Marrying the same guy more than once?

lilgina64

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_changing-name-before-marriage

I'm just curious. Why would you divorce someone and get back together with them and remarry them and have another wedding to celebrate it? Anyone else find this odd? Usually if a marriage is so bad you need a divorce there are some deal breaker issues that don't get resolved quickly?

SarahSmile23

i've heard of it before, but the fact that they are having a whole second WEDDING made me scratch my head.

MyNameIsNot

I don't know, maybe they were really young when they were together or something.

My MIL is back with her ex-husband, and has been for years.  I have no idea why they haven't gotten married again.  I'd be down if they did.

Edit: I agree that having another wedding with the same groom is f'ed up.

danieliza1127

My H's parents had been married for 39 years, got divorced for a year, and then got remarried.  My FIL quit drinking, got counseling, my MIL retired (her job was very demanding and consuming) and so a lot of their issues were really resolved.  Even though she moved out and they got divorced, they kept spending time together and working on their issues, so it worked out for them.  They're happier and more in love than I've ever seen them in the 10 years I've known them.  When they got remarried though, they just did it after mass with only my H and me.  We went out to dinner after with some aunts and uncles.

MeaghanandMichael

Sounds like a Danielle Steele novel to me.

But yeah, some people use divorce as a threat when they are fighting and then, 'oops' they actually get one out of spite. At least that is the capacity I have seen this remarriage thing happen under. A whole new wedding is just wack yo'

mwhitson14

I thought it was also odd that she was going to change her name to her maiden name then change it back to her current married name.

To answer the question though, I've known this to happen and they just had a really sweet and simple and short backyard wedding with their kids and close family. They had married at a really young age, had kids, and grew apart. A few years later they decided to get married again.

Phoeber

Yeah... probably won't end well.  My grandparents actually divorced and remarried, and then divorced again.  They loved each other but just couldn't live with each other and were much better off as friends.

laurenclaire1386

Meh, I can see how someone would divorce then remarry the same person. Have another wedding? Fuckno, in my book. I give that the major side eye. And OP's original question was beyond ridic.

ac_in_dc

I don't know. I was married before, and I could have feasibly seen something like this happening in the case of my ex. (not anymore obviously since I'm married to someone different). Especially since we got married in the catholic church, and being legally divorced doesn't count for much with them.

When DH and I first met, I "knew" things could develop into something serious, and I actually e-mailed my ex and discussed the possibility of an annulment. Neither one of us ever pursued one, but in that conversation I feel like we released each other in a spiritual way that was different from just getting a divorce.

I don't know if that makes any sense. It sounds weird.

But if ex and I had reunited at any point, we would not have considered having a wedding!!

SarahSmile23

my grandmother actually did it. married a guy, they got divorced, she married someone else, left him, and went back to the other guy. no wedding for the second time she married him.

JK10910

It sounds like the bridezillas episode where the crazy blonde chick was married to the guy and they got divorced and back together and had a huge wedding.  I don't know why he married her the first time, and based on her episodes, he's certifiable for doing it again.

lilgina64

The only time I can think of this was when my ex bf's aunt and uncle had been divorced and remarried a few times depending on tax laws. because of their jobs they'd save a ton of they were married or single. It was the weirdest thing I'd ever heard of.

I guess now this is. Having a wedding again? nah, I'd say you're restricted to a private religious ceremony, or town hall or I'm giving you a HUGE side eye.

Can you imagine if someone ever registered for this? ooh lawwdy

buttaflai

I don't think I could go to a wedding for the same couple again. I wouldn't feel right wishing them well with it the "second time around".

SarahSmile23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marrying-same-guy-once?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8111101f-e452-4547-bc55-70774367d88dPost:77f8cdbc-f8b9-4d27-a9e0-ce6cb6f534c7">Re: Marrying the same guy more than once?</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds like the bridezillas episode where the crazy blonde chick was married to the guy and they got divorced and back together and had a huge wedding.  I don't know why he married her the first time, and based on her episodes, he's certifiable for doing it again.
Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]

oh yeah. the girl who threw a tantrum at a restaurant because she didnt like her wedding band? it didn't have enough diamonds. ugh.

arbolita

I guess they are taking the quote in your signature very seriously.

sarah0725

Yeah, I don't know what was up with the OP's question, but I've definitely heard about people getting divorced and remarried before. I think this happened with my brother's best friend's parents. As for the whole second wedding thing, I could imagine it being very romantic if it was low-key. If it was another big bash with a ball gown and gifts, that would be a little odd.

pooh8402

my high school English teacher did this.

she was Ms. H when I was her student (divorced, kept his name). my middle sister got to high school, and she was Mrs. L (remarried to some other dood). then my baby sister got to high school, she was divorced again, and remarried to Mr. H, so she was Mrs. H. again. I never called her Mrs. L, even to her face, she was always Ms. H to me.

but I don't think it is inherently a BAD thing. I think that people divorce too quickly nowadays, and don't just work through their problems. when I hear of this, I think, aww, they worked through their problems and they still love each other and want to commit to each other again. well, hopefully.

I do think it's weird to have a whole big shebang of a wedding again. a small recommitment ceremony with immediate family, sure. but not the big shebang.

shellydiane820

My parents did that.  However, the 2nd wedding was just my grandparents and my sister and me.  They said their vows at church and we all had dinner afterwards.

