STAND. She drives me batty.
  • It depends on what you mean by "accomodate." Onions, soy, and peanuts sneak into foods, so we've asked the caterer to keep them out of everything. Salmon and strawberries not so much, certainly not into our menu.

    It's a buffet, with 2 entrees, 4 vegetables, and a salad; following 3 appetizers and a fruit and cheese tray. The one person with all 9 allergies has actually said many times we shouldn't accomodate her. Anyone with only one to a few of the allergies, including the extra 3, will be able to work out a full meal for himself, among all the choices. But, unlike the sneaky allergens, we haven't asked the caterer to leave them out completely. People will have to eat around their allergens, like I've seen the particular individuals do countless times.

    In other words, we're accomodating allergic guests like people typically accomodate vegetarian guests: By still serving meat, but having vegetarian options. We're still serving allergens, but have allergen-free options.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:30486b99-98a6-4f1b-971a-48ccf2e57f36">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]We've dealt with deadly food allergies in my family for decades. Never once has an allergic reaction arisen during a social event, and never once have we asked for special accomodations at a social event. We just don't eat suspicious foods. If everything is suspicious, we don't eat. Often, we eat before social events. We understand that to be served food is not to be forced to eat it, especially if we can politely explain to our dining companions that we're allergic. If it's a food allergy, only eating it is harmful. If just being in the same room as the allergen is harmful, then it's an environmental allergy. I don't know theknot consensus on environmental allergies. Grass is a very common environmental allergy, but there's no theknot consensus against outdoor weddings. We expect guests to deal or decline if they can't deal. My family takes the same approach with our long list of food allergies.

    Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

    I just think this is really ignorant.

    If you care about the people you invite to your wedding, care enough to at least ensure you don't sicken or kill them by not accommodating a food allergy. Your responsibility lies in simply notifying the caterer; it's not like you have to make up 40 different meals, so let the kitchen do their job. What extra work is it, really? 

    FWIW, I noted a food allergy on an RSVP/menu card once, and it wasn't accommodated. I had to send my plate back, where they clearly just removed the items and replated the rest of the food. Yeah, I left the wedding via ambulance.

    It doesn't matter how vigilant the person with the allergy is if the kitchen isn't made aware or isn't accommodating. You're taking a pretty big risk with the health of your guests just because it's never happened at a social event <em>yet</em>.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:75fad09a-0eb5-49c8-b165-e8e8978d5719">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]As a spin-off of this, how did you all go about gathering food allergies?  I don't necessarily want to put a fill-in-the-blank line on our RSVP cards because knowing FI and my family we will get a ton of "requests" instead of allergies. Will most people just write on the RSVP if they are allergic, or call? One of our dishes has nuts and I know we have a few known nut allergies.  I will be informing those I know of that the Salmon is cashew encrusted, but if they still want salmon to let me know so we can have the chef accomodate. I don't know ALL of the allergies though.
    Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]


    My friend wrote something like "please advise us of any known food allergies" on her RSVP card, and it opened the floodgates.  People were suddenly allergic to lettuce just to get out of eating a salad. It was insane.  That's why we didn't put anything on the cards, we didn't want the ridiculous requests (and we got them anyway!!)

    I'm allergic to a ton of stuff. Eating eggs will put me in the ER (if it's a cupcake, that's baked, I'm fine, but certain salad dressings, homemade mayos, sauces, etc, are absolute ER visits for me).  I have a bridesmaid who will die before she gets the Epi pen in her if she eats shellfish or nuts.  Those are known allergies and will be avoided at all costs.  I was thinking someone with a true allergy would reach out and say, "just an FYI, I've discovered milk makes me keel over" or something, not "I hate onions, please remove". 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:90f5efe3-1bb9-414b-8500-8f0f42dce766">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]It depends on what you mean by "accomodate." Onions, soy, and peanuts sneak into foods, so we've asked the caterer to keep them out of everything. Salmon and strawberries not so much, certainly not into our menu. It's a buffet, with 2 entrees, 4 vegetables, and a salad; following 3 appetizers and a fruit and cheese tray. The one person with all 9 allergies has actually said many times we shouldn't accomodate her. Anyone with only one to a few of the allergies, including the extra 3, will be able to work out a full meal for himself, among all the choices. But, unlike the sneaky allergens, we haven't asked the caterer to leave them out completely. People will have to eat around their allergens, like I've seen the particular individuals do countless times. In other words, we're accomodating allergic guests like people typically accomodate vegetarian guests: By still serving meat, but having vegetarian options. We're still serving allergens, but have allergen-free options.
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

    No, in your earlier post you said "We're ignoring even allergy concerns outside those paying for the wedding, except we'll be very open about the food plan before the wedding, so those with allergies can make other arrangements. My family has lots of allergies, and we don't expect them to be accomodated at social events. We eat before or discreetly bring our own food or go hungry and leave early."

