So it begins...

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:852980cd-b1cd-458e-bbfa-bf8f46f52bcbPost:a600525c-c808-47d9-8707-7bfd3b98748f">Re: So it begins...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So it begins... : <strong>You are backtracking so hardcore right now</strong>.  First you say people have to be in a relationship for 3 months to have their SO invited and you said IF you invited all SO's, you wouldn't have the room.  Now you say that all SO's are invited? Bottom line: If someone has a SO when the invitations go out, whether it be 10 years, or 10 days, you need to invite them because you cannot determine the seriousness of your relationship.  You sound extremely snotty when you say they can decline the invitation if they don't like your rule.  It makes you sound like a bridezilla who couldn't give two shits less about her guests and their comfort.
Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]
Agreed. 

What's the point of the "3 month" bull if it applies to no one? <div>
</div><div>You are allowed to just say "Only people in relationships were given +1".</div>

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:852980cd-b1cd-458e-bbfa-bf8f46f52bcbPost:bbc0faa1-e888-4381-b2ee-c149f6017787">Re: So it begins...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So it begins... : Agreed.  What's the point of the "3 month" bull if it applies to no one?  You are allowed to just say "Only people in relationships were given +1".
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

This.

If the rule was unnecessary you wouldn't have it.
 
If I have to work at your wedding, then I would hope you would be nice enough to give me a choice to bring a guest. Have your FI call him and see who the "guest" is before you decide to say no. 

FutureMrsMiller25

Again, As I said above if a relationship appears prior to the wedding I will take yalls advice/comments into consideration - no further lecturing needed. I understand more the feeling towards it since no one previously understood it didn't actually "cut" any SOs. No one is being invited without their boyfriend/girlfriend - the majority if our friends are married or have been in relationships for several years. I understand where you are coming from. You all see it isn't as bad as it sounded. Message received. Thank you.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:852980cd-b1cd-458e-bbfa-bf8f46f52bcbPost:f0be2f3e-6fb2-436c-812b-0d9099ed055f">Re: So it begins...</a>:
[QUOTE]Again, As I said above if a relationship appears prior to the wedding I will take yalls advice/comments into consideration - no further lecturing needed. I understand more the feeling towards it since no one previously understood it didn't actually "cut" any SOs. No one is being invited without their boyfriend/girlfriend - the majority if our friends are married or have been in relationships for several years. I understand where you are coming from. <strong>You all see it isn't as bad as it sounded.</strong> Message received. Thank you.
Posted by FutureMrsMiller25[/QUOTE]

<div>Right. Now I just don't see the point. 

OR I think it does cut people's FIs and you just don't want to say so.</div>

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:852980cd-b1cd-458e-bbfa-bf8f46f52bcbPost:d8ddc4e2-39ef-4575-93e0-7501075ae7e0">Re: So it begins...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The reason I got worked up is I already dealt with a friend who is not in a relationship wanting to be given a general +1 with no idea who she would bring just because she wanted to make a beach vacation out of it - and not stay with our friends</strong> and she went absolute crazy on me about it and my parents trying to add on random 2nd cousins.
Posted by FutureMrsMiller25[/QUOTE]
The GALL of some people!  Wanting to use their vacation for vacation instead of just your wedding!  Don't they know it's YOUR DAY!??!!!

FutureMrsMiller25

LOL you guys are good for a laugh. She still was able to go to the beach and go on vacation. She just wanted to stay in a hotel on her own and wanted the freedom to find someone random to come with her who could split that hotel and car vs our friends who could pick her up and such. She had no one in mind who that person would be. I love the conspiracy theory though! Happy Valentine's Day!

2010Bride2be

OP, you really seem to have it set in your mind exactly how you're going to handle your +1 situations regardless of what anyone says...so, with that said, what exactly were you looking for in response to your original post?

JessRabbid

so youur saying you can count the amount of single people on one hand, and 2 of them want to bring guests that are not SO's. Yes the Usher was rude to ask to bring a random person, and so was the girl. Other than having your FI deal with the usher and you dealing with your friend and telling them both, no, invite was just for you, then I really dont see the point of not only your 3 month rule, but this whole post.

FutureMrsMiller25

The point was how the usher approached it - that's what started the thread. I was already on edge with the very off the wall way a friend who was single went off on me about some of it. But the FI is going to check it out and find out who this guest is. If it's a girlfriend we apparently didn't know existed it's fine. If he just wanted to bring a pal jus for kicks we'll tell him we are sorry we can't accomodate them. And I didn't say one hand. I said on my hands. It's about 10 people. And I'm sorry I can't afford to give those 10 people dates. 

