Best Friend Rant

jrkjpf

I will try to make this short.
Best friend and I have been very close for about 2 years now, doing all the basics, shopping, dinner, out on the town, etc.
We actually met through a mutual ex boyfriend, which she was suppose to marry next weekend, thankful it's not happening. She has a 2 year old son, the father is not in the picture, but taught him the ex, was "daddy", told her that was not a good idea, but whatever. She is 24, still lives with her parents.
Well anyways, she is the type of girl that NEEDS to have a man, she MUST. Is completely unhappy unless she has one, and really only is a "good" friend unless she is unhappy with the one she has. So she met a new guy about 2 months ago, immediately it was, im going to marry him, i love him, blah blah blah. Well, she is the type as well that follows everything in her heart, and completely ignores her brain, especially when a guy buys her a few things here and there and tells her what she wants to hear.
So here is the deal, she has been MIA for about a month or more now, when we make plans, she somehow "forgets" that she has something to do that night, or completely cancels with me because the new BF, wants to hang out, or the biggest pet peeve, "is doing someone's hair". Ok that's cool, i understand, people are busy, make mistakes and forget. But at the same time, seriously? Yes i know, new love, lust, whatever you want to call it. But i have dropped so much for this girl in the past 2 years, that I am semi disgusted and hurt that I am being put on the back burner because she now has a man. I've tried talking to her about it, she doesn't see what I am seeing  or completely ignores my attempt to ask what her deal is. The thing that just sent me off the hook is her recent comment to me that her boyfriend is the only person that has ever been there for her... are you kidding me?? I didn't even answer. I don't think I can answer without potentially hurting her feelings. I've been there at all hours of the day and night when her relationship ended with the ex, gave her advice, someone to talk to, etc. But yet, HE is the only one that has ever been there for her as a friend and a boyfriend. I am hurt and disgusted.
Sorry, i needed to get that out.

SD3194

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b437250-9f98-4ed1-85b6-b94129291c44Post:807efe3a-e675-4023-9391-9fc3c281ee54">Best Friend Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]I will try to make this short. Best friend and I have been very close for about 2 years now, doing all the basics, shopping, dinner, out on the town, etc. We actually met through a mutual ex boyfriend, which she was suppose to marry next weekend, thankful it's not happening. <strong>She has a 2 year old son, the father is not in the picture, but taught him the ex, was "daddy", told her that was not a good idea, but whatever. She is 24, still lives with her parents. Well anyways, she is the type of girl that NEEDS to have a man, she MUST. Is completely unhappy unless she has one, and really only is a "good" friend unless she is unhappy with the one she has. So she met a new guy about 2 months ago, immediately it was, im going to marry him, i love him, blah blah blah. Well, she is the type as well that follows everything in her heart, and completely ignores her brain, especially when a guy buys her a few things here and there and tells her what she wants to hear. </strong>So here is the deal, she has been MIA for about a month or more now, when we make plans, she somehow "forgets" that she has something to do that night, or completely cancels with me because the new BF, wants to hang out, or the biggest pet peeve, "is doing someone's hair". Ok that's cool, i understand, people are busy, make mistakes and forget. But at the same time, seriously? Yes i know, new love, lust, whatever you want to call it. But i have dropped so much for this girl in the past 2 years, that I am semi disgusted and hurt that I am being put on the back burner because she now has a man. I've tried talking to her about it, she doesn't see what I am seeing  or completely ignores my attempt to ask what her deal is. The thing that just sent me off the hook is her recent comment to me that her boyfriend is the only person that has ever been there for her... are you kidding me?? I didn't even answer. I don't think I can answer without potentially hurting her feelings. I've been there at all hours of the day and night when her relationship ended with the ex, gave her advice, someone to talk to, etc. But yet, HE is the only one that has ever been there for her as a friend and a boyfriend. I am hurt and disgusted. Sorry, i needed to get that out.
Posted by jrkjpf[/QUOTE]

You sure are judgmental. I can't blame her for not wanting to hang out with you if this is how you talk about your "close" friend behind her back.

You come off really needy in this post. Give her some space and maybe she will want to spend more time with you.

theluckiest555

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b437250-9f98-4ed1-85b6-b94129291c44Post:807efe3a-e675-4023-9391-9fc3c281ee54">Best Friend Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]I will try to make this short. Best friend and I have been very close for about 2 years now, doing all the basics, shopping, dinner, out on the town, etc. We actually met through a mutual ex boyfriend, which she was suppose to marry next weekend, thankful it's not happening. She has a 2 year old son, the father is not in the picture, but taught him the ex, was "daddy", told her that was not a good idea, but whatever. She is 24, still lives with her parents. Well anyways, she is the type of girl that NEEDS to have a man, she MUST. Is completely unhappy unless she has one, and really only is a "good" friend unless she is unhappy with the one she has. So she met a new guy about 2 months ago, immediately it was, im going to marry him, i love him, blah blah blah. Well, she is the type as well that follows everything in her heart, and completely ignores her brain, especially when a guy buys her a few things here and there and tells her what she wants to hear. So here is the deal, she has been MIA for about a month or more now, when we make plans, she somehow "forgets" that she has something to do that night, or completely cancels with me because the new BF, wants to hang out, or the biggest pet peeve, "is doing someone's hair". Ok that's cool, i understand, people are busy, make mistakes and forget. But at the same time, seriously? Yes i know, new love, lust, whatever you want to call it. But i have dropped so much for this girl in the past 2 years, that I am semi disgusted and hurt that I am being put on the back burner because she now has a man. I've tried talking to her about it, she doesn't see what I am seeing  or completely ignores my attempt to ask what her deal is. <strong>The thing that just sent me off the hook is her recent comment to me that her boyfriend is the only person that has ever been there for her... are you kidding me??</strong> I didn't even answer. I don't think I can answer without potentially hurting her feelings. I've been there at all hours of the day and night when her relationship ended with the ex, gave her advice, someone to talk to, etc. But yet, HE is the only one that has ever been there for her as a friend and a boyfriend. I am hurt and disgusted. Sorry, i needed to get that out.
Posted by jrkjpf[/QUOTE]