    You said you wouldn't accomodate them at all and they can eat before, bring something or go hungry.

    Something doesn't add up.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:75fad09a-0eb5-49c8-b165-e8e8978d5719">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]As a spin-off of this, how did you all go about gathering food allergies?  I don't necessarily want to put a fill-in-the-blank line on our RSVP cards because knowing FI and my family we will get a ton of "requests" instead of allergies. Will most people just write on the RSVP if they are allergic, or call? One of our dishes has nuts and I know we have a few known nut allergies.  I will be informing those I know of that the Salmon is cashew encrusted, but if they still want salmon to let me know so we can have the chef accomodate. I don't know ALL of the allergies though.
    Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well, we knew our guests pretty well.  Between our parents and us we had a lot of meals with together, so most of the allergies were already known.  We did put on the website to alert us of any allergies.  One person had a new shellfish allergy they alerted us on that one (we knew about 2 others already).</div><div>
    </div><div>Our guests are not  generally picky eaters so we didn't worry about 'requests' coming in. Not did we get any either.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:339a5009-47d3-43b3-83bd-f1123f9142db">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP notations from guests : My friend wrote something like "please advise us of any known food allergies" on her RSVP card, and it opened the floodgates.  People were suddenly allergic to lettuce just to get out of eating a salad. It was insane.  That's why we didn't put anything on the cards, we didn't want the ridiculous requests (and we got them anyway!!) I'm allergic to a ton of stuff. Eating eggs will put me in the ER (if it's a cupcake, that's baked, I'm fine, but certain salad dressings, homemade mayos, sauces, etc, are absolute ER visits for me).  I have a bridesmaid who will die before she gets the Epi pen in her if she eats shellfish or nuts.  Those are known allergies and will be avoided at all costs.  I was thinking someone with a true allergy would reach out and say, "just an FYI, I've discovered milk makes me keel over" or something, not "I hate onions, please remove". 
    Posted by chumlee7478[/QUOTE]

    <div>I figured most would let me know if they had a severe allergy.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Milkduds, I'm envious you were able to write that on your RSVP and recieve legitimate responses.  I've heard horror stories about doing that.</div>
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  • Also, FI's family is a bunch of picky eaters who will claim to be allergic to things to get out of eating them.  I've seen them claim to be allergic to mushrooms at one restaurant, yet eat them at a different one.  I will never understand.
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  • We didn't ask about allergies. We knew our guests well enough to know that no one has the kind of allergy where they can't even be in the room with certain foods. Beyond that, we had three entree options tableside (including a vegetarian option) so everyone should have been able to choose something that worked for them. If not, I would expect they would speak to a server to see what can be arranged.

    But we had a caprese salad (tomatoes and mozarella) as a starter. If someone couldn't eat tomatoes, honestly, I would just expect them not to eat the salad and I wouldn't expect them to say a word about it. The same way I ask questions whenever I take an hors d'oeuvres or am served a soup or anything else I'm not sure about to make sure it has no seafood in it since I'm allergic. If it does have seafood? I don't eat it. 
  • I'll try one more time:

    For allergies among those paying for the wedding, we told the caterer when we first contacted them, and will have in the contract, that reasonable precautions must be taken to keep those out of the dinner. For other allergies, the plan is as I explained in my last post. We haven't expressly told the caterer "don't put strawberries in everything," but we've chosen lots of foods without strawberries, so that the guest allergic to strawberries will still get a full meal (or the equivalent of a full meal). We're "ignoring" or "not accomodating" these allergies insofar as we're not addressing them expressly in the catering contract.

    Maybe a better way to put it is "moderate accomodations" v. "express" or "stringent accomodations." Because the family allergy list is so long, and involves such common foods, we had to make a special menu and triple-check it with the caterer. To just make sure strawberries or peppers or salmon aren't in everything feels like "ignoring" or "not accomodating" in comparison.