These boards make me always envision circling sharks when people disagree! If I already say I understand what you guys are saying and I'll take it to heart why do people keep trying to tell me I'm wrong? I said okay. 

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:852980cd-b1cd-458e-bbfa-bf8f46f52bcbPost:d7b3be27-1614-4b92-b36b-7b1e8f08c3a6">Re: So it begins...</a>:
[QUOTE]When DH and I had been together for two months, I was invited to be his guest at a wedding in which he was a GM. Even though it was over 5 years ago, I will always remember how included and respected I felt. I don't think we were even together when invites went out, but the couple insisted that I come as soon as they learned that we were together. Weddings are about friends and family, and they will remember how you treat them.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

Haven't finished reading this thread yet, but Poli, I love this.  THIS is the point of including <em>everyone's</em> SO, regardless of the length of the relationship.  You never know which "brand-new girlfriend" is going to turn out to be your friend's wife - that's why you treat everyone with respect from the start, instead of imposing some arbitrary length-based cut-off to separate the "serious" couples from the "non-serious" couples.

FutureMrsMiller25

I had posted before but I don't see it so I'll say it again.

I understand everyone's point. I have said I'll take it to heart. I will keep it in mind for relationships that appear before the wedding. My FI is speaking with the usher. If he has a gf we don't know about he can bring her. If it's just a pal we'll have to as nicely as possible explain we cannot accomodate. 

The thing I haven't understood is me saying several times that I understand what you guys are saying. I have stopped arguing and haven't said I am right. I haven't done this before. I depend on learning from others. So far the other previous bride/grooms we spoke with gave us advice that you all vehemently disagree with. That's okay. We're learning as we go. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. There is no need to keep going that it's wrong. I hear you all loud and clear.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:852980cd-b1cd-458e-bbfa-bf8f46f52bcbPost:47aff035-9d74-4b3c-815d-8433ef8050c2">Re: So it begins...</a>:
[QUOTE]These boards make me always envision circling sharks when people disagree!Posted by FutureMrsMiller25[/QUOTE]

Rolls eyes...

Do you feel bad for our FI/Husbands too?

chelseamb11

Here are a few direct quotes from you, OP:

"We are doing an adults only reception and trying to keep it small so only people who have been in relationships at least 3 months were getting their sig other invited"

"Most of our friends are in relationships already and if we gave EVERYONE a guest then a lot of our friends just wouldn't have been invited."

"Most of our friends are in relationships already and if we gave EVERYONE a guest then a lot of our friends just wouldn't have been invited. No one to our knowledge who didn't get a guest is in any sort of relationship."

"People who are not in serious relationships are not required to get a guest. We made a general rule and cut off to explain to people who may ask and so we're not playing favorites"

"It may not be my right to judge the seriousness and it is their right to decide not to come. But it is my right to choose who I can fit into my reception hall and pay for their meal and drinks. "

Then you started to change your story and say everyone in a relationship is getting a guest. 

Do you see why people say you are backtracking and don't necesesarily believe you that all your guests get to bring their SO's?  The one I bolded in red just floors me as to how inconsiderate you are to your guests.

MyNameIsNot

So basically, you are upset by the method that the usher used to ask if he could bring a guest?  Because he said "to whom it may concern?"  That's part of the nature of the beast of choosing an online RSVP.  You are going to get impersonal replies in that format.  

Ciardasully

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:852980cd-b1cd-458e-bbfa-bf8f46f52bcbPost:08d7c610-7b3f-4aae-8dc1-100e4f69b225">Re: So it begins...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So it begins... : *snort*  Wow...
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

Exactly my thought.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:852980cd-b1cd-458e-bbfa-bf8f46f52bcbPost:8c6e2777-257e-4623-8262-bb4646a045bd">Re: So it begins...</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly don't understand why someone in a new relationship would WANT to bring that person to a wedding. Isn't that awkward, to be sitting there with someone who doesn't even have toothbrush privileges and the Marriage Elephant smack in the center of the room? Awk-ward.
Posted by AFP07[/QUOTE]

The point is that it's <em>the decision of the person in the relationship</em> whether or not they want their SO to accompany them - not the bride. 

Laurmi

I completely understand wanting to cut down on the guest list and not being excited about having a bunch of people invited that you don't even know, but I don't think it's right to not invite everyone with a plus one if they're over the age of 18. As an adult, I'd be annoyed if I was invited to a wedding without a plus one, whether or not I was in a relationship.  Many of my fiances friends aren't in relationships that we're aware of, however they still get a plus one. He's thinking that some of them might not bring a date and might just opt to go as a group, however we still have to give them the option.

Good luck!

Laura