Wedding Etiquette Forum

And baby makes 3!!

First and foremost, it is very important that you know we are a very non traditional couple from very non traditional families.

FI and I are pregnant and will be at the wedding. Everyone is aware and excited as far as I know. MOH will also be heavily pregnant at the wedding, and the other bridesmaid just found out a few weeks ago that she is, too! It's crazy, but super exciting.

We have decided to embrace this entirely and make the theme "and baby makes 3!" It won't be like a baby shower or anything like that, but the colors are soft pinks and blues (BMs in soft pink dresses, groomsmen in light blue ties) and there will be a lot of baby's breath and other related things.

The problem is, BM 3 is NOT pregnant. Obviously I don't want her to get pregnant for the wedding, but it will not make sense if she is up there when everyone else will be obviously pregnant and that's the theme. I feel like she will understand if I ask her to step down. She can still wear a matching dress if she wants, but don't want her in the actual ceremony at this point.
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Re: And baby makes 3!!

  • I feel like I need to add to my FFF list.
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  • Weddings don't need themes. The theme is "we want to get married". If you ask her to step down, prepare to lose your friendship.
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  • Ladies, please don't feed the troll! You are BSC, lady.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2013
    For this reason, I would not do "and baby makes 3" as a wedding theme.  Not only that, do you have anyone else attending who have fertility problems, gave up a baby for adoption, had an abortion, had a really difficult pregnancy, or really had problems in this area?  A "baby"-themed wedding could be really painful to them too.

    Limit this celebration to your wedding and separately celebrate the pregnancies.

    You can't ask your BM3 or anyone else to step down without risking their friendship, and her not being pregnant would make asking her exceptionally mean.
  • I want so much to believe this is MUD...
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  • im pretty sure that your FI isnt pregnant. 
  • Is this a joke?  This can't possibly be true.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:0bfe88d3-d822-4ecb-9f48-bf527579d092">And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]First and foremost, it is very important that you know we are a very non traditional couple from very non traditional families. FI and I are pregnant and will be at the wedding. Everyone is aware and excited as far as I know. MOH will also be heavily pregnant at the wedding, and the other bridesmaid just found out a few weeks ago that she is, too! It's crazy, but super exciting. We have decided to embrace this entirely and make the theme "and baby makes 3!" It won't be like a baby shower or anything like that, but the colors are soft pinks and blues (BMs in soft pink dresses, groomsmen in light blue ties) and there will be a lot of baby's breath and other related things. The problem is, BM 3 is NOT pregnant. Obviously I don't want her to get pregnant for the wedding, <strong>but it will not make sense if she is up there when everyone else will be obviously pregnant and that's the theme</strong>. I feel like she will understand if I ask her to step down. She can still wear a matching dress if she wants, but don't want her in the actual ceremony at this point.
    Posted by BBonBoardBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Really? I can't see any situation where that would confuse ANY guest. What is confusing about 3 bridesmaids standing next to a bride, whether they're pregnant or not?

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:d1e41e32-e859-4e9c-8cc0-94147564d572">Re: And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]im pretty sure that your FI isnt pregnant. 
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    <div>No, but maybe she should enlist him to knock up the other bridesmaid. Then they could still have the theme!</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:d1e41e32-e859-4e9c-8cc0-94147564d572">Re: And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]im pretty sure that your FI isnt pregnant. 
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    <div>-golfclap- Well done, chap!</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • I'm sorry, but this is really strange. Really, really strange. Don't ask your BM to step down because she isn't pregnant.
  • Joined today and THIS is the first post? Yawn. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:25b659c5-4d27-453b-9d47-eeabddec82d4">Re: And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]For this reason, I would not do "and baby makes 3" as a wedding theme.  Not only that, do you have anyone else attending who have fertility problems, gave up a baby for adoption, had an abortion, had a really difficult pregnancy, or really had problems in this area?  A "baby"-themed wedding could be really painful to them too. Limit this celebration to your wedding and separately celebrate the pregnancies. You can't ask your BM3 or anyone else to step down without risking their friendship, and her not being pregnant would make asking her exceptionally mean.
    Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]