    It is true that our accomodations for all allergies are actually at the same level as take place in the individuals' homes. While special food without anything from the long list is always made for people with those allergies, the people with allergies from the shorter, "moderate accomodations" list will eat around their allergies in their own homes.
  • Wait what constitutes a suspicious food ?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:7fd40e9d-2767-4e36-a9ae-64285bb5323b">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also, FI's family is a bunch of picky eaters who will claim to be allergic to things to get out of eating them.  I've seen them claim to be allergic to mushrooms at one restaurant, yet eat them at a different one.  I will never understand.
    Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]

    SIL is like this.  She is legitimately allergic to a plethora of foods, but just doesn't like others.  She told me it's easier to just tell a waiter she's allergic and not have to deal with side-eyes or questions.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:b24f4357-5eb7-4a40-aa8e-1e9f3bf78350">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]We didn't ask about allergies. We knew our guests well enough to know that no one has the kind of allergy where they can't even be in the room with certain foods. Beyond that, we had three entree options tableside (including a vegetarian option) so everyone should have been able to choose something that worked for them. If not, I would expect they would speak to a server to see what can be arranged. But we had a caprese salad (tomatoes and mozarella) as a starter. If someone couldn't eat tomatoes, honestly, I would just expect them not to eat the salad and I wouldn't expect them to say a word about it. The same way I ask questions whenever I take an hors d'oeuvres or am served a soup or anything else I'm not sure about to make sure it has no seafood in it since I'm allergic. If it does have seafood? I don't eat it. 
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

    Our attitude, though apparently poorly expressed in this thread, is similar to the attitude/procedures expressed here.
  • Just because you choose to go about your allergies in that way (not informing the hosts and therefore just not eating certain things) doesn't mean that's how you should treat your guests. You can't tell me you wouldn't appreciate it if someone took your allergies into account for you so you didn't have to worry about what you ate. That's the nice and gracious thing to do.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You know, now that I think about it, DH is a chef, I work in hospitality.  Everyday we deal with guests with allergies.  The first thing out of DH's mouth when he cooks for people is 'does anyoe have any allergies?".  

    It's just not that big of a deal to us to ask, but I can see how is might be overwhelming to others. Especially when you have requests deguised as allergies.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:7fd40e9d-2767-4e36-a9ae-64285bb5323b">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also, FI's family is a bunch of picky eaters who will claim to be allergic to things to get out of eating them.  I've seen them claim to be allergic to mushrooms at one restaurant, yet eat them at a different one.  I will never understand.
    Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]



    I do this with seafood. I HATE seafood and will NOT eat it. Just to save time and annoyance from people asking me "You don't like seafood?!?! How?!??". I just sometimes I'm allergic. One of these days karma will get me....
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:bbcca7a9-f6bf-435f-9fdc-b8df8669a9f8">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP notations from guests : I do this with seafood. I HATE seafood and will NOT eat it. Just to save time and annoyance from people asking me "You don't like seafood?!?! How?!??". I just sometimes I'm allergic. One of these days karma will get me....
    Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]
    I can see where you are coming from on that.  Although, we will be having 4 different entrees to choose from, so if there is something you don't like I would hope you would be able to make another entree fit your needs.<div>
    </div><div>What I don't get is why they will "not like"/be allergic to something in one location yet eat them in another.  That is the baffling part.</div>
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  • I am allergic to rosemary, and at our wedding the kitchen was instructed to not cook anything with rosemary that day. Well I know it wasn't necessary to go that far, I appreciated the fact that they didn't want me leaving my wedding in an ambulance.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:bbcca7a9-f6bf-435f-9fdc-b8df8669a9f8">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVP notations from guests : I do this with seafood. I HATE seafood and will NOT eat it. Just to save time and annoyance from people asking me "You don't like seafood?!?! How?!??". I just sometimes I'm allergic. One of these days karma will get me....
    Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

    I've thought about doing this with Cilantro, but I just can't lie about it.  I normally will pick it off or just deal with it in my food.
  • I am also in the 'rude' camp that is unable to accomodate all guest food allergies.

    If I did so, I would have to exclude from my wedding menu:
    Nuts
    Seafood of any kind
    Pork
    Poultry
    Beef
    Wheat
    Eggs
    Dairy/Milk
    Soy
    Mint
    Peanuts
    Rice
    Peas
    Celery
    Sesame
    Rosemary
    Anise/Fennel
    Strawberries
    Peppers

    There are 15-ish people with allergies, each with a different combination of those listed, so no single meat/protien option is safe for all the non-vegetarians, and it would literally take 8-ish different meals before all the allergic people could safely eat the main course.