JK10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marrying-same-guy-once?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8111101f-e452-4547-bc55-70774367d88dPost:d7eb7037-a6cf-474b-9249-279461599991">Re: Marrying the same guy more than once?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marrying the same guy more than once? : oh yeah. the girl who threw a tantrum at a restaurant because she didnt like her wedding band? it didn't have enough diamonds. ugh.
Posted by SarahSmile23[/QUOTE]

Ha, yup!  That's the one.  My favorite part was when she threw a fake crying fit at the travel agent because the guy didn't want to go on an $8000 each honeymoon.

YaPuppy

There was just a guy at work who did that.  He doesn't say much to anyone in my dept. but told someone a few years back that he caught his wife cheating on him.  Cut to 2 weeks ago he was walking by and someone said have a nice weekend.  He randomly opened up about remarrying his ex wife and how they've tried everything at this point: marriage, divorce, dating, domestic partners.  So he figured, why not get married again.  I'm pretty sure they had the whole big wedding thing again too.  Random...

baby green bird

left my comment there,

lilgina64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marrying-same-guy-once?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8111101f-e452-4547-bc55-70774367d88dPost:2862c53e-6b2b-4073-8378-4186d7e61e93">Re: Marrying the same guy more than once?</a>:
[QUOTE] but I don't think it is inherently a BAD thing. I think that people divorce too quickly nowadays, and don't just work through their problems. when I hear of this, I think, aww, they worked through their problems and they still love each other and want to commit to each other again. well, hopefully. I do think it's weird to have a whole big shebang of a wedding again. a small recommitment ceremony with immediate family, sure. but not the big shebang.
Posted by pooh8402[/QUOTE]

I guess I just always thought that divorce was an absolute last resort because I've never known anyone to have a divorce and remain amicable with their ex-spouse. I suppose it depends why you divorced..hmmmm.
I do however think that the only appropriate thing to do in this situation is still a small and very private ceremony. this is right up there with my thoughts on people who get married for the 3 or 4th time with a 24 person wedding party...

c-dub

My boss did this. They got divorced, complete with very bitter custody battle. He got engaged to someone else, she got married to someone else. Then each of their new relationships ended up fizzling. And now they're back together. I don't think they plan to marry again, though.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I can see how sometimes not being under pressure to fix the marriage and having few expectations can cause everything to work out again.

My favorite actress is Natalie Wood and she was married to Robert Wagner twice. She claimed that because she was really young the first time (19 I think), it was too hard for them and she just wasn't ready. I can totally see it being just the wrong time in your life. (Tide says when she met her now-H it was just the wrong time in their lives - which is why they got back together later.)

But having another wedding and giving the EXACT same couple gifts again? No. I'd definitely elope on an island or at least courthouse it. If I was invited to a wedding like that, I'd give them the same gift I got them the first time.

cengle

My uncle has done this a few times. He's been married 6 times to 3 women. 
Although I don't think he ever had a second-or third-wedding with the same woman.
Changing your name is a huge PITA. I cannot possibly fathom why someone would want to do this any more than necessary.

vallyhoo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marrying-same-guy-once?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8111101f-e452-4547-bc55-70774367d88dPost:2862c53e-6b2b-4073-8378-4186d7e61e93">Re: Marrying the same guy more than once?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that people divorce too quickly nowadays, and don't just work through their problems.
Posted by pooh8402[/QUOTE]

What is "too quickly?" The few people (including my parents) who I know that decided to get divorced did so after much deliberation. Divorces are costly, time-consuming and draining. I can't imagine anyone rushing to the decision of a divorce.

I also think it's odd to think that people "don't just work through their problems." Generalization, much?

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_marrying-same-guy-once?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8111101f-e452-4547-bc55-70774367d88dPost:ded39b9a-2286-49d3-8266-d6a953b6ce09">Re: Marrying the same guy more than once?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Marrying the same guy more than once? : Ha, yup!  That's the one.  My favorite part was when she threw a fake crying fit at the travel agent because the guy didn't want to go on an $8000 each honeymoon.
Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]

I remember her!  She was the one that smashed the cake at the RD because the groom got someone a birthday cake. 

I could not believe that guy married her, not once, but twice. 

JK10910

Oooh, Vally lays the smack down.  Me gusta.

salt78

Why the hell would she change her name back to her maiden name now and then change it back again 5 minutes later? That was the stupidest question I've seen all day.

And yeah I really don't think they should have a whole new wedding. I bet she'll want to have showers and everything.

pooh8402

oh, yall aren't from the same white trash town that I am. where I'm from, it's common to get pregnant your senior year of high school, marry the dood right after graduation or right after having the baby, maybe squirt out another kid or two, then divorce before you're 25 because one or both of you is cheating/beating on the other.

I also know a couple, I'm friends with the dood, they're the same age as me. we all went to college together. the dood started dating this chick right after he broke up with someone else (she was his rebound). they dated for 2 years, then he proposed because he felt like he had to. they got married in 2008, then announced they were divorcing after a year of marriage because he just didn't care any more and he has admitted to me that he never loved her in the first place. to which my response was, "why the eff did you marry her then?"

and both of my parents are on their 3rd marriages. yep.

so yea, that's the people I get to hang out with. I'm the type that believes that divorce should be a last resort, but I know a LOT of people who don't think the same thing I do.

squirrly

I have a distant cousin who has been married and divorced 3 or 4 times, but always the same guy.  They finally decided to stay legally divorced, and for him to keep a small apartment.  When they're getting along, he lives with her & his apt is storage.  When they aren't, he moves out.  They change their minds about every 18 months, I think.