I'm sorry, that must have been hard to hear. People can be crazy when they first fall in love, and sometimes it is easy to forget about friends when you get all caught up in the romance. My FI and I fell in love fast and I unintentionally did this to one of my friends. She was jealous that I was spending all my time with D and that we never got to have girls nights anymore. We both got over it, I realized that I needed to do a better job of maintining my friendship, and now she is a BM in my wedding. Just hang in there, people can act silly when they are in love. Just give her some space, itt will get better.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

courtney1188

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7b437250-9f98-4ed1-85b6-b94129291c44Post:807efe3a-e675-4023-9391-9fc3c281ee54">Best Friend Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]I will try to make this short. Best friend and I have been very close for about 2 years now, doing all the basics, shopping, dinner, out on the town, etc. We actually met through a mutual ex boyfriend, which she was suppose to marry next weekend, thankful it's not happening. She has a 2 year old son, the father is not in the picture, but taught him the ex, was "daddy", told her that was not a good idea, but whatever. She is 24, still lives with her parents. Well anyways, she is the type of girl that NEEDS to have a man, she MUST. Is completely unhappy unless she has one, and really only is a "good" friend unless she is unhappy with the one she has. So she met a new guy about 2 months ago, immediately it was, im going to marry him, i love him, blah blah blah. Well, she is the type as well that follows everything in her heart, and completely ignores her brain, especially when a guy buys her a few things here and there and tells her what she wants to hear. So here is the deal, she has been MIA for about a month or more now, when we make plans, she somehow "forgets" that she has something to do that night, or completely cancels with me because the new BF, wants to hang out, or the biggest pet peeve, "is doing someone's hair". Ok that's cool, i understand, people are busy, make mistakes and forget. But at the same time, seriously? Yes i know, new love, lust, whatever you want to call it. But i have dropped so much for this girl in the past 2 years, that I am semi disgusted and hurt that I am being put on the back burner because she now has a man. I've tried talking to her about it, she doesn't see what I am seeing  or completely ignores my attempt to ask what her deal is. T<strong>he thing that just sent me off the hook is her recent comment to me that her boyfriend is the only person that has ever been there for her... are you kidding me?? I didn't even answer.</strong> I don't think I can answer without potentially hurting her feelings. I've been there at all hours of the day and night when her relationship ended with the ex, gave her advice, someone to talk to, etc. But yet, HE is the only one that has ever been there for her as a friend and a boyfriend. I am hurt and disgusted. Sorry, i needed to get that out.
Posted by jrkjpf[/QUOTE]

Wow, that's harsh, she must of been not thinking at all. I would speak up next time you talk to her. Tell her that something she said a bit ago has been bothering you and really hurt your feelings. I would definitely let her know how you feel, at least about that comment.

MeaghanandMichael

Most of us have been there done that and we have good friend to correct us. Be a friend not judgmental.Learn about you friend. This is what is important to her.

tayylor65

I think it's natural in the beginning of a relationship to sort of withdraw from friends.  If youre in lust or love, you want to spend every moment possible with that person to build a strong relationship, right? 

This is where, if you're as good friends as you say, you should back off and let her be happy and when she has time free she'll make plans with you.  I'm sure if you had an emergency she'd be there in a second--she likely sees that you're happy and okay and you can handle not hanging out as often.  

I do think her comment about how he's the only one who's been there for her is naive this early on in the relationship and a bit ignorant of the efforts you've made to be a good friend, but sometimes people are blinded at the stage she's in.  Give her time.

reason00

I think the poster's main point might be that this seems to be a pattern with her friend. She finds a man, falls in love, then breaks up, and the OP is then turned to for comfort.

It's fine to give someone space, but if they make plans with you and constantly break it, it kinda sucks.

I understand that there is the fluttery feeling of being in a new relationship, but no one wants to be a "trophy" friend either. Only taken out to play with when it's convenient for one party.

LoveMuffins

Hey, sometimes it's hard not to judge when your friends are doing the same stupid sh*t over and over and over again. That doesn't mean that they dont' love you, aren't there for you and aren't good friends. Some of the judgmental PPs on this board need to watch their hypocrisy.

I think it sounds like this friend in quotation marks is just that. She's not a real friend. It sounds like she's pretty self involved, drains you dry of your emotional energy, and doesn't do a whole lot to give back, on top of making you feel like she doesn't notice or appreciate your friendship. I've been in your position, and I have to tell you, the best lesson I've learned is to let go. She's a toxic friend. If this was your FI treating you like this, you'd be getting lots of people going "leave him!" well, i'm saying the same thing. she's being a terrible friend and you should leave her alone for awhile... maybe she'll come to realize how good a friend you are and reach back out to you, but for now it's time to concentrate on your own happiness and stop being the only one to put in effort.

mari0225

I have a friend just like this and no she's not a real friend to you.