    Also we have 2 vegans, a diabetic and a "paleo eater" who will eat meat, eggs and veggies but not grains, dairy or anything that contains sugar, as well as someone who will not eat anything that contains or has touched any type of vegetable besides a potato.

    So I'm having a buffet with a wide variety of foods and have a list of the ingredients of each and everything that can be 'on the side' will be and am trying hard to make it so everyone can eat at least one or two things that are main-dish-like... If someone ends up only able to eat salad I'll feel bad but my caterer literally is not able to make a different meal for every single special case.

    I am sympathetic to allergies as I have a life-threatening nut allergy myself.  It means if the cake is amaretto flavor at a friend's wedding I go without dessert and don't make a stink about it.  (If its a peanut butter cake I'll have to leave the room and take an antihistamine....)

    I hope my guests will be able to do enjoy the food but at some point you can't even find a resturant that can feed all of them, let alone a caterer...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:f75ff745-90f0-4cbd-bb30-e966bf4601d0">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am also in the 'rude' camp that is unable to accomodate all guest food allergies. If I did so, I would have to exclude from my wedding menu: Nuts Seafood of any kind Pork Poultry Beef Wheat Eggs Dairy/Milk Soy Mint Peanuts Rice Peas Celery Sesame Rosemary Anise/Fennel Strawberries Peppers There are 15-ish people with allergies, each with a different combination of those listed, so no single meat/protien option is safe for all the non-vegetarians, and it would literally take 8-ish different meals before all the allergic people could safely eat the main course. Also we have 2 vegans, a diabetic and a "paleo eater" who will eat meat, eggs and veggies but not grains, dairy or anything that contains sugar, as well as someone who will not eat anything that contains or has touched any type of vegetable besides a potato. So I'm having a buffet with a wide variety of foods and have a list of the ingredients of each and everything that can be 'on the side' will be and am trying hard to make it so everyone can eat at least one or two things that are main-dish-like... If someone ends up only able to eat salad I'll feel bad but my caterer literally is not able to make a different meal for every single special case. I am sympathetic to allergies as I have a life-threatening nut allergy myself.  It means if the cake is amaretto flavor at a friend's wedding I go without dessert and don't make a stink about it.  (If its a peanut butter cake I'll have to leave the room and take an antihistamine....) I hope my guests will be able to do enjoy the food but at some point you can't even find a resturant that can feed all of them, let alone a caterer...
    Posted by harpsdesire[/QUOTE]
    We are pretty fortunate that our caterer is our venue, so they are more than willing to accommodate any allergies.  I'm totally sympathetic about the life-threatening allergies and will have the kitchen accomodate those requests.  I want to make sure that they aren't bogged down with specific requests for each guest, as that will make dinner a nightmare for them to prepare and serve 180 individual dishes at the same time.
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  • edited January 2012
    [QUOTE]In other words, we're accomodating allergic guests like people typically accomodate vegetarian guests: By still serving meat, but having vegetarian options. We're still serving allergens, but have allergen-free options.
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