    Well then by that logic I shouldn't be pregnant at the wedding, and neither should anyone else. If you can't handle being around anything baby related, it's best to stay home!
  • You'll save a TON of by only providing formula.
  • In Response to Re:And baby makes 3!!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: And baby makes 3!!:For this reason, I would not do "and baby makes 3" as a wedding theme.nbsp; Not only that, do you have anyone else attending who have fertility problems, gave up a baby for adoption, had an abortion, had a really difficult pregnancy, or really had problems in this area?nbsp; A "baby"themed wedding could be really painful to them too. Limit this celebration to your wedding and separately celebrate the pregnancies. You can't ask your BM3 or anyone else to step down without risking their friendship, and her not being pregnant would make asking her exceptionally mean.Posted by Jen4948

    Well then by that logic I shouldn't be pregnant at the wedding, and neither should anyone else. If you can't handle being around anything baby related, it's best to stay home! Posted by BBonBoardBride[/QUOTE]

    It's not really that someone can't be around baby stuff. It's that if I just lost a baby, I would probably decline a baby shower for a friend because the emotions would be so raw and I know that it's obviously going to be baby themed. But no one expects to go to a wedding that's baby themed. It could be quite a shock to the system.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:bc6d7a61-5cb8-4065-8bc0-8fc728d24cd3">Re: And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: And baby makes 3!! : Well then by that logic I shouldn't be pregnant at the wedding, and neither should anyone else. If you can't handle being around anything baby related, it's best to stay home!
    Posted by BBonBoardBride[/QUOTE]

    Original message deleted so as not to feed the troll.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:bc2ddc89-3160-4b38-95db-889e631c9780">Re:And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You'll save a TON of by only providing formula.
    Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

    <div>Bahahahahaa!</div>
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  • Misshart, I see what you're saying, but its not as though the invitation would not make the theme clear. We realize this isn't for everyone, but that's why we are doing it. It's unique to us. Also, this issue does not apply to any of our guests.
  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:bc6d7a61-5cb8-4065-8bc0-8fc728d24cd3">Re: And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: And baby makes 3!! : Well then by that logic I shouldn't be pregnant at the wedding, and neither should anyone else. If you can't handle being around anything baby related, it's best to stay home!
    Posted by BBonBoardBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>Did the same as Jen and deleted my original. Fingers typer faster than morals for me today. Get off the internet, lady.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:0bfe88d3-d822-4ecb-9f48-bf527579d092">And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]First and foremost, it is very important that you know we are a very non traditional couple from very non traditional families. FI and I are pregnant and will be at the wedding. Everyone is aware and excited as far as I know. MOH will also be heavily pregnant at the wedding, and the other bridesmaid just found out a few weeks ago that she is, too! It's crazy, but super exciting. We have decided to embrace this entirely and make the theme "and baby makes 3!" It won't be like a baby shower or anything like that, but the colors are soft pinks and blues (BMs in soft pink dresses, groomsmen in light blue ties) and there will be a lot of baby's breath and other related things. The problem is, BM 3 is NOT pregnant. Obviously I don't want her to get pregnant for the wedding<strong>, but it will not make sense if she is up there when everyone else will be obviously pregnant and that's the theme.</strong> I feel like she will understand if I ask her to step down. She can still wear a matching dress if she wants, but don't want her in the actual ceremony at this point.
    Posted by BBonBoardBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>It will make sense for her to be up there because your BP is made up of your nearest and dearest, just FYI.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:0bfe88d3-d822-4ecb-9f48-bf527579d092">And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]First and foremost, it is very important that you know we are a very non traditional couple from very non traditional families. FI and I are pregnant and will be at the wedding. Everyone is aware and excited as far as I know. MOH will also be heavily pregnant at the wedding, and the other bridesmaid just found out a few weeks ago that she is, too! It's crazy, but super exciting. We have decided to embrace this entirely and make the theme "and baby makes 3!" It won't be like a baby shower or anything like that, but the colors are soft pinks and blues (BMs in soft pink dresses, groomsmen in light blue ties) and there will be a lot of baby's breath and other related things. The problem is, BM 3 is NOT pregnant. Obviously I don't want her to get pregnant for the wedding, but it will not make sense if she is up there when everyone else will be obviously pregnant and that's the theme. I feel like she will understand if I ask her to step down. She can still wear a matching dress if she wants, but don't want her in the actual ceremony at this point.
    Posted by BBonBoardBride[/QUOTE]

    This sounds like a baby shower and not a wedding. Don't have pink and blue and baby breathe just because you're pregnant, and the "baby makes 3" theme is kinda out of place at a wedding.

