Very good friend and a Not nice girl! Sorry..Vent!

[Deleted User]

In Response to Re: Very good friend and a Not nice girl! Sorry..Vent!:
[QUOTE Daff, I'm sorry, but you were reaching with the witch thing.  You know full well she wasn't using it as a religious slur.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
I wasn't reaching at all. I said that using the word "witch" as an insult is "essentially" using a religion as a slur. In the same way that people are offended by the word "retarded". Don't use it as an insult. I have spent time within wiccan and pagan groups, and using the word in this manner is highly offensive to those folks. It's offensive to me. The word itself is not an insult, but when used as an insult, it becomes a slur. Not reaching, dude.

I don't care too much, personally, about people using the word "retarded for example". It's not one of those that bugs me personally. This one is, so I'm going to say something about it.

Laurstar31

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:b7d3382b-53c6-4366-9864-3347968c7fdf">Re: Very good friend and a Not nice girl! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]What the frig happened in here?  This shiit escalated pretty dramatically.  OP, good luck and I hope Corey gets his head out of his ass with this chick. Daff, I'm sorry, but you were reaching with the witch thing.  You know full well she wasn't using it as a religious slur.  With that shining contribution, I'm going to bed. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

. Thank you, hunnie! :)

lalaweddingdiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:7dacd4b9-de5c-4cf6-a7cd-33ec3ff480bc">Re: Very good friend and a Not nice girl! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]I know you guys are blatantly making fun of me. I'm not an idiot, I know sarcasm well. I know you guys want me to fire back and say something nasty to you both but I'm not going to. I'm not a mean person. I have about 10 people that agree with my opinion about corey's gf, 8 are his family members. So that is all that matters. I came on here to get an opinion, I didn't think everyone was going to agree with it, but I also didn't expect to be bullied. Some of the people on here are acting completely out of control, rude, and inconsiderate. I wish nothing but the best to all of you, bc I don't know you. You guys shouldn't mock me, my wedding saying " your wedding is probably going to be a lot of fun". Or " Corey is going to have a great time". Completley juvenile. I appreciate your opinions, I took the witch part out, I'm sorry If I offended anyone bc that was not my intention. My intention was to come on here and share my story. I'm sorry it escalated into what it did. Im not talking about this anymore, and im not apologizing another time. Everyone have a great time planning. God bless.
Posted by Laurstar31[/QUOTE]



Agree. Name needs to be edited from etiquette board to bully board

saranandy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:6325eff2-06e0-4995-ab66-314efc425b79">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent! : She got better.
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

THANK YOU I was reading this whole thread just to see if someone jumped in and finished off that joke. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> My FI claims I am the only female in the world that likes Python...I now have proof that I am not, there are at least two others! BWAHAHA. And stuff.

*scurries back to lurking position*

saranandy

Also, wow, there are four pages of this? Holy crap. How about we all just pick ourselves off the crushingly huge pile of linebackers that have formed over the twitching corpse of the OP's could-be-entirely-reasonable frustration (we don't know, we don't know these people) and the admittedly poor etiquette decision that she was considering making as a result of said frustration and just say, "hey, hope you are able to work that out in a smooth and graceful fashion...good luck with that."

Also, FWIW, I got a bit of advice that I did not agree with (not on this board, not on anything of importance, just a design layout for my STDs...other posters thought they looked "weird" or some such), but when I took it to my friends, they said that the ideas were great because they fit FI and I perfectly. What I am trying to say is that maybe it might be more productive to find someone that knows these people and this situation and is able to speak objectively (i.e. isn't an emotional stakeholder in the situation) and from a position of experience. Someone who seems to always handle sticky situations in a way that leaves everyone feeling at least reasonably good about the outcome. Maybe a therapist, or an aunt, or some other role model? Anyway...good luck with that, sounds like there could really be some drama.

[tl;dr blather about conflict resolution to follow, feel free to skip]

Just remember, if something pisses you off, breathe deeply, count to ten, and imagine the consequences of the words you are dying to say before you actually say them. Imagine all the people who might be hurt by them, and whether you could say something that expresses your own valid concerns in a kind way rather than lashing out. Rather than trying to "win", try to find a new position that accomodates the truth of everyone's concerns--your friend's, his girlfriend's, your family's, etc. If you're concerned about her creating drama at the wedding, maybe you could talk to her very gently, say something like, "remember when you did this, and this, and this? See, I am feeling a little bit of concern that something like that might happen at our wedding, which would be rather uncomfortable for many people. What can we do that would make you feel at ease and able to enjoy yourself? (B/c if you're relaxed and having a great time, you're not causing drama, right? But you also didn't accuse her of anything inappropriate) If she comes back with something kinda ridiculous (everybody hates me!), try to keep things to specifics and remind her gently of your own concerns. (Well, I know you and so-and-so didn't get on that one time, but we could seat them at another table. Are there any other specific things we should think about? Well, we can't uninvite 30 people who don't like you, because they are close to our family, and this is celebrating our marriage, but I do want you to be comfortable also...blah blah, you get the idea. Also, you might want to involve Corey in this, as he might be able to help with the drama defusing, as he knows her best. Showing genuine concern and motivation to resolve issues defuses about 95% of drama, as most drama comes out of people's fears that there real needs are going unnoticed. Even if it's being projected onto something totally inappropriate at the moment.
 
Meh, my veeery vague $.02, not knowing any of you IRL. Hope it helps.

Final edit: I am not for or against using the word "witch" to mean "b!tch"; I am, if anything, apathetic about it. However, I will say that I am not personally offended by it, and I've been practicing the craft for about 11 years now. There's too much actual crap surrounding the community to get mah knickers in a twist over that. As far as I am concerned: Go in peace, my child.

Happy planning to all, and for those interested, happy slightly-late-Ostara!

Laurstar31

Thank you, sarah and everyone else. Well said! Have a good day :

midgetthemighty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_very-good-friend-and-a-witch-sorryvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82446bc0-f81e-4666-b1b0-00dd41a14157Post:6325eff2-06e0-4995-ab66-314efc425b79">Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Very good friend and a WITCH! Sorry..Vent! : She got better.
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

Yes!