    <div>This actually sounds quite reasonable to me.  I would still tell the caterer about the alergies, though, just so they're aware to avoid things like crossing utensils, and reusing cutting boards.  I've worked food service, and cross contamination is a real risk if you don't tell me to make special precautions to avoid it.</div><div>
    </div><div>Harp is right.  If the allergen list gets too long, you get to a point where there is no reasonable way to avoid every allergen in every dish and still have any sort of balanced nutrition or flavor.</div><div>
    </div><div>I would also warn people in advance which dishes to avoid, or place a clear list of ingredients by each one.  I wouldn't want them to overlook a suspicious dish.  That goes for the picky eaters in OP's response too - I would reply and tell them that you aren't able to avoid tomatos/onions in all dishes, but as long as they stay away from X they'll be fine.</div><div>
    </div><div>Prohibition lady...good grief.  I think I'd give her an advance warning, too, probably followed by "If you aren't comfortable attending knowing that, we'll understand."  Can I assume your family has been dealing with her for so long that you know who it's safe to sit her near?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:f75ff745-90f0-4cbd-bb30-e966bf4601d0">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am also in the 'rude' camp that is unable to accomodate all guest food allergies. If I did so, I would have to exclude from my wedding menu: Nuts Seafood of any kind Pork Poultry Beef Wheat Eggs Dairy/Milk Soy Mint Peanuts Rice Peas Celery Sesame Rosemary Anise/Fennel Strawberries Peppers There are 15-ish people with allergies, each with a different combination of those listed, so no single meat/protien option is safe for all the non-vegetarians, and it would literally take 8-ish different meals before all the allergic people could safely eat the main course. Also we have 2 vegans, a diabetic and a "paleo eater" who will eat meat, eggs and veggies but not grains, dairy or anything that contains sugar, as well as someone who will not eat anything that contains or has touched any type of vegetable besides a potato. So I'm having a buffet with a wide variety of foods and have a list of the ingredients of each and everything that can be 'on the side' will be and am trying hard to make it so everyone can eat at least one or two things that are main-dish-like... If someone ends up only able to eat salad I'll feel bad but my caterer literally is not able to make a different meal for every single special case. I am sympathetic to allergies as I have a life-threatening nut allergy myself.  It means if the cake is amaretto flavor at a friend's wedding I go without dessert and don't make a stink about it.  (If its a peanut butter cake I'll have to leave the room and take an antihistamine....) I hope my guests will be able to do enjoy the food but at some point you can't even find a resturant that can feed all of them, let alone a caterer...
    Posted by harpsdesire[/QUOTE]

    The allergy list for my wedding list reads just like this, except add in cucumbers and nitrates (what's found in bacon, deli meats, etc). 

    My caterer is the venue itself, which has an in house restaurant.  They've been able to come up with items that take into account everything.  My cupcake vendor is making allergen free cupcakes.  All food will be labeled.  I'm thrilled we found a place that can accomodate everything, I just didn't realize I opened Pandora's box by sending out RSVP cards so people could write what vegetables they don't like. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think people take allergies accommodation a little too literal. 

    We had a few shellfish allergies, but we did not remove them from the menu altogether.  We just had other options available to those people.

    We picked at a fairly simple entree with sauces on the side.  Simpler the meal meant it was easier it is to accommodate.  We were creative with our appetizers, but we had a ton. So if you couldn't eat one thing, there was plenty other to choose from.

    IDK, just because someone is allergic to soy and celery does not mean you need to completely remove those items from the menu.  Just make sure the WHOLE menu (from apps to dessert) has a good variety of items so people can eat around their issues.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • The main problem is that we have such complex combinations of mutually-exclusive food needs.

    Like the usual vegetarian meal is a veggie wellington (veg, cheese and crust), but then we have a gluten-free vegan (no crust or cheese), a gluten free vegetarian who would want the cheese but no crust, one who would want crust but no cheese, etc.

    We have two people who can eat beef but no soy, seafood or poulty, and then another is allergic to beef and seafood but not poultry.

    And there's the question of cake.... Does it need to be dairy/gluten/egg/mint/strawberry/soy/wheat free?  Does that even exist?

    However, that is encouraging that they are able to accomodate so many needs and maybe I should talk to my caterer about it again. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-notations-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b2dc19c-27e8-4318-9ec2-cc835a35f363Post:485f9c05-8720-4031-b91b-7546ae74ffa4">Re: RSVP notations from guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]The main problem is that we have such complex combinations of mutually-exclusive food needs. Like the usual vegetarian meal is a veggie wellington (veg, cheese and crust), but then we have a gluten-free vegan (no crust or cheese), a gluten free vegetarian who would want the cheese but no crust, one who would want crust but no cheese, etc. We have two people who can eat beef but no soy, seafood or poulty, and then another is allergic to beef and seafood but not poultry. <strong>And there's the question of cake.... Does it need to be dairy/gluten/egg/mint/strawberry/soy/wheat free?  Does that even exist?</strong> However, that is encouraging that they are able to accomodate so many needs and maybe I should talk to my caterer about it again. 
    Posted by harpsdesire[/QUOTE]


    I can't speak to the vegetarian/vegan meal option, but for the cake, at least for us, the option does exist.  Our  cupcake/cake is totally allergy free. No nuts, wheat, gluten, dairy, egg, etc. There is no fruit and no mint, and she doesn't cook with any soy product.  The base is apple, and there is rice flour involved. I don't have the exact recipe, but when I sent the ingredients to my bridesmaids who have the allergies, they were very excited.  It's the first wedding they've been to that they can partake in dessert. 
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