    Please don't kick out your BM over a stupid theme.
  • In Response to Re:And baby makes 3!!:[QUOTE]Misshart, I see what you're saying, but its not as though the invitation would not make the theme clear. We realize this isn't for everyone, but that's why we are doing it. It's unique to us. Also, this issue does not apply to any of our guests. Posted by BBonBoardBride[/QUOTE]

    How do you know this doesn't apply to any of your guests? Most people don't go around announcing they have fertility problems or have lost a child. Have you asked every single guest?
  • Please, please tell me you're making all of this up. If not, I feel sorry for your guests and wedding party. Be prepared to lose a friend if you ask your bridesmaid to step down because she's not pregnant. Also be prepared to look like a crazy person.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:b8b2ba22-4dcb-458c-b85b-099e93674dae">Re: And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]First and foremost, it is very important that you know we are a very non traditional couple from very non traditional families.  Traditional is one thing.  This is completely different If you really don't want the non-knocked-up BM with you, require her to buy a maternity dress and stick a balloon under it so she'll fit in with the rest.  She'll be so humiliated she'll quit on her own.  (sarcasm) And, please, do not refer to your MOH as "heavily" pregnant.  That's just downright tacky.  
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

    <div>Kristan is the winner today. Take this advice.</div>
    my blog - for the love of ein
    'Next time, just fart.' - BriSox81
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:65258d6a-5425-4e86-a8cc-cd42fbc213f7">Re: And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Misshart, I see what you're saying, but its not as though the invitation would not make the theme clear. We realize this isn't for everyone, but that's why we are doing it. It's unique to us. Also, this issue does not apply to any of our guests.
    Posted by BBonBoardBride[/QUOTE]

    Yeah... a lot of people don't broadcast their troubles conceiving, their miscarraiges or their abortions. You have no idea what some of the guests may have gone to in that area.

    But that aside, and assuming this isn't MUD despite its seeming so...

    You ask a bridesmaid to stand with you on the most important day of your life because they are one of the most important people in your life.

    If you ask them to step down this is what you'll be saying:
    "You're not as important in my life as the other girls I asked because you aren't pregnant. Having all my bridesmaids fit some theme is more important to me than having you stand by my side when I get married."

    If you're really willing to even risk hurting her feelings like that so you can have a perfect theme, you're not a very good friend.
  • In Response to Re:And baby makes 3!!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: And baby makes 3!!:In Response to Re: And baby makes 3!! : Well then by that logic I shouldn't be pregnant at the wedding, and neither should anyone else. If you can't handle being around anything baby related, it's best to stay home!Posted by BBonBoardBrideDid the same as Jen and deleted my original. Fingers typer faster than morals for me today. Get off the internet, lady. Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

    Delete what you want, people still saw. People can still report. I didn't mean to come across that way, but honestly I'm pretty sick of having to apologize for being pregnant to people who are not. I've lost a pregnancy, but I don't judge pregnant people for celebrating. If I didn't want to go, I wouldn't. Get over yourself.
  • This has to be fake. There is no way someone is actually this horrible and insane.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-4588c9e4bfb9Post:e7190b98-915c-48b7-a816-987fb117d5fb">Re:And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:And baby makes 3!!: Delete what you want, people still saw. People can still report. I didn't mean to come across that way, but honestly I'm pretty sick of having to apologize for being pregnant to people who are not. I've lost a pregnancy, but I don't judge pregnant people for celebrating. If I didn't want to go, I wouldn't. Get over yourself.
    Posted by BBonBoardBride[/QUOTE]

    but you celebrate babies at a baby shower not a wedding. It's the same thing as making a wedding a memorial; it's unexpected and people may still be mourning.

    It's the surprise and shock that is a problem. People who are hurting over their miscarriages or fertility issues can easily decline a baby shower invitation but how are they supposed to know your wedding is actually a baby shower?
  • what the................this is fake.  Has to be.  Otherwise, I will lose faith in humankind.

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    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_and-baby-makes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83095125-4e52-42ef-bac8-458c9e4bfb9Post:0ba5d1aa-6897-4908-aa4e-81651c33a504">Re:And baby makes 3!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:And baby makes 3!! : but you celebrate babies at a baby shower not a wedding. It's the same thing as making a wedding a memorial; it's unexpected and people may still be mourning. It's the surprise and shock that is a problem. People who are hurting over their miscarriages or fertility issues can easily decline a baby shower invitation but how are they supposed to know your wedding is actually a baby shower?
    Posted by mcda04[/QUOTE]



    It is not a baby shower, it's a wedding. There will not be baby games or anything like that, and as I've already stated, they will know from the invitation. They can make their choice from there. We're only inviting 25 people, should be such s BFD...
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